rmmw>. 



•; 



wmmmmmm 



TfT*»r^ 












m% m mm ■■■ im * m> w i t im mi 

Gems of 



l v iy.a ' '" 





flEmSSrfc II fltWirtfc If CMWoS ■ CfiSc 



^l^JM^^ J J ^mJ,M-UJ mmii j/jim n * iirfajiwi jm 




LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. 
Shelf Pf^ 






UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 



— i=«a- 



Gems of Deportment 



AND 



HINTS OF ETIQUETTE: 



THE CEREMONIALS OF GOOD SOCIETY, INCLUDING VALUABLE MORAL, 
MENTAL, AND PHYSICAL KNOWLEDGE, ORIGINAL AND COM- 
PILED FROM THE BEST AUTHORITIES, WITH SUG- 
GESTIONS ON ALL MATTERS PERTAIN- 
ING TO THE SOCIAL CODE. 



& ]^emiicrl n\ Instruction \nr[ tfye Jfcme. 



V 






nds 
_..«.:r..i 



Scatter diligently in susceptible mil 
The germs of the good and the beautiful. 
They will develop there to trees, bud, bloom, 
And bear the golden fruits of paradise. 











CHICAGO, ILLS.: 
TYLER & CO 

1881. 




^ 






Entered, according to Act of Congress, December, 1880, by 

TYLER & CO. , 
In tbe office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. 












^ 

^ 







^ • ££e^£Mo^. 



" Manners," says Emerson, " have been somewhat cynically defined 
to be a contrivance of wise men to keep fools at a distance. Fashion 
is shrewd to detect those who do not belong to her train, and seldom 
wastes her attentions. Society is very swift in its instincts, and if you 
do not belong to it resists and sneers at you, or quietly drops you." 

" In the economy of modern society life is composed of little things, 
and he that is best prepared to exhibit propriety in minute affairs will 
be generally best fitted for the duties of his station. Ages may roll by 
ere an opportunity shall occur to display the patriotism of Decius, or 
the self-devotion of Protesilaus; not a moment passes in which the 
courtesy of a gentleman is not demanded." — Good Breeding. 

"Know, then, that as learning, honor, and virtue are absolutely 
necessary to gain you the esteem and admiration of mankind, polite- 
ness and good breeding are equally to make you welcome and agreeable 
in conversation and common life. Great talents, such as honor, virtue, 
learning, and parts, are above the generality of the world, who neither 
possess them themselves nor judge of them rightly in others; but all 
people are judges of the lesser talents, such as civility, affability, and 
an obliging, agreeable address and manner, because they feel the good 
effects of them, as making society easy and pleasing." — Lord Ches- 
terfield. 

"The beauty and the worth of American women are indisputable. 
Let their manners, cultivation, and good breeding equal their beauty, 
and no others can compare with them." — Mrs. Sherwood. 

The publishers of Gems of Deportment have no hesi- 
tancy in offering it to the criticism of the public, as they 
fully believe it to be the standard work upon social etiquette, 



4 PREFATORY. 

containing as it does gems of knowledge from the best ac- 
knowledged authorities of the world. Its literature is sensi- 
ble, pure, and instructive, and the man or woman who will 
live up to its high ideal will achieve a lasting success in all 
the affairs of the world. It lays down no irksome creeds or 
laws, yet duly records those golden rules which the goodness 
and intellect of all ages recognize. It gives as the basis of 
all wisdom, morality, and refinement the fact that true and 
perfect etiquette begins from within instead of from without, 
and emanates from a good heart, and must naturally result 
in polished manners. Unlike other books of its kind, it 
deals less with the ceremonials of diplomatists and ambas- 
sadors and foreign courts, and more with the politeness and 
refinement of the home circle. The youth of America may 
always anticipate a brilliant future and prepare to adorn it. 
A liberal education will fit its possessor for any sphere in 
life, however prosperous or splendid, but it must be an edu- 
cation of manners and morals both. In Gems of Deport- 
ment will be found a key to unlock vast store-houses of 
wealth, from which the needy may adorn themselves with 
outfits of culture and elegance, manufactured for them by 
the hand of genius, and of the latest and most becoming 
fashion, and containing the best material. Rules for conduct 
at the important epochs of life are given, and the by-la ws 
of society, which its members demand shall be regularly 
observed, are faithfully noted. It too often happens that 
the man who is a successful money-maker is a boor in man- 
ners, and utterly without social education ; he has the wealth 
to enable him to move in good society ; his morals may be 
unimpeachable, but he has no knowledge of either gram- 
mar or etiquette; he may pretend to despise both — the 
typical American does. "I never had no education," he 
says, in a half-boastful tone ; but he is only tolerated in 



PREFATORY. 5 

the society he aspires to, never received; his bad English 
and slovenly manners are never atoned for by his govern- 
ment bonds; and if he has sons and daughters he tacitly 
admits his own inferiority or misfortune by giving them 
the best education money can supply. It may seem a 
small thing to cavil about in a blameless and successful 
life — the use of a certain form of grammar, or the particu- 
lar knack of using a fork — but the little things of life are 
masters of the great ones. A religious meeting, where a 
half-hundred people were solemnly and prayerfully implor- 
ing divine forgiveness for their sins, was thrown into laugh- 
able confusion by a brother who rose and "thanked the 
Lord he was a child of his ? n." We can not afford to 
ignore any social law, for society is stronger than we are, 
and can treat us very coolly, and do without us completely, 
unless we adhere to its customs. Conventionality is one of 
its strongest bonds. 

Again Emerson says : " The . power of manners is inces- 
sant, an element as unconcealable as fire. The nobility can 
not in any country be disguised, and no more in a republic 
or a democracy than in a kingdom. No man can resist their 
influence. There are certain manners which are learned in 
good society of that force that if a person have them he or 
she must be considered, and is everywhere welcome, though 
without beauty, wealth, or genius/' 

The best writers have been subject to the requirements 
of this work. Men and women of the highest culture and 
education are represented by their sentiments and knowl- 
edge, while much valuable original thought and instruction 
are embodied in it, making it good company for all who 
shall possess it. There are single chapters in it worth more 
than a hundred volumes of the highest artistic value. If the 
chapter on Drowning should save one life, however humble, 



Q PREFATORY. 

of what inestimable value would Gems of Deportment 
become! There are many other chapters which, considered 
by themselves, are priceless. Morals and Manners, Behav- 
ior, Etiquette, Politeness, Goodness, A Life Devoted to 
Honorable Uses — these are some of the subjects treated of— 
How to be Happy Ourselves and How to Make Others 
Happy, with an accumulation of all the little incidents 
whereon hang the greater issues of life. 

" Man in society is like a flower 
Blown in its native bud ; 'tis there alone 
His faculties, expanded in full bloom, 
Shine out, there only reach their proper use." 





eo^ffi^KM?. 



CHAPTER I. 

PAGE. 

Social Ethics — Manners and Morals of Good Society — Breeding of 
More Value than Birth — Habits formed in Youth — Correct De- 
portment at Home, 13 

CHAPTER II. 

The Law of Hospitality — English Hosts and American Guests — 
The Duties of Visitors at Country Houses — Art of Conversation, 27 

CHAPTER III. 

The Mother — Her Influence on the Lives of her Children — Happy 
Mothers — Tribute of Great Men to their Mothers — Our Girls — 
Our Boys — Rules of Behavior, 42 

CHAPTER IV. 

Every-day Etiquette — Definition of a Gentleman — Definition of a 
Lady — Manners of Little Girls — Little Tempers — Chronic Grum- 
blers — Extravagant Language — Gossip and Slander — Decision of 
Character, 60 

CHAPTER V. 

Introductions —Place of Introduction — Embarrassment of Intro- 
duction — Etiquette of the Occasion — Importance of making 
Acquaintance, 75 



8 CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER VI. 

PA OK. 

Hand-shaking — A Few Rules to be observed — Salutations of Dif- 
ferent Nations— The Modern Bow, 81 

CHAPTEK VII. 

Etiquette of Letter-writing — Historical Letters — Anonymous Let- 
ters — Elegant Letter-writing — Brief Letters — What kind of 
Letter-paper to use — Color of the Ink — Rules for Letter-writ- 
ing — Letters of Introduction, 92 

CHAPTER VIII. 

Letters of Condolence — Business Correspondence — Love Letters — 
Answered and Unanswered Letters — Dates, Addresses, Stamps, 
Punctuation, etc., 106 

CHAPTER IX. 

The Value of Reading — Reading Aloud — What Books to read — 
Buckle's List — How to read — German Literature — Books that 
Every Body reads — The Bible and Shakespeare, 114 

CHAPTER X. 

The Bath — Cleanliness of Person a Duty we owe to Society — Baths, 
Ancient and Modern — Their Effect on the Health — Aids to 
Beauty, 127 

CHAPTER XL 

The Eyes — Their Value and Beauty — Poetry of the Eyes — Specta- 
cles and their Use — Etiquette of the Eyes, 137 

CHAPTER XH. 

The Teeth — Rules for taking care of them — The Breath — How to 
keep it Sweet — Small Mouths — The Hair — Rare Colors in Hair — 
White Hair — How to preserve it — Children's Hair — Some Elab- 
orate Coiffures, 143 



CONTENTS. 9 

CHAPTER XIII. 

PAGE. 

Taking Care of the Nails — Beauty and Use of the Hand — Feet and 
their Value — Poetry of the Sole, 157 

CHAPTER XIV. 

Engagements — Ring of Betrothal — Secret Betrothals — Behavior of 
the engaged — Engagement Gifts — Announcing the Choice — 
Engaged — Girls Marrying for Love — Married Lives — Advice to 
Young Wives, 169 

CHAPTER XV. 

Weddings in London — In America — Weddings at Home and in 
Church — Brides-maids — The Wedding Ring, 186 

CHAPTER XVI. 

Wedding Presents — What to give and how to give it — The Wed- 
ding tour, 202 

CHAPTER XVII. 

Divorce— Its Absolute Laws— Difficulty of obtaining it in Foreign 
Countries — How the Queen of England regards it— Divorce in 
America, 207 

CHAPTER XVIII. 

Etiquette of the Table— Knives and Forks— How to use them— 
Use of the Spoon— Finger Bowls— Drinking Wine, 212 

CHAPTER XIX. 

Physical Nerve— Presence of Mind— Swimming— Drowning— How 
to avoid it— Restoration of the Drowned, 223 

CHAPTER XX. 

Beautiful Costumes— Artistic Dress— Color and Style a Study— 
Ruskin on Dress — Men's Dress — Immigrant's Costume— Re- 
markable Toilets, 233 



10 CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER XXI. 

PAGE. 

Etiquette of Religion — Immortality of the Soul — What the Bible 
is like — Trusting God— Juvenile Pessimism — Dying Words— The 
Fashion of Unbelief, 243 



CHAPTER XXII. 

Early Teas — Luncheons — Receptions — How to invite — How to 
respond — What to wear — When to go — Etiquette of the 
Occasion, 255 

CHAPTER XXIII. 

Visiting Cards — Calls — Styles of Cards — Invitations— Reception 
Cards — Wedding Cards — Autograph Cards— Etiquette of New- 
Year's Receptions — Anniversary Cards — Dinner Menus, .... 262 



CHAPTER XXIV. 

Cosmetics — Their Use and Abuse — How to be Beautiful— A Clear 
Skin, and how to acquire it — Plumpness — Leanness — Beauty 
and its Value — Recipes of Value to the Toilet — Celebrated 
Beauties, 273 

CHAPTER XXV. 

Diamonds — Their Value as Property — Rare Diamonds of the 
World — Largest Diamond — A Present of Diamonds — Pearls — 
Etiquette of wearing Jewelry — Superstitions connected with 
Opals, 285 

CHAPTER XXVI. 

Dinners, Great and Small — How to invite — How to respond — How 
to entertain' — Elegant Dinners — Post-prandial Speeches — Fa- 
mous Dinners — Etiquette of Dining and Dinner - giving — 
Menus — Saying Grace, 295 



CONTENTS. 11 

CHAPTER XXVII. 

PAGE. 

Riding on Horseback — Etiquette of the Saddle — Riding Habits and 
Hats — Driving — Carriage Etiquette, 311 

CHAPTER XXVIII. 

The Literature of Flowers — Signification of Names — Poetical Lan- 
guage of Flowers, 320 

CHAPTER XXIX. 

Music — Its Value as an Accomplishment — Great Authors on 
Music — Behavior at Concerts and Operas — Influence of Music — 
How to dress for the Opera, 344 

CHAPTER XXX. 

American Travelers in Europe —Funds — Bills of Exchange — A Safe 
Precaution — Letters of Credit — Francs— Languages — Hints for 
Ocean Travel— Etiquette on board Ship, 349 

CHAPTER XXXI. 

Gems of Poesy — "What is Poetry — Its Relation to Deportment- 
Poems of Patriotism — Recitation — Poems of Consolation and 
Religion, 358 

CHAPTER XXXII. 

Elocution — Reading and Speaking— Culture of the Voice — Value 
of Words — Pronunciation, 387 

CHAPTER XXXIII. 

Learning a New Language — Rules for acquiring French and Ger- 
man—Books Suitable for a Course of Study — Etiquette of a 
Foreign Language, 399 



12 



CONTENTS. 



CHAPTER XXXIV. 

PAGE. 

Funeral Ceremonies — Etiquette in the House of Death — Invita- 
tions — Notices of Funeral— The Mourning Toilet — Deportment 
of a Widow — Deportment of a Widower, 400 




GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 



6^^5M^S I. 



SOCIAL ETHICS— MANNERS AND MORALS OF GOOD SOCIETY — BREEDING 

BETTER THAN BIRTH — HABITS FORMED IN YOUTH — 

CORRECT DEPORTMENT AT HOME. 

THOEOUGH knowledge of the science 
of social intercourse is indispensable 
to every member of the human fam- 
ily, and constitutes the first practical 
basis upon which the superstructure 
of character is to be reared. It de- 
volves upon the individual to observe 
the rules of the social code as strictly 
as the laws of the country, or the tab- 
ulated commands of Scripture ; and if 
by an unfortunate combination of circumstance such knowl- 
edge has been denied in early youth, the deficiency should 
be supplied at the earliest possible moment, 

. The old and oft- repeated maxim, "It is never too late 
to learn," should be engraved upon our memories like a 
guiding star to the halls of knowledge. If, as Christians 
gladly believe, this life is but a preparatory school to a 
higher state of existence, we should all wish to graduate at 




14 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

the end with high honors ; and if, as the freethinker ad- 
mits, this world is all, it is quite as imperative that for the 
good of posterity we bequeath to it a legacy of knowledge. 
At forty years of age a man, or woman either, should be 
able to learn the rules of a new language, and acquire a 
fluency in speaking it, and there are many such cases 
recorded. Elihu Burritt, the learned blacksmith, whose 
history will repay a careful perusal, learned several lan- 
guages during the years he worked at hard labor at a coun- 
try forge. A person unaccustomed to the use of a table 
napkin, can learn the whole minutiae of handling it in twenty 
minutes. The little courtesies of polite society, which con- 
stitute the aristocracy of manners, can easily be acquired by 
a close observer who will not make a display of his ignorance 
by obtruding himself upon the notice of people with whom he 
is brought in contact; a judicious withdrawal into the back- 
ground — all society pictures have a background as well as 
art paintings — will be advisable, until the defects have been 
toned down by time and study. A person of tact and 
patience will associate with those of a higher culture, and 
enrich himself with their knowledge, a social piracy that is 
admissible, if in turn the treasures are passed on, and not 
buried in selfish soil. 

It is, then, an individual duty to be polite, refined, court- 
eous, and gentle, in all our associations with our kind ; to 
illustrate in ourselves the highest, holiest manhood and 
womanhood; to speak the kind word that shall reverberate 
in undying music through all the spheres; to lighten the 
heavy load by one touch of a helping hand ; to cultivate 
the flowers in our hearts and lives, instead of the weeds. 

" If all was good and fair we met 
This earth had been the Paradise 
It never looked to mortal eyes 
Since Adam left his garden yet." 



SOCIAL ETHICS. 15 

The home is the first school in which we begin the 
lessons of life ; it is the kindergarten, where the child 
learns to use the senses consciously, and should be taught a 
vigorous and harmonious development of the social faculties. 
How important, then, that judicious laws should govern 
the days of childhood ; that the physical, mental, and moral 
training should unite in unselfish harmony to produce a per- 
fect intellectual growth. The Hebrew mother has a beautiful 
hope when a son is born to her, that he may be the promised 
Messiah. If all mothers could see in their child a possi- 
ble Christ, how gently and tenderly it would be reared, not 
a divine Saviour, but a savior among men, the poet, artist, 
philosopher, sculptor, teacher, or architect of the future. 

If every child could be trained in accordance with a 
vigorous belief in the highest possible conditions of edu- 
cated humanity, we would have fewer distorted, wasted lives, 
growing downward in the darkness, because no loving hand 
had ever helped them to climb upward in the sun. Educa- 
tion, both social and moral, should begin in the cradle, 
and here the immense importance of the mother's mission 
reveals itself. The baby cries for a drink — "Div the poor 
'ittle sing a dinky dink/' says the fond and foolish mother. 
That is the child's first introduction to English literature. 
Now note the difference in the clear ringing phrase of the 
sensible practical teacher-mother "Give the baby a drink." 
In the same way children are told when they want some 
plaything or ornament denied them, " It will bite baby, eat 
baby all up." It sounds very harsh to say that this is a 
lie, which the mother has just told, but what el*e is it? It 
would be giving the child a first lesson in self-denial to say 
"~No, baby can not have it," and repeat this until the child 
thoroughly understood that it was not to have it, and that 
no reasons would be given. A child a year old is placed 



16 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

at table in a high chair, and the family think it cunning to 
sec it throw the knife and fork on the floor, and pull every 
thing within reach out of its place. It is allowed a selfish 
gratification of its rudest instincts, in order to amuse people 
of sense and experience; soon it is whipped for doing that 
very thing. A few lessons will teach the child to sit quietly 
with its hands in its lap, or folded together, until its wants 
are attended to ; and here is its first lesson in the cardinal vir- 
tue of patience. Such a course of home training, combined 
with its school education, and thorough physical culture, will 
be equal to an independent fortune to the inheritor, when 
maturity is reached. Mothers who are worked to death 
sewing tucking and embroideries together, to dress their 
infants in, will never have any reward for their labor. It 
would seem as if the little dear must look pretty at the 
expense of all its faculties; and it is only a short time since 
the writer heard a mother say " I can not do any thing with 
Paul; he looks so badly; you see he is just at the awkward 
age when he is too large to wear dresses, and too small 
for trousers, and I just let him run wild." She did, and 
it will take years to eradicate his curb-stone education. 

An impatient mother once remarked that it seemed as 
if the instruction of a child was comprised in the two words 
"do," and "don't." It was "Do this," and "Don't do 
that," through all the first years of its life. The same rule 
applies to the parents — to all the descendants of Adam and 
Eve. We scarely need to learn any thing wicked ; it is 
inherent in our nature, but all that is high and holy must 
be acquired with care and painstaking. Weeds are indige- 
nous to the human heart; the flowers must be planted and 
tended with patient care. Parents who detect the 

" Little foxes spoiling 
The beloved vine," 



SOCIAL ETHICS. 17 

must remember who bequeathed the " little foxes/' and not 
punish too severely the inheritor of faults that the baby 
took " with its hair and eyes." Early impressions are never 
wholly eradicated. Many a child has remembered an unjust 
beating with bitterness and anger to the day of its death. An 
excellent woman and true Christian, now gone to her rest, 
said she had never uttered an impatient word that was not 
stamped on her memory, and related the following incident: 

Her little granddaughter of four years was playing one 
day with a companion of her own age, and the two children 
rolled under her feet as she crossed the room, and just 
escaped causing her a severe fall. In momentary anger she 
said, " Naughty little brats, you ought to be punished !" 

" I felt guilty in a moment," she said, " and turned to 
see if the children had noticed it. Marian was looking at 
her playmate with wide-open, wondering eyes, and pres- 
ently the other little girl said: 

" ' Her called us brats. We ain't brats, are we V 

" ' Yes/ said Marian, slowly and decisively, i you are/ n 

The child had instantly turned the use of an unfortu- 
nate phrase to her own account. 

Children are very quick to detect the counterfeit coin in 
the change of small talk, and readily learn the petty deceits 
and exaggerations of speech which they see and hear. " I 
should like to go over to your house to play, but my mother 
would kill me if I did," says one little girl to another. 

The principle of meum et tuum was thus exemplified re- 
cently : A couple of four-year old misses, one of whom 
was visitor and the other hostess, quarreled about a swing. 
Little Miss Hostess forgot the courtesy due to the occasion, 
and ordered Miss Visitor to " go home." Miss Visitor felt 
the spirit of opposition rising within her, and refused to go. 
Miss Hostess saw a golden opportunity to enforce her order 

2 



18 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

without much difficulty by the near approach of a spider. 
She remarked: "You better go home. A spider's coming 
behind you." Miss Visitor was not to be intimidated by 
any such means, and promptly responded: "I'll kill the 
spider." For a moment the small hostess was disconcerted. 
Then she vehemently objected: " No, you sha' n't kill our 
spider." 

A mother was much amused once by overhearing the 
conversation between her own children and some playmates. 
The little ones were playing at " make-believe" calls. Two 
of them were dressed up in trails and calling costumes, and 
assumed the artificial airs of older people, whom they had 
studied. They were received with a chorus of: "Delighted 
to see you;" "Such an age since you called;" "Looking 4 
perfectly lovely;" "Do stay longer;" and "Come again 
soon." The moment they had left, the others began to 
revile them in an exact imitation of their elders as they 
had frequently heard them : " Did you ever see such a 
fright?" "Calling on us, when her husband has just failed!" 
" I shall never go near her ;" " Nor I : stuck-up thing !" 

The English fashion of a nursery, with a nurse and 
governess trained to do their work properly, is an improve- 
ment upon the American method of having the children 
set up as puppet-shows when they are little better than 
babies. Good, wholesome care is theirs by every right of 
heritage, and it should be a pleasure to any parent to write 
the first lessons of life on the fresh white page of a child's 
mind. There is more value in gentle breeding than in 
gentle birth, notwithstanding the common idea of " blue 
blood." The finer physical properties may no doubt come 
by inheritance, but the mental and moral qualities are not 
so fluently transmitted. A grand character is built as the 
coral reefs are, little by little, a line here, a precept there; 



SOCIAL ETHICS. 19 

and many a statesman, divine, or successful business man 
has said : " I owe all I am to my mother's teachings." 

The science of motherhood is a beautiful philosophy. 
While other teachers have salaries and diplomas, this peda- 
gogue of the family lives with the children, becomes " like 
unto one of these little ones," gives them her strength, 
beauty, accomplishments, and knowledge, to eke out their 
feeble powers with, and is the sun and center of their do- 
mestic system, from whence they drink in founts of love 
and light. 

That mother is only human who at times wearies of the 
restraint, the meaningless questions, the long, slow labor of 
love ; but some day it will be written of her in letters of 
light, " Blessed art thou among women." 

"IN THE NEST. 

" Gather them close to your loving heart, 
Cradle them on your breast; 
They will soon enough leave your brooding care, 
Soon enough mount youth's topmost stair, 
Little ones in the nest. 

Fret not that the children's hearts are gay, 

That their restless feet will run; 
There may come a time in the by and by 
When you '11 sit in your lonely room, and sigh 

For a sound of childish fun ; 

When you '11 long for a repetition sweet, 

That sounded through each room, 
Of " mother," mother," the dear love-calls 
That will echo long in the silent halls, 

And add to their stately gloom. 

There may come a time when you '11 long to hear 

The eager boyish tread, 
The tuneless whistle, the clear shrill shout, 
The busy bustle, in and out. 

And pattering overhead. 



20 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

When the boys and girls are all grown up, 

And scattered far and wide, 
Or gone to the undiscovered shore, 
Where youth and age come nevermore, 

You will miss them from your side. 

Then gather them close to your loving heart, 

Cradle them on your breast; 
They will soon enough leave your brooding care, 
Soon enough mount youth's topmost stair, 

Little ones in the nest." 

Love of country, rather than love of home, character- 
izes the American people. Thousands of children are reared 
in the United States who never know the meaning of the 
word in its highest significance. It implies to them a place 
where they eat and sleep. It is almost impossible to teach 
children methodical habits when they are always moving 
and have no local attachments. It used to be the boast of a 
Western man that he was at home wherever night overtook 
him; and it is related of one family that they had moved 
so often from place to place that when their hens saw a 
covered wagon they held up their feet to be tied. It is 
easy to fall into this nomadic state of existence ; but it en- 
tails upon its followers all the annoying results of a life 
of thriftlessness. The children especially of such a home 
suffer from its lack of system. It is from such places, mis- 
called "homes," that the awkward, self-conscious, and ill- 
regulated youth emanate, whose flippant manners and loud 
observations jar upon the refined taste, during periods of 
travel or forced companionship, when other members of so- 
ciety are compelled to associate with them. Their idea of 
"style" is a large display of cheap jewelry and a suit 
of conspicuous, ill-fitting clothes, and a necktie which, 
through what Mrs. Stowe calls the total depravity of inani- 



SOCIAL ETHICS. 21 

mate things, is thrust upon the startled vision like some 
new and fearful revelation of color. 

It is recorded of such a youth that he said, in despera- 
tion over his own awkwardness : " Darwin is right. There 
are moments which come to the young man who does n ? t 
know what to do with his hands when he longs to climb a 
tree and be a monkey ;" an assertion all can appreciate who 
have met this youth upon any social occasion. It is not 
that his hands are larger than they should be, but they have 
the faculty of being in all places at once, and they do not 
seem to belong anywhere. He has never been taught how 
to use these valuable members, and in the home circle he 
thrusts them into his pockets, or lets them hang aimlessly 
by his sides. He can not for a moment forget their pres- 
ence, and he talks frequently and loudly to conceal his em- 
barrassment, using the personal pronoun " I " to an alarming 
extent, and interlarding his conversation with the cheap wit 
and careless phrases which the unrefined use, thus calling 
attention to his deficiencies. It is related by Coleridge that 
at a dinner-party at which he was a guest a gentleman pres- 
ent was so dignified in his bearing, and so reserved and 
silent, that all present gave him great credit for uncommon 
learning, until, upon some apple-dumplings being placed 
upon the table, he suddenly exclaimed, " Them 's the jockies 
for me !" 

In the social code it is eminently proper to " assume a 
virtue if you have it not " by a reticence that does not chal- 
lenge criticism. The Spanish have a proverb that " speech 
is silver, but silence is golden," and unless one has mas- 
tered the art of conversation, and can add to the enjoyment 
of the occasion by correct language and intelligent expres- 
sion, it is best to preserve a discreet silence upon general 
topics, and merely respond graciously to salutations. 



22 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

Much may be learned through observation. Seeing, 
without being guilty of the rudeness of staring, requires 
some tact, but it can easily be accomplished. As a sweeping 
glance can be made to take in the details of a picture, so an 
apparently careless retrospect of a crowded assembly will 
give the pose of individuals, the grace of a dancer, the 
attitude of a group, and the brilliant tout ensemble of people, 
costumes, and accessories. If the home education is de- 
ficient, it should be amended by a careful course of study in 
all branches of social etiquette, and whatever accomplish- 
ment the individual may possess should adapt itself to the 
requirements of society. Good dancers, cultivated musi- 
cians, artists, brilliant conversationalists, those who are en- 
dowed with a rare power of pleasing, wise or witty 7 people, 
are all welcome to the social circles of republican Amer- 
ica, where there are no determined grades, as in the old, 
aristocratic restrictions of monarchical Europe. 

The simple fact that a man or woman who has had an 
imperfect education has a sufficiently strong mental growth 
to throw off the shackles of ignorance and the clinging des- 
potism of habit is a guarantee of success. " I will learn to 
enter a room gracefully ; to eat with the ceremonies of an 
advanced civilization ; to speak in a cultivated voice, modu- 
lated to please the educated ear; to give that care to my 
personal appearance which I have a right to do, since God 
has created me in his image ; to renounce any habit that 
will make me intolerable or disagreeable to my fellow- 
beings ; and to cultivate the rules of social etiquette, and be 
guided by its regulations in all duties of life/' — a creed 
something after this formula should have many followers. 

" Stories first heard at a mother's knee," says Ruskin, 
" are never wholly forgotten " — a little spring that never 
quite dries up in our journey through scorching years. As 



SOCIAL ETHICS. 23 

time passes on, bearing our most precious things away, we 
cling with desperate tenacity to the memory of our child- 
hood's home and our early years. That home may really 
have been a most uncomfortable place, and the years that 
look so tender as we view them through a mist of regretful 
tears had, no doubt, their full share of trials; but it was 
"home," and "mother" — two sweetest words in any lan- 
guage — was there. 

"Thou comest not from the hush and shadow 
To meet us ; but to thee we come ! 
With thee we never can be strangers, 
And where thou art must still be home. 

Thy greeting smile was pledge and prelude 

Of generous deeds and kindly words; 
In thy large heart were fair guest-chambers, 

Open to sunrise and the birds. 

The task was thine to mold and fashion 

Life's plastic newness into grace ; 
To make the boyish heart heroic, 

And light with thought the maiden's face." 

It is no disloyalty to the best of mothers or the best of 
homes if with other years we change our speech as we do 
our garb. The style of architecture changes, and, however 
dear to fond recollection the small window-panes and two- 
tined forks of fifty years ago, no one cares to resurrect them 
now. There is a fashion in speech and in manner that con- 
forms to the usages of the best society of the present day, 
and is in harmony with all outward observances of custom, 
and which has a strong moral power to ennoble and elevate 
character. It eliminates all impurities from a language 
that will become in a few years the universal exponent of 
thought. It develops every dear and precious gift, every 
pleasant faculty, every genial endowment of character. It 



24 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT, 

is the English tongue, pure and undefined, as the best edu- 
cators of our land use it, and without that vulgarity and 
impertinence with which the idle youth of the day invest 
it, until its dignity is lost sight of under the garb of a 
harlequin. 

We may have learned to use our mother-tongue cor- 
rectly at home; but sometimes very good homes turn out 
very poor talkers, in which case a series of lessons in elocu- 
tion and an extended practice with vowels and consonants 
will be required before we can be admitted into that charmed 
ethical circle which lies within and beyond the golden ring 
of fashionable life — the inner court where wisdom and cul- 
ture sit in genial conclave. But in embracing the sentiment 
of a beautiful life outwardly expressed, the practical knowl- 
edge upon which greater issues depend must not be for- 
gotten. A popular writer says, with pertinent conciseness: 

"In literary and scientific teaching the great point of 
economy is to give the discipline of it through knowledge 
which will immediately bear upon practical life. Botanists 
have discovered some wonderful connection between nettles 
and figs, which a cow-boy who will never see a ripe fig in 
his life, need not be troubled about; but it will be interest- 
ing to him to know what effect nettles have on hay, and 
what taste they will give to porridge, and it will give him 
nearly a new life if he can be got but once in a spring-time 
to look well at the beautiful circlet of the white nettle blos- 
som and work out with his schoolmaster the curves of its 
petals, and the way it is set on its central mast." 

And perhaps the cow-boy knew what the schoolmaster 
did not, that the nettle which, brushed against ever so 
slightly, can wound and sting, will not hurt the most deli- 
cate hand that will grasp it closely. 

The essentials of refinement should all be learned at 



SOCIAL ETHICS. 25 

home, beginning from earliest infancy with the pleasant 
" good night " or " good morning," and carried out through 
all the little details that make up the total of a com- 
plete character. There the boys should be taught to speak 
gently, take off their hats as soon as they are within doors, 
be polite to older people, and treat their sisters with the 
same chivalry they would use themselves toward the sis- 
ters of comrades. Mothers are proverbially blind to the 
faults of their boys; they seem to think other people will 
excuse their rudeness on the grounds of high spirits, and 
they too often bring them up in such an indulgent man- 
ner, that they become selfish, sordid men, who make indif- 
ferent sons and bad husbands. It is easy to remember an 
instance in the family of some friend or acquaintance if not 
in our own, where a rough boy breaks in upon a pleasant 
conversation with a wild shout: "Say, mother, I'm going 
over to Fred's ; tell Tom Wilson to fetch the new dog over, 
and we'll take him in swimming;" or, "Mother gimme a 
piece, I 'm most a starved." 

The young gentleman is waited on, and disappears in a 
hurricane of slamming doors and noisy footsteps, music no 
doubt to his fond mother's ears, but a horrible discord to 
every one else. In a world where no one person can live 
to himself alone, it is well to begin early, and remember that 
other people have rights, and that we can not all go tear- 
ing our several ways like maniacs, without regard for those 
who are sacrificed on the altar of selfishness. 

Girls, belonging more properly to home interests, have 
fewer difficulties to overcome in the way of getting an edu- 
cation in polite manners. They are fonder of approbation, 
and more observant than their brothers, and they gradually 
acquire little touches of daintiness, which will forever remain 
with them. Boys seem to have an inherent dislike to what 



26 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

they call " being goody/' and they assume much of the 
bluster and swagger of boyhood, as a sort of diploma of 

manliness. It is well to remember what the poet says: 

"The bravest are the tendered 

The loving are the daring." 

Manliness is not incompatible with gentleness of manner 
and speech. The generals who saved our country, who led 
the troops in person, and thundered out their commands in 
clarion tones, are as courteous and gentle, in the quiet pre- 
cincts of home, and in the social circles they honor with their 
presence, as if they had never shouted "no surrender! move 
on the enemy!" in tones that would shatter the ornaments 
of a fashionable drawing room. 

The youth of either sex should pay strict attention to 
their personal habits, dress, attitudes, walk, voice, hair, eyes, 
teeth, ears, and hands and feet. It is very surprising that 
with such wonderful faculties and a God-given intellect any 
member of the human family can ever slight possessions 
which once lost can never be restored. In this volume we 
shall give a complete manual of every thing pertaining to 
the care of the person, that divine physique which should 
never be subordinated to a mere perishable domination, 
while lighted with its spark of celestial fire. 




eif£5ffi"^S it 



THE LAW OF HOSPITALITY — ENGLISH HOSTS AND AMERICAN GUESTS — 
DUTIES OF VISITORS AT COUNTRY HOUSES — GOLDEN 

RULES — ART OF CONVERSATION. 

THE ROOF-TREE. 

"Rede the rede of the old roof-tree: 
Scandal none, opinion free ; 
Knightly custom, Christian knee, 
Age calm, but youthful jollity ; 
Outside no traitor to his tryst, 
Xo word to which he haply list 
Shall blur the picture of that home 
Which brought those in who widely roam ; 
But grateful thanks and courtesie 
Shall upward float to thee, old tree." 

FAMOUS writer who visited our country 
several years ago, says the " American 
Queen," wrote a book about us. in which 
he declared that while an American knew 
how to be a host he did not yet under- 
stand the propriety of being a guest. 
It is probably quite true that an Amer- 
ican did not in former years under- 
stand the severe etiquette whch reigns 
in an English country-house. There the 
guests are expected to come at the hour invited, neither 
sooner nor later, and to leave precisely at the time when 
their term of invitation expires. It will be remembered 
that on the recent occasion of a tour around the world by 
a distinguished American general, he arrived at AVindsor 




28 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

Castle, where he was an invited guest, some hours earlier 
than he was expected. There was no one to receive the 
company of foreigners. The queen was out riding with her 
daughter Beatrice, and never for a moment anticipating the 
arrival of her guests before the time specified in the note of 
invitation, had left no direction about receiving them at the 
Castle; and the court journal announced Her Majesty as 
looking "cross and sun-burned," when she alighted at 
her own doors, and found the guests whom she intended to 
honor seated stifly in a reception room. 

The reason of this English system of notifying guests 
of their expected stay and departure is this: A number 
of guests are invited with certain formality for three 
days, and another company for the ensuing three days, 
which invitation is always so accurate that it specifies even 
if the guest is to leave by the " eleven train " or the " one 
train," as they express it in England. The great house is 
thus filled with a series of congenial guests from the 1st 
of September, when the shooting begins, until after Christ- 
mas. The leisure man who is a good story-teller, can sing 
a song, or act in private theatricals, is much in demand ; and 
on the events of these country visits hang most of the inci- 
dents of the modern society 7 novel. Dickens described the 
less stately hospitality of the English country squire in his 
" Christmas at the Wardles'," where the renowned Pickwick 
Club spent, perhaps, the most jolly week of which we have 
any account in modern literature. 

But even jolly Mr. Wardle, or the class which he is 
made to represent, would be particular as to a certain eti- 
quette. Mr. Wardle would expect all his guests to "arrive at 
the hour which he had named, and to be punctual at dinner. 

It would be better for us in this country if we were as 
particular about the duties of a guest. We are too apt to 



THE LAW OF HOSPITALITY. 29 

suit our own convenience about going to see our friends; 
and, trusting to that boundless American hospitality, we 
decline an invitation for the 6th, saying we can come on the 
9th of the month, which is not in accordance with the eti- 
quette of the occasion, since we should either go on the 6th 
or not at all. We should also ask our host to define' the 
limits of our stay, so that we may not exhaust our wel- 
come. The terms of an American invitation are hospi- 
tably vague : " Come when you can, and stay as long as 
you like/' — a social word kindness, at variance with the 
rules of etiquette. 

" Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest/' is 
found in the Arabian as well as in the Latin poets. The 
Arab goes further : " He who tastes my salt is sacred. 
Neither I nor my household shall attack him, nor shall one 
word be said against him." One phrase is worthy of par- 
ticular study : " Nor shall one word be said against him ;" 
no stabs in the back as he goes his way. Unless a guest has 
been publicly objectionable, it is in the worst possible taste 
to criticise him after he is gone. He has come to you at 
your own invitation; he has stayed at your house at your 
request ; he has come as to an altar of safety, an ark of ref- 
uge, to your friendly roof. Your kind welcome has un- 
locked his reserve. He has spoken freely, laid off his 
armor, felt that he was in the presence of friends. If, in so 
doing, you have discovered in him a weak spot, be careful 
how you attack it. The intimate unreserve of your fireside 
should be respected. And upon the guest an equal, nay, a 
superior, conscientiousness should rest as to any revelation 
of what particular secrets he may discover while he is a 
visitor. No man or woman should go from house to house 
bearing tales, and spreading foolish and injurious reports or 
scandal. No stories of the weakness of this member of the 



30 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

family or the eccentricities of that one should ever be heard 
from the lips of a guest. " Whose bread 1 have eaten, he 
is henceforth a brother," is another fine Arab proverb, 
worthy of being engraven on all our walls. 

Much harm is done by the gadding and gossiping visitor 
through the thoughtless habit of telling of the manner of 
life, of the faults, quarrels, or shortcomings of the family 
under whose roof the careless talker has been admitted. 
Even much talk of their habits and ways is in bad taste. 
Speak always well of your entertainers, but say little of 
their domestic life. Do not violate the sanctity of that fire- 
side retreat whose roof-tree has sheltered you. Such is the 
true old Anglo-Saxon idea of the duty of a guest. It holds 
well to-day. We can not improve upon it. 

Manifest etiquette demands that, once in your friend's 
house, you inform yourself as to the hours and customs, 
and conform exactly. Breakfast is an informal meal, and 
many large houses now allow their guests to take a cup of 
tea or coffee in their own room, with a slice of toast and an 
egg, and to not regularly breakfast until eleven or twelve 
o'clock, as the French do. But if it is the order of the 
house to have early breakfast, and the hostess says, " We 
shall expect you at the breakfast-table at eight o'clock," the 
guest is bound to obey. 

An American breakfast, though delicious, is quite too 
elaborate to begin the day on. We should be better for the 
more delicate morning meal of the Swiss people — a roll and 
a cup of cafe-au-lait. 

As guests, we are bound to make ourselves as agreeable 
as possible. No little tempers, no sour looks, no adverse 
opinions, no unpleasant criticisms, should ever fall from the 
lips of a guest. The most disagreeable of all circumstances 
should find a guest firmly good-tempered. W r e are not 



THE LAW OF HOSPITALITY. 31 

asked to our friend's house to show our little tempers. 
Never abuse the weather or the family dog. Although 
the long storm may seem tedious, the weather is, for the 
nonce, the property of your host. Try in every way to 
counteract the external gloom by suggesting that you can 
get up tableaux, assist at private theatricals, or take a hand 
at whist or bezique, or join in any amusement which may 
be on the tapis. Pay especial attention to the wishes of 
your hostess, who is the queen of the castle. Be her dutiful 
subject. 

The servants are always a tender point. No one, how- 
ever judicious and kindly, can bear to have a servant spoken 
of with dislike. We are the servants of our servants in a 
measure, and their defects are our especial property. We 
are jealous of their good name, even if we are aware of 
their faults. We may iike to find fault with them our- 
selves, but we do not intend that any one else shall. 

Above all things, never join in when one member of the 
family has a difference with another. This is a sad breach 
of social and domestic etiquette, and one that is never tol- 
erated. It is characteristic of weak and imperfect human 
nature that we can abuse our own with impunity, but no 
friend or acquaintance will be permitted to meddle. If it 
is a breach of etiquette in those whom we are visiting to 
wash their soiled linen in public, it is even more for us to 
make the offense more enormous by lending our aid and 
countenance. As for those who interfere in the domestic 
tiffs between husband and wife, history, poetry, and the 
drama have sufficiently elucidated their unhappy fate. 

Never notice any omissions in the provisions made for 
the comfort of guests. " Fussing " is characteristic of Amer- 
ican ladies, who spend so much more time within doors than 
their English sisters. If the guest-chamber lacks some 



32 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

comfort you have been accustomed to, say nothing about it 
unless it is indispensable, in which case it was probably an 
oversight. Never ask. to have windows opened or closed, 
fires made, or lunches served. If your hostess has not made 
sufficient preparations for your comfort, cut your visit short, 
depart gracefully, and avoid her invitations in future ; but 
keep your discomfiture locked in your own bosom. 

The Arab law of hospitality is so noble, so comprehen- 
sive, so grand, that, although it transcends all social forms, 
we can use it to enforce the meaning of that law of etiquette 
and its vital spirit. Longfellow beautifully embodies an 
old-time castle of welcome in four lines in " The Old Clock 
on the Stairs :" 

" In that mansion used to be 
Free-hearted hospitality : 
His great fires up the chimney roared, 
The stranger feasted at his board." 

There is another class of people who, with less money 
and living in a plain way, have none the less the great 
virtue of hospitality. They may be people of education, 
with fine aesthetic tastes, but are compelled to practice a 
severe economy. With only one servant, possibly not any, 
they will invite one or two guests — dear friends, relatives, 
or those whom it is a pleasure to meet and entertain. The 
best bedroom is set in order; chickens are fed up and 
doomed to slaughter ; early teas, to which neighbors are in- 
vited, are planned ; and rides into pleasant nooks after May- 
flowers, Autumn leaves, or whatever the attraction of the 
season may be, are set down for the visitor's benefit. The 
hostess in this case does every thing at a sacrifice of self, 
and her visitors should not stay long enough to wear her 
out. Perhaps she is one of that numerous class of women 
who has worked hard in her home all Winter, and is ex- 



THE LAW OF HOSPITALITY. 33 

pected to entertain city friends all Summer. Perhaps she is 
married to one of the sons who has kept the old home. All 
the brothers, with their troops of children, must come back 
to the old shade-trees and meadows for a quiet rest. Per- 
haps they have no special love for the hostess who presides 
over the old-time house; but it is such a convenient thing 
to have a place to visit where there is fresh air, pure milk, 
plenty of good fruit, and no bills to pay. Ten to one the wife 
in the country is more worn than her city relatives, and is 
in no wise able to bear the extra care or the additional 
cooking ; for, by force of circumstances, she has been dress- 
maker, milliner, and servant. May be, in her large family, 
the whole year through she has turned dresses wrong side 
out and up side down. She has made every dollar go its 
farthest. And now her visitors have come to take up all 
her self-sacrifice has saved. It might have been a pleasure 
to entertain them for a week ; but when they remain six 
weeks or two months the case is different. We once heard 
a gentleman remark that he could say all the new things he 
had . to say to visitors in one day ; and, as a rule, we quite 
agree with him. Of course, one has congenial friends, whom 
it is a pleasure to see much and often; but too many so- 
called friends are persons who are serving their own con- 
venience and outraging the laws of hospitality — persons who 
never offer a helping hand, and seem oblivious that every 
thing is done for them by their entertainers. Never make 
a Summer visit at the expense of any body's comfort. 

A word about children visiting. Do not let them run 
over every body, and monopolize every room. If they can 
not have a good time without destroying the comfort of a 
household, put them to bed, and keep them there, until they 
promise to amuse themselves in a rational manner. Chil- 
dren can be the most despotic little tyrants, as well as the 



34 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

sweetest of cherubs. They need a wholesome restraining, as 
much for their own good as for the happiness of older people. 

HOW TO CONVERSE. 

Elegant and refined conversation is one of the attrac- 
tions of good society, and there is no social accomplish- 
ment in which it is more desirous to excel, but it is unfor- 
tunately true that Americans do not cultivate it as one of 
the fine arts. The rapidity with which we do every thing 
leaves us destitute of that calm receptive spirit, which is 
indispensable to a conversational bout. We are rapid talk- 
ers, brilliant talkers, but there is no depth, no system in our 
general conversation. In the days of Pope and Lady Mary 
Montague, when books were fewer and far more costly than 
they are now, and, therefore, less disseminated, and when 
newspapers, now such splendid monuments of business and 
mental energy, were like feeble infants in the cradle of their 
existence, conversation was the principal medium of intel- 
lectual exercise and amusement. People with any pre- 
tensions to culture aimed to make their social gatherings 
veritable symposiums of wit and discussion, and were careful 
both in the manner and matter of their speaking. There 
may have been a certain stiffness and artificial polish about 
it at times in their conversation, and doubtless a coarseness 
that would not be tolerated in the same circles now, but 
we are led to believe from the memories of the period that 
social talk among the refined and cultivated orders was 
polished, racy, and improving in a notable degree. 

The change in the social and mental environment of 
men and women to-day, has operated to lower the standard 
of conversation. Mr. Richard Grant AVhite, who, however 
eccentric in some of his conclusions, rarely fails to be inci- 
sive and suggestive, touches the root of the evil in a book 



THE LAW OF HOSPITALITY. 35 

recently published. He claims that newspapers and cheap 
literature have caused reading aloud and conversation to fall 
into disuse in the family circle. He says: 

"We rise from the table and seize each of us a newspa- 
per, or a new paper-covered novel, and we plunge into their 
pages, and sit unsociably silent. We even resent the read- 
ing of any thing aloud to us, because it interrupts our own 
selfish solitary pleasure, and because we think that we could 
have read the page so much more quickly by ourselves. 
The pleasure of a common enjoyment is disregarded in favor 
of our own greedy devouring of our silent, solitary mental 
meal ; the charm of the sound of the human voice convey- 
ing to us shades of meaning and points of emphasis, is 
undervalued, and seems to be passing away as one of the 
delights of life ; silent reading is even destroying compan- 
ionship, which is now to be found in perfection only among 
men at their clubs. Newspapers thus read are gradually 
extinguishing conversation. One advantage of a long din- 
ner is, that it compels those around the table to leave books 
and newspapers out of their hands while they are there, and 
talk to each other to the best of their ability. As to talk- 
ing at a reception, or a ball, that is impossible in any coher- 
ent, intelligent, almost in any intelligible, fashion. And 
thus, by silent reading and the neglect of conversation, lan- 
guage itself is coming to a disuse; for language is speech, 
not letters, and we can not really enjoy it, or master it, 
by hearing sermons, lectures, and plays, and thus getting 
our speaking done for us, as the Turks get their dancing 
done for thorn, by others." 

The pertinency of this argument can not be questioned. 
The relation of conversation to pleasant social intercourse 
is vital, and although many prominent young men in soci- 
ety are not strong in bright and pleasant talk, they are 



36 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

useful because they are good dancing men, and are safe 
escorts for the ball, the opera, or the theater. The more 
brilliant and gifted men, the really fine talkers, are apt to 
be somewhat Bohemian and unconventional in their notions 
and the mother of the family is inclined to scan them with 
a wary and suspecting air. Society in America is becoming 
more conservative and formal. 

And yet there never has been a time when the material 
which enters into the stock of racy, delightful eonversatioo 
was more varied, inviting, and plastic; the mental activity 
of the age is enormous, and has wrought results which 
almost dazzle the eye which sets about to measure them. 
Literature, art, politics, science and industry have extended 
in innumerable ways, and intertwined themselves with the 
interests of every-day life. The drama, music, pictures, and 
other refining influences have come to permeate more and 
more the heart and habits of the masses of the people, and 
there is an incessant ferment of thought leavening the whole 
of the social strata. 

The difficulty is not that there is any decrease in the 
active intellectuality of society ; the precise reverse is true. 
The increase of mental wealth shows itself, not only at the 
base, but the apex of the social pyramid. Vassar College 
and similar institutions, the continually increasing habit of 
foreign travel among wealthy families, even among those of 
moderate means, and the general clash and friction of ideas, 
have enriched the feminine mind in many noticeable ways. 
The current literature of the ctay is proof how much is due 
to woman's intellectuality . 

Where, then, must we seek the root of the decadence of 
the art of conversation, a mode of display one would fancy 
peculiarly attractive to woman, as it shows off all her varied 
graces, personal charms, and intellectual brightness? A 



THE LAW OF HOSPITALITY. 37 

young or beautiful face is never so enchanting as when it 
sparkles with the light and glow of thought; a musical 
voice never so melodious as when it is pitched to the men- 
tal key of wit or fancy. Even a plain countenance becomes 
lovely if ideas make it luminous, and how much is added to 
the charms of actual beauty by the reflection of a gifted 
mind. Bright and easy talk does not necessarily demand great 
mental gifts, only alertness and carefully cultivated habit. 

There are few people so poverty-stricken in ideas who 
have not things in their minds worth saying and hearing, 
if they possess the art of fluent and graceful expression, 
which is by no means difficult to acquire. 

The truth is, conversation, as a fine art, needs to be made 
the fashion again. Women set the social mold, and it is for 
them to begin the reform. Men will be glad to follow their 
example, and the effect will be mutually stimulating. If 
our young ladies would make a point of cultivating the art 
of conversation, of putting in shape their ideas of the thou- 
sand really important interests of life, even though those 
notions may be crude, and of studying a bright, fresh, easy 
style of conversation and expression, instead of wasting 
their time on trivial and worthless topics, they would soon 
discover that they would become tenfold more attractive to 
themselves. Even the fop and trifler in his own secret 
heart cleaves to the woman who shall present his ideal of a 
high standard, his intellectual companion rather than his 
plaything and dancing twin. 

History, both ancient and modern, gives accounts of 
many gifted and remarkable conversationalists. In the his- 
tory of the Bible a fine talker was regarded as inspired. 
Job's conversations with his friends who came to comfort 
him were in the most brilliant, sarcastic, and poetic vein of 
Oriental literature. The Bible abounds in fine conversation. 



38 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

It is said of two famous characters, Buifon and Montbel- 
liard, that a great contrast existed between them. Mont- 
belliard threw every charm of animation over his delightful 
conversation ; but when he came to take his seat at the rival 
desk of Buffon an immense interval separated them. His 
tongue distilled the music and honey of the bee, but his pen 
seemed to be iron as cold and as hard, while Buffon's was 
the soft pen of the philosophical painter of nature. Of 
Johnson it is recorded that his conversations were thought 
to be equal to his correct writing ; he said the most common 
things in the newest manner; he always commanded atten- 
tion and regard. Sir Philip Sidney was called "the poetic 
warbler; there was always this characteristic in his multi- 
farious conversation, it was always delicate, reverend, and 
courteous/' " The chastest ear," says his biographer, " could 
drink in no startling sounds, the most serious believer never 
had his bosom ruffled by one skeptical or reckless assertion." 
Leigh Hunt and Thomas Carlyle were styled " intellectual 
gladiators" so powerful were they in conversation. Doug- 
las Jerrold was a brilliant and witty, but somewhat profane 
talker. Sir Walter Scott conversed in a fluent style upon 
sensible topics. Addison was charming. Racine was much 
sought after for his elegant dramatic style. Queen Eliza- 
beth was said " to converse sensibly, like a statesman." The 
crowned heads of Europe who were not profligate were all 
noted for long conversations of many subjects with members 
of the court and visitors distinguished by the attention. 

In our own country we have had many good talkers. 
Fisher Ames was a noted attraction of the social circle. 
His fluent language, vivid fancy, well-stored memory, and 
deep good sense, made his conversation exceedingly enter- 
taining and profoundly instructive. Washington Allston 
was also a great conversationist, and his tongue wrought 



THE LAW OF HOSPITALITY. 39 

on his associates and intimates like an- enchanter's spell. 
Of Edgar Allan Poe, who was a weird imaginative talker, 
it is said " His voice was modulated with astonishing skill j 
his imagery was from the world which no mortal can see 
but with the vision of genius." Miss Margaret Fuller, who 
was among the first of American women to make for her- 
self a place in literature, wrote laboriously, slowly, and not 
always lucidly or happily, but in conversation her intellect 
shone forth effulgently; profound and admirable thoughts 
clothed in the most felicitous and eloquent diction surprised 
intelligent listeners and led some to characterize her as " the 
best talker since Madame de Stael." Alice and Phoebe Gary 
held Sunday evening receptions at their home in New York, 
where many a brilliant coterie of wit, wisdom, and genius, 
was formed, and conversations that were crystalline with 
embodied thought filled the little parlors till the dark 
shadow of death settled there. Bronson Alcott, the father 
of Miss Alcott, author of " Little Women," has inaugurated 
in this country a series of afternoon and evening talks, con- 
versations of his own, which are listened to by a large circle 
of cultivated and intelligent people. 

Any attempt at effect or display in conversation will de- 
feat its own object. Good talkers are spontaneous. They 
speak of what they know ; and, if their knowledge is not a 
weak and superficial attainment, it will naturally clothe 
itself in fitting and harmonious language. The voice should 
be attuned to utter chaste and beautiful sentiments, and the 
purest English should be our medium for conveying ideas. 
Slang is always the expression of a coarse or common soul 
and a mind barren of ideas. It is considered a braggadocio 
outpouring of American enthusiasm, and began with the 
late war. The license which it has gained is deplorable, as 
it gives the instructors of youth double work to do in root- 



40 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

ing its baleful seeds out of the mind before they can raise 
a new growth. It is easy to acquire a correct method of 
speaking pure English instead of the dialect of a section 
of country or the vernacular of the streets. 

SUBJECTS OF CONVERSATION. 

To a person accustomed to society, these naturally sug- 
gest themselves. Remarks on the weather, business of any 
kind, personal gossip, politics, should be ignored at a social 
evening party, dinner, or ball. Gentlemen should never get 
together in knots to discuss the races or the new candidate, 
and ladies should not gossip in corners or confer together 
in subdued tones, on dress or other personal affairs. There 
are always articles of virtu, photographs of foreign subjects, 
paintings, or statuary to be admired, and the conversation 
may gradually center on the Egyptian obelisk, or the Tower 
of London, or a new way of navigating the air, or the last 
new book. It is not in good taste to criticise works of art 
in private houses in order to show that you are familiar 
with them. Unfavorable remarks would offend the hostess, 
and they are, like the furniture, part and parcel of the 
home. A statue or painting of the blind Nydia may lead 
to a charming dissertation on the finest historical novel in 
literature, "The Last Days of Pompeii." Never converse 
a whole evening with one person. Your hostess will be 
grateful to you for distributing the conversation. 

If you have no knowledge of music, remain discreetly 
silent when one of the company sings or plays; or, if di- 
rectly appealed to, say, " I am very much interested ; you 
have given me a real pleasure," instead of, " It was very 
fine ; a very brilliant piece ; you play charmingly," when, per- 
haps, you can not discriminate between Chopin and Handel, 
or interpret the distinction between classic music and the 



THE LAW OF HOSPITALITY. 41 

last popular air. If you will closely observe really musical 
people you will find they have little to say when a skillful 
performer has ceased playing. A single commonplace re- 
mark will jar upon the ear that has just been attuned to 
some divine harmony. 

A correct and refined pronunciation enhances purity of 
diction and clearness of thought ; and a perfectly modulated 
voice, clear, resonant, and with no guttural tones to make it 
harsh, and no nasal ones to make it dialectic, should accom- 
pany it. An educated voice, one that has been accustomed 
to the idiom of several languages, and is so perfect in the 
use of good English that its accent is cosmopolitan, has all 
the charm of a strain of music to the educated ear. 

A conversationist should have his mincL stored with 
pleasant knowledge which he is able to impart to others. 
He should be a good elocutionist, and have at all times a 
thorough command of language. Avoid commonplace re- 
marks. A young man who wished to make himself agree- 
able to the poet Longfellow said : " Sir, every night of my 
life I fall asleep over one of your works." Another young 
man observed to a young lady : " How fortunate that people 
always lose their minds before they are put into insane 
asylums \" 

A young lady who was walking with a young man who 
had no conversational tact remarked that there was " quite 
a moon;" to which the inspired Romeo responded, "Very 
quite I" But there are people so wise and witty and charm- 
ing in their small talk that one feels like following them 
about with a note-book and pencil, to record their pleasant 
sayings. Acquire this accomplishment if you have it not ; 
for it is of vast importance to the social world. 



e*f&5M££ in. 



THE MOTHER — HER INFLUENCE ON THE LIVES OF HER CHILDREN — 
HAPPY MOTHERS — FOOLISH MOTHERS —TRIBUTES OF GREAT 
MEN TO THEIR MOTHERS — OUR GIRLS — STREET ETIQUETTE FOR 
GIRLS — OUR BOYS — HOME INFLUENCE — RULES FOR BOYS— PRO- 
FANITY AND SLANG BOYS SMOKING — WHAT 

BOYS SHOULD LEARN. 

T is hard for a young mother who has 
not yet overcome the way ward tend- 
encies of her own youthful nature, to 
realize the influence she exerts over 
her own little ones. She is constantly 
surrounded by critical imitators, who 
copy her morals and manners. As the 
mother is, so are her sons and daughters. 
If a family of children is blessed with 
an intelligent mother, who is delicate and refined in her 
manners, and does not consider it necessary to be one 
woman in a draw r ing-room and an entirely different person 
in every-day life, but who is a true mother and always a 
tender, charming woman, you will invariably see her habits 
of speech and perfect manner repeated in her children. 
Great, rough men and noisy, busy boys will always tone 
down their voices and step lightly and try to be more man- 
nerly in her presence. They will always be gentle when 
she stops to give them a pleasant word or a kind smile ; for 
a true mother will never fail to say or do all the pleasant 
things that she can that will in any way help or lift up and 
cheer those whose lives are shaded with care and toil. The 
mother of to-day rules the w 7 orld of to-morrow. 




THE MOTHER. 43 



HAPPY MOTHERS. 

Perhaps it would be better to say cheerful mothers, be- 
cause there is uo real sunshiny cheerfulness possible with- 
out happiness in the heart; and there may be happiness if 
the heart is rightly placed and strong in love and faith, 
even when the outlook of life is dark and the clouds on the 
path are heavy. There may be but little money in the 
purse; there may be a dear one lying on the couch, fading 
by degrees ; there may be a narrow grave in the cemetery 
and a vacant seat at the table : and with it all, in the heart 
of the true Christian mother, there may be a strange glad- 
ness mingled with the sorrow. 

We all want our little children to be happy. Now, the 
happiest children are those that have happy mothers. The 
young life that grows up in the shadow of a discontented, 
repining, and gloomy mother is like a plant unwatered by 
kindly dews : it is apt to be dwarfed and stunted. So, even 
when things are crooked and temptations to ungentleness 
come, let the mother, for her son's and daughter's sake, try 
to be happy. 

AT THE BEDSIDE. 

O mothers, whose children are sleeping, 

Thank God by their pillows to-night, 
And pray for the mothers now weeping 

O'er pillows too smooth and too white, 
Where bright little heads oft have lain, 

And soft little cheeks have been pressed ! 
O mothers, who know not this pain, 

Take courage, and bear all the rest. 

For the somber-winged angel is going, 

With pitiless flight, o'er the land, 
And we wake in the morn, never knowing 

What he ere the night may demand; 



44 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

Yes, to-night, while our darlings are sleeping, 

There 's many a soft little bed 
Whose pillows are moistened with weeping 

For the loss of one dear little head. 

There are hearts on whose innermost altars 

There is nothing but ashes to-night; 
There are voices w T hose tones sadly falter, 

And dim eyes that shrink from the light. 
O mothers, whose children are sleeping, 

As you bend to caress the fair heads, 
Pray, pray for the mothers now weeping 

O'er pitiful, smooth little beds. 

FOOLISH MOTHERS. 

Mothers fret about their children in the most unneces- 
sary manner. Tommy is sent on an errand for his mother 
with instructions to return at once. Tommy does not return. 
An hour passes, and still another, but Tommy does not ap- 
pear. His mother grows impatient, then anxious, then des- 
perate, and at last is in a state of nervous excitement, quite 
injurious to her health. After the entire family has been 
disturbed, the police questioned, and the parents instructed 
that it was quite time to punish that boy, he was getting 
the upper hand very fast, Tommy appears whistling, merry, 
and happy. A wise mother would calmly hear his story; 
but Tommy's mother is over-excited, and she literally 
pounces upon the child. His story is terse and simple. 
He was obliged to wait ; then the gentleman asked him 
if he would do an errand for him, and the obliging 
boy consented. The delay was greater than he expected, 
and Tommy was "awful hungry." That was all. He had 
neither "been in a boat," carried off by some "horrid 
tramp," or had "strayed away with wicked boys," as his 
mother feared ; and yet she is ill with a headache, the whole 



THE MOTHER. 45 

family is in a quiver, and Tommy is made to feel he has 
somehow committed an awful crime, and he wishes he was 
a man, and folks would n't make such a fuss if he is out of 
sight a little while. 

Boys must be trusted to a greater extent than girls in 
matters of absence from home. Your genuine manly boy 
will not condescend to a falsehood, and he detests undue 
restraint and what he calls fussiness. Many a mother has 
alienated a growing son by fancied evils. 

TRIBUTES OF GREAT MEN TO MOTHERS. 

Napoleon Bonaparte was accustomed to say that "the 
future good or bad conduct of a child depended entirely on 
the mother." Nobody had any command over him except his 
mother, who found means, by a mixture of tenderness, sever- 
ity, and justice, to make him love, respect, and obey her. 

Michelet writes : " I lost my mother thirty years ago ; nev- 
ertheless, she follows me from age to age. She suffered 
with me in my poverty, and was not allowed to share my 
better fortunes." 

Cromwell's mother was a woman of spirit and energy 
equal to her mildness and patience, whose pride was hon- 
esty, and whose passion was love, and whose only care amid 
all her splendors was for the safety of her son in his dan- 
gerous eminence. 

Goethe owed the bias of his mind and character to his 
mother, who possessed in a high degree the art of stimulat- 
ing young and active minds. " She was worthy of life," 
once said Goethe, and when he visited Frankfort he sought 
out every individual who had been kind to her, and thanked 
them all. 

Curran speaks with great affection of his mother, to 
whose counsel, piety, and ambition he attributed his success 



46 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

in life. He used to say : " If I possess any thing more val- 
uable than face or person or wealth, it is that a dear parent 
gave her child a portion from the treasures of her mind. 

John Randolph said: " I should have been an atheist if 
it had not been for one recollection, and that was the mem- 
ory of the time when my mother used to take my little 
hand in hers and cause me on my kuees to say " Our father 
which art in heaven." 

George Herbert said : " One good mother is worth a 
hundred schoolmasters. In the home she is loadstone to all 
hearts, and load-star to all eyes." 

De Maistre, in his writings, speaks of his mother with 
intense love and reverence. He described her as his "sub- 
lime mother;" "an angel, to whom God had lent a bodv for 
a brief season." To her he attributed the best of his char- 
acter, and her precepts were the ruling influence of his life. 

One charming feature in the character of Samuel John- 
son (notwithstanding his rough exterior) was the tender- 
ness with which he invariably spoke of his mother, who 
implanted in his mind his first impressions of religion. In 
the time of his greatest difficulties he contributed out of his 
slender income to her comfort. 

It was Ary Scheffer's mother, whose beautiful features 
the painter so loved to reproduce in his pictures, that by 
great self-denial provided him with the means of pursuing 
the study of Art. 

Jean Paul Richter says : " Know you what especially 
impels me to industry? My mother! I shall endeavor to 
sweeten a part of her life that otherwise has been so unfor- 
tunate, and lessen by my help and sympathy the great sor- 
row she has suffered. To her alone I owe the foundation 
of my mind and heart. 

Ah! if young mothers knew how many hours of self- 



OUR GIRLS. 47 

reproach their- mothers pass as they look back to the time 
when they had their little ones about them, recalling how 
many mistakes they made by overstrictness and lack of con- 
fidence, it might save the young mothers much after regret, 
and their children from yielding to many temptations. 

But each one must have her own individual experience, 
and "old wives' fables" are not heeded until, after many 
mistakes in middle age, she learns to know their value. 
The mistakes, however, are most assuredly of the head, 
and not of the heart. There is no love on earth so utterly 
unselfish and self-sacrificing as mother love. 

OUR GIRLS. 

" She has read her father's well-filled library with profit, 
And can talk charmingly. She can sing 
And play, too, passably, and dance with spirit. 
She is knowing in all needle-work, 
And shines in kitchen as well as parlor." 

The position of woman in Christian nations at the pres- 
ent time, is in all respects higher than at any other period 
of the world's history. Hitherto she has been considered, 
and has been in reality, the appendage of man. Now the 
idea has dawned upon the world that she " shall be trained 
for the attainments of her own ideal, rather than for the 
molding of her faculties in conformity with the ideas of 
another," and that in receiving this training she is prepar- 
ing herself for a higher and broader range of usefulness to 
the race than any she has hitherto at any time realized. 

It is a notable fact that while all the departments of 
learning and industry for ages monopolized by men are 
thrown open to women, yet there never was a time when 
so many facilities were afforded her for becoming proficient 
in all those capabilities and attainments which have always 
been deemed the peculiar possession of women. In every 



48 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

large city in our country nursing and training schools are 
organized, and cooking schools are established. In some of 
our cities sewing and dress-making are taught in the public 
schools. Several of our colleges have a department of 
domestic economy, and lessons in plain cooking are given 
to the juniors, while the sophomores learn how to wash and 
iron, how to sew on sewing-machines, and at stated times 
listen to lectures on various household topics. 

The time is at hand when the educated young lady will 
at one hour of the day successfully conduct experiments 
in the laboratory, at another display her skill at the cook- 
ing table, at another show herself mistress of the arts of 
the laundry, and at another shine in the reception-room, in 
science, literature, language, philosophy and the fine arts, 
while at night she can direct a class at the telescope, and 
become familiar with the mysteries of the stars. A woman 
may mentally construe sentences in Latin, in Greek, in He- 
brew or Sanscrit while she is darning stockings, washing 
dishes, sweeping floors or tending babies, as well as occupy- 
ing her mind with the every-day interests of social life. 
This is exactly what a great many Avomen have done sub- 
stantially. When George Sand was in Paris, writing and 
studying, and reading in the public libraries, "to save the 
expense of a servant" she performed all the house duties 
herself, even to washing her own and her child's linen. 
While engaged in these necessary but humble duties, her 
thoughts were full of higher themes, and the enforced occu- 
pation of her hands gave her time to digest her various 
readings and studies. 

" Act well thy part, there all the honor lies." 

It does not matter so much what particular thing we do, as 
that we do well whatsoever our hands find to do. 



OUR GIRLS. 49 

Charlotte Cushman made a success on the stage at a time 
when to be an actress was a reproach. "When the pulpit 
denounced the theater universally in all cities where she 
played, she preserved an unsullied reputation, and did more 
to elevate her profession in the estimation of the best peo- 
ple in the United States than any other woman in this 
country ever did. £so woman ever received a finer ovation 
than the one given her on her retirement from the stage. 

Pitiable, indeed, is the lot of that woman whose whole 
life is passed in one round of social dissipation, of easy self- 
indulgence, or of monotonous, humdrum pleasures. The 
following description of an American girl is from a French 
criticism. It is terse and true : 

" Stylish to the backbone, independent as independent 
can be, but very pure ; is devoted to dress, pleasure, spend- 
ing money ; shows her moral nature just as it is, so as not 
to deceive any body ; flirts all the season with this one or 
that one, and dismisses him at the close in favor of an- 
other; goes out alone, travels alone. When the fancy 
strikes her, she travels with a gentleman friend or walks 
anywhere with him ; puts boundless confidence in him ; 
conjugal intimacy seems to exist between them; she lets 
him tell what he feels, talk of love from morning till night, 
but she never gives him permission to kiss so much as her 
hand. He may say any thing ; he shall do nothing. She is 
restless ; she gives heart and soul to amusement before she 
marries. After marriage she is a mother annually ; is alone 
all day; hears at night nothing except discussions about 
patent machinery, unexplosive petroleum, chemical manures. 
She will then let her daughters enjoy the liberty she used 
without grave abuse. As nothing serious happened to her, 
why should they be less strong and less adroit than their 
mother ? She originates French fashions. Parisian women 



50 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

detest her; provincial women despise her; men of all coun- 
tries adore her, but will not marry her unless she has an 
immense fortune. Her hair is vermilion, paler than golden 
hair. Her black eyes are bold and frank. She has a patent 
shape, which it is forbidden to counterfeit, and she spreads 
herself in a carriage as if she were in a hammock, the nat- 
ural and thoughtless posture of her passion for luxurious 
ease. When she walks she moves briskly, and throws every 
glance right and left. She gives many of her thoughts to 
herself, and few of them to any body else. She is a wild 
plant put in a hot-house; feels cramped in Europe, and 
pushes her branches through the panes without the least 
heed of the frail plants that vegetate on all sides of her. 
Were she better understood, were she criticised less, she 
would be esteemed at her true value." 

This is the French valuation of the typical American 
girl James has immortalized in the plaintive little story of 
"Daisy Miller." She appears in a weaker and less inter- 
esting type in Howells's " Lady of the Aroostook." Some 
unknown writer has daintily and kindly embodied her in a 
poem : 

THE FRIVOLOUS GIRL. 

Her eyes were bright and merry ; 

She danced in the mazy whirl; 
She took the world in its sunshine, 

For she was a frivolous girl. 

She dressed like a royal princess; 

She wore her hair in a curl ; 
The gossips said, " What a pity 

That she 's such a frivolous girl !" 

TWENTY YEARS LATER. 

She 's a wife, a mother, a woman. 

Grand, noble, and pure as a pearl, 
While the gossips say, " Would you think it 

Of only a frivolous girl ?" 



OUR GIRLS. 51 



STREET ETIQUETTE FOR GIRLS. 

A sensible writer suggests that while many fund parents 
are daily sending up petitions that intemperance may not 
lay its evil hand upon their sons, and that they may ever 
be found free from the vice of this wicked world, it would 
be well for them to ask the question, "Where are our 
daughters to-night?" 

Too many girls find excuses to leave their homes pleas- 
ant evenings, and no soouer are they out of sight of the 
parental domicile than they meet a girl-friend and saunter 
forth in the expectation of " getting a beau " or having what 
they call an " innocent flirtation ;" and they are rarely dis- 
appointed in accomplishing the one or the other. But the 
chances are that the flirtation will not be innocent. It will 
begiu by being bold and unmaidenly, and the girls partici- 
pating in it may or may not realize their danger. That 
they are unacquainted with the character of the young men 
so frequently met there is little doubt ; otherwise they would 
avoid their society, unless they were determined on their 
own ruin. The fault of this system of street flirtation and 
evening appointments lies, to a great extent, with the par- 
ents, who should know where and with whom their girls 
spend their leisure hours. Any young girl who will attract 
the attention and make the acquaintance of a strange young 
man on the promenade exposes herself to deadly insult. 
She may be strong enough to resist evil ; but it is a strength 
which, in such a case, is hardly a virtue. The indelicacy 
of such a step, the unpleasant results to which it may lead, 
and the impropriety of acquaintance begun on a street 
corner between two young people of opposite sex must be 
plainly understood by every girl in the land. 

No matter how humble the home, if the parents, espe- 



52 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

cially the mothers, will only take more interest in their daugh- 
ters, and try to entertain them evenings with good books and 
kind, motherly talk, pleasant society at home, the company 
of reputable young men known to themselves, and a fair 
amount of cheerful amusement,— there would then be far less 
of this evil called street flirtation, and many a good, useful 
girl would be saved to herself and society who is now going 
to ruin. Let every mother who reads this ask herself the 
question, " Where is my daughter to-night ?" 

One of the greatest safeguards to all girls, whether in 
homes of wealth or of limited means, is some useful work, 
something to do to fill up the lagging hours ; and this work 
should be made a pleasure, and not a burden. It should be 
invested with importance, and developed under a complete 
system. A rich girl may work for the poor, embroider 
altar cloths, paint pictures, write books for her own in- 
struction and pleasure. A poor girl can do the same things 
to help the family or herself. If all the idle moments 
were improved, happier lives would be the result. 

The brilliant record of woman's career in the past 
twenty-five years, is the heritage of our girls to-day; and 
that they may be ready to receive it, and honor themselves in 
the use and enjoyment of it, should be the care, must be the 
care of every thoughtful, intelligent mother. They will not 
be made capable of receiving worthily this heritage by being 
kept in ignorance of the ways of the world, of the great 
facts of society, of the ruling motives that sway the masses 
of men and women, of the snares spread for the feet of the 
unwary, of the abysses that are hidden by flowers strewn 
over them, or by the mists of passion and prejudice. In 
the mother's heart is the daughter's safety. These two are 
so closely united, or should be so closely united, that the 
wisdom of one is the safeguard of both ; that the knowl- 



OUR BOYS. 53 

edge of one is for all practical purposes the knowledge of 
both. From the mother's lips all communications of truth 
to the child may be made with perfect purity, with perfect 
freedom, with perfect safety. Beginning the life of woman- 
hood with all the treasures of her mother's knowledge and 
experience at her command, and with the training and 
development afforded by our advanced systems of education, 
what of good may we not hope for the future woman, the 
future wife and mother? 

"Rise, woman, rise 
To thy peculiar and best altitudes 
Of doing good and of resisting ill. 
Something thou hast to bear through womanhood, 
Peculiar suffering answering to the sin ; 
Some pang paid down for each new human life ; 
Some weariness in guarding such a life ; 
Some coldness from the guarded ; some mistrust 
From those thou hast too well served ; from those beloved 
Too loyally some treason. But go, thy love 
Shall chant to itself its own beatitudes 
After its own life working!" 

OUR BOYS. 

It is Tennyson who says: 

" Howe'er it be, it seems me 
'Tis only noble to be good. 
Kind hearts are more than coronets, 
And simple faith than Norman blood." 

It is wise, in planning for the future of our boys, that 
their tastes and proclivities be taken into consideration. A 
boy with a passion for Art will never make a good farmer 
or a good doctor ; time and money are thrown away in forc- 
ing him in one direction when he was designed by nature 
to go in another. The annals of biography are full of 
instances of men and women who, in spite of parental pro- 



54 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

hibition and restraint, forced their way to fame in the path 
of their choice. A great many, however, who might have 
attained positions, if encouraged to cultivate their special tal- 
ents, have been dwarfed and blighted by discouragement from 
parents and friends, and robbed of the success and happi- 
ness that might have been theirs. 

As soon as a boy is old enough to attend school — and 
often before his parents begin to decide what he shall be 
when he is a man — some parents devote their sons to the 
ministry, some to the law, some to medicine. How many 
ex-ministers we have! how many who studied law, and 
never practiced it ! how many who studied medicine, and 
abandoned the practice ! It by no means follows because 
of this that the time and money and intellectual effort 
invested in studying a profession that is not practiced are 
thrown away ; neither can it be shown that the invest- 
ment thus made could not have been made to far greater 
advantage. 

There are a great many positions of usefulness and honor 
to be filled, which it is not possible to prepare especially for, 
simply because these positions can not be anticipated. AVe 
never hear of a young man preparing to be President of 
the United States, or even president of a college, or a mem- 
ber of the cabinet, or a minister to foreign countries. There 
are a great many young men who can not decide before they 
leave college what they shall be; they resolve to be somebody 
and to cultivate themselves in one direction or another, till 
they find the place to which they are adjusted. 

Parents should early discover the bent of their boys' 
minds, and endeavor to turn it to a practical use. The me- 
chanical boy ought to have a shop of his own. Let it be 
the attic or an unused room, or a place in the barn or 
the woodshed, give him a place and tools. Let him have a 



OUR BOYS. 00 

good pocket-knife, gimlets, chisels, gouges, planes, saws, a 

foot-rule, and material to work with. If he is a natural 
mechanic, he will develop ability and do himself credit. If 
he fails, he is to follow some calling that does not demand 
mechanical skill. 

HOME INFLUENCE. 

A boy's character is molded at home. His lather is his 
ideal man among men. and he copies his virtues and his 
vice-. If his father is a high-minded, honorable man. he 
will try hard to follow the high standard offered him. 
Fathers should be progressive : otherwise thev will not be 
capable teachers. It should be the father's pride that bi- 
son trusts him, and is willing to make of him a companion, 
even if he can not unbend from the graver mood which his 
years and his sense of life's responsibilities impose on him. 
Be sure when you see a frank, manly boy. that he is no 
cringing slave to his father, no fearful victim of that au- 
thority which asserts itself in autocratic and unreasoning 
command. Be equally sure that the boy has a mother who 
will be to him the inspiration of respect ami veneration for 
womanhood all the day- of hi- life. Fathers who are fa- 
miliar with the world, and have learned by observation or 
experience the dangers <A' its evil way-, owe- it to their boys 
to warn them of the temptations they are liable to meet, 
and to -how them the way to avoid them. 

Avoid being too strict. Let your boys learn to ds 
to play wholesome games at home in the evening, to be 
musical in their tastes, and play the fiddle and banjo if 
they wish to. Books and conversation grow dull at times. 
and the young need recreation. Many a boy has gone to 
ruin because heme was so 'lull and prosy he sought amuse- 
ment elsewhere. Keep your boy- out of tic- company <jf 



56 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

hired men, and strange companions. Go with them to the 
menagerie every Summer, and they will not steal there in bad 
company. Tide them carefully over the dangerous shoals 
of youth and passion, and never forget you were once 
young yourself. 

RULES FOR BOYS. 

Observe good manners. 

Hold integrity sacred. 

Endure trials patiently. 

Be prompt in all things. 

Be courteous, be manly. 

Make good acquaintances. 

Dare to do right, fear to do wrong. 

Never be afraid of being laughed at. 

Watch carefully over your temper.- 

Fight life's battle manfully, bravely. 

Consider well, then decide positively. 

Sacrifice money rather than principle. 

Use your leisure moments for study. 

Shun the company of loafers. 

"Life is real, life is earnest," says a great poet. Henry 
Ward Beecher wrote to a young man who asked him to 
find an easy place : " Do not be an editor, if you w r ould be 
easy. Do not try the law. Avoid school-keeping. Keep 
out of the pulpit. Let alone all ships, stores, shops, and 
merchandise. Abhor politics. Keep away from lawyers. 
Do not practice medicine. Be not a farmer nor a me- 
chanic ; neither a sailor or a soldier. Do n't study. Do n't 
think. Do n't work. None of them are easy. Oh, my 
honest friend, you are in a very hard world. I know of 
but one easy place in it ; that is the grave." 




THAT VISION. 



OUR BCYS. 57 



PROFANITY AND SLANG. 



Swearing is one of the most useless and foolish habits 
any boy can acquire. An old writer says, 

" To swear is neither brave, polite, nor wise." 

The most perfect gentleman that ever lived said : " Swear 
not at all ; neither by heaven, for it is God's throne ; nor 
by the earth, for it is his footstool." 

" What does Satan pay you for swearing ?" asked one 
gentleman of another. " He does not pay me any thing," 
was the reply. " "Well, you work cheap, — to lay aside the 
character of a gentleman, to inflict so much pain on your 
friends and other people, to suffer, and, lastly, to risk your 
precious soul — and for nothing. You certainly do work 
cheap ; very cheap, indeed." 

Chrysostcm says : " Every time whenever thou shalt find 
thyself to have let slip an oath, punish thyself for it by 
missing the next meal." 

Louis IX of France punished any one who was con- 
victed of swearing by searing their lips with hot iron, and 
when some one complained that the punishment was too 
severe he replied : " I would to God I could banish out of 
my realm all abuse of oaths by searing my own lips !" 

A boy need not be a milk-sop or a prig because he does 
not embellish, or rather disfigure, his language with oaths. 
It is a lack of sterling character that compels their use. 
Swearing is such an idle, useless habit, and one that affords 
so little pleasure or profit, that it is surprising it should not 
be discarded as a drag upon respectability. Burroughs 
says : " It springs from a mere malignancy of spirit in man 
against God because he has forbidden it ; for no profit can 
arise from the practice." 



58 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

Swearing is not even an original sin. It is acquired 
from the vicious and outcast of the streets, who have never 
been taught that it is breaking the commands of God and 
setting at defiance all rules of polite behavior. It is a slight 
upon the instructions of mothers and teachers. The foster- 
sister of profanity is slang; it is just as senseless if less 
wicked. A great many of the slang phrases in vogue are 
feeble copies of profane language. It is just as distasteful 
to the refined ear as a more vigorous mode of expression. 

BOYS SMOKING. 

When boys are advised not to smoke on hygienic grounds 
they laugh at the advice and speak of its givers as old fogies. 
But careful experiments, lately made by a physician of re- 
pute, prove that the practice is very injurious. He took for 
his purpose thirty-eight boys, from nine to fifteen, who had 
been in the habit of smoking, and examined them closely, 
and found obvious hurtful effects in twenty-seven, twenty- 
two having various disorders of the circulation, and digest- 
ive palpitation of the heart, and more or less craving for 
strong drink ; twelve of the boys were frequently troubled 
with bleeding at the nose ; ten had disturbed sleep ; twelve 
had slight ulceration of the mucous membrane of the mouth, 
which disappeared after discontinuation of tobacco for ten 
or twelve days. The physician treated them all for weak- 
ness and nervousness, but with little avail until they had 
relinquished smoking, when health and strength were speed- 
ily restored. Even if it be granted that smoking is not 
harmful to adults there is no doubt of its harmfulness to 
the young. Doctor Ranking, Doctor Richardson, and others 
who have made a special study of the subject, all agree in 
declaring that it causes in them impairment of growth, and 
weakening of the mental forces. One of the worst effects 



OUR BOYS. 59 

is the provocation of an appetite which, indeed, is not con- 
fined to the young, but which grown persons are better able 
to manage. Where boys drink to excess they are almost 
invariably smokers, and it is very rare to find a man over- 
fond of liquor who is not addicted to tobacco. Never will 
temperance become the universal rule until tobacco ceases 
to be an article of daily consumption. A strong argument 
against its use is, that it is uncleanly and disagreeable to 
persons who do not use it. Let any boy ask of himself, 
" Shall I master habit, or habit master me," and break off 
at once from the thralldom of tobacco in any form. 

WHAT BOYS SHOULD LEARN. 

Not to take the easiest chair in the room, put it in the 
pleasantest place, and forget to offer it to the mother when 
she comes in to sit down. 

To treat their mother as politely as if she were a stran- 
ger who did not spend her life in their service. 

To be as kind and helpful to their sisters as they expect 
their sisters to be to them. 

To make their friends among good boys. 

To take pride in being gentlemen at home. 

To take their mothers into their confidence if they do 
any thing wrong, and above all never to tell a false story 
about any thing they have done. 

To make up their minds not to learn to smoke, chew, or to 
drink, remembering that these things can not be unlearned, 
and that they are terrible drawbacks to good men and 
necessities to bad ones. 

To remember that there never was a vagabond without 
these habits. 

To observe all these rules, and they are sure to be gen- 
tlemen. 



e*f&i>M*;£ 1% 



EVERY-DAY ETIQUETTE— DEFINITION OF A GENTLEMAN — DEFINITION 
OF A LADY — MANNERS OF LITTLE GIRLS — LITTLE TEMPERS — 
CHRONIC GRUMBLERS — EXTRAVAGANT LANGUAGE — GOSSIP AND 
SLANDER — DECISION OF CHARACTER. 



" Define a gentleman," yon say. Well, yes, I think I can : 
He's as gentle as a woman, and as manly as a man." 

"And so he bore, without abuse, 
The grand old name of gentleman." 

— Tennyson. 

'HAT is a gentleman ? There are many 
different interpretations of the word, 
according to the individual estimate 
in which it is held. Webster's defi- 
nition of it is : " A man of good- 
breeding, politeness, and civil man- 
ners, as distinguished from the vulgar 
and clownish." Other writers give 
these definitions : " He who does rioht 

o 

for his own sake, and out of respect 
for himself;" "To be as gentle as a woman, 
and as manly as a man ;" " Unselfishness is 
the root, and good manners the fruit, of a 
gentleman's character;" "The man whose 
strength is for the weak, whose wealth is 
for the poor, whose understanding is for the world, and 
whose life is for God ; always the same ; at ease, sets every 
one at ease ; nature's nobleman, refined by education and 
society ; chivalrous to women, considerate to dependents, 




EVERY-DAY ETIQUETTE. 61 

children, animals ; "Asking few favors, permitting no liber- 
ties ;" " One learned without egotism, refined without effem- 
inacy, gentle to inferiors; whose mind can foster nothing 
mean ; who lives not for this world and himself, but for 
heaven and those around him f nobility of soul, refinement 
of mind, dignity of manner, reverence for truth, quiet self- 
possession, artistic taste, a light hand, a quick eye, and the 
indispensable savoir faire ; he who treats others as if he 
were dealing with himself, and possesses manliness tempered 
by gentleness ; " One who takes truth for his creed, God for 
his guide, and Christ for his example ; a man of refinement, 
courtesy, and honor, who neither cringes to a superior, 
tramples on an inferior, nor intentionally wounds the feel- 
ings of any." 

People use the term indefinitely, often clothing some 
common soul with the attributes of a gentleman, who pos- 
sesses not a single trait worthy of the name. It is some- 
times used as a mere form of expression to denote a well- 
dressed man, or one who has been fortunate in obtaining 
wealth. Such men may be far from gentlemen. They may 
not possess either the kindly heart or the polite grace which 
distinguishes one. 

" When Adam delved and Eve span, 
Where was then the gentleman ?" 

deriders of social position and culture quote; but a man 
may be a gentleman at heart and in his life, and yet " delve" 
for a living. It is the instinct of a gentleman which 
prompts the man digging in the road or beside it to doff 
his hat to the lady who speaks to him. A gentleman must 
always begin from within. He can not assume the garb 
successfully if he has a mean, sordid nature or a bad 
heart. 



62 GEMS OF DEPOKTMENT. 



GENTLEMEN AT HOME. 



There are few families, we fear, in which love is not 
abused, as furnishing a license for impoliteness. A husband, 
father, or brother will speak harsh words to those he loves 
best, and to those who love him the best, simply because 
the security of love and family pride keeps him from getting 
his just deserts. It is a shame that a man will speak more 
impolitely at times to his wife or sister than he would dare 
to any other lady. It is thus that the holiest affections of 
a man's nature prove to be a weaker protection to a woman 
in the family circle than the restraints of society, and she 
is often indebted for the kindest politeness of life to those 
not belonging to her own household. 

This is all wrong. The man who is not a gentleman at 
home; who, because it will not be resented, inflicts his bad 
temper and little meannesses on those of his own hearth- 
stone, is a small coward; and society, while it tolerates him 
will soon learn his just value, and despise him. The hus- 
band who jumps up with alacrity to bestow a smile upon a 
caller, or find a comfortable seat for a lady visitor, while his 
tired wife can stand or discover one for herself, is only a 
gentleman on the outside. Kind words and attention are 
the circulating medium between true ladies and gentlemen 
at home, and no polish exhibited in society can atone for 
the harsh speech and disrespectful treatment too often in- 
dulged in between those bound together by ties of blood 
and the still more sacred bonds of conjugal love. 

A beautiful girl was attending a party where one gen- 
tleman was quite assiduous in his attentions, which the 
young lady carelessly accepted, supposing of course that he 
was an unmarried man. Great was her surprise when a 
pale little lady, evidently in ill health and unattended, was 



EVERY-DAY ETIQUETTE. 63 

pointed out as his wife. With, a cool bow she at once dis- 
missed her cavalier, and never met him again until a year 
later, when he wore a deep crape on his hat and appeared 
quite subdued by grief. In the course of time he resumed 

his place in society, and meeting Miss often, soon 

sought her society and then asked her to become his wife. 

Miss said that she had admired him as a society 

man, but could never marry him, as the pale reproachful 
face of his neglected wife was constantly before her, and 
she felt sure the same neglect would become her share if 
she ever should be his wife. The superficial gentleman 
could not conceal the real inner man. 

There are real gentlemen, who are polite to their own 
wives and families at home and abroad. Such men are the 
true heads of families ; looked up to with honor and respect, 
holding a kingship in their own dominion. Polite and 
attentive at table, in the sitting-room, on the promenade, 
never forgetting that true courtesy born of a noble soul, and 
which prompts its possessor to begin each day by being 
" good to his own." Children love and trust such men, cats 
and dogs do not fly from their presence, and women implic- 
itly feel that their honor is safe in such hands. 

DEFINITION OF A LADY. 

A lady is the prototype of a gentleman, a true gentle- 
woman, well educated, refined, with a nobility of soul that 
reflects itself in her looks and manner, such a woman as 
we find described in Holy Writ, " The heart of her husband 
doth safely trust in her ;" a woman who will speak as gently 
and wisely to a servant as to a ruler in the land ; one who 
has no company voice or company manners, but deems no 
virtue, no accomplishment too great for home use, and only 
bears these same charms into the presence of strangers be- 



(54 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

cause they are of herself, inseparable. Such women can orna- 
ment a ball-room, or shine in a sick-room. Their char- 
ity begins at home, but does not end there, for all who are 
within reach share in their goodness. A lady never gossips, 
never descends to small personalities, does not harbor malice, 
revenue, or jealousy. Christianity and education have been 
her companions too long to admit bigotry and ignorance. 
"Grace is in all her steps; heaven in her eye; 
In every gesture dignity and love." 
A lady is ever mindful of the comfort of others ; her 
speech is gentle; her manners kind without either familiar- 
ity or haughtiness. She believes, with the poet, that 
" Kind hearts are more than coronets, 
And simple faith than Norman hlood." 

Young has described such a one in her youth : 

" Beautiful as sweet, 
And young as beautiful, and soft as young, 
And gay as soft, and innocent as gay.'' 

A noted American lady is thus described by her biog- 
rapher, and the same description will apply to the ideal 
lady who should be the standard of intellectual womanhood : 

" For each epoch of life the style of her beauty was the 
appropriate model. What I noted chiefly was the fullness 
of soul, the expression of refined intellect that beamed from 
her eyes and was revealed in every lineament and move- 
ment. Her every word expressed a thought; while her lan- 
guage and manner were unaffected and simple as a child's, 
her benevolent spirit found exercise in diffusing delight." 

The etiquette which governs such a life is natural and 
not acquired. A lady will never offend the most fastidious 
taste by any display of bad manners or want of tact. She is 
enveloped in an aureole of purity, beauty, and goodness, 
illuminating all about her. 



E VERY-DAY ETIQUETTE. Qo 



MANNERS OF LITTLE GIRLS. 

If our little girls greet their brothers and sisters, and per- 
haps even their parents boisterously ; if instead of good morn- 
ing, they cry " halloo, mamma," " halloo, papa," and call to 
playmates in the streets in the same rough manner, who 
will be surprised if this style follows them as they grow up 
and appear like young ladies? Referring to this unladylike 
manner and mode of address, a gentleman writes, that passing 
two pretty well-dressed, stylish young ladies in the public 
streets, he was surprised to hear one meet the other with, 
" Halloo, Sid," and the other responded, " Halloo, Tude," to 
her friend's, greeting ; and he remarks, ' 'It was just what two 
lounging young men might have said — or stable boys, either, 
for that matter. It might not have been so ill-mannered in 
the latter, but I confess it sounded very odd and offensive 
in what one would have supposed were two well-bred young 
ladies, as much so as if I had heard two beautiful gay rose- 
colored birds begin to swear. It was very unnatural and 
out of place. It may be the " style " for young ladies to 
greet each other with " halloo," but it is rude and vulgar. 
These things may seem but a trifle, but they make all the 
difference between nice things and very common things. 

A great oversight in mothers is to imagine their little 
girls are still babies, and can be handled with indiscriminate 
fondling, like lapdogs or kittens. Girls mature much sooner 
than boys, and should be much more rigorously guarded 
from the contamination of the streets and the careless lan- 
guage of promiscuous acquaintances. Politeness, gentleness, 
courtesy of speech and behavior, should be early taught 
them. The first lessons are longest remembered and make 
the deepest impressions. 



66 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

LITTLE TEMPERS. 
" It is the taunting word whose meaning kills." 

It is not temper, as exhibited in the shape of violent 
passion, that has the most pernicious influence on human 
conduct and happiness ; it is temper under the shape of a 
cool, deliberate spite and secret rancor that is most to be 
guarded against. The little hateful speech, intended to 
mortify one's self-love or wound our tenderest affections, is 
most cruel and most pernicious. There are those who can 
inflict a series of petty injuries with a mild and placid face; 
and it is temper under this garb that is the most hideous 
and cruel. "Words, words, words," are made into weapons 
to wound at the hearthstone, crueler than the stabs of an 
enemy. The violence of passion, when over, often subsides 
into affectionate repentance, and is easily disarmed of its 
offensive power ; but nothing ever disarms the other sort of 
temper of its little pricking stings. In domestic life it is to 
one's mind what a horse-hair shirt is to the body ; and, like 
the spikes of an iron girdle, whenever it moves it lacerates 
and tears to pieces. 

A good rule to observe, in order to kill a " little tem- 
per/' is not to speak until you have counted twenty-five. 
A lady who was much given to hasty speaking broke herself 
of the habit by saying inwardly, " What if Nellie should 
die ?" Nellie was her only child, and lived to complete the 
good work. "Evil is wrought by want of thought," and 
kind-hearted people often speak without thinking. And 
words once spoken can never be recalled. They are gone, 
forever and ever to reverberate in the worlds of space, or 
to rankle in the hearts of those who have done us no harm 
and whom we never meant to injure. 



E VERY-DAY ETIQUETTE. 67 



CHRONIC GRUMBLERS. 



No one has any business to be a grumbler. There are 
too many things in life to be thankful for to sit down and 
repine over the one thing we have missed. There are some 
unhappy people who are never cheerful. They seem to be 
always under a cloud. Now, we may be born with a mel- 
ancholy temperament ; but that is no reason why we should 
yield to it, or make every body miserable about us. There is 
a way of shuffling the burden. In the lottery of life there 
are more prizes drawn than blanks, and to one misfortune 
there are fifty advantages. Despondency is the most un- 
profitable feeling one can have. 

" Who is that sour, crabbed-looking person ?" asked one 
gentleman of another in a large company, where an individ- 
ual stood aloof, wrapped in an impenetrable atmosphere of 
gloom. 

" Oh, that is only poor Smithers — a gloomy, low-spirited 
fellow. But he has one good quality : he keeps his feelings 
to himself. 7 ' 

"I do not think so," rejoined the first speaker. "He is 
like a death's-head at the feast, and I am very sorry for 
1 himself/ saddled with such a load." 

There are people who would grumble and complain if 
they were in heaven. Their wings would be too long or too 
short, and the atmosphere of the place would not suit ; and 
they would do their best to infect all the other angels with 
their own fault-finding spirit. If the men and women who 
are thus afflicted with the purgatorial spirit of unhappiness 
could be followed during one day by a note-gatherer with 
book and pencil, how ashamed they would be of their futile, 
fruitless fault-finding and repining ! One real affliction 
would put all their little, imaginary discomforts to rout and 



68 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

confusion. Peevishness and selfish complainings may be 
tolerated in very young children and invalids. The surest 
way to put grumbling to flight is to stop it long enough to 
think upon our blessings. A good, hearty laugh is the best 
tonic for low spirits, or a glad, hopeful look into the future. 

"Be still, sad heart, and cease repining; 
Behind the clouds the sun is still shining." 

Gloomy people are always selfish. If they were not, 
they would think less of their own misery, and more of the 
comfort of others, and, by so doing, forget the petty annoy- 
ances that are only pin-pricks at their worst. 

AFFECTATIONS. 

It is not uncommon to meet people in society full of 
affectations and mannerisms, who put on an air of singular- 
ity to attract attention and stir up a hum of talk. Perhaps 
of all the social vices, this is most ridiculous, and deserves 
the severest scourging. We can excuse eccentric and sin- 
gular manners on the part of men or women of unques- 
tionable talent and force. Beethoven and Sir Isaac Newton 
sometimes took the fair fingers of their lady admirers to 
act as stoppers for the ashes in their lighted pipes. But 
when some empty-headed fop assumes the "airs of high 
estate," he speedily becomes a legitimate cause for ridicule. 
No : there is no more dangerous mistake than to assume to 
be what we are not. Intellectual snobbery is the worst of 
all pretense, and dooms the experimenter to the direst 
ignominy. All men and women have honest and creditable 
elements of individual character. The problem is, not to 
ape what we are not because it is more brilliant and dazzling 
than ourselves, but to live out what we are in a thoroughly 
healthy, manly or womanly, and consistent fashion. 



EXTRAVAGANT LANGUAGE. 69 



EXTRAVAGANT LANGUAGE. 

Superfluous words bear the same relation to language 
that weeds do to flowers. They are a spurious growth, de- 
stroying the health and vitality of the fairest creation, and 
should be ruthlessly plucked and thrown away. Simple 
language is on all accounts preferable to high-sounding 
words when ordinary matters are discussed. "We wish that 
young people could be taught that it does not add a foot to 
the stature of a house to call it a residence ; that a church, 
or even a meeting-house is as venerable as the sacred edifice ; 
that it is no more genteel to say retire than to go to bed; 
that the garment so quickly frayed out along the pavement 
is really a dress or gown and not a promenade costume ; that 
it need not bring a blush to the fair cheek of even Mr. 
Podsnap's young person to say leg instead of limb, when 
leg is meant ; that the supper at an evening party is not the 
"entertainment," and that there are well-founded objections 
to the use of "nicely" as an adjective describing one's 
health. 

What is pleasanter than to hear or read sentences in 
which no superfluous words are used, and where thoughts are 
expressed in simple but beautiful language ? To what an ex- 
tent the adjectives are used, or misused might more properly 
be said. Every thing is either " perfectly horrid," "just 
splendid," " exquisitely beautiful," or " dreadfully ugly," 
" awful good," or " awful bad," " ghastly pretty," and 
"shockingly sweet," and so on indefinitely, destroying the 
beauty and euphony of the English tongue by interlarding 
it with those noxious weeds which have no " root " in any 
ancient or modern language, but are simply a poisonous sur- 
face growth, destroying the choicest flowers of a pure lit- 
erature. 



70 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 



GOSSIP AND SLANDER. 

The two words are almost synonomous, since the gossip 
invariably becomes a slanderer before he or she has finished 
retailing the batch of secret information which is the stock 
in trade of the people who fetch and carry the " they say 
so's" of society. Sometimes there are social news-venders 
who stop short when they find themselves involved in the 
unclean complications of gossiping busybodies, but usually 
the gossip is too fond of such food to be at all particular 
about a doubtful morsel. 

There is no one in the community who holds a more 
despicable position than the common slanderer, and strange 
to say there is no offender who receives a smaller measure 
of well-deserved punishment. This social assassin seems to 
enjoy a species of immunity in the prosecution of his nefa- 
rious designs, and by implication claims an unquestioned 
right to play the villain. Properly considered, the crime of 
slander is one of the most offensive of which men or women 
are guilty ; it is a social murder, for its object is the slaugh- 
ter of individual character, or the destruction of domestic 
happiness. To a greater or less degree it tends to poison 
the fountains of the public health and the harmony of the 
social circle. " Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy 
neighbor/' is a canon promulgated amid the thunders of 
Sinai; yet every day people who would not break the com- 
mandment " Thou shalt not steal," will break the other and 
no less important law. 

Think twice before you believe every evil story you 
hear, and think twenty times before you repeat it, especially 
if it is about a woman ; say to yourself " This may not be 
true, or it may be exaggerated," unless you have proof of 
the veracity of your informant. People sometimes tell false- 



GOSSIP AND SLANDER. 71 

hoods ; they often make mistakes, and they may not hear 
correctly. There is auricular illusion just as well as optical 
illusion. Take all these things into consideration before you 
believe, and then — refuse to repeat, refuse to be the bearer 
of ill news. Ask yourself if it is necessary to tell the story 
abroad. If it should be necessary then, do it with the fear 
of God and the remembrance of the golden rule. 

" DO N'T TELL IT. 

" Your neighbor's name, 
Or your friend's good fame, 

And what befell it, 
In deed or word, 
You may have heard, 
Yet pray do n't tell it. 

If kept within, 
This rumored sin 

May prove a bubble. 
If sown again, 
Like the thriving grain, 

'Twill soon grow double. 

Instead of peace, 
If strife increase, 

Then try and quell it. 
Think what you will 
Of harm or ill, 

But pray do n't tell it," 

For the conservation of the best interests of society, the 
operations of the scandal-monger and social gossip should 
be frowned upon by all intelligent and good-hearted people. 
There are ladies and gentlemen who will stop them in the full 
tide of gossip with a dignified " Excuse me ; I do not care 
to hear the rest;" but it requires some moral courage to 
administer such a reproof. There are others who will main- 
tain a displeased silence, and the retailer of unpleasant news 



72 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

must be very obtuse not to perceive the tacit rebuke. It is 
an outrage upon the good nature of a listener to afflict his 
ear with the story of another's misdoing, and an insult to 
refined society to drag such rubbish into its swept and gar- 
nished temples. 

DECISION OF CHARACTER. 

" There is a tide in the affairs of men, 
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune." 

The man who never can make up his mind, who lets 
chance after chance slip past him, is always a little too late 
for every thing, and never knows that kindly fortune has 
touched him till he catches the last sad sweep of her gar- 
ments as she goes by him and gives to others. The misery 
which this man creates and inflicts — for it is a fallacy that 
any one can be nobody's enemy but his own — is in the ag- 
gregate much greater than that caused by the strong bad 
man, whom one recognizes at once, and against whom one 
can protect one's self a little. Against the other, one never 
can. Our very pity takes up arms against our judgment ; 
for we know the certain end. 

" He that will not when he may. 
When he would he shall have nay." 

Only for a single hopeful moment is the tide on the 
turn. When once it has turned, it has turned forever, 

"And leaves him at eve on the bleak shore alone." 

All thorough business men and women — for women are 
required to be good "men of business," too, in this our day — 
know that the aptitude for seeing the right moment to do a 
thing, and doing it without rashness, but also without delay, 
is one of the vital necessities of success — success in any 
thing. He who puts off till to-morrow what can be done, 



E VERY-DAY ETIQUETTE. 73 

or ought to be done, to-day, is hopeless as a clerk^ a serv- 
ant, or in any position in which regular, systematic work is 
required. Most fatal is such a quality in a master or mis- 
tress ; for the real head of a family is often the mistress. 
If she can not " take the tide at the turn," judge the fittest 
moments for domestic decisions of all kinds, and carry them 
out, woe betide her ! There may be no actual shipwreck : 
but her household bark will be a very helmless vessel 
at best. 

This habit of dilatoriness and indecision is so much of 
it mere habit that children can not be too early taught, 
first, the necessity of making up one's mind, and then acting 
upon it. The trick of hanging about, of wasting minute 
on minute, hour after hour, in work as in play — for idlers 
never even play conscientiously — is often acquired in mere 
infancy, too often in imitation of elders and those who 
should set better examples, and is never got rid of to the 
end of life. What is in the boy or girl mere careless inde- 
cision becomes in the man or woman a confirmed peculiar- 
ity, which haunts them like a curse, causing no end of 
misery to themselves and all belonging to them. 

We know our gains and achievements ; our losses and 
failures we never know. "We may dimly guess at them 
by our despair over some application thrown aside and neg- 
lected, till the last chance of benefiting ourselves or our 
neighbors can never be recalled ; our regret over welcome 
visits left unpaid, and pleasant meetings let slip, till friend- 
ship, worn out, died a natural death, or burned itself to 
ashes, like a fire without fresh coals. Then we lay the 
blame on Providence, luck, circumstances — on any thing 
or any body but the true sinners, ourselves. Firmness of 
purpose is one of the most necessary sinews of character, 
and one of the best instruments of success. Without it. 



74 



OEMS OF DEPORTMENT 



genius wastes its efforts in a maze of inconsistencies. 
People who are undecided are always late at dinners and 
social gatherings, weddings and funerals. Being unable to 
make up their minds as to what course of conduct to pur- 
sue, whether to go or stay at home, they are equally unde- 
cided what to wear, and it is only at the last moment, with 
much hurry and bustle, they get ready, and are helped off. 
Many a life has been lost by the fatal want of judicious 
decision. 




INTRODUCTIONS — PLACE OF INTRODUCTION — EMBARRASSMENT OF IN- 
TRODUCTIONS — FORM OF INTRODUCTION — ETIQUETTE OF THE 
OCCASION — THE IMPORTANCE OF MAKING 
ACQUAINTANCE. 

N introduction is a password into soci- 
ety, and is a strong fraternal link 
connecting the brotherhood of man 
by an indivisible cord of friendship, 
a mutual bond that each individual 
is bound to honor and respect. For 
beneath the few formal words which 
are a mere announcement of names 
and position, is a deeper meaning 
conveyed through the social cere- 
mony. The formula of expression may be simply " Mr. 
Smith, allow me to introduce to you my friend, Mr. Brown ;" 
but the unspoken words will be " he is my friend ; as such you 
can trust him, take him into your home, introduce him to 
your dearest and best ; I am responsible for his good behav- 
ior. Open your home and your heart to him on my tacit 
recommendation of his good qualities; I am his social 
indorser." As people are not required to show a diploma 
of good conduct before they can enter the social arena, as 
doctors of medicine must bring their testimonials before 
their brethren recognize them, so many an impostor creeps 
into the social ranks, bringing rout and confusion with him. 
Therefore, it is wise to know who Mr. Brown is before you 
introduce him to your friends ; he may be a moral leper • 




76 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

if his conduct and social position are what they should be, 
you have done him no harm, but a real good in establishing 
the fact, and if he can not bear the examination, you dare 
not take the responsibility of introducing him to those 
whose confidence he would undervalue. Such an unfor- 
tunate introduction is pictured by Dickens where David 
Copperfield introduces Steerforth to the family of little 
Emily, never doubting the integrity of his friend. Every 
one, therefore, should regard the morals as well as the ethics 
of introductions, so that there can be fewer wolves in sheep's 
clothing introduced into the social fold. 

PLACE OF INTRODUCTION. 

It has not been considered polite to introduce people at 
hotel tables, or in the ears, or at casual meetings on the 
promenade, but the only unpleasant feature of such acquaint- 
ance is the near proximity of strangers who seem almost 
included in the ceremony. If the moment has arrived to 
leave such a place, and the parties introduced must at once 
separate, it would be an unnecessary formality, but if there 
will be an opportunity for a few words of conversation, it 
should be done, as it is in very bad taste to include in con- 
versation with yourself a third party to whom your friends 
are strangers. If circumstances prevent a formal expres- 
sion of courtesies, confine your recognition to a bow, and 
defer conversation until all can participate. It is rather 
awkward to present strangers to each other on the prom- 
enade, as there is no opportunity given of explaining the 
standing of each or referring to social parallels that would 
at once place each on a perfect understanding with the other. 
This more particularly refers to ladies who are more formal 
in their manner of receiving new acquaintances. "My 
friend, Mrs. Brown," does not imply any special position, 



INTRODUCTION- 

but " my friend, Mrs. Brown — you have heard of Senator 
Brown ? Mrs. Brown has been visiting abroad for the past 
year with the M'Dougalls and Wilsons," at once gives you 
an idea of whom you are about to meet. Or " My friend, 
Mr. Story — have you seen his new book the ' Duality of Na- 
ture"?'" — never introduce noted people to strangers without 
giving a hint as to their position. The writer remembers 
'. ;ing introduced, when very young, to Mr. Longfellow, in 
the bookstore of a well-known Boston litterateur, and the 
thought never occurred that it was the author of the " Psalm 
of Life," and an opportunity was lost which has been regret- 
ted for half a life- time. 

EMBABBASSMENT OF INTBODUCTIONS. 

A late illustrated newspaper gave a dapper youth at a 
ball, bowing very low to the majestic wife of a foreign min- 
ister, who is regarding him with a mingled expression of dis- 
dain and amusement as he stammers, " I think yoti have had 
the pleasure of being introduced to me before f an unlucky 
transposition, of which the embarrassed youth was not himself 
aware. It is quite customary for confused persons to repeat 
their own name instead of that which has just been presented 
to them ; and those who have been in society all their lives, 
sometimes never overcome this sudden seizure of mauvaise 
hcmte. Such persons should study to be short and simple in 
their forms, merely bowing pleasantly; and not attempt any 
elaborate welcome. A sudden and complete silence should 
never follow an introduction. It is more particularly the 
business of the person introducing to see that this does not 
occur, as it is very unpleasant to the new acquaintance, and 
ominous of unspoken disfavor, as well as annoying to other 
members of the party. 



78 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

FORM OF INTRODUCTION. 

When introducing people to each other, it is best always 
to learn in advance if it is the wish of each party to be ac- 
quainted. A lady should always be asked if it will be 
agreeable to her to meet Mr. Blank. The guest of a family 
should never decline an invitation from the host or hostess 
to be introduced to another guest. 

" I would not refuse," said Sydney Smith, " to be intro- 
duced to the devil under the roof of my friend ; but the 
moment I had left that roof I would turn my back on him." 

If you are presented to a man you detest, bow politely, 
and turn from him without betraying to your host the un- 
pleasant state of affairs. If the man is unconscious that lie 
has given offense, you can hardly care to force a quarrel ; 
and if he knows the state of your .mind and imposes upon 
it, give him a withering rebuke and ignore his presence. 

Members of the nobility are presented by their titles, 
the highest rank taking precedence. The simplest form of 
words is the best. Manner has much to do in making an 
impression of genuine good-will, welcome, or formality. It 
is not considered in good taste in elegant society to be too 
cordial or enthusiastic upon presentation to strangers. A 
lady is always named first : " Miss Royal, permit me to in- 
troduce Rev. Mr. Cooper to you;" whereupon Miss Royal 
bows, not haughtily and superciliously as if about to annihi- 
late the gentleman, but with a pleasant dignity, the outcome 
of true ladyhood. If the gentleman is much older than 
herself, it is perfect etiquette for her to shake hands with 
him in recognition of his age and standing ; but she should 
not do so with an ordinary society man, unless there is an 
old friendship between the families or a long mutual ac- 
quaintance through friends. No one should indulge in a 



INTRODUCTIONS. 79 

prolonged stare before accepting the offered acquaintance. 
This is the height of rudeness; and even near-sighted per- 
sons have no excuse for the frequency with which they meet 
this social crisis with an adjustment of their glasses and a 
focusing of the individual waiting for their attention. 

Never look over persons just introduced as if taking a 
mental account of their toilet. If there is any peculiarity 
of dress, speech, or deportment, avoid noticing it. The 
truly well-bred will not permit their attention to wander to 
details of a personal nature. 

The old-fashioned style of introduction — " Mr. Wells, 
allow me to introduce you to Mr. Brown ; Mr. Brown, Mr. 
Wells " — is not in vogue now. It is unnecessary and bur- 
densome to repeat the names twice. The term " my friend " 
should be used advisedly, and with reference to an acquaint- 
ance of some duration. It is often misapplied or used in a 
bombastic sense by those who wish to claim the honor of an 
intimate personal friendship. 

The persons introduced to each other acknowledge the 
courtesy with a bow and a murmured " Happy to meet you/> 
or with an aside to the party introducing of " Thanks : most 
happy to meet Mr. or Mrs. Blank." The French say, " J 7 ai 
plaisir, Madame or Monsieur." The politeness of sincerity 
and goodness will never allow of an unkind response to a 
salutation. 

The cut direct is a vulgarity of which none but a ple- 
beian nature would be guilty. It hurts too many to be 
permissible. Refuse in the next half hour to know the 
person, or write him or her a note declining any acquaint- 
ance ; but there can be no person included in the social circle 
so filled with evil that the slight acknowledgment of a bow 
would invoke contamination. 

Gentlemen lift their hats on an introduction, either to 



8 q (JEMSOF DEPORTMENT. 

ladies or those of their own sex, and if smoking shift the 
cio-ar to the left hand, and hold it partially behind them, not 
replacing it until they have pus,,,! on. This is in reference 
to their conduct to ladies, and gentlemen whom they know 
are not smokers, and to whom the odor of the weed may 
be very offensive. 

In presenting two ladies to eaeh other the name of the 
eldest is spoken first. If there is great disparity the names 
may be connected in this manner : « Mrs. Smith allow me to 
introduce to you my young friend Miss dark, who desires 
to meet vou," etc. An introduction in elegant society should 
form a momentary tableau vivant of beauty and grace, ad- 
ding to a scene of pleasure and enjoyment, instead of detract- 
ing from it. If we reflect for a moment on the many and 
varied phases of life which date from the period of an intro- 
duction, we will appreciate the importance of this social 
ceremony. 




e^&£ME£ xi 



HAND-SHAKING — A FEW RULES TO BE OBSERVED — SALUTATIONS OF 
DIFFERENT NATIONS — THE MODERN BOW — 
THE KISS, 

.AKD-SHAKING is a form of courtesy 
used by all civilized nations in their in- 
tercourse with each other and possessing 
with some a peculiar significance. The 
ancient Britons rubbed noses, but we are 
devoutly thankful the custom has gone 
out of existence. The English people 
are the most persistent shakers of hands 
in the world in a social way, but the 
American can not be surpassed in the 
frequency and assiduity with which he 
can shake the popular or powerful hand, 
the hand of a famous general or a Pres- 
ident. The Freemasons have a hand- 
shaking of their own, which means much 
to the initiated, enforced as it is by the 
V/M S| language of the eye. As the hand is 
/ i\ %' one of nature's best gifts to man, the 

faithful exponent of sense and reason, 
he can not render it a passive negative 
agent in the transmission of thought; 
it says almost as plainly as the tongue, 
" I am glad to meet you ;" or it shrinks from contact with 
an indifference of touch that conveys the unspoken words, 
" You are unwelcome." We may speak to one who has 




82 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

injured us, but we can not shake hands. That sensitive 
member recoils from the touch of treachery, and instinct- 
ively we draw back and shield it from contact with an enemy. 
Sir Walter Scott grandly depicts this in "Marmion," where 
he says to the proud Earl of Douglas: 

" 'Part we in friendship from your land, 
And, noble earl, receive my hand. 

But Douglas round him drew his cloak, 
Folded his arms, and thus he spoke: 
' My castles arc my king's alone, 
From turret to foundation st<>ne; 
The hand of Douglas is his own, 
And never shall in friendly grasp 
The hand of such as Marmion clasp!'" 

There are as many ways of shaking hands as there 
are individual characters. It is a most distressing opera- 
tion, shaking hands with some people ; and the tears are 
forced into our eyes by the grip they bestow upon us, and 
we severally try our fingers to see if any bones are broken. 
The hilarious man who is so glad to see you again, and who 
emphasizes his "how do you do" with a pump handle shake, 
is one of the people to be avoided. The cold clammy hand 
that falls out of your grasp like a fish is another. The ends 
of the fingers which the cautious person presents are usually 
as elusive as a myth ; but the worst hand is the one that 
stays. You have no idea what to do with it. Your own 
grasp is loosening and the other seems in danger of falling 
to the earth, and at last, as you are getting red with embar- 
rassment and annoyance it drops nervelessly from vour clasp. 
It is easy to learn to know hands. You would recognize 
your minister's calm, religious shake in Africa, and the 
doctors hurried " flip " as he greets you, and the cool, crit- 



HAND-SHAKING. 83 

ical palm of your father's friend as he looks you over. 
These are not to be forgotten. 

Some women make hand-shaking a study, and practice 
their arts on the unsuspecting of the other sex. The bash- 
ful young man who never would dare to offer to shake 
hands, but can not ignore the little pink palm held out to 
him, and which sets an electric current dancing through his 
veins, does not know that the delicious little squeeze she 
gave to his awkward hand was a mere step in practice, 
that he is acting as a model in art. There is the hand that 
creeps trustfully into the masculine grip, and rests con- 
fidingly there, as if it had just found its home — another 
triumph of art. The soft, warm hand of the matron, offered 
in the capacity of friend and hostess, is a pleasant greeting. 

From earliest antiquity man has ever given his open 
hand to a friend, his closed hand to an enemy. The open 
hand has ever been the symbol of friendship, the closed hand 
the emblem of hostility. There is much yet to be devel- 
oped before we make chiromancy a guide in our hand- 
shaking. 

A FEW ETJLES TO BE OBSEEVED. 

Never insist on shaking hands by persistently offering 
your own. It is more elegant to bow when first introduced 
to either a lady or gentleman. 

Do not retain the hand. It is a familiarity which old 
acquaintance does not always justify. 

The old-fashioned up-and-down shake is no longer used. 
There is simply a clasping pressure of the hand. 

Gentlemen should never shake hands with a lady, unless 
she indicates a preference for that mode of salutation, which 
she will do by holding out her own hand. 

Hand-shaking should always be accompanied by a bow- 



84 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

ing inclination of the figure. No gentleman should ever 
shake hands with a lady without first removing his glove; 

or, if this is impracticable, apologize for the omission. 

Gentlemen should never press or squeeze a lady's hand. 
The gentlest pressure only is allowable. It would be an 
impertinence to emphasize any pleasure at meeting a 
stranger in this manner. 

It would seem, from careful observance, that hand- 
shaking stands as a connecting link of union between 
strangers and citizens, men and women, everywhere. Amid 
the refinements of court etiquette it is almost abandoned ; 
but in sparsely settled countries nun meeting each other 
grasp the hand in kindly recognition. "Shake, stranger!" 
is the honest greeting of the dweller in untraveled district-. 
Only a mortal quarrel would be sufficient reason for de- 
clining the honor. 

Where there is much formality there is little hand- 
shaking. Parties who are introduced to each other on the 
floor of a ball-room or at a social gathering merely bow 
very low. The hostess at a party shakes hands with her 
guests when they arrive. When they leave they seek her to 
express the pleasure they have enjoyed, and offer their good- 
night salutations, which may be a bow only, if she is very 
tired. 

Gentlemen shaking hands with ladies should do it in a 
gentle, easy manner. We have seen the rings on ladies' 
hands imbedded in the flesh through the friendly grip of 
some old acquaintance, who was unaware of the force he 
used or the pain he caused. 

In the days of Queen Elizabeth and Sir Walter Raleigh, 
and also during the courtly period of the French kings, the 
Louis's, it was a gracious custom of the sovereign to lift to 
the royal lips the hand of a favorite. The mark of regard 



SALUTATIONS. 85 

passed into general observance, and courtiers knelt at the feet 
of their mistresses, and paid their devoirs to beautiful hands. 

When a bargain or agreement is made between two men, 
one will say to the other, " Give me your hand on that," 
and the compact is sealed. " I have taken his hand in 
friendship " is equivalent with us to the bond of the Arab, 
" I have eaten of his salt." 

The ladies of Siam — no matter what age they have 
reached — are saluted with names of flowers, precious stones, 
and other beautiful and precious objects ; such as " Young 
Diamond," " Young Gold," " Young Heaven," " Young 
Flower." 

SALUTATIONS AND REPLIES AMONG THE NATIONS OF THE 

EARTH — " WHEN GREEK MEETS GREEK " THE 

BIBLE CODE OF POLITENESS. 

The people of ancient Greece had a variety of forms to 
express their pleasure, surprise, or anger upon meeting 
" What occupies you ?" was a business form of salutation. 
Joy and pleasure were expressed by the bidding, " Flesh, 
rejoice!" A common salute was, "Act successfully." 

The Carthaginians kissed their right hands in concert, 
and then kissed one another. 

The Spaniards say to each other, " God remain with 
you," and the saluted one answers, " Go in a good hour." 
This is on arriving and leaving. Their welcome is, " Gentle 
sir, you are welcome." " Adios, senor," is a favorite mode 
of farewell. 

Very beautiful is the Hebrew benediction, " Peace be 
with you," and the answer, "With you be peace." 

The Laplanders rub noses. 

The Philippine Islanders bow very low, at the same time 
raising one foot in the air. 



86 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

The Orientals say, " May your shadow never be less." 

The French say, " Je suis charme, ravi — enchante de 
vous voir en bonne sante." 

The Germans say, " Wie geht's — how goes it?" and 
"Wie befinden Sie sich?" "Auf Wiedersehen — till we meet 
again." The Italians; "Dio vi dia et l>uono giorno — God 
give you a good-morrow." 

The Chinese are very polite ; they hope you are " full of 
felicity," and tell you that "happiness, peace, and prosperity 
are painted on your face." They learn their art of politeness 
from a tribunal of ceremony, which is emphatic in its deer- 

The English say vigorously, "How do you do?" which 
has as little meaning as any salutation possibly can have. 
"Good day," which has loner been a common mode of ad- 
dress among them, is superseded by " How are you?" " How 
is your health?" is a frequent question, the interrogator 
seldom waiting for an answer. 

THE MODERN BOW. 

There are not many people who can make an easy, grace- 
ful, distinguished bow, that is elegant without being affected, 
and neither too stately nor wanting in proper dignity. A 
nod is not a bow; throwing the chin into the air is by no 
means an obeisance, and is scarcely deserving of recognition. 
A bow is a graceful inclination of half the body. It should 
never be jerky, uncertain, or too rapid. 

Ladies who are convent-bred are always capable of 
achieving an elegant bow — the refined, dignified courtesy 
which has descended from the daughters of kings modulated 
by the gentleness and grace of cloistered life. 

Ladies bow first as a rule to new acquaintances. This 
code involves some trouble, as ladies on the promenade may 
pass a gentleman without recognizing him, not venturing to 



THE KISS. 87 

look too closely, and the gentleman so passed may consider 
it a slight where none is intended. It is safer for a lady to 
pass a friend without recognition than bow by mistake to a 
gentleman she does not know. 

The art of bowing to friends should be studied so care- 
fully that it would be almost a simultaneous matter; as the 
gentleman lifts his hat the lady bows. 

A gentleman who is smoking will never bow to ladies 
without removing his cigar, and keeping it as far as possible 
out of .their way. It is a want of respect to bow to any 
body and smoke at the same time. 

A gentleman should always return the bowing salute of 
a lady, even though unable at the moment to remember the 
acquaintance. If the lady has honored him by her recogni- 
tion, it would be boorish in him to disown it. 

Ladies should bow to each other with the same ceremony 
they observe towards their gentleman acquaintance. A 
slight smile should accompany a bow on all occasions. A 
want of cordiality renders any greeting stiff and constrained. 
* A true lady or gentleman will bow kindly to all ac- 
quaintances, and even to inferiors. It is only those parvenus, 
who are not sure of their own position, who are afraid of 
recognizing some one not in society. 

THE KISS. 

Kissing is an old custom of the Orient, and is as ancient 
as the Garden of Eden, where it probably originated. Mil- 
ton locates it there in " Paradise Lost," when he tells us 
how Adam saluted Eve: 

"And pressed her matron lips 
With kisses pure." 

The literature of kissing is quite extensive. It began in 

the book of Genesis, and has been increasing ever since. 



88 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

There are historic kisses, such as Jacob gave to Rachel at 
the well; penitent kisses, such as Mary Magdalene bestowed 
on her Master's feet; hypocritical kisses, such as Judas be- 
trayed his Lord with; holy kisses, as when the apostle says, 

"Salute one another with a holy kiss;" spiritual kisses, as in 
the Song of Solomon; kisses of salutation, as when David 
and Jonathan kissed one another. 

The kiss among the ancient Greeks and Roman- was 
symbolic of affection, heroism, and love. Ancient epic 
poems recount in glowing verse its power and beauty as 
well as its significance. Plato wrote: 

"Oli, on that kiss niy soul, 
As if in doubt to stay, 
Lingered awhile on fluttering wing, prepared 
To fly away!" 

Meleager says : 

"Blest is the goblet, oh, how blest, 
Which Iieliodora's lips have pressed! 
Oh, might thy lips but meet with mine, 
My soul should melt away in thine!" 

Herr Hacklander, writing of kissing, has said : " There 
are three kisses by which the human race are blest: the 
first is that which the mother presses on the new-born 
infant's head; the second, that which the newly wedded 
bride bestows on your lips; the third, that with which love 
or friendship closes your eyes when your career is ended." 

Tennyson wrote: 

"Dear as remembered kisses after death." 

Charles Lamb says: 

"Kiss, baby, kiss! mother's lips shine by kisses; 
Choke the warm breath that else would fall in blessing!" 

Mrs. Browning sung: 

"I was no child, I was betrothed; that day 
I wore a troth-kiss on my lips I could not give away." 



THE KISS. 89 

Shakespeare bids Romeo say: 

"Eyes, look your last; 
Arms, take your last embrace; and lips, O you 
The doors of death seal with a righteous kiss, 
A dateless bargain to engrossing death." 

And Dryden: 

"Upon my livid lips bestow a kiss; 
Oh, envy not the dead, they feel not bliss." 

Kissing the hand was a mode of salutation in vogue 
during the days of chivalry. It is also a custom among 
crowned heads, where a visitor is graciously permitted to 
salute with the lips the hand of a sovereign. In Austria, 
it is to this day a general custom among both the nobility 
and the peasantry. An elderly Frenchman, of gallant na- 
ture, will often kiss the hand of some pretty girl to whom 
he is introduced, as a token of admiration, and when 
presented to her mother will perforin the same ceremony 
through respect. 

It is customary now, among Europeans and Americaus, 
to kiss friends and relatives only, and those in a very 
abstemious manner. At a noted female college, the young 
ladies are forbidden to kiss each other on meeting and 
parting, as they may be observed by some members of the 
opposite sex. In some families, it is the rule always to 
kiss "good night " and "good morning" by every member 
of the household. This is all very well when it is limited 
strictly to those who belong to the domestic circle; but 
parents should not allow indiscriminate kissing by their 
little girls. It is not decorous for those of opposite sexes 
to kiss, unless they are nearly related, or about to be. It 
is too much the custom for young men to pick up little 
girls as if they were dolls, and kiss them without restraint; 
but a child should be early taught to resist such advances 



90 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

from strangers, and from gentlemen at all times. The 
child soon becomes a maiden, and it will indeed be a pity 
if "custom has staled the infinite variety" of kissing, oi- 
lier cheek forgotten to blush. There are occasions when it 
seems to become a sort of hilarious practice to kiss, as 
at weddings, American husking-bees, and church social 
parties, where kissing games are introduced in opposition to 
dancing. The rudeness of such boisterous demonstration 
would debar it from refined society, but there is probably 
less harm than hoydenism in it. To be caught under the 
mistletoe bough demands a kiss. 

"Ce n'est que la premier pas qui coute, 
So they say in another far-away land; 
And the one kiss given, more follow as fruit. 
As the dullest can easily understand." 

There is a foolish habit prevalent among ladies of em- 
bracing and kissing on the public thoroughfare, which i- 
in exceedingly bad taste, especially as it is often practiced 
among people, who are mere acquaintances, and have no 
real friendship for each other. 

The kiss of decorum is given on either cheek ; the kiss 
of friendship upon the forehead ; the kiss of affection and 
conjugal love upon the lips ; the kiss of ceremony upon the 
hand, or, if it is the pope of Rome, upon the sacred cross 
emblazoned upon his slipper-toe. Seneca tells us that Caius 
Csesar gave wine to Pompey Pennus, whom he had par- 
doned, and then, on his returning thanks, presented his left 
foot for him to kiss. 

Kissing, like hand-shaking, may be made a most disa- 
greeable and uncomfortable salutation wdiere one kiss falls 
into an eye and the other on the tip of a nose. Miss Murd- 
stone is represented as giving a " peck on the cheek " to 
Dora's mother. She also " presented her uncongenial cheek, 



THE KISS. 



91 



the little wrinkles in it filled with hair-powder, to Dora, to 
be kissed/' The sacredness which attaches to the kiss saves 
it from profanation. A gentleman who would go up to a 
lady with whom he is unacquainted, and kiss her, offers her 
a deadly insult, which, in many countries, would be avenged 
by his death. Yet a few months of friendly meeting, a 
question asked and answered, and he assumes the right to 
demand kisses at will, a favor she should be chary of grant- 
ing until she bears his name. 




ejf^tffi^s Vii. 




ETIQUETTE OF LETTER- WRITING — HISTORICAL LETTERS —ANONYMOUS 
LETTERS — ELEGANT LETTER-WRITING — BRIEF LETTERS — WHAT 
KIND OF LETTER PAPER TO USE — COLOR OF THE 
INK — RULES FOR LETTER-WRITING — LETTERS OF 
INTRODUCTION. 

ETTERS," says Lord Bacon, " are according 
to all the variety of occasions, advertisements, 
advices, directions, propositions, peti- 
tions commendatory, expostulatory, 
satisfactory, of compliment, of pleas- 
ure, of discourse, and all other pas- 
sages of action. And such as are 
written from wise men are of all the words of man, in my 
judgment, the best ; for they are more natural than orations 
and public speeches and more advised than conferences or 
private ones. So, again, letters of affairs from such as manage 
them, or are privy to them, are, of all others, the best in- 
structions for history, and, to a diligent reader, the best his- 
tories in themselves. 

Of the many indications of the great activity and zeal 
of historical research which distinguishes the present times, 
none is more remarkable than the care which has been be- 
stowed in collecting and publishing the letters, official and 
private, of men eminent in their day and in the thoughts 
of posterity — men illustrious in civil or military life. It is 
within a few years past that English history has been illus- 
trated by the publication of Cromwell's letters, of the let- 
ters of the Duke of Marlborough, the Stuart papers, the 



THE ETIQUETTE OF LETTER-WRITING. 93 

correspondence of Lord Chatham, the dispatches of Nelson, 
and all the dispatches and general orders of the Duke of 
Wellington. 

In American history the contributions of epistolary ma- 
terials have been no less valuable, for we have the whole 
series of the letters of Washington, extending through his 
career of military and civil services, and illustrating both 
his public and private life; the letters of Dr. Franklin, 
comprehending a scientific as well as political career; and 
the composite collection of letters from various pens, en- 
titled, "The Diplomatic Correspondence of the Eevolution 
and of the Period of the Confederation." Many other col- 
lections of letters have appeared both in England and the 
United States. Charles Lamb's letters resemble his inimi- 
table essays — a quaint wisdom, a fine literary taste, and a 
loving and a brave heart dwelling together in that humor 
which was his peculiar gift. 

The letters of Lord Byron, displaying even more than 
his poems his command of vigorous English speech, make a 
perilous display of a morbid egotism, redeemed at times by 
flashes of kindly feeling, of generous impulse, and healthy 
opinion, so as to perplex the reader's judgment, or at least 
to plead for his pity to the misery of a soul distempered by 
nature, and, far worse, by a life of moral lawlessness; and 
by that pride which, tempting him often to brave the world's 
opinion by eyen affecting worse thoughts and worse deeds 
than were imputed to him, was fatal to the truthfulness of 
his character and of his writings. 

About three thousand of Horace Walpole's letters are in 
print, and they cover a period of more than threescore 
years, beginning in 1735 and ending in 1797, a few weeks 
previous to his death, and embracing the time of George 
the Second, and the Pretenders, and Maria Theresa, and the 



94 GEMS OK DEPORTMENT. 

French Revolution and Republic. He has been styled the 
prince of tetter writers. An elegant selfishness, tempered 
with much kindly feeling for his friends, is undisguised in 
his letters; and a self-indulgent frivolity deepens into earnest- 
ness only in a fervid indignation, which he was one of the 
first to utter against the African slave-trade. And when 
near the close of life, his imperturbable voluptuousness was 
startled by the atrocities of the French Revolution, Wal- 
pole's letters to Lady Ossory are marked by a superior dig- 
nity and seriousness. 

The letters of the poet Cowper command great praise, 
being the creations of a loving, sensitive heart imbued with 
a gentle melancholy. Considering the secluded, uneventful 
course of the poet's life, the charm in his letters is wonder- 
ful, and is to be explained chiefly by the exquisite light of 
poetic truth which his imagination shed upon daily life, 
whether his theme was man, himself, or a fellow-being, or 
books, or the mute creation he loved to handle with such 
thoughtful tenderness. There is no long collection of letters 
which can be continuously read with the same sustained in- 
terest, following the writer through cheerfulness and de- 
spondency into the cloud from which he sent forth some 
words of sadness as it mysteriously closed over him. 

Dean Swift's letters are brilliant, sarcastic descriptions of 
the people and places of his time. They are filled with the 
wit and sparkle of his clear incisiveness, rough diamonds of 
solid worth. 

Whenever a letter of Bishop Berkeley appears, it shows 
him always the pure, the gentle, and the virtuous man; the 
gentleman and the divine; the most beautiful character of 
that generation, the moral foot-prints of whose life are to 
this day visible on American soil. 

The earliest collection of letters of which we have anv 



THE ETIQUETTE OF LETTER-WRITING. 95 

knowledge is entitled, " Familiar Letters, Domestic and For- 
eign, partly Historical, Political, and Philosophical, by 
James Howel/ 7 and was published in the time of Charles 
the First, during the protectorate. The Paston letters, 
though of much earlier date, were not published until the 
latter part of the eighteenth century. They comprise the 
correspondence of the Paston family through the era of 
the wars of York and Lancaster, forming a curious collec- 
tion of epistles and a spicy variety from the note of an Eton 
scholar, with thanks for a box of raisins or figs, to letters 
following the sad fortunes of that simple and saintly sover- 
eign, Henry the Sixth and his heroic queen. 

The letters of Lady Russell are touching in the extreme, 
and depict the sad history of her life with solemn fidelity. 
When her husband, convicted of high treason, asked, 
"May I have somebody to write to help my memory ?" 
the attorney-general answered, "Yes, my lord, a servant." 

The noble prisoner answered, " My wife is here." 

The harshness of the chief-justice was softened, when, 
recognizing Lady Russell's presence, he added, " If my lady 
please to give herself the trouble." 

Madame de Sevigne has left a copious and graceful ad- 
dition to French literature in her charming epistolary cor- 
respondence. The letters of Madame Swetchine, Madame de 
Stael, Miss Maria Edge worth, Mrs. Hannah More, Char- 
lotte Bronte, Harriet Martineau, and other distinguished 
writers, long dead, are rare and valuable reading. An ex- 
cellent work, which contains the best selections from the 
correspondence *of one hundred and fifty letters, from the 
Paston letters to the present day, is "'Four Centuries of 
English Letter-." 

The letters of illustrious men and women become a part 



96 OEMS OF DEPORTMKXT. 

of the literature of the age in which they lived, and the 
most trivial incidents related by the pen of genius descend 
to posterity as treasures of rich value. 

ANONYMOUS LETTERS. 

It was an Irishman who said that he never wrote an 
anonymous letter without signing his name to it; but there 
is a bit of philosophy in it we would all do well to observe. 
It is impossible to compute the harm that has been done by 
these secret and silent missives, one of which was never yet 
written and sent without an impulse of jealousy, hatred, or 
revenge. The man or woman who has not the moral cour- 
age to sign the edict he sends out, is more capable of 
doing harm than good. The letter-writer who signs him- 
self "your friend and well-wisher," leaving his real name 
blank, is as likely to be your enemy and injurer. It was 
an anonymous letter that sent Key to his death, and made 
Daniel Sickles his murderer. The man who wishes to 
warn his friend can go to him openly, break the ill-tidings 
gently, and reason with and advise him till the crisis of 
feeling is past. The letter that comes from a mysterious 
unknown cuts incisively, like a bullet. It is the hurt which 
a coward offers; and none but a coward would ever pen so 
evil a thing. Such letters bear upon their face the evi- 
dences of falsehood. They are written in a disguised hand, 
usually with assumed bad spelling and poor chirography, fit 
instruments to sow seeds of enmity and mistrust in the 
heart weak enough to believe in them. 

ELEGANT LETTER-WRITING. 

During the last fifty years there has been a great change 
observable in the quality and quantity of ordinary corre- 



THE ETIQUETTE OF LETTER-WRITING. 97 

j 

spondence. Owing to the cheap rates of postage, letters are 
shorter and more frequent, and the elaboration of thought 
and classic style of diction have passed away. Letters to 
fathers and mothers no longer begin "Ever dear and hon- 
ored parent," nor do business letters close with "Your most 
faithful and obedient servant." In past days a gentleman 
addressed a lady as " Honored Madam" in epistolary, cor- 
respondence. The long, closely-written sheets of thick yel- 
low paper, which our great-grandfathers sent across the 
seas on a three months' voyage, were sealed with wax; had 
no envelopes, and cost something like thirty cents for post- 
age, if not " favored " by some friend, as we find on nearly 
all those old letters " Politeness of Miss Howe/' "favored 
by Mr. King," or the frank of a member of Congress. 
Those old letters are well written, but the lines are close, 
and, to add to their obscurity, crossed and recrossed, an 
economizing of space that even gentlemen did not disdain 
in those days. The tone of the old letters is polite and 
affectionate, and much concern is expressed for the absent. 

BRIEF LETTERS. 

The best of all letters is that which conveys the most in- 
formation in the fewest possible words. A lack of spon- 
taneity destroys the charm of a letter. Ladies have two 
favorite epistolary manias in their ordinary correspondence; 
namely, writing across lines, and indulging in postscripts, to 
say nothing of their almost universal practice of underlining 
words. This is a confession of weakness. Among cele- 
brated letters is a brief one which occurs to us while we 
write, from the pen of an Italian poet, Politian, to a friend : 
"I had a great grief and I have a great joy, because you 
were sick and because you have recovered." How brief 
and how significant! This letter stands as a model to all 



98 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

letter-writers. A lady wrote to Talleyrand, informing him 
of her husband's death. She reeeived the following reply : 

"Helas! 

" Madame, votre affectionne, etc., 

"Talleyrand." 

In less than a year she again wrote, announcing that she 
had married again. The answer run thus: 

"Oh, ho! 

" Madame, votre affectionne, etc., 

" Talleyrand.'' 

Mephistopheles says, " Never write a letter and never burn 
one." This implies caution, and it is needful, since people 
seldom burn letters when requested to do so, and disastrous 
consequences have often resulted from the carelessness of 
letter-writers. 

UNANSWERED LETTERS. 

"An unanswered letter/' says Miss Muloch, "may, for 
all we know, change the color of our whole existence." Yet 
great care should be taken in writing letters of importance, 
since, like the word once spoken, they can never be recalled. 
The same writer adds : " A lady once told me how she stood 
before a post-office with a letter in her hand — a momentous 
letter written on the impulse of the moment — and with a 
strong, conscientious desire to do right, all the more because 
it was painful ; how twice, three times, she seemed to feel 
some invisible hand restraining her own; how she looked 
helplessly up to the silent sunset sky; then with a sort of 
desperation dropped the letter into the box, and repented it 
to her dying day." 

Vain is our remorse over an unanswered letter when the 



THE ETIQUETTE OF LETTER-WRITING. 99 

writter has suddenly gone whither no kindly word can reach 
him any more. How often has some weary, homesick man 
gone day after day to the post-office, only to hear the leaden 
response, "No letter for you;" and then, broken down by 
fever or homesickness or both, he gives up and dies, and the 
letter comes just too late to tell him how the writer had not 
intended to wait so long, and hoping he would excuse the 
delay, etc. 

It is a safe plan not to encourage that large class of 
trifling correspondents who write every week long, empty 
screeds about nothing, and so have no unanswered letters of 
that sort on hand. But letter-writing between near and 
dear friends is too solemn a matter to be trifled with. If 
etiquette does not demand that the letter from father or 
mother, brother or sister, wife or husband be answered 
promptly, affection does. There are people who never write 
only when they have bad news to communicate or a death, 
which is pre-announced by a wide black margin on the 
envelope. 

PAPER, INK, ETC. 

A plain paper, heavy, and of a clear, cream white is the 
best for social and domestic correspondence. Always use 
black ink, as it is far more elegant than blue, violet, or red, 
which is fit only for legal writing. Very dainty young 
ladies affect a pink tinted paper and violet perfumed ink, 
upon which basis they begin a gushing correspondence with 
six or eight school friends, wherein the adjectives suffer 
much harm. 

In this era of education ladies and gentleman write 
alike. The cramped, round hand of the one sex and the 
sloping, Italian hand of the other being merged into a clear, 
decided uniformity of style, so that it is often difficult. 



100 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

especially if written by a woman of character, to determine 
the sex of the writer before opening the letter. A rather 
large, free hand, written plainly and with a uniformity of 
style, on large note paper, without postscripts, erasures, or 
blots; an educated letter, expressed in easy language, with 
no ambiguity of style, should be welcome as the visit of a 
friend who cheers and invigorates. 

Remember, then, that the stilted, ornate, flowery style of 
writing has gone out, and thoughts are now plainly ex- 
pressed. Simple words are chosen as the most elegant, and 
only those who have no ideas to express use gilt-edged, per- 
fumed paper for general correspondence. There are some 
rules which it is well to observe, as follows: 

Gentlemen should keep their paper for private corre- 
spondence remote from tobacco or cigars. They should never 
send a letter to a lady in a business envelope, unless it per- 
tains strictly to business. 

No gentleman will exhibit letters from ladies who have 
favored him with a friendly correspondence for other gen- 
tlemen to read, or make them the subject of remark in 
any way. 

Ladies, when writing to gentlemen who are not related 
to them, should make their letters mediums of improving 
conversation, brilliant wit, and moral obligations, and always 
of so high and pure a tone, that they would be fit for 
publication, should they ever be needed. It happens 
sometimes that letters fall into the hands of a third party, 
who has no scruple in reading them and announcing their 
contents. 

Boys and girls should begin early to study the rules of 
letter-writing, and learn to think and write fluently. To 
those seeking situations in life, good penmanship is of great 



THE ETIQUETTE OF LETTER-WRITING. 101 

value. A slovenly, careless way of writing is not a good 
recommendation to any young man or woman. A well- 
written, well-expressed letter will always command attention 
from the merchant or broker to whom it is addressed, while 
an illiterate and poorly expressed scrawl will go at once 
into the waste basket. As a model for a business letter, 
Mr. Burke's speech at the Bristol Hustings is quoted. 
The fact that called for the speech is stated in the very first 
line : " Gentlemen, I decline the election." The reasons 
then follow in brief detail. 

The kind of letter that is frequently written is thus 
described by Dickens in the experience of that quaint char- 
acter, Sam Weller, who first of all had provided himself 
with "a sheet of the best gilt-edged letter paper, and a 
hard-nibbed pen which could be warranted not to splatter. 
Then looking carefully at the pen to see that there were no 
hairs in it, and dusting down the table so that there might 
be no crumb of bread under the paper, Sam tucked up the 
cuffs of his coat, squared his elbows, and composed himself 
to write. To ladies and gentlemen who are not in the habit 
of devoting themselves practically to the science of penman- 
ship, writing a letter is no very easy task, it being always 
considered necessary in such cases for the writer to recline 
his head on his left arm, so as to place his eyes as nearly as 
possible on a level with the paper, while glancing sideways 
at the letters he is constructing, to form with his tongue 
imaginary letters to correspond." 

SamuePs idea of using the word " circumscribed," and 
his father's amendment of " circumwented " as being a bet- 
ter word, is a happy hit at that class of persons who aim at 
using high-sounding words, whether they express any mean- 
ing required or not. 



102 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

INTRODUCTORY LETTERS. 

There are few persons who can write a letter of intro- 
duction as it should be written. Educated writers will 
begin, " The bearer of this, Mr. T. Leonard/' etc., as if it 
were a petition asking for immediate relief. If the person 
for whose benefit the letter is written, is expected to deliver 
it in person, let the writer say 

" Mr. T. Leonard, who accompanies this letter, is a gen- 
tleman whom I take pleasure in introducing to your favor- 
able notice. Any kindnesses conferred on him will be duly 
appreciated by 

" Yours very truly, ." 

Or a less formal style. 
"My Dear Cheesebrough : 

" This letter will introduce you to Mr. T. Leonard, with 
whom I have been acquainted for some time. He visits your 
city in hopes to secure a situation in Williams & Sherman's 
Bank. He is a most worthy young man, and any thing you 
can do to assist him in furthering his project, will be con- 
sidered as a personal favor to myself. 

"Yours as ever, ." 

If purely an introduction of friendship, word as follows : 
"To Rev. James Lyon, D. D.: 

" My Dear Sir, — May I have the pleasure of mak- 
ing you acquainted with Mr. Hiram Lester, a gentleman 
of this city, who has long been a warm personal friend? 
Mr. Lester will remain in your town for some weeks ; any 
attentions you may kindly show him will be gratefully 
remembered by me. Trusting that you may be mutually 
pleased and benefited upon further acquaintance, 

" I am, dear sir, yours most sincerely, ." 



THE ETIQUETTE OF LETTER-WRITING. 103 



letter introducing a lady. 

"My Dear Mrs. M'Williams: 

" The lady to whom I have the pleasure of introduc- 
ing you is Miss Morgan, a dear friend, for whom I bespeak 
your kind regards. You will find her an agreeable, social 
companion and a true woman, who will, I feel sure, win for 
herself a place in your esteem. 

"As ever, your friend, ." 

OF ANOTHER. 

" Dear Miss Cherry : 

" You will pardon me if I take a liberty in introduc- 
ing to you Miss Clement, who is engaged in the same pro- 
fession as yourself, and goes to New York hoping to secure 
a position for the Winter. She will be deeply grateful for 
any kind assistance you may render her in making her ac- 
quainted with some of your friends, as she is a stranger to 
New York society. Miss Clement is a lady of culture and 
refinement, and I trust you will soon appreciate her as truly 
as I do. 

"With kind regards, ." 

A more formal style, where the parties introducing do 
not wish to indorse, is simply this: 

"Dear Sir: 

"Mr. Blank, who is a stranger in your city, wishes 
me to introduce him. I have been acquainted with Mr. 
Blank for a year or two, and would be pleased if you could 
be of service to him while he is at your place. Will recip- 
rocate the favor with pleasure at some future time. 

"Yours, etc., ." 

It is almost impossible to write a letter of introduction, 
which is not a personal indorsement, without offending the 



104 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

party who carries it, and is at liberty to peruse it, as all 
letters of that sort are left unsealed. A gentleman once 
gave his nephew a note of introduction to a friend, which 
read in this way: 
" Dear Simpson : 

" I send this by my nephew. The fellow is a trump. 
Treat him as one, and you will make me your debtor. 



The gentleman who received the note, with the card of 
the nephew, adjusted his glasses, and hastily read: 
" Dear Simpson : 

"I send this by my nephew. The fellow is a tramp. 
Treat him as one," etc., etc. 

The nephew, who was waiting in the parlor, was aston- 
ished by an abrupt dismissal at the hands of a servant, and 
it was some time before the absurd mistake was discovered 
and rectified. 

Letters of introduction may be presented in person when 
they are of a business nature. When they are purely social, 
they should be sent in with the card of the person intro- 
duced. If left at the house, or sent by a servant, a visit 
should occur the next day, or a note may be sent by a serv- 
ant, inviting the party who is introduced to dinner, ac- 
companied by regrets at the inability of the writer to call 
in person. Letters, which are thus personal guarantees of 
the social position of a stranger, should always be respected, 
and the confidence of the writers never abused. Etiquette 
strictly demands this as well as morality. 



e^^^m^S; Ym 



LETTERS OF CONDOLENCE— BUSINESS CORRESPONDENCE— LOVE LET- 
TERS — ANSWERED AND UNANSWERED LETTERS 

DATES, ADDRESSES, STAMPS, PUNCTUA- 
TION, ETC. 

HEN people are in affliction they 
are peculiarity susceptible to the 
gentle ministrations of their friends, 
and it often happens that words 
of comfort fitly spoken will make 
a deep and lasting impression on 
the lacerated heart. There are 
few people who are really capable 
of writing a letter of condolence. 
They dislike to rouse their own 
feelings into active sympathy with the afflicted, and hur- 
riedly pen a few platitudes, believing they have done their 
whole duty in the matter. A letter of sympathy should be 
of medium length, tenderly worded, expressive of the deep- 
est solicitude, and not too religious, or urging too strongly 
the doctrine of complete submission. The afflicted can not 
bear the stern lessons of the moralist, nor the pointed texts 
of the preacher. Longfellow says, " Before a great grief we 
are dumb." 

He who has just parted from a beloved child has had 
a lesson, the hardest one he can ever have. His human 
and divine nature are both wounded, and he needs only the 




106 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

drop of balm. The briefest and best letter of condolence we 
ever saw was this: 

"COLUMBU8 3 <)., Jum 8, is — . 
"My Friend: 

"May God comfort you, for I can not. Time alone 

can bring you peace; but you have this surety — it is well 

with the child. Rest, peace, love— the battle is over. 

"Yours in sorrow, ." 

Another letter, which gave a sad relief to wounded 
hearts, w r as as follows: 

"Washington, D. C, February 6, L8 — . 

"Dear Friends, — 

"I have too lately been a sufferer from the severest 
affliction man can know not to sympathize keenly with 
you in the loss of your excellent son. I know too well that 
words can not comfort; whether time can do so remains yet 
to be seen. This only we are sure of, that if the present 
life were all, if it were the only life intended for us, it would 
be but a cruel mockery to the most fortunate of us. If 
your son had not taken that cruel fever he might have lived 
a few years longer, might have outlived you, might have 
lived to feel as much agony as you now suffer for him. In 
your present state of mind you doubtless feel that if you 
could call him back to life you would gladly do so. Per- 
haps the time may come — I hope it may — when you shall 
think of him as one who has escaped much suffering, pain, 
and heartache, all in the providence of God; as one who 
has been taken in the innocence of youth to the bosom of 
his Father, not exposed to any temptation, not guilty of any 
sin, and therefore secure for evermore. If this thought can 
not comfort you, nothing else can. It is all that is left to 
you or to me. 

" Very sincerely, your friend, ." 



LETTERS OF CONDOLENCE. 107 

A well-chosen verse or text may be inserted with good 
effect. A verse from AVhittier's "Angel of Patience/' one 
of the most beautiful of the poems of sorrow and comfort, 
is always appropriate: 

"0 thou, who mournest on thy way 
With longings for the close of day — 
He walks with thee, that angel kind. 
And gently whispers. 'Be resigned; 
Bear up, bear on. The end shall tell. 
The dear Lord ordereth all things well!'" 

The letter of condolence is the most important letter in 
the code of etiquette. To forget in trouble those with whom 
we have participated in pleasure is the basest ingratitude. 
It is a selfish desertion of an unhappy friend, as well as a 
total forgetfulness of the highest rules of good breeding, the 
promptings of a kind heart. 

LETTER TO A MOTHER UPON THE DEATH OF HER BABE. 

"Dear Sorrowing Friexd, — 

"When I heard the sad news of the death of your 
little Daisy, there came into my mind that beautiful poem 
of Longfellow's, beginning, 

" 'There is a reaper whose name is Death.' 

"Doubtless, you have read it many times; but it will 
have a new meaning now, and I feel sure that it must com- 
fort you if any thing can. You are not alone in your grief, 
dear friend. Other mothers weep with you. 

" ' And the mother gave in tears and pain 
The flowers she most did love. 
She knew she should find them all again 
In the fields of light above.' 

" Trusting that you will see only the side of the cloud 
that is turned to heaven, I am, with deep sympathy. 

"Your sincere friend, " 



108 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

BUSINESS CORRESPONDENCE. 

All letters pertaining to business should be neatly and 
carefully written on business paper, and worded in a clear, 
concise style. A young man writing to strangers for a situ- 
ation depends upon the letter to recommend him to favor- 
able attention. Such a letter should be worded in the 
following manner : 

" Staten Island, N. Y., February 13, 18 — . 
"Messrs. Harkness & Co.: 

" Gentlemen, — Having learned that you are in need of 
a second book-keeper, I respectfully submit my testimonials 
to your notice, and would be very glad to obtain the posi- 
tion. The inclosed letters from my former employers will 
give you an idea of my capability and experience. Hoping 
to hear from you at your earliest convenience, I am, 
" Very respectfully yours, 

" James Brooks." 

Always inclose a stamp when writing upon your own 
personal business. It makes it imperative that an answer 
of some kind should be returned. It need not be referred 
to in the letter unless it is sent in answer to a request that 
stamps be inclosed. 

LETTER TO THE EDITOR OF A NEWSPAPER, 

" Laporte, Ind., September 5, 18 — . 



"To the Editor of : 

"Sir, — Will you kindly examine the inclosed manu- 
script, and if it is available for your columns, inform me by 
mail what it is worth? As I am anxious to make a living 
by my pen, I will be glad to hear from you as soon as pos- 
sible. Inclosed please find stamps, address, etc. 
" Yours, truly, 

" Marion Hatch." 






BUSINESS CORKESPOXDEXCE. 109 

As this is a frequent subject of correspondence, young 
writers may be glad to know that brevity furthers their 
best interests. 

Writing letters to distinguished persons — such as artists, 
poets, authors, and those in authority, asking for autographs, 
photographs, or any small favors — displays the underbred 
manners of the curiosity-hunter, and is very displeasing to 
those subject to them. Usually the secretary of a great 
man reads the letter, and throws it into the waste-basket, 
without even showing it the person it was intended for. 
Sometimes a good-natured reply is sent from poet or author. 
Some time ago one of the younger pupils of the Reading 
(Mass.) high-school wrote to Oliver Wendell Holmes, stating 
that the Old South Literary Society was about to discuss his 
life and works, and asking if he could send a little poetical 
contribution for the occasion. To this presumptuous request 
for poetry to order, the genial author returned this charac- 
teristic reply: 

" Boston, February 13, 1870. 
" My Dear Youxg Lady : 

" If you knew how many letters I have to write 

every day, you would say, ' Poor dear man, how tired he 

must be V We that make rhymes are expected to turn 

them on, as you turn on water through a faucet, whenever 

it is wanted. But writing poetry is like shooting ducks or 

geese. You may load up, and paddle off, and watch all the 

morning, and never see duck or goose, except yourself as 

reflected in the water. So, my dear young lady, I will only 

say that I should like very much to please you and a great 

many other young friends and old ones, by writing all sorts 

of odes, elegies, epics, epigrams, etc. ; but I have to content 

myself by disappointing you and them with a little scrap 

of a note like this, sweetened with good will and good 



110 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

wishes, and nothing else in the world to pay for postage- 
stamps wasted on me. 

" Believe me, very truly, your friend, 

"Oliveb Wendell Holmes." 

LOVE-LETTERS. 

HER LAST LETTER. 

"'Tis but a line, a hurried scrawl, 
And little seem the words to say. 
Yet hold me in reproachful thrall : 
' You quarreled with me yesterday — 
To-morrow you'll be Bad. 5 

Few words! half mirth and half regret, 
The last her hands should ever write; 

Sad words, learned long ago, and yet 
Fresh with new pain to ear and sight- 
To-morrow you'll be sad!" 

It has been said that even a wise man is a fool in love; 
but if ever there could be any excuse for being silly and 
childish, it is when the tender passion is in possession of the 
citadel of reason, and all the matter-of-fact affairs of life are 
viewed through the aureole of love. The published love- 
letters of great men are often silly and undignified, read 
with the cold, critical judgment of mature years. He who 
can coolly frame the tender passages of a love-letter so that 
they shall read clearly and intelligently to disinterested par- 
ties is not in love. Extravagant demonstration is as per- 
missible to a lover as the license of halting syllables is to 
a poet. 

But let there be no trifling, no words written that are 
not sincere, no gallantry disguised as love, or sweet-linked 
adjectives that mean only a pastime of the hour — vows that 
are recorded only to be broken, and rose-lipped perjuries 



LOVE-LETTERS. Ill 

that, dropping smoothly from the pen, may blight a life 
with honeyed sweetness. 

A letter can be a genuine love-letter, and yet be written 
with so much dignity of tone that the writer would never 
blush to know that it had been perused by other eyes than 
those for which it was intended. Love-letters should be 
exchanged only between those who are engaged to marry; 
but there are volumes of tender correspondence, tied and 
labeled and put away among the " old letters/ 7 which were 
written "just for fun." 

" She smiled on many just for fun ; 

I knew that there was nothing in it. 
I was the first, the only one, 

Her heart had thought of for a minute. 
I knew it, for she told me so 

In phrase which was divinely molded ; 
She wrote a charming hand, — and 0, 

How sweetly all her notes were folded!" 

Above all, love-letters should be correctly written. The 
time has not yet come when the lover can "rite" to his 
dear one of his " luv." The young man who began his 
letter "My only idle" was rejected by the next mail; and 
we can imagine the disgust of the fond lover who opened 
his first love-letter to read, " My deer, deer Gorge." There 
is a great deal of tender sentiment expressed in such corre- 
spondence ; but when it is in poor English, and badly writ- 
ten, it becomes fulsome and intolerable. The Scotch are 
said to be the best writers of love-letters in the world. 
They are simple, concise, and endearing without becoming 
vapid. 

PUNCTUATION, DATES, ADDRESSES, ETC. 

Never forget to write the dates of the day, month, and 
year. Always sign your full name, never using Mr., Mrs., 



112 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

or Miss as a prefix. If you are writing to strangers, and 
the prefix is necessary, inclose in brackets. 

Be particular about the address on the envelope. After 
writing the name of the person to whom the letter is ad- 
dressed, add the town, county, and State. Affix the proper 
stamp in the right-hand, upper corner of the envelope, just 
leaving a narrow margin between it and the edges of the 
envelope. Thousands of letters go to the dead letter office 
every year for lack of postage and correct addrees. Never 
use wrinkled or soiled paper, or a defaced or mismatched 
envelope in private correspondence. Do not indulge in 
flourishes of the pen, as if you were a professed writing 
master. 

If monograms, crests, or coat of arms or seals are used, let 
the colors be as few and simple as possible. Married ladies 
use the arms of their husband's family; unmarried one- the 
quarterings of their father's and mother's arms on a lozenge. 

Widows use their own initials or Christian names, as 
Mrs. Agnes Jones, instead of Mrs. Harry Jones. This is an 
imperative social distinction. 

Members of Congress are addressed " Hon. James Mans- 
field." The full title and also the prefix "the" are now 
omitted at pleasure. 

Doctors of medicine are thus addressed : " C. C. Lundie, 
Esq., M. D.," or "Dr. C. C. Lundie." 

Clergymen who are also doctors of divinity, "Rev. 
Frederick Wilson, D. D." Other clergymen, "Rev. Hiram 
Brown." 

Only letters to unmarried ladies and widows are ad- 
dressed with their baptismal names. 

A note requires as prompt an answer as a spoken question. 

Never apologize for ink blots, bad writing, or haste in 
your letter. If it is so bad as to need an apology, burn it, 



PUNCTUATION, DATES, ADDRESSES, ETC. 113 

and write another. Such practice will soon make you an 
elegant as well as an expert writer. 

Avoid as much as possible a reiteration of the personal 
pronoun " I." Never begin your letter in that way if you 
can help it. Other forms can be used, such as, "It occurs 
to me," "Having heard," etc., instead of, "I thought," "I 
heard." There are many ways of commencing a letter 
without the egotistical pronoun, as thus: "Your welcome 
letter was eagerly read, and I hasten to answer your ques- 
tions," etc., or, "Since receiving your last letter you have 
been constantly in my thoughts," etc. 

Never send a letter that has nothing in it. If you have 
no news to detail, give a pleasant, chatty account of every- 
day life — description of a visit, a ride, a new acquaintance, 
or a book you have read. 

Be careful to punctuate, and see that your t's are crossed 
and your i's dotted and all your words properly spelled. A 
young lady in the country wrote to her city friend that she 
would invite her to visit her as soon as her mother's four 
sisters, who were visiting them, were gone; but at present 
the house was full of " ants." Her chagrin was great when 
her amused friend sent her a "sure way to kill ants." The 
omission of the letter " u " made all the trouble. 

8 



e*f&i>msi£ i£. 



THE VALUE OF READING — READING ALOUD — WHAT BOOKS TO READ- 
BUCKLES LIST— HOW TO READ — GERMAN LITERATURE — BOOKS 
^ . THAT EVERY BODY READS — THE 

\ J Jx BIBLE AND SHAKESPEARE. 



-ARC- 




T present What shall we read? 

is almost as universal as the 

question, "What did the sirens 

sing?" The utmost that can 

well be attempted is to give 

a few hints about the present 

state of tilings in the matter 

of reading — hints, if possible, 

not entirely useless to the 

scholar, and, if possible, of 

some service to the average intelligent youth, 

with lists of such books as are adapted to 

beginners as well as advanced thinkers. 

History is the backbone of the system, 
science excepted. Unless historically on the 
basis of the utmost possible historical knowl- 
^&g edge, there can be no thorough acquaintance 
" with theology, philosophy, political economy, 
social conditions and affairs, in short with all 
£$?=£& human life and progress and activity on earth, 
though, of course, the routine drudgery of business and in- 
vestigations in physics do not require it. Let the general rule, 
therefore, be to have all your reading and all your thinking 



THE VALUE OF READING. H5 

upon the best and fullest body of historical knowledge that 
you can acquire. 

Read, to begin with, one good summary of universal 
history, and commit to memory a short chronology at the 
rate of one or two facts and dates to a century. Read one 
good history of your own country, and one of your State 
and town, if there are any such written. Then a good his- 
tory of England, one of France, one of Germany, and so 
on, filling out the series as far as circumstances permit. 

If you have a difficulty in remembering dates of history, 
write them out. Try and fix in your mind the years of the 
Crusades, of Queen Elizabeth's reign, of the French Revo- 
lution. When you have these three dates and facts perfect, 
frame them, and hang them up in your memory. Then 
take Homer, Shakespeare, and Byron ; make yourself familiar 
with the lives, writings, and period of time in which they 
existed. Arm your mind with heroic incidents from the life 
of each, and these pictures will stand out strong and clear 
on memory's panoramic wall. 

Read the great books if you can (it is not every one who 
can do it the first time he tries), the great poets, historians, 
philosophers, even theologians. Any one who has well read 
the masterpieces (to read well a masterpiece is very nearly 
to diligently study it) has the principal material for a well- 
furnished mind. The Bible, Homer, Virgil, Dante, Shakes- 
peare, Milton, Goethe, Burns, Wordsworth (the poet of na- 
ture), Hugo, iEschylus, Sophocles, Aristophanes, Moliere, 
Herodotus, Thucydides, Livy, Sallust, Caesar, Tacitus, Plu- 
tarch, Gibbon, Hallam, Plato, Aristotle, Bacon, Locke, 
Kant, Hamilton, Spencer — the "epoch-making" names, as 
the Germans well call them. One who knows even mod- 
erately well the chief works of these writers is already lib- 
erally educated, and boys and girls can enjoy them all, 



116 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

unless it be perhaps the final list of philosophers. To 
understand such works as these is to understand human 
life and history in a broad comprehensive way, as one un- 
derstands the main slopes and great river valleys of a 
country by mounting its highest peaks and looking abroad 
from them. 

Thomas Henry Buckle gives the following list of great- 
est writers : Homer, Plato, and Aristotle, Dante, Shakes- 
peare, Bacon, Descartes, Hobbes, Grotius, Locke, Berkeley, 
Kant, Brown " On Causes and Effects," Hegel, Comte's 
" Philosophic Positive," Mill's "Logic," Smith's "Wealth 
of Nations," Malthus "On Population," Ricardo's "Polit- 
ical Economy." And for the study of human nature the 
three greatest modern works of fiction are "Don Quixote," 
"The Pilgrim's Progress," and Goethe's "Faust." "Possi- 
bly," says Mr. Buckle, " I have omitted something, but 
these I believe are the whole of the masterpieces. Vir- 
gil and Milton I omit, because greatly as I admire them 
(especially Milton), I can net place them in the same rank 
as Homer, Dante, and Shakespeare," Ralph Waldo Emer- 
son has these rules for reading : 

1. Never read any book that is not a year old. 

2. Never read any but famed books. 

3. Never read any books but what you like. 

A pleasant course of reading for one Winter season 
might be thus enumerated : November, read Lockhart's 
Scott ; December, read Byron's Poems ; January, read 
Lamb's writings; February, read David Copperfield, by 
Charles Dickens ; March, read Abbott's Life of Napoleon. 

This course of reading might be enlarged, but to thor- 
oughly enjoy and digest each book, famous of its kind, men- 
tioned in the list, would require the leisure time of nearly 
half a year. It is all light and comprehensive, but each 



THE VALUE OF READING. H7 

work is a gem in literature. Edward Everett Hale sug- 
gests first, the Bible ; second, the history of your own coun- 
try; third (for Americans), a clear knowledge of the gen- 
eral features of the history of England ; fourth, most of 
Shakespeare's plays. "Beyond this,' 7 says Mr. Hale, to 
begin with, " make up your mind what you want to read 
about — Mary Queen of Scots, fly-fishing, hieroglyphics, the 
tenure of office bill, any thing." Having reached this point 
Mr. Hale's doctrines become both a course of reading and 
a method of reading. " Take a blank book," he says ; " note 
down the chief significant words in the passage that you 
have read, on your chosen subject, and then rummage and 
search for more reading about the subject itself, or about 
the collateral subjects named, by the entries in your blank 
book." If any of these are debated subjects, read on both 
sides. As fast as you determine dates or other facts about 
your subjects, note them each under its proper word in your 
blank book. Note there, also, auy authorities you find 
named. This way of searching and recording will branch 
out as fast and as far as any body will pursue it. Do not 
read too much at a time ; a wearied mind is not retentive. 

It is of the utmost importance to have as many good 
reference books at hand as possible. If you can have but 
one, have Webster's Unabridged Dictionary, illustrated, 
and if possible of the improved and revised edition of 1880, 
which contains several thousand more words than the older 
copies. A dictionary of prose and poetical quotations. A 
brief biographical dictionary and compilations from valued 
authors. Whenever you commit a sentiment, or quotation 
to memory, attach the name of the author to it on a tag of 
thought, thus : 



i fc» j 



Though this be madness, yet there 's method in it." 

— SJmh'speare. 



118 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

" For contemplation, he, and valor formed ; 
For softness, she, and sweet attractive grace." 

— Milton. 
"Know, then, thyself, presume not God to scan; 
The proper study of mankind is man." — Pope. 

" But trailing clouds of glory do we come 
From God, who is our home; 
Heaven lies about us in our infancy." 

— Wordsworth. 
" No pent up Utica contracts our powers, 
But the whole boundless continent is ours." 

Jonathan Mitchell Swell in an epilogue lo Addison's play of Cato. 

"And ne'er did Grecian chisel trace 
A nymph, a naiad, or a grace 
Of finer form and lovelier face." 

— Sir Walter Scott. 

"God tempers the wind to the shorn lamb." 

— Lawrence Sterne. 

"God helps them that help themselves." 

— Benjamin Franklin. 

Read newspapers for the current news of the day, and 
good periodicals. Not idly and wastefully, but so as to 
keep up with the truth of the present, as well as to learn 
the truth of the past. More and more wise and good 
thoughts are published in these temporary forms. Any one 
who has access to a good number of them, and can acquire 
some faculty of selection, may choose say one article out of 
six, or twenty, magazines and papers that will keep him 
abreast of the progress of the age. A splendid feeling it is; 
like the swimmer's delight of riding fonvard on great waves 
in the sea. Much of the kindest, wisest thought of the day 
brightens newspaper columns and magazine pages. The im- 
portant thing is to avoid being limited to one journal; to 
see as many as possible, and to learn to choose what is val- 
uable, and leave the rest. 



THE VALUE OF READING. 119 

If some of our readers find the list of books too difficult, 
let them take a lighter course. Here is one we append: 
Hume's ".History of England;" Mrs. Jamison's "Women 
of Shakespeare;" "Last Days of Pompeii," Bulwer; Mrs. 
Gaskell's " Life of Charlotte Bronte ; " Belknap's "American 
Biography ; " Taine's " English Literature." 

Bulwer's " Last Days of Pompeii " is one of the best in- 
troductions to Roman antiquities. Mrs. Gaskell's " Life of 
Charlotte Bronte" has been justly considered the finest, 
most charming and attractive of modern biographies, and is 
said to have all the attractions of a well written novel. 
It gives true sketches of many noted characters. Lord 
Macaulay's "History of England" is written in a style so 
captivating that the fact of some inaccuracies in its histor- 
ical record is overlooked. It is an exquisite piece of litera- 
ture, and will help to form an elaborate and elegant style of 
thought. The "Waverley Novels," Sir Edward Bulwer 
Lytton's novels, Charles Dickens's novels, and a few of the 
every-day w T orks of fiction, will be good light reading to 
intersperse with heavier matter. Translations from the 
German novel writers are singularly pure and free from 
mawkish sentiment. Among these may be classed those of 
E. Marlitt, translated by Mrs. Wister. Avoid as you would 
a pestilence the floating literature with high-sounding names 
and crazy heroines, who will drag you through interminable 
acres of rank weeds to reward you with a sickly withering 
posy of thought at the end — the "Hithertos" and "St. 
Elmos" of that exalted region where crack-brained senti- 
mentalists dwell. If you must read novels, and we are all 
better for some light pabulum with our mental diet, let them 
be romances of power and beauty, with a chivalric love 
illuminating them, such as the " Bride of Lammermoor," 
" Adam Bede," and works that have fine descriptive passages ; 



120 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

analysis of character, and valuable historical references. 
We give elsewhere a complete list of books, classified for 
male and female students, and made with more especial ref- 
erence to the needs of a practical knowledge of literature, as 
it is used in society circles. 

READING ALOUD. 

Of all knowledge and mental training, reading is the 
principal means, and reading aloud intelligently the unmis- 
takable if not the only sign. Yet this, which was so com- 
mon when the present generation of mature men were boys, 
is just what our highly and scientifically educated teachers 
seem either most incapable or most neglectful of teaching. 
And yet the means by which children were made intelligent 
and intelligible readers thirty or forty years ago were not 
so recondite as to be beyond attainment and use by a teacher 
of moderate ability and acquirement, who sets himself ear- 
nestly to his work. As it is remembered, that was the way 
in which children were taught to read with pleasure to 
themselves and with at least satisfaction to their hearers. 
Boys of not more than seven to nine years old were exer- 
cised in defining words from an abridged dictionary. The 
word was spelled and the definition given from memory, and 
then the teacher asked questions which tested the pupil's com- 
prehension of the definition that he had given, and the mem- 
bers of the class, never more than a dozen or fourteen in num- 
ber, were encouraged to give in their own language their idea 
of the w T ord, and to distinguish it from so-called synonyms. 
As to the amount of knowledge that was thus gained, it was 
very little — little, at least, in comparison with the value of 
this exercise as education ; that is, of mental training, 
which was very great. The same class read aloud every 
day, and the books that were read were of sufficient interest 



READIXG ALOUD. 121 

to tempt children to read them oi themselves, When the 
reading began, all the class were obliged to follow the 
r, each in his or her own book: for any pupil was 
liable to be- called upon to take up the recitation even at an 
unfinished Sentence, and go on with it. and if he hesitated 
in such a manner as showed that his eye and mind were not 
with the reader's, the effect upon his mark account was the 
same as if he himself had failed in reading. If the reading 
of any sentence did not show a just appreciation ol its 
meaning, the reader was stopped, and the sentence was 
passed through the class for a better expression of its sense. 
Whether this was obtained from the pupils or not. the 
teacher then explained the meaning, or gave some informa- 
tion, the want of which had caused the failure, and. by 
repetitions of both readings, the bad and the good, showed 
by contrast and by comment why the one was bad and the 
other good. Words were explained. If they were • i m- 
pound words, they were analyzed : the different -hades of 
meaning which words have in different connections were 
remarked upon, and the subject of the essay, the narrative, 
or the poem which formed the lesson far the day. was eluci- 
dated. The delivery of the voice was attended to. not in 
any pretentious, artificial, elocutionary way. but with such 
regard for good and pleasant speech as was dictated by 
common sense and good breeding. The young readers were 
not allowed to hang their heads either over their bosoms or 
over their shoulders, but were made to stand up straight, 
throw back their shoulders, and lift their heads Well up. so 
that, if their eyes were taken from their books, they would 
look a man straight in the nice. Only in this position can 
the voice be well delivered. The slightest mispronunciation 
was. oi course, observed and corrected ; and not on] - . 
but bad enunciation w, - h eked, and all slovenly mumbling 



122 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

was reprehended, and, as far as possible, reformed. Yet, 
with all this, there was constant caution against a prim, 
pedantic, and even a conscious, mode of reading. The end 
sought was an intelligent, natural, and simple delivery of 
every sentence. 

HOW TO BEAD BOOKS. 

Bishop Potter says: " Always have some useful and 
pleasant book ready to take up in odd ends of time." 
Do not attempt to read too much or too fast 
Read always the best and most recent book on the sub- 
ject which you wish to investigate. 

Lord Bacon says : " Some books are to be tasted, others 
swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested ; that 
is, some books are to be read only in parts; others to be 
read, but not curiously; and some few to be read with dili- 
gence and attention." 

" How should we read ? First, thoughtfully and crit- 
ically ; second, in company with a friend or your family; 
thirdly, repeatedly ; fourthly, with pen in hand. (Dr. A. 
Potter.) 

" Who reads 
Incessantly, and to his readings brings not 
A spirit and judgment equal or superior, 
Uncertain and unsettled still remains, 
Deep versed in books but shallow in himself." 

—Mlllon. 

"Novels," says Thackeray, "are sweets. All people with 
a healthy appetite love them, almost all women ; a vast 
number of clever hard-hearted men, judges, bishops, chan- 
cellors, mathematicians are notorious novel-readers, as 
well as young boys and sweet girls, and their kind, tender 
mothers." 

Ruskin in his letters and "advice to youne girls and 



HOW TO READ BOOKS. 123 

young ladies," says : " As to reading, the best romance be- 
comes dangerous if by its excitement it renders the ordinary 
course of life uninteresting, and increases the morbid for 
useless acquaintance with scenes in which we shall never be 
called upon to act. Modern literature is particularly rich 
in good novels, and they have serious uses, if read with 
earnestness, which they are not generally, being studies of 
human nature in its elements, treatises in moral astronomy 
and chemistry. The sense to a healthy mind of a being 
strengthened or weakened by reading, is as unmistakable as 
the sense to a healthy body of a being strengthened or weak- 
ened by fresh or foul air ; and one has just as much right 
to forbid the reading of an unwholesome book as a physi- 
cian has in ordering the windows to be opened in a sick-room. 
Every young woman should obtain, as soon as she can by 
the severest economy, a restricted, serviceable, and steadily 
(however slowly) increasing series of books for use through 
life, making her little library the most studied and decora- 
tive piece of furniture in the room/' 

With all other reading do not fail to read the Bible, not 
as a stumbling block on purpose to fall over it, but read the 
history, the precepts, the poetry of the Bible, if not relig- 
iously as an aesthetic delight, for the beauty of metaphor in 
which it abounds, the pages of quaintly told stories. Do 
not take some mysterious symbolic description, dark with 
intricate meaning, which only divine inspiration can illume, 
but select some storied history; that of Joseph sold by 
his brethren into Egypt, his coat of many colors, the 
reunion in that far land, over which he was rnnde ruler. 
Who can read this wonderful Oriental tale without being 
thrilled by its subtle descriptions? The beautiful imagery 
of the Book of books must impress every cultivated mind. 
It is filled with a wealth of description, and a passion of 



124 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

inspired eloquence that stirs the heart into a tumult of sym- 
pathetic joy. To the sick and sorrowing it is " as the 
shadow of a great rock in a weary laud." 

Any of Abbott's histories, but more particularly his 
biographical histories, can be recommended to the student 
or reader who wishes to begin a course. The lives of Savon- 
arola, Martin Luther, Michael Angelo, Burke, Chatham, 
Pitt, will all help to form an accurate style. The liv< - of 
the American inventors, Goodyear, Howe, Field, etc., as 
found in "The First Hundred Years," are well worth pe- 
rusal. In a miscellaneous course we might include Taine's 
"English Literature," Ruskin's Choice Selections, Bailey's 
"Festus," Chas. Kingsley's "Hypatia," Margaret Fuller's 
Criticisms, Agnes Strickland's Queens, George Eliot's 
"Romola," Charlotte Bronte's novels ("The Professor," 
"Jane Eyre," and "Villettc"), and in poetry Tennyson's 
Complete Poems, Whittier's, Longfellow's, and Bryant's 
" Library of Poetry and Song," which contains gems from 
the best poets of all nations, and is a library in itself. 

The student in German will find in the following list a 
valuable compilation of reading-matter from the best authors : 

Goethe. — Faust, Wilhelm Meister, Tasso, Herman and 
Dorothea, Iphigenia, Egmont. 

Schiller. — Maria Stuart, Don Carlos, William Tell, 
Joan of Arc, Wallenstein, Piccolomiui. 

Lessino. — Nathan the Wise, Minna von Barnhelm, 
Laocoon, Emilia Galotti. 

Jean Paul. — Method of Education ; Flower, Fruit, and 
Thorn Pieces. 

Andersen's "Marchen," a collection of celebrated fairy 
tales and little stories. 

Korner's Poems, of which the "Battle Prayer" is one 
of the best known to Americans. 



FAVORITE BOOKS. 125 

Heine's Short Poems. 

The famous novels of Auerbach, "On the Heights," 
"Villa Eden." (In the latter he introduces an American 
slave dealer, a being now happily extinct.) 

Miss Marlitt also has written novels well worth reading. 
"The Second Wife," "The Old Ma'mselle's Secret," and 
others are widely read. 

In philosophy there are the works of Kant, Schlegel, He- 
gel, etc. 

The writings of Kendrix are extensively read by those 
who study the German language, as they give the reader 
conversational or colloquial German. His best dramas are, 
"The Wedding Journey," "The Fashion," and "Doctor 
Wespe," 

FAVORITE BOOKS. 

"It has been said," observed that astute writer, Samuel 
Smiles, "that a man may be known by the company he 
keeps in his books." Milton's favorite volumes were Homer, 
Ovid, Euripides; Dante's was Virgil; Schiller's was Shake- 
speare; Gray's was Spenser; Goethe's was Spinoza's Ethics; 
Bunyan's was the old legend of " Sir Bevis of Southampton," 
which in all probability gave him the first idea of his " Pil- 
grim's Progress." The two books which most impressed 
John Wesley when a young man were the "Imitation of 
Christ," by Thomas a Kempis, and Taylor's " Holy Living 
and Dying." De Quincey's favorite few were Donne, Chil- 
lingworth, Jeremy Taylor, Milton, South, Barrow, and Sir 
Thomas Browne. He described these seven writers as seven 
golden stars, such as no literature can match, and from 
whose works he would undertake to build up an entire body 
of philosophy. Napoleon never wearied of reading Ossian's 
Poems and the "Sorrows of Werther." His range included 



126 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

Homer, Virgil, Tasso, novels of all countries, and histories 
of all times. 

The book which makes a deep impression upon a young 
man's mind often constitutes an epoch in his life. The 
hearing of an ode awakened the genius of La Fontaine. It 
was the reading of the Faerie Queen that first lit the poetic 
fire of Keats. "A love of books," says Thomas Hood, "pre- 
served me from moral shipwreck." The great scholar, Eras- 
mus, says : " I can never read the works of Cicero on ' Old 
Age/ or ' Friendship,' without fervently pressing them to 
my lips." 

The nucleus of a valuable library can be formed with a 
dozen well selected books, and the same number can com- 
prise an extensive course of reading if chosen in a scholarly 
manner, and read with proper appreciation. It is one 
thing to talk about books and what they treat of, and 
another thing to know about them. How many of the 
young people of the present time have read Milton's " Para- 
dise Lost," or Bunyan's " Pilgrim's Progress?" Yet these 
two books have been read more extensively by. the scholars 
of the world than any other books, and are the grandest 
existent types of a purely imaginative literature. Of " Pil- 
grim's Progress " it has been said : " It made a distinct mark 
in English literature, and affected the spiritual opinions of 
the English race, in every part of the world, more power- 
fully than any book, or books, except the Bible. With its 
characters and scenery, its Christian and Faithful and Apol- 
lyon, its Wicket Gate, its Slough of Despond, its Vanity 
Fair, its Beulah, and Valley of Humiliation, its Delectable 
Mountains and River of Death, so deeply imbedded in the 
speech, the imagination, the letters, and the human experi- 
ence of the English speaking, it has become an immortal 
part of them so long as they shall exist." 



e*F££M^ £. 



THE BATH — CLEANLINESS OF PERSON A DUTY WE OWE TO OUR- 
SELVES — BATHS — ANCIENT AND MODERN — THEIR EFFECT 
ON THE HEALTH— AIDS TO BEAUTY. 



ALF of the people we meet in 
the daily walks of life are 
unclean, as the high water 
marks at their neck and wrists 
plainly testify. They have said 
to the ablutionary wave, 
"thus far shalt thou come 
and no farther," and put- 
^ ting on the mark of clean- 
liness they hope to pass undiscov- 
ered in the ranks of respectability. 
They do not stop to consider how small 
a portion of the human body the face and 
hands represent, or that the system undergoes, through the 
surface, a liberal drainage every twenty-four hours. Clean 
people naturally wonder if the anti-bathers have any noses, 
and if they have, why they do not use them. Sanitary laws 
demand a liberal use of soap and water upon every portion 
of the skin. Hair mittens, flesh brushes, and crash towels 
will prolong life. 

People who never bathe must be totally unconscious of 
the varied and disagreeable odors of perspiration they carry 
with them. A well-known Washington beau, whose dress 




128 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

and outer appearance was irreproachable, was so untidy in 
his habits, and carried with him such very perceptible evi- 
dence of a careless toilet, that on one occasion a disgusted 
acquaintance w T as heard to quote, as he passed, "Room for 
the leper, room." The blow struck home. After an ab- 
sence of some months from society the gentleman again 
made his appearance, with spotless linen, a clear and healthy 
color, and all the evidences of a thorough daily bath. His 
teeth were clean, his breath sweet, and he no longer found 
himself avoided as a pestilence. 

The make-up of the human body is a series of miracles 
perpetuated in flesh and blood. At the age of sixteen years 
there are five hundred muscles and one hundred and sixty 
bones. The blood will weigh about twenty-five pounds. 
The heart, which averages about three inches in diameter 
and five inches in length, will beat seventy times a minute 
in its normal condition, 4,200 times an hour, 160,800 times 
a day, and 36,792,000 in a year. At each throb a little 
over two ounces of blood is thrown out of it, and each day 
it receives and discharges about seven tons of that wonderful 
fluid. The lungs contain a gallon of air, and will inhale 
24,000 gallons each day. The aggregate surface of the air 
cells of the lungs, supposing them to be spread out, exceeds 
20,000 square inches. The weight of the brain is three 
pounds. The nerves are over 10,000 in number. The 
skin is composed of three layers, and varies in thickness. 
The area of the skin is about 1,700 square inches, and it 
is subject to an atmospheric pressure of fifteen pounds to 
the square inch. Each square inch of the skin contains 
3,500 sweating tubes, or pores, for respiration, each one 
of which may be likened to a little drain-tile one-fourth 
of an inch long, making an aggregate length of the entire 
surface of the body of a drain, or tile ditch for draining 



THE BATH. 129 

the system, of twenty-three and a half miles long. How 
wonderfully and fearfully are we made ! 

It will be readily seen that a copious bath every day is 
necessary to keep the body sweet and clean. The ancients 
spent a part of every day in the bath ; they anointed them- 
selves with precious oils ; they used milk and wine and per- 
fumed baths ; and it is recorded of ancient Greece that at 
one period old people bathed in the blood of virgins, to re- 
store their youth and vigor. The Eoman bath was so elab- 
orate that it involved a large part of the day. The process 
was this : After undressing in the apodyterium, the bather 
was anointed in the elesothesium with a cheap, coarse oil, 
and then proceeded to a spacious apartment devoted to ex- 
ercise of various kinds, among which games at ball held a 
prominent place. Hence the hall was called sphseristerium. 
After exercise he went into the caldarium, either merely to 
sweat or to take the hot bath ; and during this part of the 
process the body was scraped with instruments, called stri- 
giles. Being now dried with cloths, and slightly anointed 
all over with perfumed oils, he resumed his dress, and then 
passed a short time successively in the tepidarium and the 
frigidarium, which softened the transition from the great 
heat of the caldarium into the open air. 

Remarkable Roman baths were those of Titus, of Cara- 
calla, and Diocletian at Ronie. 

The Mohammedans are a very cleanly people. Islam 
enjoins on his followers the careful preservation of corporal 
purity. The Turks copied the Mohammedans. Turkish, 
Russian, and medicated baths are found now in all portions 
of the civilized world; and in large cities, among the poor 
and improvident, cleanliness is made a compulsory virtue, 
as a sanitary regulation. 



130 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

ARTIFICIAL SALT -WATER BATHS — BRAN BATHS — RAIN- 
WATER BATHS. 

Among the luggage of an English family, the leather- 
covered, portable bath is as inevitable as the hat-box or 
portmanteau, and is packed with movables of one sort or 
another as if it were a trunk, and the well-born English- 
man, woman, and child takes a "tubbing" as certainly and 
as much a matter of course as a breakfast. This bath is 
usually a bedside affair. The maid who calls you in the 
morning lays beside the bed a soft, thick drugget, and 
places upon it the tub, fills it with water, and leaves your 
towels — one Russian and one huckaback — within easy reach, 
and you step from your bed into the bath. 

People who have no opportunity to enjoy sea-bathing 
will be glad to know that a substitute nearly, if not quite, 
as strengthening can be had in an ammonia bath. A gill 
of liquid ammonia in a pail of water makes an invigorating 
solution, whose delightful effects can only be compared to a 
plunge in the surf. To weak persons this is recommended 
as an incomparable luxury and tonic. It cleans the skin 
and stimulates it wonderfully, and leaves the flesh as cool 
and firm as marble. More than this, the ammonia purifies 
the body from all odor of perspiration. Those in whom 
the secretion is unpleasant will find relief by using a spoon- 
ful of the tincture in a basin of water, and washing the 
arm-pits with it every morning. 

Many people find great comfort and benefit from salt- 
water baths arranged in this way : A coffee-cup of fine dis- 
tilled salt is mixed with a gallon of water, and with a hair- 
mitten or Russian bath-cloth the body is thoroughly bathed 
with the mixture, rubbing until the surface is all aglow 
with the friction. The druggist sells boxes of salt espe- 



BATHS. 131 

cially prepared, and weighing three pounds, for half a dollar. 
For a delicate child such a bath is recommended as espe- 
cially beneficial. 

An occasional bran-bath greatly improves the condition 
of the skin ; and is excellent for the hair. The French 
women find it leaves their dark clear flesh as soft as a 
baby's. A peck of common bran, to be had at any of the 
feed-stores, is stirred into a tub of warm water. The rub- 
bing of the scaly particles of the bran cleanses the skin, 
while the gluten in it softens and strengthens the tissues. 
The friction of the loose bran calls the blood to the surface, 
and nervous and irritable people find special benefit from it 
to their minds as well as their bodies. 

Physicians say the habitual use of soap upon the face 
leaves the skin brown, and recommend a little oatmeal in 
the water, or the ammonia suggested above. 

Ladies who have moist or oily skins should use quite 
hot water for their baths, and a little fine bay-rum rubbed 
over the face, or a little of any of the toilet^waters now so 
much in vogue. A table-spoonful in the water will prevent 
that shiny appearance of the skin which is so disfiguring. 

In taking baths people must at all times be guided by 
judgment and the advice of the family doctor. Any one 
troubled with organic disease of the heart should never take 
a hot or cold bath without due care, as it might result 
in fatal prostration. A tepid bath alone would be safe. 
A hot bath determines the blood to the head, increases 
the circulation, and should always be avoided after eating 
a hearty meal. To some constitutions a hot bath is very 
injurious in its effects. The cold bath is not advisable 
when followed by no warm glow, neither when it is fol- 
lowed by a rush of blood to the head, in which cases 
tepid or warm water may be substituted. A wet, cool 



132 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

cloth, bound about the brows, will obviate the bad effects 
of a hot bath in nine cases out of ten. The hot water is 
good for the skin, and, when cooled off gradually by the 
introduction of a cold stream, leaves a delightful after-glow. 
Persons of slow circulation resort to eau de cologne or spirits 
to invigorate the water. 

Those who bathe regularly the year round in cold water 
are seldom troubled with eruptive complaints, and are rarely 
sensitive to cold ; and the most delicate woman may use the 
sponge bath daily, not only with impunity, but with advan- 
tage. To do this immersion is not necessary, and no one 
need complain that they can not have a good wash because 
they do not happen to possess a bath, for this might be 
easily accomplished after Miss Nightingale's plan, in the rules 
she laid down for her lady nurses >vho accompanied her to 
the Crimea. Even if they had but poor accommodations of 
basins and sponges, they were to thoroughly bathe themselves 
from top to toe every day, which is possible to every one. 

A MOORISH BATH. 

This description of a Moorish bath will particularly 
commend itself to gentlemen: 

" We must hurry to take our bath before twelve o'clock, 
as from that hour until six in the evening the establishment 
is sacred to the gentler sex. We will go to the Etat-major, 
where, being accustomed to the treatment of invalids, we 
will be handled more tenderly. Notice on the threshold as 
we enter that phlegmatic Bedouin kneading his feet as a 
finishing touch to his bath. He will remind you of Gordon's 
picture in the Museum at Marseilles of voluptuous Tiberius 
manipulated by an attendant. A single curtain separates us 
from the chamber which serves at once as sitting and dress- 
ing room. Raise this, and if you are at all up in what 



BATHS. 133 

artists call clair-obscure, I promise you an agreeable view. 
In the half-light produced by a unique lamp are softly 
denned columns of white marble, a- cuckoo clock, Mo- 
rocco trays, Venetian glass, and bathed in shadows a carved 
alabaster fountain with a gurgling jet d' eau, and the gal- 
leries and mysterious lofts strewn with sleepers and attend- 
ants, reminding one of the nun scene in the third act of 
Robert le Diable. At a signal from the chief, there ap- 
proaches a half-naked native, with girded loins and most 
peculiarly arranged hair, who leads you to your place of 
disrobing. He murmurs a few words, which you are to un- 
derstand as meaning to perform this action. Then, with a 
towel girding your loins, a turban on your head, and your 
feet in sandals, you proceed to the ordeal. The heat as- 
sists your imagination in thinking the young Moors can- 
nibals, with their flashing eyes, reeking chocolate-colored 
skins, and continual exhibition of white teeth. The usual 
kneading process ensues, with which you are no doubt fa- 
miliar from the ordinary Turkish bath. The after-pleasure 
of stretching off, and enjoying your coffee and a pipe, or 
some tea and a cigarette, is never to be forgotten, except in 
the delicious sleep which follows, and from which you are 
sufficiently refreshed surely for whatever occupation turns 
up for the rest of the day." 

Bathing should always be accompanied by vigorous rub- 
bing, and after a protracted warm bath it is well to lie down 
half an hour before dressing. Perfumed toilet soap or a 
dash of perfume in the water, will leave an agreeable .and 
soothing odor. 

THE ARAB PERFUME BATH. 

In the floor of the tent or hut, as it may chance to be, a 
small hole is excavated, sufficiently large to contain a com- 



134 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

mon champagne bottle; a lire of charcoal or of simply glow- 
ing embers is made within the hole, into which the lady 
about to be scented throws a handful of drugs. She then 
takes off the cloth, a " tope" which forms her dress, and 
crouches naked over the fumes, while she arranges her robe 
to fall as a mantle from her neck to the ground like a tent. 
She now begins to perspire freely in the hot-air bath, and 
the pores of the skin being thus opened and moist, the vol- 
atile oil from the smoke of the burning perfumes is imme- 
diately absorbed. By the time the fire lias expired the 
scenting process is completed, and both her robe and her 
tope and her person are redolent with incense, with which 
they are so thoroughly impregnated that I have frequently 
smelt the perfume from a party of ladies at full a hundred 
yards' distance, when the wind has been coming from that 
direction. [Sir William Baker.] 

THE MILK BATH. 

It is related of an old nobleman of London, who lived 
in the past century, that he possessed such a remarkably 
white, soft and smooth skin that the ladies besought him to 
impart to them the secret of its beauty. When they dis- 
covered that he used baths of new milk, they all resorted to 
the practice, and for a while milk baths were the rage in 
London and Paris. 

The ancient Greeks and Romans, who were said to be 
remarkable for the brightness and transparency of their skins, 
used to rub themselves with a sponge dampened with cold 
water, and follow this process by rubbing hard with a dry 
napkin. Rightly managed the human skin is susceptible of 
a high polish. Friction is never to be neglected by those 
who would adorn the court of beauty. 

The Turkish bath is an American institution at the 



BATHS. 135 

present day, and here in America we can have it in all its 
valuable features excepting the luxury. In some of the 
largest cities, New York, Philadelphia, and Chicago, there 
are marble floors and slabs, and elegant retiring rooms ; but 
the cup of coffee and the cigarettes are yet wanting, and an 
air of business pervades the luxury which interferes somewhat 
with the luxury- loving temperament. There is a hot room, 
in which the bather sits enveloped in a sheet until a vigorous 
perspiration is induced. Another room still hotter, the ther- 
mometer ranging from 100 to 200 degrees, according to the 
desire of the visitor, is then entered, and from that the bather 
retires, dripping at every pore, to be laid on a marble slab, 
washed, scrubbed, sponged, and kneaded, pinched and patted. 
When every inch of the frame has been thus manipulated a 
stream of tepid water is turned on, which gradually becomes 
cool, then cold, and is followed, if desired, by a plunge in the 
douche bath and a vigorous swim. Dried with coarse crash 
towels, the skin now becomes transparent as porcelain, the 
blood courses joyously through the veins, the whole system is 
elastic and fresh with new life, and a happy contentment is 
diffused through every fiber. Much of the benefit of the 
Turkish bath is due to the shampooer, who, in the ladies' de- 
partment, should be a young magnetic woman with a soft 
pliable hand and strength of limb. Gentlemen like a mus- 
cular colored attendant best. 

It is not in good taste to talk about the bath in com- 
pany — " I have taken a bath to-day," or " I am going to 
the bath" — as it is an understood thing that the bath is an 
every-day part of the toilet, and not an occasional luxury. 
Kings and Eastern nobles may receive visits in the bath, 
but Americans do not. It will be remembered that the 
tyrant Marat was killed in his bath, at Paris, by the French 
heroine, Charlotte Corday. 



136 



GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 



THE WINE BATHS OF PARIS. 

It is recorded of an American who, when visiting Paris, 
took a wine bath, that he indulged in a little conversation 
with the colored attendant as to the merits of the wine, and 
inquired what became of it after he had bathed. 

" First," said the man, " the nobles use it." 

" And then "— 

" The best class of travelers." 

" And next "— 

"The tradesmen and their families." 

" After that "— 

"The common people." 

" Then "— 

"Then, monsieur, the colored people." 

"And finally"— 

" We bottle it, and send it to America." 




ejf&smsm si. 



THE EYES — THEIR VALUE AND BEAUTY — POETRY OF THE EYES — SPEC- 
TACLES AND THEIR USE — ETIQUETTE OF 
THE EYES. 



HE eyes light up and beautify the 
T ~X whole face. They express 
admiration, love, amuse- 
ment, defiance, hatred. 
They remit telegraphic 
dispatches from soul to 
soul, sparkle with intelli- 
gence, flash with mirth, or 
lower with envy. Large, 
clear, soulful eyes add 
much to the beauty of a 

handsome face, and often redeem a plain one from ugliness. 

Romeo says of Juliet's eyes : 

"Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven, 
Having some business, do entreat her eyes 
To twinkle in their spheres, till they return." 

Large, calm, grand eyes, are those that look forth from 
the heart of knighthood ; soft, loving, shy, the eyes that are 
lighted by a pure womanly soul. Kind eyes attract by their 
gentle penetration; bright eyes by their piquancy and mer- 
riment. There is as much difference in the characteristics 
of eyes as of disposition. Blue eyes belong to blondes; 
black to brunettes. There are gray eyes, auburn eyes, vio- 
let eyes, and dark green eyes, rare, but very beautiful. 




138 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

Juno is spoken of as ox-eyed. From time immemorial 
lovers have used the eyes to convey tender sentiments, and 
poetry is full of allusions to them. 

"A violet in her lovely hair, 
A rose upon her bosom fair, 

But oh, her eyes 
A lovelier violet disclose! " 

Whittier tells us how Maud Miiller 

"Listened, while a pleased surprise 
Looked from her long-lashed hazel eyes." 

An enthusiastic writer, who has given the world a poem, 
" My eyes ! how I love you ! " says : 

"Not the black eyes of Juno, 
Nor Minerva's of blue ; no, 
Nor Venus's, you know, 
Can equal your own." 

And another, with a reckless use of metaphor, asks his 
fair oue to 

"Drink to me only with thine eyes.'' 

The only ameliorating circumstance in the fate of those 
born blind is that they never saw and can have no concep- 
tion of what light and colors are. Those who have seen 
and then become blind, are far more to be pitied. A 
mother who can never look into her baby's eyes to watch 
intelligence dawning there, loses one of the great joys of 
motherhood. A man who is bereft of sight is weak and 
helpless as a child, and often dependent on one for every 
step he takes. Those who foolishly tamper with their eyes 
are guilty of betraying a sacred trust. Daily experience 
teaches us that the decay of vision is hastened by many 
causes which are frequently overlooked. Although it is 
about at the age of forty that the sight usually begins to 



THE EYES. 139 

fail, yet we find that some persons attain extreme old age 
without needing glasses at all. Others, on the contrary, 
require glasses at the age of thirty, and though much de- 
pends upon constitutions, much also depends upon a person's 
habits. 

One of the worst habits is that of overworking the eyes 
by night-light. Repose from labor, so necessary for the 
restoration of tone and vigor to the several organs of the 
body, is too sparingly granted to the eyes. Let it be re- 
membered that day-work is preferable to night- work; that 
while the light of a lamp or gas is trying even to a strong 
eye, the moderate light of the sun is strengthening to it. 
Those whom circumstances compel to study in the evening, 
should select that kind of work which is least distressing to 
the eyes. They should especially avoid indistinct writing 
or small print. Reading by firelight, or simply gazing into 
an open fire, is highly injurious to feeble eyes; it is not ad- 
visable to read by twilight. Too little light is as pernicious 
as too much light, yet many persons will sit, evening after 
evening, in a sort of subdued twilight, rather than light a 
lamp. 

In reading and writing, just that amount and quality of 
light, whether natural or artificial, should be allowed which, 
while it thoroughly illuminates the object, feels grateful and 
pleasant to the eyes. The soft white flame of the German 
student lamp, now universally used, is the best light there 
is. For reading by gas-light a shade should be used, to 
throw the light on the page and not on the eyes. 

People suffer much, at large parties, from the glare of 
light. Ladies can use a fan to protect their eyes, but gen- 
tlemen must bear it, often to their great discomfiture. A 
sudden transition from light to gloom is very trying. Go- 
ing much to the opera and theater, and steadily conccntrat- 



140 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

ing the sight upon a brilliantly lighted stage, will soon im- 
pair the strongest eyes, unless great care is taken of them 
at other times. 

SPECTACLES. 

It is the fashion to wear glasses now, and change them 
nearly as often as the toilet is changed. There are smoked 
glasses for the promenade, to counteract the bad effect of 
light refracted from the pavements; rose-colored glasses, to 
enhance the beauty of the eyes; blue glasses, to look intel- 
lectual; and rimless eye-servers for the weak eyes. There 
seems to be an increased necessity among the young for wear- 
ing spectacles, which may be caused by the more careful in- 
spection which opticians give the eyes at present; but it is a 
strange sight to see on our streets a boy of six wearing 
glasses with all the aplomb of a grandfather, or a miss of 
sixteen saucily and coquettishly adjusting her "specs" on 
the promenade. 

It can not be too strongly urged upon any one about to 
wear spectacles for the first time that the power which will 
enable him to read without much exertion by night light is 
the only power suitable for him. It is by lamp-light only he 
should use glasses at first, and as soon as he finds that he stands 
in need of glasses by day as well as by night, and that the 
glasses he uses no longer afford him a sufficient assistance by 
night, it will be proper to use the next power for the even- 
ing, but for that time only, and to allow himself the use of 
the first pair for the day only. The greatest caution is to 
be observed in increasing the power of glasses, for persons 
who change them often unnecessarily, increasing their power 
each time, are exhausting the resources of art, instead of 
economizing them as much as possible. 



THE EYES. 141 



ORNAMENTING THE EYE. 



Gentlemen injure their eyes by smoking, drinking too 
freely, and riding in the wind : but it is doubtful if all these 
causes combined are as injurious as the habit some- ladies 
have of flirting strong soap suds, lemon juices, or eau de 
cologne into them to make them bright; while others take 
bella donna, arsenic, and other deadly poisons for the same 
purpose. These ideas are said to be obtained from the Span- 
ish women. The Eastern women, many of whom possess 
large, dark eyes, have great skill in penciling the eye, so 
as to add to its natural power. The Turkish and Circassian 
women use henna for darkening the eyes. Among the Arabs 
of the desert the women blacken the edge of their eye-lids with 
powder, and draw a line around the eye, which makes it 
appear large. The eyes of Egyptian ladies, with a very few 
exceptions, are black, large, and of a long almond form. 
Their charming effect is much heightened by the conceal- 
ment of the other features under the veil, and by the uni- 
versal practice of blackening the edge of the eye-lids with 
a black powder called kohl. This is produced by the' burn- 
ing of an aromatic resin, the smoke-black of which is col- 
lected in a little vessel. It is also prepared by burning 
almond shells. Although believed to be beneficial to the 
eyes, it is merely used for ornament. 

The custom of ornamenting the eyes prevailed among 
both sexes in Egypt in ancient times, and is shown by the 
sculptures and paintings in the temple and tombs. It was 
done by slaves, who were experts in the art. 

ETIQUETTE OF THE EYES. 

As the eyes express the deepest sentiments of the heart, 
they should be modest and guarded in their glances; but it 



142 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

is too often the case that they are bold, venturesome, and 
show bad temper and other evil moods. A reader of human 
nature will find in the eyes a summary of the moral quali- 
ties of the individual. They speak the thoughts of the 
heart with mute eloquence. 

"Soft eyes looked love to eyes which spake again;" 

and all other passions look forth like sentinels from those 
windows of the soul. 

The Scotch have an expression to "threep at you," which 
is done by a peculiar half-shutting of the eyes, and which 
superstitious people believe will draw one toward the prac- 
ticer by a mystic power. 

"The lady never made unwilling war 
With those fine eyes," 

Vivien tells the sage in Tennyson's Idyls. 

The Spanish women, who veil the rest of their face, use 
their eyes with great power. But woman everywhere has 
used this power unsparingly, making the 

"Wicked lightning of her eyes" 

her scathing fire to destroy her enemies. 

WEAK EYES. 

Weak eyes are not only disfiguring to the face, but very 
painful. Tying on cloths soaked in salt and w T ater, and 
allowing them to remain all night, is often very beneficial. 
Cold cream, vaseline, or a cooling ointment may be used 
with good effect. Light and all irritating causes must be 
avoided until the lids of the eyes are healed. It is always 
best in any disease of the eyes to consult an oculist at once, 
as it may be from some constitutional weakness, and not a 
permanent derangement of the organs of vision. 



THE TEETH — RULES FOR TAKING CARE OF THEM— THE BREATH — HOW 
TO KEEP IT SWEET— SMALL MOUTHS— THE HAIR— RARE COLORS 
IN HAIR— WHITE HAIR — HOW TO PRESERVE IT— CHILDREN'S 
HAIR — SOME ELABORATE COIFFURES. 

MERICA has more dentists than any 
other country under the sun. Perhaps this 
is owing to the fact that the people have 
more need of them. As a business class 
they are very prosperous, and it is pre- 
sumable that whatever people do not 
pay for, they pay for their teeth, though 
we recall the example of a shining 
American divine who went into court, 
and contested a bill for his father's teeth, 
and also the case of a lady whose mar- 
riage was broken off by the dentist, who 
kept his customer's teeth as collaterals. The lover called, 
was not received, and, on learning the cause, withdrew his 
suit ignominiously. Americans unquestionably have more 
perishable teeth than any other nation, and this in the face 
of the fact that they begin in childhood to care for them. 
In this case an ounce of prevention would be well worth the 
pound of cure, the hot food and cold drinks of Americans 
going far to promote early decay among the molars and 
incisors. 

It is computed that there is one dentist to every four 
thousand inhabitants, making an aggregate of twelve thou- 
sand dentists who find employment in the United States. 




144 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

A prominent dentist has lately produced a statement, in 
which he declares that about half a ton of pure gold, repre- 
senting some five million dollars, is annually used for filling 
teeth in the republic, and that nearly four times as much 
material of a cheaper grade, silver and platinum, is used 
for the same purpose. He estimates that only three cen- 
turies would be needed to put all the gold coin now in cir- 
culation in the country, one hundred and fifty million dol- 
lars, into disuse by filling the teeth of successive generations. 
He adds that almost three million artificial teeth are made 
or mounted on various kinds of plate every year, and that 
out of an average of eighty persons, of all classes here — 
the estimate is based on carefully prepared statistics — only 
one person has perfectly sound teeth. 

These truths would seem to indicate some climatic diffi- 
culty, rendering the unsoundness of our teeth a universal 
misfortune, and bringing a long train of evils, among which 
not the least is a bad breath. No doubt those who have 
perfect teeth have always taken good care of them, brushing 
them carefully after eating, and avoiding extremes of heat 
and cold in food. If parents would give their children 
tooth-brushes and dentifrice instead of candy, much good 
would result from the change. Defective teeth injure the 
looks and articulation, and are a source of constant pain 
and annoyance to their owner. The best thing to do in 
such a case is to have every tooth extracted and their place 
supplied with an artificial set, as nearly resembling the first 
as possible. A great mistake is made in getting new teeth 
that are too small and perfect, thus giving a constant air of 
china wonder to the mouth. Some dentists create artificial 
defects, fill imaginary vacancies with gold, and produce a 
very fair copy of the natural teeth. 



THE TEETH. 145 



RULES FOR TAKING CARE OF THE TEETH. 

Brash well after every meal with a medium brush. If 
the bristles are too hard they injure the teeth. Use tepid 
water only, unless the teeth are coated, when a little pul- 
verized charcoal or cigar-ash will be all that is needed. If 
any other dentifrice is used, consult a respectable dentist, 
on whose word you can depend, and he will furnish a per- 
fumed powder or liquid without injurious properties. 
Smoking may not be detrimental to the teeth, but chewing 
certainly is. Picking the teeth with a pin is not only a 
vulgar habit, but a very dangerous one, as persons have 
been known to swallow the toothpick in such instances, 
with fatal results. The modern invention of wooden tooth- 
picks is a valuable one, since it offers an immediate relief 
from particles of food that lodge between the teeth. The 
profusion in which this little implement of dentistry is 
found at hotels, business offices, and even in private houses, 
shows that its offices are fully appreciated. 

Never, as you value your social reputation, use a tooth- 
pick at table, or when conversing with any one, or in any 
public manner. It is a vulgarism that not even the boasted 
freedom of a republic can allow. It is not in good taste to 
allude to the teeth in conversation, especially in general 
company. Never, in speaking of any one, say, " He or she 
has false teeth." The person you are in conversation with 
may also have such appendages, and be sensitive about it. 
No personal defects should ever be alluded to, especially as 
a matter of jest. 

THE BREATH. 

It is of the greatest importance that the breath should 

be good. A pure breath is as impalpable as air. It is 

10 



146 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

completely odorless. A bad breath is so offensive to people 
who are approached by it that very worthy people arc 
shunned for no other reason, and their acquaintance posi- 
tively tabooed. It would seem that persons so afflicted 
should be conscious of it ; but it becomes second nature to 
them, and their friends do not care to speak on the subject 
before them. Various devices are resorted to to disguise a 
bad breath; but they usually end by making it worse. The 
first thing to do is to discover the cause — whether it is 
owing to the teeth or the stomach. Coarse food — such as 
cabbage, onions, pork, sausage, cheese, and stewed messes — 
will give the breath that strong inodorous flavor that is 
suggestive of kitchen living. Beer, tobacco, or milk added 
will produce the worst case of chronic bad breath on record. 
Young gentlemen who indulge freely in cigars, and then 
attempt to conceal the use of the weed by chewing flag- 
root, cardamom-seed, or using trix, carry with them a re- 
minder of their presence far from agreeable. Young ladies 
who are afflicted with impure breaths should at once en- 
deavor to reach the cause. If the family physician can not 
aid them, let them use all such simple appliances as are 
within reach to mitigate the evil. Rinse the mouth with 
cold water, gargle the throat freely, keep the teeth and 
tongue clean, and take occasionally a teaspoonful of pow- 
dered charcoal. Be careful of the diet. Eat freely of 
lemons, drink lime-juice, and frequently wash the mouth 
with soap and water, or water with a little powdered borax 
sifted in; fine castile-soap, dissolved in rose-water, makes an 
excellent wash. Powdered castile-soap should be found on 
every toilet-stand. If, with the use of such remedies, the 
breath continues bad, the seat of the disorder will be found 
to be in the stomach, and must be treated hygienically at 
once. 



THE BREATH. 147 

In speaking to others, it is impolite to breathe or cough 
in any one's face. Deep, loud breathing is one of the most 
disagreeable habits that can be contracted. It is absolute 
torture to a person of delicate sensibilities to sit near a wide- 
awake snorer. Children should be early taught to avoid so 
marked a peculiarity, one which gives an air of boorishness 
to the individual, and makes him an object of contempt. 

Never keep the mouth open or ajar. It is the misfor- 
tune of those with weak intellects to go about with their 
jaws hanging apart, and it will give an air of idiocy to the 
most intelligent countenance. A weak twitching of the 
mouth is indicative of an irresolute and vacillating charac- 
ter, handling the lips, pulling them down or pinching them, 
or making whistling noises, are tricks of the shallow-minded. 
They should be corrected in small children who can be 
taught at an early age to govern their features. 

A small mouth is never admired in gentlemen, a pretty 

man being looked upon by the fair sex as a carpet knight, 

one who encroaches upon their own territory ; but a lady is 

always desirous of possessing classic features, among which 

may be reckoned a small and beautifully curved mouth, a 

perfect Cupid's bow, with a thin upper lip and a pouting 

lower one. 

" Her lips were red, and one was thin ; 
Compared to that was next her chin — 
Some bee had stung it newly:" 

Sang a poet of three centuries ago. In the same strain 
another ancient sweet singer writes: 

"Some asked me where did rubies grow, 
And nothing did I say, 
But with my ringer pointed to 
The lips of Julia. 



148 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

" Some asked how pearls did grow, and where : 
Then spake I, to my girl, 
To part her lips and show them there 
The quarrelets of pearl." 

We will hope the " quarelets of pearl " were in better 
condition than the majority of such attractions are, belong- 
ing to belles of the present day. 

The old story of the stage coach, though " an old tale 
and often told," may not come amiss here. A traveler was 
amusing a party with his notes of foreign countries, and 
among other things, mentioned a place he had visited abroad 
where every woman who had a small mouth was provided 
with a husband. 

" You-do n't-thay-tho," lisped an old maid in one corner 
of the coach, who had been an attentive listener. 

"Yes," continued this Munchausen among travelers; 
" but every woman who had a large mouth was provided 
with two husbands!" 

" Goodness gracious me !" exclaimed the old maid, throw- 
ing open her mouth to such an alarming extent, that the 
frightened traveler was glad to escape from the coach and 
finish his journey on foot. 

THE HAIR. 

Long hair is the glory of a woman, and the shame of a 

man, according to the Apostle Paul. The ancients were 

accustomed to wear flowing hair, and in old pictures men 

are always represented with long, curling locks. In spite 

of St. Paul, men in the old Bible days wore their hair an 

absurd length. Witness Absalom, whose fine hair proved a 

death trap to him. 

" If Absalom had worn a wig, 
He ne'er had hung upon a twig." 



THE HAIR. 149 

Poets and artists are usually represented with ambrosial 
locks flowing over their coat collars. In the present day it 
is only some eccentric character, some weak minded divine 
who imagines that by wearing his hair long, and parting it 
in the middle, he will resemble the great Teacher of Naz- 
areth, or a foppish youth, whose vain intellect reaches out 
to the British aristocracy, and whom he falsely imagines he 
is copying. A hundred years ago men in high social posi- 
tion, commanders of armies and navies, wore their hair 
banged across the forehead and tied in a peruke at the back, 
the whole mass being whitened with powder. Noted public 
characters have lent a distinctive value to certain styles of 
wearing the hair. During the reign of Oliver Cromwell, 
the roundheads won their title by their closely cropped hair. 
Madame Pompadour, the mistress of Louis XV, has be- 
queathed her name to posterity as the inventor of a certain 
style of ladies' hair-dressing, the hair rolled back from the 
forehead a la Pompadour. Well would it be if no unworthier 
memory attached to her. For many years it was the popular 
fashion at the French court ; indeed, it never passed wholly 
into disuse until the low forehead was demanded by a caprice 
of fashion, and the Pompadour was found incompatible with 
bangs and water waves. 

The hair is one of the attributes of the human body, 
over which death and decay have no power. Buried in the 
grave dust for a century, it will be found bright, strong, 
and uninjured by the terrible ordeal. Profuse hair is con- 
sidered a sign of strength. When Delilah sheared Samson's 
long tresses, he lost his power. Esau was a hairy man. 
One of the beautiful symbols of that rarest and most poeti- 
cal of books, the Bible, is the story of Mary Magdalene, 
who washed the feet of Christ with her tears, and wiped 
them with the hairs of her head. We are told that our 



150 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

hairs are all numbered, and that we can not turn one hair 
black or white, a prediction that is literally true, since we 
can only procure, with all our arts and chemicals, a weak 
imitation of the natural color. Thin or heavy locks come 
by the right of progeniture. It is customary, in .some fami- 
lies, to have a heavy growth of dark hair, which will de- 
scend in a diverted line, a daughter and a son inheriting it, 
while other members of the same family will get theirs from 
the other parent. It is not uncommon to find the daughters 
of a house with red or light hair, while the sons have dark 
or black locks. This inheritance is more directly traceable 
than any other feature. 

There are fashions in hair almost as despotic as in dress. 
Golden hair has always been considered beautiful in women. 
Poets have sung of it; artists have depicted it. Naturally it 
is a child's dower, and it is rarely found on a full-grown 
person with the soft, shining, pure gold tints that make it so 
rare and valuable. The German women and children have 
flaxen hair more frequently than any other nation, and some- 
times a shy fraulein is found with a head of golden hair, 
which soon finds it Avay to market. She sells her Marguerite 
braids for a handful of groschen, and six months later some 
fine lady on this side of the water pays one hundred dol- 
lars for a switch that grew on fraulein's head. The golden 
hair of childhood is surpassingly lovely because it has the 
pure young delicate-veined skin, the transparent temples, 
and rosy, dewy lips to match it. But if some of our Ameri- 
can ladies could see themselves, with angular forms, skin 
like parchment, crow's-feet at the corners of sunken eyes, 
and wrinkles in place of dimples, with a thatch of golden 
hair pulled low over their eyes, they would shudder at the 
inconsistency. That brown hair, which poets define as 
" Brown in the shadow, golden in the sun," 



THE HAIR. 151 

goes with hazel eyes and a florid complexion. It is usually 
fine and silken, and either has the peculiarity of arranging 
itself in satin smooth bands, or belongs to ladies who take 
much pride in keeping it neat and smooth. The small 
sleek head, with the Grecian coil at the nape of the neck, 
and the rippling hair half concealing the small shell-like 
ear, may still be met with in the walks of daily life. It is the 
ideal of sculptor and painter, and the Evangeline of Acadia. 
The classic art of this coiffure can never be approached by 
any coiffeur who sees more beauty in a chatelaine braid, or 
a shining bandeau of jet beads. 

Red hair is never very popular. It is seen less and less in 
the fashionable world, where those who have it frequently 
dye it brown, or turn it into auburn, by the use of po- 
mades. The genuine old-fashioned brick-red hair is almost 
a thing of the past, except at the country spelling-school, 
where some youth presents a shock of it, which will suffer 

" Change, 
Into something rich and strange," 

upon his first visit to the city. It depends much upon the 
position of the individual whether the hair is red or golden. 
The derisive sentiment among her schoolmates, "Here 
comes old Jones's red-haired Sal!" is changed when the 
young lady inherits her father's wealth and enters society 
as an heiress. Then it is, " Here is Miss Sadie Jones, with 
her beautiful golden hair." The misery that red hair has 
caused to one solitary sensitive member of a large family, 
who was the only one endowed with it, can hardly be esti- 
mated. Many a boy, whose hair is now a rich auburn, can 
recall the time when he hid all day behind the woodpile, 
rather than face the music of " red-head" at school. It is a 
common belief that a fiery temper accompanies red hair. 
It is certain that a fine, delicate skin does, which burns 



152 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

easily in the sun and wind, and causes its possessor about 
as much annoyance as the color of the hair. In some 
countries, where only dark hair is known, red is greatly ad- 
mired. Queen Elizabeth had red locks, which she dressed 
in such disfiguring style that one of her admirers is said to 
have alluded to her as " her gracious ugliness." Red seems 
to be the only color that has been condemned in hair, but 
it may be that the fickle goddess of fashion will some day 
decree that it shall be worn by her subjects, when we shall 
all be as anxious to possess it as we now are to get rid of it. 

Black hair is not as common as a dark, severe brown, 
nor is it as desirable, since it fades and changes into gray 
at an earlier age. A genuine black head of hair has a 
bluish tinge. It belongs to brunettes with olive complex- 
ions and high color. It indicates strong passions, force of 
character, and deep affection. Black hair is easily dressed 
to advantage, since it sets off flowers or ornaments to fine 
effect, and is always brilliant in a ball-room. Dusted with 
diamond powder, it is magnificent. Large quantities of 
coal-black hair are imported from the southern provinces 
of France, often amounting to several hundred thousand 
pounds weight. The peasant girls sell their splendid hair 
for a trifle — enough to provide them with a day of merry- 
making at some fete; but the shrewd dealers realize large 
sums of money from the sale of the precious commodity. 

Hair-dealers are sometimes applied to by persons having 
a peculiar drab-colored hair, which is exceedingly scarce 
and almost impossible to match, one well-known coiffeur 
importing a switch from London at an expense of several 
hundred dollars. It was an exact match, and as peculiar in 
its shade as the living hair. 

White hair has been for some time in great demand, 
and many ladies resort to the bleaching process to hasten 



* ^ 

Ht O 

P ^ 

I ^ 

| O 




THE HAIR. 153 

the climax. Mrs. Cady Stanton, with her snow-white locks 
bound with a fillet of apple-green ribbon, has long been a 
representative woman. White hair and black lashes and 
eyebrows are considered distinguishing marks of an ele- 
gant toilet — as black hair, lashes, and brows, with blue 
eyes, constitute Irish beauty. Gray or white hair should 
be elaborately coiffed. It will bear it, with marked im- 
provement. 

CARE OF THE HAIR. 

The less that art has to do with the crowning glory of 
woman the better. Keep the scalp clean and well-ven- 
tilated, and brush the hair vigorously every day, combing it 
just enough to prevent its tangling. Wash the hair fre- 
quently in salt and water without soap, or in bran and 
water, which was a favorite hair-wash of Lola Montez. 
Dry it by rubbing gently with towels. The use of oils, po- 
mades, and lusters for the hair is of less value than frequent 
cleansing and brushing. A fine-tooth comb should never 
be used. Instead, brush it gently with a metallic brush, 
which will irritate the scalp sufficiently to keep up a good 
circulation. The dust should be kept out, and at night the 
whole mass should be freed from hair-pins and confining 
braids, and allowed to float freely over the pillow and air 
itself. Care should be taken to remove scurf or dandruff 
by anointing with vaseline, and the next day washing in 
warm water with castile-soap. If the end of the hair is 
split, it needs half an inch cut off by one, from the head, 
and examining the scalp, and it can be determined if it is 
free from disease, the little segment of flesh attached being 
a mere smooth surface. Ammonia is injurious to the hair, 
as it destroys the secretion of natural oil, and kills the life 
principle. Hot irons do it the same injury. Fashionable 



154 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

ladies repair the damage by recourse to art, and pile on 
fictitious tresses to conceal all deficiencies. The girls and 
women who can not do this should cherish with care their 
natural inheritance. The writer knew a lady who took 
such care of her teeth and hair as to become a subject of 
remark among her intimate friends, who remonstrated with 
her, and received for reply : " I wish to look well in my 
coffin, like that lady about whom Pope wrote, and I have 
a fancy to die all at once, and not by degrees/' 

Gentlemen have their barbers to consult, and will not be 
likely to find any hints in these pages. Their hair is so sim- 
ple that, like a short horse, it is soon curried. Their habit 
of washing the head every morning is a good one; but it is 
made of little account by the foolish custom of keeping the 
hat on at all times, except when eating and sleeping. Fashion 
has not done much for the head of the family. If he gets 
bald, he can not beautify himself with a Saratoga wave. 
The old-style wig with a few modern improvements is all 
he can hope for, and the most of men would rather be bald. 
The ancient Romans painted a fringe of hair on the bare 
spot — frescoed it in imitation of nature. It is a well-known 
fact that gentlemen have a severe prejudice against gray 
wigs; they will mount a dark-brown or black article, even 
though a fringe of gray hair should be perceptible around 
the edges. It is common to dye the whiskers or mustache 
when they are light, and often the absurdity of a jet black 
beard and iron gray hair presents itself — a paradox in na- 
ture, to say the least. Endless devices have been resorted 
to in order to make the hair grow on the top of the head; 
but there is not one case in a thousand where it ever does, 
or if a tender growth of young hair is coaxed out, it soon 
wears off. The oils and unguents warranted to make the 
hair grow are worthless nostrums, and will no more restore 



THE HAIR. 155 

the hair to the bald spot than they will cause it to sprout on 
the chin of the callow youth. 

Elsew T here in this volume will be found recipes for 
cleansing, enlivening, and coloring the hair. 

CHILDREN'S HAIR. 

The fine, soft hair, which is the first growth on a child's 
head, turns harder and darker each time that it is subjected 
to the shears, and it is not advisable to cut it all until after 
the sixth or seventh year is passed. Then, if it is uneven 
and thin, it can be cut close to the head, and allowed to 
grow out again immediately. The hair of children should 
be frequently washed with tepid water and a little borax. 
If there is scurf on the scalp, rub a little sweet oil on, and 
wash it off with castile soap and a sponge. 

The fashion of crimping and curling the hair of chil- 
dren is foolish and hurtful. Little creatures of three or 
four years and even younger have their soft locks twisted 
into curl papers by injudicious mothers, who are bent upon 
making the children charming, and who do not stop to con- 
sider how far they may be defeating their own aims by the 
action, or how much pain they may be inflicting on the 
objects of their fond solicitude. If the hair curls naturally, 
it looks well dressed in that fashion ; but putting it in papers 
is sure to injure it, breaking it off, or pulling it out by the 
roots. The use of curling irons is yet more objectionable. 
Anv thing that tangles and cuts the hair is bad in the ex- 
treme, and it is to be regretted that mothers draw so heavily 
upon the capital of their children's hair, instead of using 
the yearly increasing interest of its beauty and value. By 
keeping the scalp of the head clean and the hair brushed 
into silky softness, its beauty can be preserved until late 
in life. 



156 



GEMiS OF DEPORTMENT. 



MISERIES OF AN ELABORATE COIFFURE. 

History gives an account of how, many hundreds of years 
ago, ladies devoted several hours at a time to the arrange- 
ment of their hair. One can easily imagine, while gazing 
upon the portraits of court ladies and queens, and seeing 
their elaborate coiffures, how much time could be given to 
the art, And yet ladies of the present day, although the 
style of hair-dressing is comparatively simple, will often, in 
order to have the services of a certain hair-dresser, have 
their heads dressed a whole day and night before they are 
ready to appear at a reception or ball, and many of them 
are known to sit bolstered up in bed, with head resting 
against the head-board of the bedstead, afraid to move or 
hardly to breathe, for fear a lock or hair-pin might be dis- 
arranged. 




e*f&5Mi^ sm 



TAKING CARE OF THE NAILS — BEAUTY AND USE OF THE HAND — FEET 
AND THEIR VALUE — POETRY OF THE SOLE. 

HE symmetry of the hands 
may be of the most approved 
artistic type, yet, if they 
are otherwise blemished, their 
beauty is marred to a great 
extent; and no blemish is more 
noticeable than those which ap- 
pear at the extremity of the 
fingers. The nails were in- 
tended as a protection as well as 
a finish to the fingers, and to neglect them 
is highly censurable. They require clean- 
ing, paring, and polishing from time to 
time, in order to preserve their health and 
beauty, for a perfect nail is really, beauti- 
ful, and, if properly cared for, will be 
smooth, transparent, and nearly rose- 
colored, with a half disk of pearly 
\ white where it unites with the skin. 
Chinese ladies of rank wear their nails 
very long; indeed, they are never cut. 
At night they soak them in warm, per- 
fumed water, turning them back, and 
binding them around their wrists, to prevent them from 
breaking off. There was a time when young gentlemen 




158 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

permitted the nail of the last finger to grow an inch long; 
but they were soon ridiculed out of the idea. 

In London, Paris, New York, and some other large 
cities, there are manicures, who, like little Miss Mowcher in 
"David Copperfield," go about keeping people's nails in 
order at a trifling expense, and taking care of their hair and 
eyebrows at the same time. These people have a little box 
of small instruments, with which they clean, trim, straighten, 
and regulate the nails, paring them to a nicety, softening 
with harmless little ointments, and occasionally coloring a 
delicate pink when nature fails to tint them nicely. The 
nails should be rather long, pellucid, and rounded at the 
ends; but they are better kept very short than ever to pre- 
sent that discolored line which denotes uncleanliness. 

" I have all the acres of my estate at my finger-ends," 
said a lady once in a social circle. 

" I do not doubt it, madam," answered a gentleman, who 
was critically noticing the real estate under her finger-ends. 

A gentleman may have fine manners and w r ear fine 
dress ; but if his nails are unclean, he is a gentleman only 
by a title to which he has no claim. 

Never use a sharp instrument to scrape the inside of the 
nail, as it causes a roughness that attracts and secretes par- 
ticles of dirt. There are nicely arranged boxes of nail- 
goods for the toilet — files, brushes, powders, and lotions — 
which add greatly to the beauty of the " ten servants." 

Biting the nails is a habit contracted often by children, 
and usually looked at as more disagreeable than harmful. 
But there have been several cases known to physicians 
where a post-mortem examination has disclosed undigested 
masses of finger-nails in the stomach. So the habit is not 
only disgraceful to manners, but deadly to health. 

There are diseases of the nails to which some people 



TAKING CARE OF THE NAILS. 159 

are subject, but which can be easily treated. Black specks, 
corrugated surfaces, ragged edges, and flaky nails, all require 
treatment. One of the most serious disorders is called 
onycha, which gives them the appearance of claws, while 
the exterior is rough and discolored like an oyster-shell; 
but this is happily amenable to constitutional or local rem- 
edies. The process of manipulating the nails is quite elab- 
orate, and is thus described : 

" The hands or finger-tips are first steeped in perfumed 
tepid water, dried, and then submitted to the care of the 
manicure, who does not push the edge back, but simply 
loosens the dead cuticle that has adhered to the base of the 
nail and at its sides, with a pair of delicately curved scissors. 
This is removed, the edges of the nails are pared and filed, 
great care being taken to avoid cutting into the quick, as 
carelessness in this respect has been known to result disas- 
trously. The paring process over, a diamond nail-polish is 
applied with a soft brush, and the nails are rubbed with a 
polisher made of chamois-skin over a pad, until their brill- 
iancy partakes of the nature of a highly enameled surface. 
An emollient rosaline cosmetic is then rubbed into the roots 
of the nail, and the hands are gently scrubbed with castile- 
soap, dried, and the nails again polished." 

Never clean your nails anywhere but in the privacy of 
your own room. 

Do not look your nails over in company, bite them, or 
make a pretense of cutting or cleaning them. 

Artists for illustrated papers sometimes are compelled, 
in the interests of their profession, to take sketches on their 
thumb-nails, and journalists have jotted down short-hand 
reports in the same way. Gentlemen and ladies in society 
would be considered trifling and ill-bred who would scribble 
on their nails. 



160 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

Bashful people will sometimes close the hand, and make 
a prolonged study of their finger-nails, which exercise is 
vastly unedifying to other people. 

Fastidious people will never offend by any disagreeable 
personal traits. Since we can not sheathe our nails, as cats 
and other animals do, we can use our superior intelligence 
to keep ourselves pure and undefiled. 

THE HAND. 

This important member of the human body is worthy 
of a literature of its own. Society, like Merlin, is in a 
charm of 

"Woven paces and of waving hands;" 

and it is critical in its judgment upon the organ of intellect 
which can use the sword, pen, pencil, hammer, needle, 
graver, and all other tools which the intelligent mind has 
invented. Aristotle taught that the duration of life de- 
pended on the lines in the hand. Pythagoreans were of the 
same opinion ; and in ancient Rome palmistry was the most 
important branch of the augur's mysterious profession. In 
the credulous middle acres it was elevated to the dignitv of 
a science, and such men as Cardan and Melanchthon were 
not ashamed to practice it. 

The great Petrarch confesses that Laura's beautiful hand 
made captive his heart. In the age of chivalry the lady 
gave her hand to be kissed, and was extremely careful to 
have it soft and white and daintily perfumed. It is not 
necessary that a lady's hand should be so very small as that 
it should be well-shaped, joined gracefully to the wrist, have 
tapering fingers and rose-tinted nails. A small hand is 
unsightly in a man. It denotes an effeminate character. 
As a rule, masculine hands are more symmetrical than those 



THE HAND. 161 

of women as they are never distorted from their natural 
shape ; and nature demands a generous, well-proportioned 
member instead of one shaped by restriction. 

Ladies seldom experience that awkwardness with their 
hands which gentlemen are troubled with. They are 'per- 
mitted to trifle with a dainty handkerchief, a fan, or chate- 
laine ; but a man has either to button-hole himself, put his 
hands in his pockets — which decorum forbids- — or let them 
hang stiff and useless at his sides. However, a society man 
is seldom at a loss in this respect ; for he seizes every op- 
portunity to use his hands, either in holding some article 
belonging to his vis-a-vis or in gesticulating gracefully as he 
talks, with occasional reference to his mouchoir or watch- 
chain or charms. It is not necessary or in good taste to 
twirl his mustache, or finger his beard, or run his hands 
through his hair, or put them under his coat-tails, as 
middle-aged Englishmen do; neither should he insert his 
thumbs into the armpits of his vest or in any way make a 
personal use of his hands. 

The hand should never be placed in close contact with 
the face, as one or the other will suffer by the proximity. 

Ladies who are very anxious to have delicate hands re- 
sort to a thousand methods to obtain them. Anointing 
them at night with vaseline, after washing them in very hot 
water, is said to be good. Cosmetic gloves are sold, which 
contain properties for softening and beautifying the hands. 
Too frequent washing makes the hands rough and coarse, 
as also does exposure to air and sun. 

Ladies should never go out without being rigorously 

gloved — dark kid gloves in the day-time, light ones in the 

evening; and too much pains can not be taken to have 

them fit exquisitely. As this part of feminine dress will be 

fully detailed in another part of this book, it need only be 

11 



1G2 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

touched upon here. A cramped hand can never be a pretty- 
one, and gloves that compress the palms into a hollow tube 
only disfigure it. A long slim hand, perfectly gloved, is a 
thing of beauty. Pudgy hands only look worse when 
squeezed into a glove too small. 

There is character in hands, and an intelligence that en- 
dows them with an independent power of expression. The 
hands of an orator are clairvoyant ; they tell what he has 
not time to express. The deaf-mutes converse beautifully 
with their fingers. Pantomime is sometimes more impressive 
than speech. Lovers can easily dispense with tongues, if 
they use the language of the eyes and hands. 

The distinction between the right and left hand is not as 
marked as it formerly was. Children are now taught to be 
ambidextrous; and at table we find it necessary to depend 
on the left hand, or do many awkward things. The time 
will no doubt come when we will be able to cut with the 
left hand, using either knife or scissors as easily as we now 
do with the right. Gymnasts are taught to use their hands 
equally, and it will be observed that they are unusually 
graceful and easy in their motions. Holy Scripture says, 
" Let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth," 
which would indicate a natural independent use of each. 
Musicians are ambidextrous. 

Ladies, and gentlemen too, should study an easy, grace- 
ful manner of carrying the hand; the fingers should be 
given their full value, not cramped or doubled under. To 
use the fingers gracefully is an accomplishment. Playing 
on the piano strengthens and develops the muscles, and 
gives power to the hand, while it shows off a beautiful one to 
fine advantage. The thumb should be used gracefully to 
assist all the other fingers, which, without it, are useless 
and awkward. 



THE FEET. 163 



THE FEET. 

Shuffling the feet is a very unpleasant habit. Pushing 
them forward and piling them up in a pyramid, is only fit 
for a stable or bar-room. Gentlemen, especially those who 
are without families and home influences, are very careless 
in the postures they assume; and it is typical of an Ameri- 
can that he enjoys sitting with his feet elevated above his 
head. When in the society of ladies he forgets for a mo- 
ment, and finds himself sprawling his feet into the center 
of the room, in a most ungraceful and undignified manner. 
Putting your feet on the rungs of a chair, especially if it is 
occupied, or crossing one foot over the knee, is not allow- 
able in good society. Any prominence of the feet when the 
rest of the body is in repose, is very awkward. If gentle- 
men can wear no drapery to protect and conceal their pedal 
ornaments, they are not expected or desired to have beautiful 
feet. A natural foot, undisfigured by wearing tight shoes, 
however large it may be, will fulfill all expectations, as a 
man's foot is undeniably made to walk with ; he must be well 
shod, and a good dancer and graceful walker; but the poetry 
of the sole is not dedicated to him. He must not fail to be 
cleanly, and never, by any possibility, carry with him an 
odor of leather or wet boots. One cause of the unpleasant 
effluvia which sometimes emanates from the feet is, that the 
boots have been worn too many times, considering the fact 
that they have no ventilation and are rapid absorbents. 
Gentlemen seem unconscious that leather, either new or old, 
needs constant deodorizing, otherwise it impregnates the 
surrounding air with a sickly odor. 

Feet that perspire profusely should be well powdered 
upon all occasions. There is a simple perfumed powder solcl 
by all druggists for that purpose. Cold bathing every night 



164 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

will relieve much of the difficulty. One day is long enough 
for the wear of a pair of hose, and some fastidious gentlemen 
change as often as three times in a day. If young gentlemen 
knew how sensitive delicately bred people are in regard to 
personal odors, they would hesitate about going into society 
unless their toilet is immaculate, which it can easily be with- 
out degenerating into foppishness. 

Never emphasize a remark by a touch of the foot ; it is 
ill-bred. 

Stepping upon another person's toe as a warning or re- 
minder, is also an indecorous habit. 

Gentlemen should never seem to study their feet. It is 
a want of etiquette, when dancing, to observe the steps. 

Tapping the feet with the cane, or in any way attracting 
attention to them, is underbred. 

To speak facetiously of corns, bunions, or "pet corns," is 
disgustingly vulgar. Such things as corns, growing joints, 
or any ailments of the feet, should never be alluded to in any 
society, or in conversation between two persons who are not 
intimately related. 

LADIES' FEET. 

The poetry and sentiment and beauty of the female foot 
have been sung from the earliest ages. Homer calls Thetis 
the silver-footed queen. Bathus in his Idyllium says of his 
subjects : 

" Charming Bombyce, you my minutes greet, 
How lovely fair and beautiful your feet." 

Butler imagines flowers springing up in the pathway 
of one of his heroines : 

" Where'er you tread, your foot shall set 
The primrose and the violet." 



LADIES' FEET. 165 

In an anonymous volume, published in 1853, the fol- 
lowing beautiful lines occur: 

" How her feet tempt; how soft and light she treads, 
Fearing to wake the flowers from their beds. 
Yet from the sweet green pillows everywhere, 
They start and gaze about to see my fair. 
Look how that modest pretty columbine 
Hangs down its head to view those feet of thine. 
See the fond motion of the strawberry 
Creeping on earth to go along with thee. 
The lovely violet makes after, too 
Unwilling yet, my dear, to part with you. 
The knot grass and the daisies catch their toes, 
To kiss my fair one's feet before she goes." 

A pretty conceit is this : 

" Do not fear to put thy feet 
Naked in the river, sweet. 
Think not newt, nor leech, nor toad 
Will bite thy foot where thou hast trod." 

Virgil tells us that: 

"By her gentle walk the queen of love is known." 
And another poet sings of — 

" The fairy foot, 
"Which shines like snow, and falls on earth as mute." 

The rules of etiquette regarding the feet are even more 
important for ladies than for gentlemen. It is one of the 
strict rules of convent education that young ladies must not 
cross their feet, upon the score of modesty. However small 
and attractive the foot, any undue prominence must not be 
given to it in refined society. 

The French, Cuban, and American women have the 
smallest feet among nations. The English, Irish, and Ger- 
man people do not cultivate their feet, and take no partic- 



166 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

ular pride in wearing shoes of a small size. The Indian 
women of our own country have small, prettily shaped feet, 
which are entirely natural, as their light moccasins do not 
interfere in the least with the poetry of motion. It is the 
Chinese and American women only who distort their feet 
to give them an artificial shape and make them smaller than 
they naturally are. The Chinese lady is not expected to 
walk on the small deformities which a semi-barbarous soci- 
ety demands of her; but the American woman must not only 
walk but walk in a graceful, easy manner, and if her foot is 
not small and symmetrical, according to the standard of the 
Parisian boot-maker, it must be made so. 

In Eastern countries the native women either go bare- 
footed or wear sandals, which may be plain or of extreme 
magnificence and studded with jewels. In some countri< :a 
friends recognize each other by their feet, and salutations 
are made and returned by them. " How beautiful are thy 
feet with shoes, O prince's daughter!" Everywhere in the 
Bible the feet are given an honorable place, and many beau- 
tiful allusions are made to them, but in those days they had 
a distinctive character and were symbolic. Christ washed 
the feet of his disciples, and there are religious sects vet 
who practice the ancient custom of washing each other's 
feet at their feasts ; but in civilized countries it is the shoe 
rather than the foot that attains to distinction. 

Never was there as much display in dressing the feet as 
at the present time. Among rich and aristocratic people 
the finest silk hosiery is worn, and it is embroidered in the 
most ornate and lavish style ; from ten dollars to seventy- 
five dollars a pair are paid for these miracles of hosiery, to 
whose embellishments pages might be devoted. Boots at 
one hundred and twenty-five dollars a pair are sold in New 
York. Beautiful feet require fine adornment. These boots 



LADIES' FEET. 167 

are imported from Paris, and the buttons are precious stones. 
The shops are filled with the finest goods destined to be 
walked upon. Fancy silk and satin boots and slippers; 
opera ties, walking ties ; patent leather and kid shoes exqui- 
sitely made; Parisian shoes with curved insteps, and the 
Louis Quinze heel, lemon-colored silk brocades, old gold, 
cardinal and Oriental satins, heels four inches high, and 
insteps that form a royal arch, and a faithful Pedicure who 
steps to the front with his salves and instruments when na- 
ture rebels and demands assistance. 

It is a pity to wear a shoe two sizes too small for the 
feet, yet that is what the fashionable modern belle does 
daily. It hurts the whole body to wear a tight shoe, com- 
presses the arteries, tortures the nerves, and, communicating 
directly with the spine, finally undermines the health. But 
it is useless to speak against the habit from the stand-point 
of health, or to urge that no full-grown woman can be well 
proportioned with a foot smaller than that of the Venus de 
Medici, which would require a number four shoe. There 
never was a female statue yet that exhibited a foot like that 
of the American beauty of to-day. It would be a libel on 
the sculptor's art. 

Corns and bunions, growing joints, and other disfigure- 
ments of the feet can be avoided, in the first place, by 
wearing shoes that fit well. The street Arabs do not have 
them, nor the Indians. It is much easier to prevent them 
than to cure them ; and young people should be particular 
to change their shoes frequently, and to wear those that fit 
them, neither too small nor too large. There are men who 
make the feet a study, and who can eradicate corns and 
reduce growing joints and bunions; but they can not effect 
a complete cure. In some families a chiropodist is engaged 
by the year. He trims the nails, prevents ingrowing toe- 



168 



GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 



nails, and uses salves and lotions as well as instruments 
and compresses. They are said to be able to reduce the 
size of the foot also ; but it would be a very hazardous un- 
dertaking. Bathing the feet in astringents is a dangerous, 
as well as a silly, act, since the method closes the pores, and 
may produce a severe illness. 

Above all, the true etiquette of the feet is to be modest 
and sensible. It is the willing feet, the feet that are swift 
to do errands of mercy, the beauteous feet climbing the hill 
of Zion or of difficulty, that are of the most value in this 
world. There are feet for whose step loving hearts watch 
and wait, and, when they come, it is like the coming of 
sweet, glad music. 




<TOSMi3£ xnc. 



ENGAGEMENTS — RING OF BETROTHAL — SECRET ENGAGEMENTS — MAR- 
RYING FOR LOVE — MARRIED LIVES — ADVICE TO 
YOUNG WIVES, ETC. 

" Do you know what it is so to live upon a person who is present 
with you that your eyes follow his ; that you read his soul ; that you 
see all the changes in his countenance ; that you anticipate his wishes ; 
that you smile in his smile and are sad in his sadness ; are downcast 
when he is vexed, and rejoice in his successes?" 

The Love principle is stronger than the force principle." — Dr. A. 
A. Hodge. 

Her faith is fixed, and can not move ; 

She darkly feels him great and wise. 

She dwells on him with faithful eyes: 
'I can not understand ; I love.' " 

— Tennyson. 

Fashionable young ladies who 

have cultivated habits of observa- 
tion, and are familiar with the po- 
tent influences of laws controlling 
and regulating all civilized nations, 
can not fail to know that the eti- 
quette of society, its code of mor- 
als, its accepted standards of be- 
havior, are governed by women, 
and not men. 

Men, even the best, will usually 
take from women not only all that 
is offered them, but all they can 

obtain by experimenting on their weakness or strength. 

Consequently, girls can not accept the dictum of their lovers 




170 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

as to what is right. They must judge of this for them- 
selves, and yield their ideas of decorum and maidenly pro- 
priety neither to dictation nor flattery. 

There are exceptions to the rules which govern engage- 
ments, as well as other things; but, as in other cases, the 
exception only proves the wisdom and justice of the rule. 
There have been happy marriages after a few days' or even 
hours' acquaintance, and there have been divorces and 
broken lives after engagements which have existed for years. 
The medium, therefore, may be considered the best plan to 
pursue; namely, an engagement which is neither too short 
nor too long, but just sufficient to make a broad and easy 
stepping-stone between the old life and the new. The result 
of a very short engagement depends upon the strength and 
genuineness of character in the individuals, while the haste 
with which they have consummated so important a step says 
but little for their wisdom or prudence. A hasty and ill- 
advised marriage is a bad beginning in life. A very long 
engagement, on the contrary, is an eternity of that hope de- 
ferred which maketh the heart sick; and it is much harder 
for the engaged girl than for the engaged young man who 
is "a laggard in love." She has to wait usually, while he 
works actively, bringing himself into new relations, obtain- 
ing new experiences, and in many ways living a life which 
she can not share, and which is more than likely to interpose 
a barrier between their mutual sympathy and confidence, and 
cause them to drift apart from each other. 

It seems to be a matter of course with some engaged 
couples and even in some communities that the fact of being 
engaged is sufficient to justify the utmost freedom of inter- 
course, and to remove whatever restraints existed to public 
and personal familiarity. It is especially so in this country, 
where the young people can isolate themselves at once from 



ENGAGEMENTS. 171 

the rest of the family, and must be left to the exclusive 
occupancy of the best room in the house. This is a viola- 
tion of good manners, if not of good morals. There will be 
time enough for this exclusive companionship that is to last 
for life, and a certain portion of time can be set aside for what 
has been cynically styled " a fooPs paradise ;" but a pleasant 
intercourse with other people, in which the new dual rela- 
tionship may be gracefully conceded, is the best and safest 
way. The romance of young love's dream is very delicious. 
Far be it from us to mar it by dragging it too profanely 
before the rude eyes of the world; but use it sparingly and 
with sacred associations, if you would have it last a life-time. 
It is a great pity that marriage should so often end court- 
ship. Apart from a higher principle, this is a simple canon 
of good taste and good manners. 

It is customary, when a young man has declared his love 
to a girl and received hers in return, to consult the parents 
in a ceremonious way, asking their affirmation — usually in 
such cases a foregone conclusion — and giving a candid state- 
ment of his business affairs, his ability to support a wife, 
social advantages, and plans for the future. In no case is 
it supposable that judicious parents have permitted a young 
man, of whom they knew nothing, to become intimately 
acquainted with their daughter. But sometimes the affair 
comes to a sudden crisis, and it is certainly due all parents 
that their child's future may be assured. 

THE RING OF BETROTHAL. 

It is customary for the gentleman in such cases to pre- 
sent a ring to his betrothed wife, which may be a simple 
band of plain gold, a set ring, or a diamond or pearl soli- 
taire, according to his means and inclination. A young man 
who can not give his love a ring is not financially able to 



172 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

marry. It is a custom, sanctioned by usage, and young girls 
have a natural and womanly pride in wearing this badge of 
their fealty to a new law. The ring is worn on the second 
finger of the left hand, the index finger, or the fourth finger 
of the left hand, according to preference. The initial- of 
each are engraved within, coupled with any word or motto 
the giver may select: " Fidelis," "Mizpah," "Auf AVieder- 
sehen." On a "love" ring may be presented the gems lapis 
lazuli, opal, verd antique, emerald. The gypsy ring is a favor- 
ite engagement ring in England. It is a single hoop of gold 
studded with gems. The diamond solitaire, the pearl soli- 
taire, and a very wide gold band are in much favor in this 
country. An emerald, with the initials engraved on the 
stone in small diamonds, is also much used. It is very easy 
for a lover to determine what kind of engagement ring his 
fiancee would admire, though she will probably be delicate 
about admitting her preference. He should remember that 
it will last a life-time, and should represent a principle and 
be of enduring worth. 

SECRET BETROTHALS. 

A secret engagement should never be entered into. It 
is always embarrassing, and there are hardly any circum- 
stances which can render it justifiable. Secrecy is always 
suspicious and often injurious, and an honorable man would 
disdain to involve the happiness of one he loved in a com- 
plication which might disastrously effect it, or cast a shadow 
upon her future. It is not always the fault of the gentle- 
man, however. Girls are apt to enjoin secrecy upon their 
lovers in regard to marriage engagements, which it may be 
presumed they meant honestly to abide by, but which they 
fear will, if known, curtail some of their social privileges — 
flirting perhaps with other young men and going out in their 



ENGAGEMENTS. 173 

society. They expect to be married some time in the future 
and become sedate matrons ; but they want it to interfere as 
little as possible with their pleasure in the present, and the sole 
devotion of one would be no compensation for the gallantry 
of the many. Such conduct as this passes the bounds of 
bad taste and bad manners, and becomes despicable. 

BEHAVIOR OF THE ENGAGED. 

There should be an added dignity in the manner of a 
young lady who is about to take the most important step 
of her life. Her new happiness should make her deport- 
ment more correct, her speech more gracious. Her whole 
life should be elevated and ennobled by it. Her behavior to 
other men should afford no ground for remark even, for 
they are, with the exception of fathers or brothers, all alike 
to her, and should be treated with only the slight difference 
which long acquaintance or a friendship of some standing 
may warrant. Her new relations in no sense destroy her 
womanhood, her individuality, or her moral responsibilitv. 
They only assume a more serious and important aspect. 

ENGAGEMENT GIFTS. 

In the matter of presents, it is best to be careful of ac- 
cepting aught that shall compromise in the least that spirit 
of independence — that ownership of herself — that is a girl's 
strongest safeguard. In the case of a poor girl, or one who 
has not been accustomed to articles of luxury, it is a great 
temptation to offer her the treasures she has long coveted, 
but never hoped to possess. The promised husband may 
consider that he has a right to supply to his chosen wife 
what she is not able to procure for herself. But she will 
do well to decline all gifts that partake of the nature of 
material comforts, and only accept books, flowers, and such 



174 gp:ms of deportment. 

small testimonials as will not be remembered with regret, 
should the engagement ever be broken. Her hold upon 
the respect of her husband will be much greater if she is 
under no degrading obligations to the lover. Returning 
the presents when an engagement is broken off is a sordid 
and foolish custom, and one that must be infinitely embar- 
rassing to both parties. Consequently, when no gifts of 
great value are exchanged, the parties will not feel that this 
unpleasant duty is added to the sum of their unhappiness. 

ANNOUNCING THE ENGAGEMENT. 

It has been customary for some time to announce the en- 
gagement of young couples in society through the columns 
of social newspapers, to forestall this with friends. Many 
leading families give a betrothal party, at which the affair 
is mentioned without ceremony, and talked of among the 
guests, who, at the close of the evening, congratulate the 
young couple in a very simple informal way. The young 
gentleman may take this opportunity of slipping the ring on 
the bride-elect's finger; and this ceremony, in some States, 
constitutes a legal marriage, although it is not considered as 
such by the parties interested. 

ENGAGED GIRLS. 

Young and silly girls are too apt to enter upon the 
period of life preceding their marriages with a sort of tri- 
umphant air, " I ? m going to be married, aha ! aha ! " But it 
will save them a world of trouble if they will open their 
eyes to the great importance of the step they are about to 
take, or abandon it at once and forever, pursuing their but- 
terfly lives alone. The period during which an engagement 
lasts is not simply a time to be spent in writing perfumed 
notes and selecting fine clothes. It is an invaluable time for 
becoming acquainted with the dispositions, opinions, habits, 



ENGAGEMENTS. 175 

and manners of those with whom you are to be closely con- 
nected; and it should be improved with this object, not 
looked upon as simply affording an unlimited opportunity 
for indulgence in selfish pleasures. 

Many a girl would have escaped the wreck of her whole 
life had she only spent that time in discovering the incom- 
patibility of herself and lover for a happy union. If she 
had studied her future husband's disposition, and considered 
that what was disagreeable in an engagement would become 
intolerable in marriage; had she learned that their tastes 
were dissimilar, the rules that governed their lives different, 
and that theirs must always be separate interests, she would 
not have done herself and him the great wrong of uniting 
in a life-long union characters and qualities so opposed to 
happiness. 

Never enter upon an engagement until you are positive 
that your happiness will be secured thereby. Then fulfill 
every condition according to the best rules which govern 
your life; and never deny that you are engaged, or make a 
mystery about it, which may some day be used to your 
great disadvantage. 

One golden rule should be remembered: resign nothing 
of yourself to any one's keeping, but be loyal to yourself 
and to your willing promise to another. It is you who are 
responsible for yourself and for the use to which you put 
your own life, and in the union of yourself with another. 
It is a duty to consider that other lives, other interests, the 
happiness of human beings now unborn, are involved, and 
so preserve your own integrity and self-respect in every act, 
that the future shall bring you nothing which will make vou 
look upon the past with regret. 

"To thine own self be true, 
And it doth follow, as the day the night, 
Thou canst not then be false to anv man." 



176 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 



MARRYING FOR LOVE. 



There are not as many marriages for love as there used to 
be in generations gone by, when worldly considerations were 
of less value than they now are. The girls of the presenl 
time are more sordid than their grandmothers were, and are 
much inclined to believe in the old adage, " When poverty 
comes in at the door, love flies out of the window." They 
have luxurious tastes, and wish to keep them, and govern 
their lives accordingly. Love is very delightful, of course; 
but when it is fortified by a generous bank account, they 
are more favorable to its approaches. 

"Love in a cottage, with water and a crust, 
Is love — forgive Die — water — ashes — dust" 

We hear much said of the desire of girls to begin their 
style of married life where their parents left off, and when 
we read the accounts of fashionable weddings we are inclined 
to believe the charge is true. At a recent wedding at the 
capital of the United States, the flowers alone cost several 
hundred dollars. The price of the wedding breakfast alone 
would have supported a poor family for years, and the wed- 
ding gifts comprised almost all known ornaments in the 
shape of diamonds, gold, and silver. And yet the bride's 
father was far from rich, and the groom received a salary 
of only sixteen hundred dollars a year. But all this wed- 
ding display was considered absolutely necessary; society 
demanded it. 

It would be worse than death for a society belle to have 
to go to housekeeping on her marriage in two rooms, as her 
grandmother did before her. In the first place, the mortifi- 
cation would be unendurable ; in the next, she knows noth- 
ing of domestic toil, and would not be willing to learn. 



MARRYING FOR LOVE. 177 

She looks upon all household work as domestic drudgery, 
and her pride would rebel if she were placed in what she 
would consider a false position, and one utterly unsuited to 
her requirements. 

Too many girls are brought up with the idea implanted 
in their minds that to make a good match — what the French 
call a marriage des convenances — is the sum total of existence. 
Each one desires to do as well or better than her acquaint- 
ances; and she who secures a millionaire or a titled for- 
eigner, is viewed with approbation and envy. 

With young men marriage is also a question of money 
and position too often for their own welfare. They want 
wives with education and varied accomplishments, though 
what they propose to do with them is not always clear, since 
their limited salaries require the services of a cook and 
housekeeper, rather than the attractions of a college grad- 
uate, hence they must marry money; but even this is impos- 
sible if they do not possess corresponding hundreds. Those 
who do not possess an income adequate to the luxurious 
support of two people, are debarred by the sneers of society 
from the imagined realm of love and romance which forms 
the bright center-picture of every healthy, youthful dream. 
The extravagance of girls, the exactions of modern society, 
and the terrible expense of living as other people do, con- 
stitute demands which exceed the possibilities of the major- 
ity of young men, so the aspirant for a hearth and home of 
his own settles down into an ignoble celibacy, unless some 
heiress takes him into matrimonial consideration. 

The disposition of both young men and girls of the 
present era is to live in luxury, enjoy every personal com- 
fort, and make all things subservient to their own selfish 
interests. The idea of an intelligent, industrious young 

couple uniting their lives in order to make a home, and 

12 



178 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

sacrificing a few of their first years to the accumulation of 
what will give them a comfortable if not splendid fortune, 
is old-fashioned and almost preposterous. "They must give 
up society," says Mrs. Grundy, as if society had any thing 
to offer in exchange for a happy home where love dwells. 
If they only will give up the mere emptiness and pretenses 
of society and Live for themselves and their own select cir- 
cle, they will never regret the hour when they united their 
fortunes for life. 

Never marry for money alone; the world is full of mis- 
erable people, who in sackcloth and ashes are repenting that 
they sold their birthright for a golden mess of pottage. 
Moral, intellectual, and physical worth will often build up a 
far better future than splendid houses or great expectations, 
which any wind of circumstance may destroy. Any man 
who willfully deceives a woman in respect to his financial 
ability to support her comfortably, is guilty of a great error, 
which he is liable to expiate in tears of sorrow ; and if his 
character has proved deficient in this respect, it will be 
found wanting in others. Girls who deceive their lovers in 
regard to mental and moral attributes, which they merely 
assume and do not possess, will find that mutual and bitter 
disappointment will be the result of marriage contracted on 
such a basis. Those who enter upon the solemn duties and 
obligations of wedlock would do well to remember that life 
is a scene of trial and not of triumph, of labor and not of 
repose. 

" Curved is the line of beauty, 
Straight is the line of duty." 

MARRIED LIVES. 

It is a sad though noticeable fact that a srreat many peo- 
ple start out with a capital of love that ought to last them 



MARRIED LIVES. 179 

as long as they live, and in a year or two become bankrupt, 
and two lives are spoiled for this world, if not for the next. 
What a heart-breaking sequel to the golden romance of 
courtship ! They two, who could not live apart from each 
other for twenty-four hours, seeking a legal separation in 
courts of law, the sacredness of domestic life ruthlessly in- 
vaded by profane eyes, and love dead and cold on the grave 
of hope ! A little common sense might have saved all this 
ruin — a mutual compact to bear and forbear. The problem 
of life which is set to most married people is to get the 
highest results of happiness and development out of the 
marriage ; that is, not to sigh for the marriage that might 
be. ]So one can reillume a dead flame of romance ; but 
almost always there can be kindled from its ashes a steady, 
cheerful, useful, unexacting friendship, that shall light and 
warm the house. To a young wife this is a hard saying; 
but the sooner she can conform to it the better. She is the 
one who loves most, in nine cases out of ten; and the one 
who loves most will make the greatest sacrifices. 

An unfortunate source of unhappiness in married life is 
a careless neglect on the part of the husband. He does not 
mean it ; but he has a treasure in his possession, and at 
once becomes too secure of her. He is absorbed in profes- 
sional pursuits, and is given to long absences from home ; 
or he returns to his bachelor friends and amusements, and 
it is all his wife can do to get an occasional evening at 
home, or a late attendance at some social party to which 
they are invited. A sensitive woman will not beg for her 
husband's company. She has a right to all his time after 
business hours, and when he consigns her to the care of 
some one else he is simply throwing her away; and the 
anti-climax may be found in the sad reports of the divorce 
courts. When the wife promised to obey, the husband 



180 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

vowed to cherish ; and that does not mean to furnish the 
money for the maintenance of the household; for that is a 
mere legal obligation. Munificence in jnn-inoney does not 
demonstrate affection on the part of the husband. A check 
on a bank is not equivalent to the love and kindness which 
the wife reasonably expects from him who took her from 
the society of all others, and to whom she has confidingly 
resigned her social position, independence of character, and 
future happiness. 

There are other causes of regret in marriage which a 
little common sense would remove. Beyond all, there are 
sometimes, on one side or the other, constitutional infirmi- 
ties which should never be perpetuated. A young man 
heedlessly marries into a family known to be affected with 
some incurable physical or mental weakness. He forgets 
that, in a physical as well as in a mental sense, the sins of the 
father are visited upon the children. With his eyes open, 
he takes to his bosom a wife who, in all probability, will 
end her days in an insane asylum, and whose children can 
scarcely fail to share in her deplorable infirmity. People 
take great care to match horses and other animals with 
those of pure blood, in order to maintain a clean and vig- 
orous lineage. Little or no care is taken on this score 
when contracting a scheme of matrimony betw T een beings 
with immortal powers. There can be no happiness in 
rearing a family defective in mental qualifications. You 
may endow them with the fortune realized by years of suc- 
cessful industry ; but, from the fatal taint they inherit, it is 
out of your power to bequeath to them brains or common 
sense. But let not the institution of marriage be charged 
with the calamity. 

The Vicar of Wakefield tells us that he chose his wife 
as she chose her wedding-gown, for qualities that would 



ADVICE TO YOUNG WIVES. 181 

wash. If in the article of marriage you fix on a flimsy 
material, take the consequences, and blame nobody but 
yourself. The market is open. Do not be in a hurry ; yet 
do not put off the time because you happen to be unable to 
start on a high scale of worldly wealth. Early marriages 
may not always be commendable ; but waiting to reach some 
imaginary standard is, all other things being equal, by no 
means sound policy. Burns sings pathetically : 

" Oh, why should fate sic pleasure have, 
Life's dearest bands untwining? 
Or why sae sweet a flower as love 
Depend on fortune's shining?" 

Advice in a matter of this kind is seldom available, as 
each one is governed by individual circumstances, and takes 
his or her own way. No doubt it is often a change from a 
comfortable and happy condition to a miserable and depend- 
ent one. Frequently we see young people make sacrifices 
to be married, and live together for years in a state of semi- 
starvation. We have heard of a girl who got tired of 
"living out," and capriciously left a good situation. Some 
time after, her mistress met her, thin and wretchedly clad, 
and asked, "Where are you living now, Jane?" Jane, 
bridling, and putting on an important air, said, " I 'm not 
living anywhere now, ma'am; I'm married." 

ADVICE TO YOUNG WIVES. 

Make home your sanctuary. Let your husband's inter- 
ests be your own. Dress neatly, prettily, and in strict har- 
mony with your circumstances. Never allow yourself to 
speak of your domestic life to any one, or allow any friend 
or relative to criticise your husband's conduct towards you. 
If your husband is different from what you expected, 



182 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

not good tempered and courteous, try to influence him by 
your own gentle demeanor. Never lower your dignity by 
answering him with temper. If he has bad habits, try to 
cure them; remember you took him for better or for worse. 
Two wrongs never made a right. If he is forgetful of his 
marriage vows, all the more faithfully cherish yours. If he 
is kind, courteous, loving, and cherishing you as he prom- 
ised, standing like a wall of defense between you and the 
hardships of the world, plucking the roses of life to cast 
them in your way, cherishing you in sickness and in health, 
oh, then love and care for him as the apple of your eye, for 
blessed art thou among women ! 

ADVICE TO YOUNG HUSBANDS. 

Never forget to be your wife's lover. Give no one else 
an opportunity to turn her heart ever so slightly from you. 

Never make a boarding-house of your home. Keep it 
sacred from the troubles of your business life. Bring your 
pleasures into it. Make it the brightest and happiest spot 
on earth. 

Keep your wife a good woman ; you have taken her from 
her friends, and represent father and mother to her. Guard 
her life from all bad influences. Consult her in every 
thing. If her judgment is better than yours, defer to it; if 
weaker, strengthen it. 

Be the head of your own house. The world will prosper 
with you if you are a self-reliant, well-balanced, manly man. 

Never discuss your wife's merits or demerits with your 
friends or relatives. Remember that she is weaker than 
you are in physical strength, and has thousands of tender, 
sensitive nerves, strung to the closest tension by the jarring 
discords of daily life. Be it your office to soothe and com- 
fort her in hours of sickness and weariness; and from the 



DEMEANOR OF MARRIED PEOPLE. 183 

abundant power that God has bestowed on you, strengthen 
and sustain her. 

"But happy they — the happiest of their kind — 
Whom gentler stars unite, and in one fate 
Their hearts, their fortunes, and their beings blend." 

DEMEANOR OF MARRIED PEOPLE TOWARD EACH OTHER 
AT HOME AND IN SOCIETY. 

Politeness between husband and wife is one of the golden 
links which bind a family together, and is productive of 
much happiness as a daily exemplar of lives governed by 
the true, the good, and the beautiful. Some men have an 
arbitrary way of ordering their wives as if they were sub- 
ordinates — " Bring me my coat/' " Get my other hat," etc.; 
while there are wives who never use the prefix "please," or 
make their requests in a conciliatory tone. It is not always 
in good taste to use terms of endearment in addressing each 
other before guests or strangers ; but a gentle courtesy should 
never be omitted. Nothing is more noticeable to the world 
of lookers-on than a blunt disregard of polite manners among 
those who should practice the code of social ethics in their 
daily intercourse. A husband who will jump hastily to give a 
lady visitor a chair whenever she enters his presence, but will 
let his own wife wait on herself, is not at heart a gentleman. 
Once he would not have permitted her to find a vacant 
chair. It was his pleasure to anticipate her wishes. At 
table he watched, lest she should crave some delicacy not 
within her reach. Is the wife less dear, that she should be 
left to grope over half the table for what she wants? 

There is a rule in social circles which consigns the hus- 
band and wife to separate partners at a dinner or ball. 
They must not proceed to the dinner-table in each other's 
company; they must not dance together. It may be that 



184 GEMS OP DEPORTMENT. 

lack of politeness and appreciation on the part of married 
people for each other's .society led to this social ostracism. 

The indifference, not to say rudeness, which husbands 
and wives observe in their conduct towards each other in 
public, Avill nearly always betray their relationship. While 
at heart they may be fondly attached, their manner too 
often denotes an utter weariness and lack of interest. Good 
manners would suppress this lackadaisical confluence, and a 
true, genuine politeness would enable them to improve soci- 
ety by their revelation of a perfect companionship. Do- 
mestic bickerings and differences, as well as foolish endear- 
ments and overfondness, should be sacredly confined to the 
privacy of their own apartment. We recall, at this mo- 
ment, a couple who appear to the world to be very happily 
mated, "and the world has no reason to suppose that they 
are not. The husband is given to story-telling, in which 
he is an adept, and his wife always listens attentively, ap- 
plauds with the rest of the company, and laughs as genu- 
inely at the denouement as if she had not heard it at least 
twenty times before. This is the politeness of a good heart, 
and a manner that is perfect in its adaptability to the re- 
quirements of society. 

The make-believe principle of little children might be 
used by older people sometimes with good success. Imagine 
your wife to be a charming woman to whom you have just 
been introduced, and with whom you are willing to share 
your life, address her in the pleasant, courteous voice you 
assume to an acquaintance, and exchange ideas as if you 
had just met. She, poor woman, will be in raptures, and 
you will experience a new happiness in being good to your 
own. 

And you, madam, will give that old cynic, the world, an 
opportunity to study character with a better zeal by devot- 



DEMEANOR OF MARRIED PEOPLE. 



185 



ing some of your charming manner, your gentle words and 
pleasing looks, to the partner of your life. Should he 
awkwardly step on your dress, or jostle your elbow, excuse 
him as graciously as you would Mr. Smith or Brown, either 
of whom you detest. Try the effect of elegant manners 
upon him, and notice how soon he will respond to a polite 
invitation given with the charming air you would bestow 
on the merest stranger. Not only will the effect upon your 
own life and his be a grateful one, but others will copy a 
pattern that all must approve. 



.Wcs 




WEDDINGS IN LONDON — JX AMERICA — WEDDINGS AT 
HOME AND IN CHURCH — BRIDES-MAIDS — 

THE WEDDING RING. 

c N aristocratic circles abroad, all marriage 

^ ceremonies are solemnized before the 

hour of high noon, the ecclesiastical 

laws of the Roman Catholic, Episcopal, 

Greek, and Russian Churches, demand- 
ing a strict observance of the canonical 
law at the chancel rail. After the hour 
referred to, the blessed sacrament could 
not be administered to the contracting 
parties, and the ceremony would be illegal ac- 
cording to the rules of these Churches. In conse- 
quence of this rule, the wedding breakfast is a 
permanent and always fashionable feature of 
London society. 

The invitations for a wedding are more fre- 
quently issued in printed notes than on cards. 
They are sent out from ten days to a fortnight be- 
fore the ceremony, and usually run as follows: 

"Sir Johx and Lady Geiffith request the 
honor of Lord and Lady Allen's presence at St. 
George's, Hanover Square, on Thursday, January 
18th, at eleven o'clock, and afterwards at 120 
Grosvenor Gardens." 
Sometimes the hour of the wedding breakfast is specified. 
When such is the case, it implies that the guests are not 




WEDDINGS. 187 

expected to drive straight to the house from the church, 
but to present themselves about twenty minutes before the 
hour named. It is of course peremptory that an invitation 
to a wedding should be answered at once, as people natu- 
rally wish to know the number of guests they may expect. 

The guests all assemble at the church, and there await 
the bride, the brides-maids waiting in the porch and falling 
into their places behind her. The bride arrives in the car- 
riage with her mother, and her father receives her at the 
door, gives her his right arm, and leads her up to the altar; 
or, in case of a choral, or High-church wedding, to the 
center of the church, where the first part of the service is 
performed, and where the bridegroom, attended by his best 
man, awaits her. The bride's eldest brother, or some other 
near relative, should also be in waiting at the door to escort 
her mother. 

The number of the brides-maids varies according to taste. 
The bride chooses what costume they shall wear, generally 
indicating where it is to be procured, so as to insure uni- 
formity; but she does not present them with their dresses, 
gloves, or any other part of their equipment. 

The bridegroom provides the bride and the brides-maids 
with their bouquets, which are sent to them in the morning. 
He also presents each brides-maid with a souvenir, such as 
a locket, porte bonheur, ring, brooch, or fan. Those are sent 
to them the day before, and are worn at the wedding. The 
bridegroom is attended by one friend as best man, whose 
duty it is to hold the hat and gloves, pay the fees, see that 
the carriage is ready, and, in short, take all trouble off his 
hands. 

Much care is taken to match the brides-maids properly 
as to height, and they are taught beforehand in what order 
they are to follow the bride up the church. When the pro- 



188 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

cession stops they spread out behind her in a semi-circle, 
the first brides-maid, her sister usually, if she has one — if not, 
the bridegroom's sister or some near relative — takes her 
bouquet and glove. 

The father, or other relative who gives the bride away, 
stands on her left hand, and at the inquiry " AVho gives this 
woman to be married to this man ?" he places her right 
hand in that of the clergyman. Tt is, of course, only the 
nearest relatives who stand close around the bridal party. 
It would be in extremely bad taste for mere acquaintances 
to usurp their places. 

As soon as the ceremony is concluded, the newlv mar- 
ried couple, with the clergy and the nearest relatives, 
adjourn to the vestry to sign the register, the bride sign- 
ing in her maiden name; and it is there that the bride and 
bridegroom receive the congratulations of the nearest rela- 
tives. If favors are given they are distributed generally l>v 
the brides-maids, while the wedding party is still in the 
vestry. They are more generally given than not, but still 
there is nothing remarkable in their being omitted. Ladies' 
favors are usually a spray of jessamine or myrtle with silver 
leaves and white satin ribbon; the gentleman's, a spray of oak 
leaves and acorns with silver and green leaves without 
ribbon. The brides-maids' favors are slightly more orna- 
mental, and often have a spray of forget-me-nots. 

It is the duty of the best man to see that the carriage is 
waiting and to inform the bridegroom. The newly married 
pair then walk arm-in-arm down the church aisle, followed 
by the brides-maids in the same order as before, and drive 
off first. It does not matter in what order the rest of the 
party follow. 

When breakfast is announced the bride and bridegroom 
lead the way, and seat themselves either at the head of the 



WEDDINGS. 189 

table, or, as is now more usual, in the center, immediately 
opposite the wedding cake. The father of the bride fol- 
lows with the mother of the bridegroom, and seats himself 
next to his daughter. During the interval before breakfast 
the hostess indicates to the gentlemen what ladies they are 
to take, and they follow in due order of procession, she 
herself going down last with the bridegroom's father, and 
sitting next the bridegroom. The best man always takes 
the first brides-maid, and the others are taken by gentlemen 
assigned them by the hostess. It is usual for them to sit 
opposite the bride, but this is not essential. Very fre- 
quently the breakfast is not laid out in one long table, at 
which all the guests sit, but is served like a ball supper, at 
a long buffet, where the majority of the guests j^artake of 
the meal standing, while some small round tables are appro- 
priated to the nearest relatives and principal guests. 

The menu includes soup, cold salmon, mayonnaises of 
lobster and chicken, hot cutlets, salmi of chickens, larks, 
quails, or something of that kind, cold lamb, cold chicken, 
ham, tongue and sweetmeats and pickles. The table is 
elegantly arranged with fruit and flowers, the dishes orna- 
mented with silver spray, and the menu printed in sil- 
ver. Champagne is indispensable, and claret and sherry 
are offered the guests. Neither tea nor coffee is customary, 
and ices may be used or omitted as taste dictates. 

It is the wise custom of the day to abolish speech-making 
as much as possible. The guest of the highest rank pro- 
poses the health of the bride and bridegroom, and the bride- 
groom responds, the more briefly the better. If it is wished 
to drink the health of the brides-maids, the bridegroom pro- 
poses it, and the best man responds. It is quite obsolete to 
drink the health of the parents, the object being to curtail 
the speeches as much as possible. Previous to her health 



190 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

being drunk the bride cuts the cake, of which it is expected 
that every one shall eat a small piece, and then retires to 
change her dress; about a quarter of an hour after which 
the guests adjourn to the drawing-room. 

When the adieus are over two white shoes at least are 
thrown, one by the chief brides-maid, the other by the best 
man. It is the farewell of the unmarried to those who 
have just left their ranks. If rice is thrown at all it is 
done by the matrons and not by the young ladies. 

When the wedding is in the afternoon the guests go 
straight to the house, and the refreshments provided are 
such as are given at a large afternoon reception, with the 
addition, of course, of the wedding-cake. When the wed- 
ding is in the evening all the guests attend in full evening 
dress, and, after the ceremony, drive straight to the house, 
where there is either an evening party and a sitting-down 
supper, or a dance and au ordinary ball-supper, a wedding- 
cake being, of course, essential in both cases. On reaching 
the house, on her return from church, the bride throws up 
her veil, and receives the congratulations of her friends and 
acquaintances. 

WIDOWS AXD WIDOWEKS. 

The wedding of a widow differs, in some respects, from 
that of a young girl. She can not wear orange-flowers or a 
veil, or be married in white, but must select gray, violet, 
lavender, or some other quiet color, and wear a bonnet with 
a face veil. She has no brides-maids, nor are favors given, 
and, as a general thing, the wedding is a very quiet one, 
and there is no breakfast. 

The wedding of a widower is in no respect different 
from that of a bachelor ; but if he has a daughter it is not 
in good taste for her to be a brides-maid. 



WIDOWS AND WIDOWERS. 191 

After the departure of bride and bridegroom the party 
at onee breaks up, and in London it is not customary to 
have any festivity in the evening. 

It is no longer usual to send cake or cards to friends at 
a distance ; and people discover for themselves when the 
young couple return from their wedding tour, and call at 
their own convenience. When the bride reappears in soci- 
ety she, the first time she appears in any house, takes pre- 
cedence of every one, no matter how high their rank. This 
continues for three months, after which she is no longer 
considered a bride. The bridegroom does not take any 
precedence. The bride generally wears her wedding-dress 
for her first dinners and parties. The orange-blossoms 
must be removed, as they are only permissible on the wed- 
ding-day. Many brides, however, prefer to keep their 
wedding-dress for their presentation at court, adding to it a 
low bodice and train, and there is no necessity that they 
should wear white at their first parties unless they desire it. 

THE PRESENTS. 

In the interval of returning from church and sitting 
down to the wedding breakfast the inspection of the pres- 
ents gives employment to the guests. They are displayed 
on tables in the drawing-room, with the names of the donors 
written legibly on cards beside them. Some care is requisite 
to arrange them properly. They should not be too crowded, 
and should be classified — jewelry on one table, plate on an- 
other, china on a third, and so on. It is quite fashionable 
to have an afternoon party two days before the wedding, to 
exhibit the presents ; and to this many are invited who are 
not invited to the ceremony itself. The trousseau, too, is 
then generally exhibited. This party is not necessary, but 
very frequent. 



192 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

CHILD BRIDES-MAIDS. 

The appearance ofbaby brides-maids in England is grow- 
ing common, and their dress is so very pretty that they add 
greatly to the beauty of the bridal procession. Skirts of 
Languedoc lace, looped with ruby satin, over-dresses of pink 
cashmere, trimmed to match the skirt, and Duchess of Dev- 
onshire hats are the principal details of the costumes of two 
little girls who followed the six older brides-maids up the 
aisle of an English church recently. These children arc 
sometimes dressed in pure white, dotted with tiny rosebuds, 
and carrying in their hands baskets of roses, with which 
they precede the bridal party, and which are east at the feet 
of the bride. 

HINT FOR THE WEDDING-DAY. 

The brides who possess a little four-year-old brother or 
nephew must bear in mind that he can be made a picturesque 
adjunct to the bridal ceremony, provided he be fair-haired 
and well-behaved. At a recent English wedding a fraternal 
morsel of this description, dressed in a light-blue velvet 
and satin suit, made after the style of Charles I, acted in 
the capacity of train-bearer, and was pronounced the most 
attractive feature of the bridal cortege by the admiring 
assembly. 

AMERICAN WEDDES'GS. 

There have been numerous grand and elegant wedding 
ceremonies among distinguished people in this country, com- 
prising the diamond wedding of a Cuban millionaire in 
New York City, which took place some twenty years ago, 
and was of almost historic splendor and opulence. The 
marriage of Miss Nellie Grant, the only daughter of General 
Grant, then President of the United States, was solemnized 



THE WEDDING-DAY. 193 

with great eclat at the White House during the last term of 
her father's administration. 

In New York, "Washington, and San Francisco there 
have been many brilliant public weddings, in which all the 
social details were given to the newspapers, and in some 
instances the description of presents alone would fill several 
columns, while others were devoted to glowing descriptions 
of the bride, the wedding dress, costumes of the guests, the 
adornments of the house, and the banquet, with its elegant 
details. There would be nothing to regret in a display of 
this kind, were it not for that spirit of emulation which be- 
longs to every American heart, and leads people into a hos- 
pitality they can not afford, and from the bad effects of 
which they are long in recovering. Among really elegant 
people a wedding can be gotten up quietly with but little 
expense, and yet be a social success. In some old and 
aristocratic families the nearest friends are invited only, and 
the ceremony is conducted at home, without brides-maids, 
ushers, or other attendants. The friends who are not in- 
vited to the wedding are present at the reception, which is 
given when the bride returns from her tour. 

THE WEDDING-DAY. 

It is well to have every thing in complete readiness the 
day before, as it will avoid confusion, fatigue, and a general 
air of disorder. The bride should rest until the last mo- 
ment, and should have no trouble with her toilet, all the 
arranging of which should be managed for her. Above all, 
the solemn significance of the occasion should be remem- 
bered, and a quiet tone of dignity will give an air of repose 
to dress and figure. 

The bride is not to meet the bridegroom until she joins 

him below stairs to accompany him to the altar. There 

13 



194 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

should be a glad exchange of salutations, without embarrass- 
ment or formality, as the young man takes the hand of the 
woman he has chosen from all the world to be his wedded 
wife. He then follows his groomsman to the carriage, 
which they may occupy alone or with a relative. It is not 
unusual for a young sister to accompany the bride. The 
groomsmen hasten away in their carriage, in order to reach 
the church before the contracting parties, and the wedding 
party forms it-self into the customary procession within the 
vestibule. 

The most graceful and natural custom is for the young 
pair to enter the church in precedence of all others except 
the ushers, and walk arm in arm to the altar; but custom 
has decreed many departures from this simple elegance. 
The bridegroom is accompanied by the mother of the bride, 
who follows leaning on the arm of her father, the parties 
separating at the altar, and re-arranging in their proper order. 
The brides-maids and groomsmen follow with the relatives. 
A new and fashionable custom lately introduced into this 
country is where the bridegroom enters the church from one 
side of the altar and the bride from an opposite door, meet- 
ing at the chancel rail. The parents of the bride and bride- 
groom stand next to them during the ceremony if there are 
no attendants. As the couple turn from the altar at the 
conclusion of the ceremony, the mother kisses her daughter, 
and there is a momentary exchange of congratulations, which 
it is, however, in good taste to defer until the party reaches 
home. The couple walk out arm in arm, with heads slightly 
bowed, and drive home immediately. 

It is in very bad taste to crowd about the pair, or detain 
them in the vestibule of the church a moment. They should 
return in their own carriage alone. For any one to enter 
the carriage with them would be a breach of etiquette. 



BRIDES-MAIDS DRESSES. 195 

The ushers at a wedding in church are particular to re- 
serve seats for intimate friends and relatives, which they do 
by tying a white silk ribbon across the doors of pews. It re- 
quires much tact, and a perfect knowledge of the manners 
and forms of good society, to discharge these duties with sat- 
isfaction. They wear full evening dress, with wedding 
favors. If there are no groomsmen, a style that is in favor 
at present, the ushers wait upon the brides-maids, and see 
that they are properly arranged in a semicircle on the left 
of the bride. It is almost impossible to give explicit rules in 
this matter, as each year sees a change. 

If there are eight brides-maids, two may wear pale pink, 
two pale lilac, two a sapphire tint, and two pure white. It 
is optional with them to wear jewelry, but flowers are always 
in good taste. These may be chosen with reference to the 
dresses they wear; violets and pansies for the sapphires; 
roses with the lilac ; white with the pale pink, mixed with 
heliotrope, and a combination of all colors with the white. 
Their gloves a tint to match the dresses, and as long as the 
fashion prescribes. 

BRIDES-MAIDS' DRESSES. 

At the wedding of the eldest daughter of the Honorable 
Walter Campbell, of London, the brides-maids' dresses were 
particularly pretty; or was it the charming wearers that 
made them appear so ? They were made of some soft, light, 
cream-colored stuff, with round sheeny spots, and completely 
covered with undulations of coffee-colored lace and creamy 
satin. Little man-of-war caps, also made of lace, had 
bunches of polyanthus in front. The brides-maids' bonnets 
were primroses and polyanthus, the spring flowers appearing 
particularly suitable, as bride and brides-maids were all very 
young. 



196 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 



GOLD AND WHITE WEDDING COSTUME. 

A dress worn at a recent wedding reception consisted of 
ivory satin with shirred front and panels of white and gold 
brocade. Sleeves of striped gold lace were worn to the 
elbow, and an outstanding ruffle of gold lace encircled the 
neck, which was cut square in front. Around the neck \ 
a string of pure gold beads, to which was attached tassels of 
seed pearls as pendants. The hair was simply dressed with 
strings of gold beads and a gold and ivory comb. 

WEDDINGS AT HOME. 

If the hour named in the note of invitation is eight 
o'clock in the evening, the guests will arrive in time to 
spend a few moments in the dressing-room, and be in readi- 
ness in the parlor to witness the entrance of the bridal party. 
In some instances, where there is an abundance of room, a 
large number of the oldest and dearest friends wait up stairs, 
and follow the bridal couple down the staircase and through 
the parlors, to the place which has been reserved for the 
ceremony. The officiating clergyman meets them at the foot 
of the stairs, and precedes them to the altar, which is usually 
the space between the windows at the further end of the 
room, or an alcove between the parlors. 

When the ceremony is over, the minister congratulates 
them and the bridegroom salutes the bride, who is im- 
mediately kissed and congratulated by her family relatives, 
followed by all the company, after which the mother of 
the bride leads the way to the supper-room. The bride 
and bridegroom are seated first, with the minister directly 
facing them, and the bride cuts the white cake, which 
often contains a ring. It is a merry supposition that the 
one to whom the slice with the ring falls is the next to 



THE BRIDE'S DRESS. 197 

be married. When the bride leaves the table, it is not 
the signal for the rest of the company, as she is compelled 
to leave in order to change her dress, and prepare for the 
journey to follow. 

When the guests leave the supper-table, they proceed 
at once to the library, or other room, where the presents 
are displayed, and examine them admiringly, reading the 
names of donors attached to the cards beside them. Mean- 
while, if there is no band stationed in the hall, some friend 
may preside at the piano, and furnish appropriate music. 

It is not compulsory that the bride and bridegroom 
shake hands with all <the company on leaving, as the for- 
mality would detain them too long. Taking leave of inti- 
mate friends, a general " good-night " will include all the 
rest; and as soon as they are gone, the guests will resume 
their amusements for a brief time, and then excuse them- 
selves and leave. Many retire as soon as the newly wedded 
couple are gone, but it is in better taste to remain with the 
relatives for a brief interchange of courtesies. 

THE BRIDE'S DRESS. 

This must always be made en train for a wedding, unless 
it is a traveling dress. White tulle, silk or satin, or a com- 
bination of all these, is the custom. Cream-white brocaded 
silk or satin have been in use for the past five years, and 
are just as fashionable at this time. Ivory white satin, over- 
laid with real lace, is very elegant. 

THE BRIDAL VEIL . 

Is usually three yards of white illusion, simply worn,. 
without a hem or tuck. It is fastened in the hair by a 
wreath of orange-flowers, and a small face-veil of the 
same is worn by some brides. This smaller veil, which 



198 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

merely falls to the mouth, is removed and thrown aside im- 
mediately after the ceremony. Spanish and thread lace 
veils, hand wrought, are coming in vogue again ; but they 
are not more becoming than the simple tulle. 

THE RING. 

The wedding-ring still remains a plain circle of virgin 
gold, but is much wider and heavier than it formerly was. 
The initials of the contracting parties, names and dates, are 
engraved on the inner side. The bridegroom usually carries 
it in his vest-pocket, and produces it when the minister asks 
for it, or a little sister of the bride may present it on a 
plate. If he has a groomsman, it is his place to hand the 
ring, while the head brides-maid removes the bride's glove. 

FOLLOWING THE CEREMONY. 

If the marriage is celebrated at home, the wedded pair, 
after receiving the congratulations of the officiating minister 
and saluting each other, take their places at once beneath 
the floral bell or arch, where the friends crowd to receive 
them and offer the usual compliments ; and they will be 
gracious in receiving all who approach, while retaining the 
dignity of their new position. If at church, they will turn 
from the altar as soon as the benediction is pronounced, and 
look neither to the right nor left as they walk slowly down 
the aisle, and, without stopping, through the vestibule, to 
their carriage, recognizing no one as they pass along. 

MARRIAGE IN CHINA. 

The peculiar facilities for roguery afforded by the fact 
that all respectable marriages in China are conducted by 
means of a third party, or broker, are illustrated by the 



MARRIAGE IN CHINA. 199 

following story, the incidents of which were the talk of 
native Shanghai, and were published at the time. The 
unfortunate heroine had four husbands in about as many 
weeks, having been forsaken by every suitor immediately 
after marriage. Indeed, her history is a curious one. She 
is described as being fair to look upon, according to Chinese 
taste, and in every way calculated to attract admirers — her 
feet of the tiniest, her eyes of the narrowest — and yet some- 
how there always seemed some obstacle in the way of her 
getting a husband. At length a marriage brokeress took 
compassion on her, or, rather, saw her way to turn the de- 
spised lady to account. She took her home with her, painted 
her face, and arrayed her in the most attractive of jackets 
she could muster. Thus dressed, the girl really appeared 
very well ; and soon a suitor appeared in the person of a 
gentleman of some means, who had been left a widower and 
childless. The brokeress ("white ants" they call those 
ladies in China) asked him ninety dollars, which he will- 
ingly paid upon the spot, as he was enraptured with the 
beauty of his new bride. The marriage rejoicings passed 
off quietly enough, and the husband took the fair one home, 
much to his own satisfaction. But, alas ! favor is deceitful 
and beauty vain. A vacant stare was all the reply vouch- 
safed to him when he addressed her. Then she broke into a 
cackling, senseless laugh, and he found that she was mad. 
Disgusted at being so imposed upon, he packed her off 
again to the person from whom he had purchased her, with 
a verbal message that he made her a present of the idiot 
and the dollars too. Nothing could have suited the lady's 
views more admirably, and the next day the mad lady was 
again at the disposal of the highest bidder. 



200 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 



MONEY AND MARRIAGE IN PARIS. 

A traveler abroad records this lively experience of Paris: 
"The place given to money in Parisian marriage telle 
heavily on the poor, especially upon those who are com- 
pelled to wear the livery of respectability. The cost <>j* 
service in the churches seems skillfully planned in the man- 
ner best suited to goad to extremes not only vanity but self- 
respect also. Custom, too, makes burdensome levies on the 
purse. There must be carriages to the mayor's office and to 
the church. The bride mast have her trousseau, and there 
must be an entertainment. I remember the marriage of the 
daughter of an officer in the French army. He was as poor 
as a church mouse, and was never quite sure that his wife 
would succeed in making his pay last the month out. A 
little hunchback met the daughter at a ball and fell in love 
with her. He was worth eight thousand dollars. She let 
him know at once that his suit would be successful. By 
dint of borrowing thirty dollars here, twenty-five dollars 
there, and fifty dollars in another place, and other drfblets 
right and left, and by getting a ' toilette dealer ' to make 
all the purchases for the trousseau, upon promise that the 
husband should pay before the honeymoon changed, they 
managed to get through the ceremony without confessing 
their poverty. The day after the wedding the mother said 
to me : ' You can not imagine the embarrassment into which 
we were thrown by Louise's marriage, for poor as we are 
we could not send her to her new family without clothes. 
My husband had his uniform, and that of course passes 
muster anywhere; but I did not know what to do for a 
dress. I bought a shawl trimmed with lace, for the mar- 
riage ; I took the lace from the shawl and put it on my 
new silk dress for the ball. This morning I removed it 



MARRIAGE IN THE EAST. 201 

from the dress and put it back on the shawl in time to pay 
visits. 7 Running the gauntlet would be a pleasant prom- 
enade compared to the anxiety and embarrassment of this 
family during the six weeks before, and the three weeks after 
their daughter's marriage. The wedding over, it remained 
painfully uncertain what reception the husband would give 
his betrothed's bills. They were many, and some of them 
were heavy. The sum total was very large, but he paid 
them without wincing." 

Theodore Child writes from Paris : " In France marriages 
are not made- in heaven, but in the notary's parlor. A man 
with a position of a certain value can marry a wife with a 
dowry of corresponding value. It is all reckoned accord- 
ing to a sliding scale. Theoretically, the wife ought to have 
a doAvry, the interest on the capital of which is equal in 
amount to the annual earnings of the husband. This is the 
theory ; the practice departs from it, but very slightly. Mar- 
riages of love are rare, and marriages of reason are not on 
the increase." 

MARRIAGE IN THE EAST. 

A girl after she is betrothed is shut up in a small room, 
with shackles of gold and silver upon her ankles and wrists. 
If she is to be married to a man who has discharged, lost, 
or dispatched a former wife, the shackles which the former 
wife wore are put upon the new bride's limbs, and she is fed 
till they are filled up to the proper thickness. The food 
used for this occasion, worthy of barbarians, is a seed called 
drough, which is of an extraordinary fattening quality. 
With this seed and their national dish, cuseusoo, the bride 
is literally crammed, and many die under the spoon. So it 
is quite a serious thing to be selected as a second wife. 



e*fftfcrc*;fc x^a 



WEDDING PRESENTS — WHAT TO GIVE AND HOW TO GIVE IT- 
THE WEDDING TOUR. 



EGAKDIXG this custom, which lias 

been so severely censured, it will 
probably pass into oblivion after 
a few years, and the obligations 
of giving and receiving wedding 
presents will have ceased to be 
a social burden. When we 
hear of a forthcoming wed- 
ding among friends we groan 
in despair, for it entails the giving of a pres- 
ent, and henceforth the question " What shall 
it be "?" tortures and vexes our souls. Our 
minds at once become repositories for fish 
knives and ormolu clocks, and as likely as 
not we finally resign to a pair of individual 
salt-cellars, "solid silver," as the newspapers 
report them. Duly labeling them with a 
card, we send them off, feeling that we have 
done our duty bravely, for this time, at least. 
Wedding presents, as a rule, run in a cer- 
tain groove, and one could almost tell the 
date of a wedding by the presents. One 
year it is pickle forks and cut glass; another the specialite 
is ormolu in all shapes and forms ; another it is brass. This 
season "little brown jugs" are in the ascendant, and next 
year it may be salt-cellars and fish-carvers. 




WEDDING PRESENTS. 203 

That bride is fortunate who does not receive duplicates 
from friends who have not compared notes. Some judg- 
ment must be used in the selection of gifts suitable to the 
bride's tastes. If she has a cultivated literary taste, valu- 
able books will be acceptable. They can be had now in 
beautiful bindings, and in fancy cases for the parlor table. 

For any bride, whose future life will be a movable one in 
more senses than one, give something portable, packable, and 
not too breakable. Three-legged, movable tables, with lace 
or worked balances; the small folding chairs, with worked 
backs or seats, to be found in all good work and furniture 
shops; handsome, but medium-sized table covers; small 
plated reading lamps; work baskets; lunch baskets; towel 
racks ; good photographs of celebrities, or well-known views, 
or copies of fine pictures in plain but handsome frames. All 
are comparatively inexpensive presents, but will cause the 
giver to be gratefully remembered by the recipient. 

For any one quick to work there are dozens of things 
inexpensive to make, and to make up one's self, which are 
very dear to buy. But for the people who must depend on 
their purse for their gift, the following list may be of service : 
grape scissors ; asparagus tongs ; gravy spoons, plate warmers ; 
oyster forks; lobster pickers; tiny sugar tongs for four 
o'clock tea sets; a cream and sugar cruet for tarts; china 
tete-a-tete sets, in morocco cases lined with white satin; 
plaques ; single fruit plates ; china ornament ; Japanese cabi- 
net for stationery; brass trays and bowls for fruits; rose 
balls for jewel cases, or any thing in the line of useful or 
ornamental fans; real lace sets; jabots and handkerchiefs of 
thread lace or made at home of Honiton sprig, are all useful 
and handsome. 

No one need be ashamed to give a cookery book — a sot 
of them were sent lately to a very elegant wedding — " A 



204 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

Book of Etiquette," "Selections of Poetry and Prose/ 5 
" Bryant's Library of Poetry and Song." A library edition 
of Shakespeare or an illustrated copy of some popular poem 
will be suitable bridal gifts for gentlemen to send. Quaint 
and curious things do not cost more than some commonplace 
ones, and they are much more desirable to possess. A gold 
thimble, pearl penknife, silver and gold card case, cameo 
ring, silver shawl and hair pins may be given by near friends. 
Choice perfumery in small bottles, which can be had in pairs 
in Russia leather cases, silver drinking cup and chain, pilgrim 
bottles and gypsy camp kettles, incense jars are all considered 
desirable. 

The bride should acknowledge the receipt of all presents, 
either verbally or by written thanks. A note should accom- 
pany all presents, unless the donor expects to attend the 
wedding, in which case a simple card with the name may 
be attached. The form of note which should accompany the 
gift might be as follows if from a mere acquaintance: 

"My dear Miss, — 

"Will you accept my warmest congratulations with 
this slight token of my regard for you. Wishing you every 
happiness in your new life, I am, as ever, 

"Your sincere friend, ." 

If from a relative or intimate friend, it may be worded 
thus : 
"Dearest Alice, — 

" May all good influences combine to make this day a 
happy beginning of a new and prosperous life. I hope the 
selection I have made may interest you ; but please regard it 
in the light of love, as a souvenir of our long friendship. 
With many affectionate congratulations, 

"Your own, Eva." 



WEDDING PRESENTS. 205 



from a gentleman to a lady. 
"Dear Miss — 

" It will give me great pleasure to contribute a slight 
token of my regard for yourself and family on this happy 
occasion. With many earnest wishes for your future happi- 
ness, I am, with congratulations, 

"Yours most sincerely, ." 

At a recent wedding party a very elegant horseshoe 
was received, with a simple line attached to the name of the 
donor, " Here 's luck/' The words " felicitation," " con- 
gratulation," "best wishes," etc., are often used instead of a 
note or personal address. 

A foreign newspaper, the London World, gives an ac- 
count of a remarkably beautiful, costly, and unique wedding 
gift. "The fair recipient," says the writer, "will have the 
proud distinction of being the sole possessor of such an or- 
nament." It consisted of a solid gold chain, of the cable 
pattern, of great weight, and so constructed as to be worn 
as a bracelet at will. To this chain was suspended a circu- 
lar locket, with gold back, crossed by a broad band of fine 
diamonds, and encircled by a small chain of delicate work- 
manship. The locket is a unique specimen of artistic jew- 
elrv. It is of crystal, seal engraved from the back, and 
painted. It has been produced by the only artist in. this 
kind of work in London. The design is extremely elabo- 
rate. On the curling waves of a green sea, the Cambria, 
Mr. Ashburv's famous yacht, the winner of the ocean race 
in 1870, is coming proudly in, her white sails filled by the 
Summer wind. The second object on her glittering expanse 
is the "spot-boat" at Sandy Hook, its red hull, two black 
balls, and the American ensign flying from it, forming an 
exquisite contrast of color. In the middle distance of the 



206 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

sea piece on crystal is a yacht, apparently the Cambria's de- 
feated rival, miles behind, with tiny hull and speck-like 
sails, while the funnel and smoke of the tug waiting on the 
winner completes the design on the left. Nothing can be 
finer than the engraving and coloring of this unrivaled 
specimen of the artist's skill, and the originality of the de- 
sign equals the splendor of the gift. 

THE WEDDING TOUR. 

It has long been the custom for newly wedded people to 
make a journey to some place where they can spend a few 
weeks pleasantly by themselves. The custom is in itself 
commendable, as it gives the young couple an opportunity 
of becoming acquainted with each other's tastes, without any 
criticism from practical friends, who have outlived their own 
days of romance. Often this trip is remembered as the 
most delightful epoch of their lives, and not infrequently it 
dates as their first and last pleasure jaunt. In some cases 
the extra expense is a serious consideration, and the young 
couple involve themselves in embarrassing consequences. 
This is likely to be the case where the bridal tour is one of 
a series of magnificent effects, and the bridegroom visits 
Europe, and makes a tour of foreign countries, instead of re- 
maining in his counting-room and attending to business 
there. With good management, however, the wedding tour 
can be included in the festivities attending the beginning of 
a new life, and every young man is justified in offering this 
holiday to his young wife. The prosaic round of daily life 
can begin in earnest as soon as the conventional honeymoon 
is over. 



eff^^M^s xyn. 




DIVORCE — ITS COMPLEX LAWS — DIFFICULTY 
OF OBTAINING IT IN FOREIGN COUN- 
TRIES—DIVORCE IN ENGLAND, IN MAS- 
SACHUSETTS, ETC. 



MONG the social questions of which 
law takes cognizance, the problem of 
divorce is not only one of the most in- 
teresting but perhaps the most pressing 
in its stringency. In one or the other 
of its phases it has of late engaged 
public opinion in England and France 
to an unprecedented degree, and there 
seems to be a growing conviction that 
there is need of some radical change in 
the laws governing this most perplex- 
ing of necessary evils, for an evil it is, 
no matter how imperative the circum- 
stances which lead to a dissolution of the 
marriage tie. There is a certain tacit 
recognition of this in the fact that the status of a divorced 
man or woman, even in America, w T here there is a wide 
liberality of opinion and flexibility of the law^ on this sub- 
ject, subjects them to a certain reproach in spite of stain- 
less purity of life and character. The theme is a complex 
one, and there can be said so much on both sides that it 
can only be adequately treated at great length. In view, 
however, of the vigorous attention which has been concen- 



208 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

trated on the subject of divorce, within the last year or 
two, we are tempted to touch a few salient points involved 
in the discussion. 

The sacramental conception of marriage is that which 
gives it a sacredness, lacking in a merely legal ceremony. 
It is the force of this thought which gives stability to the 
institution; and even those who nominally disdain the relig- 
ious element, and profess to care only tor the authority of 
the legal contract, are unconsciously bound by the power of 
a public opinion rooted in the habits of ages. This bestows 
a tenacity on the marriage relation which the civil theory 
would utterly fail to embody, and protects it against a thou- 
sand assaults and encroachments, engendered by licentious- 
ness and loose theories of social philosophy. On the other 
hand, the tremendous injustice done to individuals by any 
rigid obedience to the religious sanctity of marriage, as de- 
barring the possible right of divorce, is obviated by our 
laws. In some parts of America, this license is carried t» 
an absurd and wicked extent; but on the whole, the statutes 
of most of the States seem to strike the just limit, and guard 
the sacredness of marriage, while they afford sufficient mar- 
gin for the relief of individual cases. 

The working of social and ecclesiastical conditions, in the 
Latin countries of Europe, and to some degree in England, 
is widely different. Let us take France as a fair example 
of Continental Europe. Roman Catholicism is the state re- 
ligion, and, though it is openly derided, in common with all 
religion, by many of the most eminent, cultivated, and in- 
fluential personages, it has still the force of official sanction, 
and the still greater influence of being deeply imbedded in 
the social system of the nation. The great revolution which 
drenched France in blood, failed to uproot this mighty 
agency, intertwisted with all the fibers of Gallic life. The 




UNDER THE IYIED BRIDGE, 



DIVORCE. 209 

influences of religion, fixed in French social institutions, 
constitute an overwhelming difficulty of divorce. The re- 
sult is seen in the license which characterizes society. The 
young girl is watched with the greatest care, and deprived 
of all liberty of action. The married woman is absolutely 
her own mistress. Unable to secure divorce, except at the 
cost of almost insurmountable trouble, she is warranted by 
society in taking almost any liberty which her tastes and 
caprices may dictate. It is true that there are thousands of 
married couples in France whose lives are as pure and 
chaste as in any other country; but this is in virtue of an 
innate preference, and not because there is any force of 
public opinion which acts as a guard and barrier in building 
up the sanctity of marriage. If in the United States we 
need, in certain sections, greater stringency in the law of 
divorce, there is urgent necessity in foreign countries for a 
very considerable relaxation from the rigidity of an obselete 
ecclesiastical law. It is in the golden mean that true safety 
lies for social strength and health. 

The Bible gives but one reason for divorce. The Roman 
Catholic Church recognizes that one only. The party di- 
vorced can never marry again. The English have, of all 
people, a peculiar horror of the divorce court, and will en- 
dure untold marital suffering before resorting to it. The 
queen of England, having been very happy in her matrimo- 
nial life, wastes no sympathy on her less fortunate sister- 
women, and bars from her drawing-rooms all those who 
have had mismatchments mended by divorce. No matter 
how much the woman may have been wronged, or if she 
was forced into the divorce court even against her will ; no 
matter how blameless her past and present, life, this law is 
irrevocable. Perhaps the blameless and faithful queen is 

too strict; but if the hostess of the American drawing- 

14 



210 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

room was more exclusive in the lines she draws, there would 
be fewer divorces perhaps. Court laws seem to be especially 
strict in the matter of divorce etiquette. A German gen- 
tleman, now residing in this country, speaking of it, says : 

"In Berlin there is no written law on this subject, and 
acceptability at court depends altogether on custom and 
usage. The present usage ow r es its existence altogether to 
the Empress Augusta, who, inheriting the severely strict 
ideas characteristic of the house of Hohenzollern, is ex- 
tremely particular in her ideas of propriety. Nobility is 
not, however, among the requisites for reception into the 
court circle, and the peasant is on a par with the prince in 
that respect. There are two causes that are fatal to a 
woman's favor at court. One is connection with the stage, 
either directly or through being related to any one who has 
ever performed in public ; the other consists in being di- 
vorced or related to any one who had been divorced." 

A recent statement says that the number of divorces in 
Eastern States exhibits an alarming and extraordinary in- 
crease since 1860. No less than 7,283 divorces have been 
obtained in Massachusetts alone since 1860. The number 
of yearly divorces have increased in that State from 243 to 
600, while the number of marriages have increased only 
from 12,409 to 12,893. The ratio of divorces to marriages 
in 1860 were 1 to 21.4. The statistics were prepared by 
Mr. Carroll Wright, one of the most careful statisticians 
in the country. In Vermont the ratio for the last eight or 
ten years is 1 divorce to 10 marriages ; in Rhode Issland, 1 
to 14; in Connecticut, 1 to 11. 

The State laws differ widely and absurdly on the subject 
of divorce. In one State divorce can be obtained for drunk- 
enness, while in an adjoining State that will not be a cause. 
In New York divorce is granted for only one cause — adul- 



DIVOKCE. 



211 



tery. In all cases of legal separation between parents, the 
mother is given the custody of her young children, the 
court usually leaning to her side unless she has proved 
unworthy of the trust. 

There is no doubt that all the unseemly quarrels and 
publicity of the divorce court might be avoided if people 
would carry the rules of etiquette into this unhappy state, 
and separate with quiet dignity from each other when it 
was found impossible to live in peace and quiet as man and 
wife. True politeness would help them to part gracefully, 
in remembrance of a time when their unhappy compact 
seemed a pledge of future happiness. It is not so much in 
the law of divorce itself being so unpopular and detested 
as in the disgraceful scenes which hedge it in, and reveal a 
state of affairs in the most direct antagonism to all our 
cherished ideas of marriage. 




e^^m^E xvm 



ETIQUETTE OF THE TABLE — KNIVES AND FORKS — HOW TO USE THE.M- 
USE OF THE SPOON — FINGER BOWLS — DRINKING WINE. 



KNIVES AND FORKS. 

ANY years ago, in France, the use of 
the knife at a fashionable table was 
almost unknown. The custom then 
was to divide the food with the 
fork — rather an awkward custom if 
forks have no cutting edge — and to 
aid the act of conveying the food to 
the mouth. There is no reason why 
a knife should not be used to cut 
the food on one's plate, and assist 
the fork in collecting it; but there 
is no need of its being thrust into 
the mouth and throats of civilized 
people as if they were professional 
knife-swallowers. The source of the 
custom of using the fork in putting 
food in the mouth, instead of the knife, 
is traced directly to the old-fashioned, 
dangerously sharp knives in vogue in 
past days. How people avoided " slit- 
ting their countenances," as an English writer expresses it, 
may well be a matter of surprise. Another reason why 
knives were unpleasant was that the steel turned black, and 




ETIQUETTE OF THE TABLE. 213 

imparted a metallic taste to the lips. There are very good, 
sensible people Avho persist in the habit of knife-tasting at 
the present time ; and society condones the offense because 
of the many good qualities of the offender. The boorish 
man who eats with his knife because he chooses to do so, 
and defies the customs and refinements of society, should 
not be tolerated. He will follow it up with a multitude of 
kindred evils. The fork can be used in so charming and 
graceful a manner as to form an added attraction to the 
dinner. Long habit makes people amazingly clever about 
this ; and to see a well-cultured Charleston or Savannah 
lady loading her fork with grains of cooked rice, without 
spilling a kernel, is the acme of intelligent manipulation. 
A deft-handed diner-out will acquire such ease in using the 
fork that he could feast an infant with bread and milk with 
it, and neither touch the baby lips nor drop a morsel of the 
food. 

"It is not the fashion to use the knife in our mouths," 
says an able writer, " and I conform to the usage sanctioned 
by the majority of refined people/' 

Another writer gives us the other side of the question : 
"I wish to enter my protest against styling any thing vul- 
gar that happens to be out of fashion. There are things 
essentially vulgar in themselves, fashion or no fashion. 
For instance to pick the teeth with a fork, or to pick them 
with any thing at table, may be safely set down as vulgar. 
But to put a morsel of food in the mouth with the end of - 
the knife is not a whit more vulgar than to do the same 
thing with a fork. It is simply unfashionable, and that is all. 
I overheard a lady the other day stigmatize a friend of mine 
as very vulgar because she happened to see her place a bit 
of mashed potato in her mouth with the point of her knife. 
Whereupon I took issue with my fine lady, and told her 



214 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

plainly that the person in question had not a vulgar trait 
about her, and that she was known to be cultivated, intelli- 
gent, and refined, though I was willing to admit she bad a 
habit of being independent, and refused to be hampered by 
every trivial fashion. Then I put the case to her, suppos- 
ing the fashion concerning knife and fork etiquette should 
change, 'chop right about/ as the sailors say, would not 
feelings be just as much lacerated to see people pitch their 
food in with a fork as they now are to see them shovel it in 
with a knife?" It is true, there are many elderly people, 
who have been well brought up and carefully trained in good 
homes, who are regarded as vulgar by people possessing a far 
less share of culture and refinement, because they will not 
conform to the laws of social etiquette, which in such mat- 
ters are as universal as the laws that govern kingdoms. 

In an old play of 1615 occurs this passage, which shows 
that the knife and fork question agitated the world even in 
those old days: 

" 'T were better for frenchman to wipe his wittol on a 
manchot of bread than on his doublet ; 't were more tidy 
and comely. Goodly breeding belongeth to a gentleman. 
'T is more like Flamand boor than aught else to sully 
napkin with grease of knife. Bethink ye of manners, 
my lord." 

A French writer, alluding to the habits of the Russians 
at Versailles half a century later, says: "They behaved 
strangely and in an indecorous manner. Their knives they 
wiped on their beards, and it was most distasteful. They 
were not gens de bonne compagnie. Their garments were 
greasy, and they smelt ill-flavored." Of course, no one 
would be apt to cleanse a knife in this primitive manner at 
the present day. Though at a hotel or restaurant it might be 
perfectly proper to give a dingy spoon, knife, or fork a little 



ETIQUETTE OF THE TABLE. 215 

friction on the napkin, it would be unpardonable to commit 
such a breach of good manners at a private table. 

HOW THE ESTFE AKD FORK AEE TO BE USED. 

Now conies that interesting question of how the knife 
and fork are to be used, or what is to be done with them 
when the plate is passed to be replenished. We think the 
question divides itself into two distinct phases. If there is 
a servant, the knife and fork may be left on the plate. It 
is then the duty of the attendant who carries the plate to 
the place of replenishment to take care of the knife and 
fork, putting them on one side of the plate, so as to be. out 
of the way of the new food. But this leaving of the knife 
and fork is quite optional. To cross the two is to give 
extra trouble. If, however, there is no one in attendance, 
it is wisest to retain the knife and fork. Volunteer assist- 
ance at a private table is customary. Guests who pass along 
a plate may not be accustomed to this duty, and accidents 
detrimental to their neighbors 7 coats or dresses may ensue 
from a fall of the knife and fork. There are several posi- 
tions which the person who retains his own knife and fork 
can assume. He might hold the knife in one hand and 
the fork in the other, and apply the butts of each of them 
to the table, grounding arms in fact, and thus assume a 
most awkward and stupid position. It is a perfectly easy 
thing to hold them in the right hand on the table, or even 
to place them there, though if they are dripping with the 
food, which rarely occurs, they will soil the table. He can 
do any thing with them but drop them on the floor. One 
of the rudest, most awkward things a guest can do is to 
drop a knife, fork, or spoon. If by some unlucky chance 
he does, he should not pick it up. but wait for the servant 
to remove it and famish him with another. He should nor 



216 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

attempt to use it again. The trouble about the matter of chang- 
ing knives and forks is easily settled, because in a well-regu- 
lated service, plates, knives, and forks are changed at every 
course, and it is exceptional now everywhere that guests are 
helped the second time from the same dish. The most unob- 
trusive conduct is the least noticed. If you are in any doubt 
about the etiquette of your knife and fork, silently, and with- 
out appearing to do so, observe the other guests, and "do ae 
they do." Avoid making a clatter with them, and embrace 
the air with your arms when using them as little as possible. 
A plain, old country lady was dining at the table of a 
wealthy city relative with invited guests, when by chance 
awkwardness she dropped her knife and fork with a loud 
crash. All looked up startled and discomposed, when she 
said pleasantly, " With us when a carpenter drops his tools 
he has finished his work." The quick application of the 
homely little illustration caused a general laugh, and every 
body was at ease. It is told of a certain gentleman that 
when, by a misapplication of the fork, he landed the turkey 
he was carving in the silken lap of his neighbor, he turned, 
and with stately dignity said: 

"I will thank you for that turkey, madame." It is a 
happy effect of wit when it is used to divert embarrassment. 

USE OF THE FORK. 

The fork is held in the right hand as one would use a 
spoon, but the end only is proper to convey food. People in 
polite society are not supposed to be hungry and do not 
devour their food, but a very liberal allowance can be taken 
from the end of a fork. It is in very bad taste to load the 
fork with different kinds of vegetables at once. Peas should 
be taken separately, then potatoes, and so on. Never play 
with vour food or dissect it with knife and fork as if vou 



ETIQUETTE OF THE TABLE. 217 

expected to find something. Pie and cheese are eaten with 
a fork ; the cheese is broken with a fork and can then be 
taken lightly in the fingers. Fish is eaten with the fork 
only ; the old fashion of holding a bit of bread in the left 
hand to assist the fork is now obsolete. To point your fork 
at any dish or object is very ill-bred, as it is also to twirl it in 
conversation. To touch a piece of bread with it is also a 
direct breach of table etiquette. To rap on your goblet or 
wine-glass with it, is equally improper. 

Jelly, asparagus, game dressing, melted butter, and 
sauces are conveyed to the mouth on the fork; jelly and 
sauces with vegetables or dressing or with the meats. 

Be particular never to scrape your plate with either 
knife or fork. Elegant eaters are noiseless in the use of 
table cutlery. 

FINGER BOWLS. 

These useful wares are served at all well-appointed dinner 
tables, and are used merely to dip the extreme tips of the 
fingers in before drying them on a napkin, as it is not sup- 
posed man is such an uncleanly feeder as to require wash- 
ing during his meals. It is quite customary where finger 
bowls are not on the table to use the water goblet, but the 
practice is not in accordance with etiquette, as we do not 
care to drink from the same vessel in Avhich we perform our 
ablutions. Colored or decorated bowls are most in favor 
now. A slice of lemon or a few drops of perfume added to 
the water make it refreshing to the lips and palms of the 
hands. It may be iced or not at discretion. 

USE OF THE SPOON. 

It is almost impossible to commit any unpardonable 
rudeness with the spoon, as it is not a dangerous or awkward 
weapon, as the more formidable knife is, but there are little 



218 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

observances in handling it, which belong to grade- of soci- 
ety, and distinguish the person using it as deficient in the 
rules of table etiquette or well versed. It is both convenient 
and customary to eat soup out of the side of the spoon; tea 
is sipped in the same way. The point of the spoon is not 
turned to the mouth as that involves an awkwardness of 
action incompatible with table etiquette. In stirring tea or 
any liquid there is an easy twirl of the three first fingers, 
which stirs the mass without moving the hand. The spoon 
should never be used to scrape with. It should go to the 
mouth, but not into it. At tea drinking it is more elegant 
to leave the spoon in the saucer, if there is one If cups 
only are passed around, it may be left on the plate, but it 
can be retained in the cup during the process of drinking; 
and if the tea is hot it can be slowly sipped from the spoon. 
It should never be taken from the tea to use in ices or 
sweetmeats. If a second spoon is not served ask the serv- 
ant for one, as it has undoubtedly been an oversight. 
Never fidget with the spoon, balance it on the edge of the 
cup, remark on its pattern, or hold it on two fingers as if 
mentally weighing it, or examine it closely as if trying to 
discover if it is really silver. Never study the engraved 
letters or crest, if there is one. Some people clutch a spoon 
as if afraid it might be wrested from them. It is not even 
allowable to toy with it in good society, rattling it nerv- 
ously in the cup or filter the tea or coffee back and forth in 
the cup. Never turn the spoon over and look at yourself 
in the bowl ; it is the action of a clown. Never place the 
spoon in your mouth on the concave side and slowly with- 
draw it in a licking process ; it is the reverse of good breed- 
ing. At dinners a spoon is always placed with the fork, to 
assist in using sauces, or liquid entrees ; but it should not be 
used for any thing where the services of a fork will answer. 



ETIQUETTE OF THE TABLE. 219 



TABLE MAXVE:— 

A well-known writer on society topi:- says : Among the 
most trustworthy tests of good home training is placed that 
of table manners; and no individual can hope to acquire 
and to keep them who knows any difference in them, 
when in the privacy of the famil y circle, or in company. 
The properly trained youth does not annoy those next to 
whom he -its by fidgeting in hi- : . moving his feet, 

playing with his bread, or with any of the table equi] _ 
X either does he chew his food with his mouth open, talk 
with it in his mouth, or make any of those, noises in eating 
which are the characteristi - : vulgarity. His food is not 
conveyed in too large or too small portions to his mouth : 
h ueither holds his head as erect as though he had swal- 
lowed a ramrod, nor does he bury his face in his plate. 
He handles his knife and fork properly, and not over- 
handed, as - esj he removes them from the plate 
as sc >n as ir is placed before him, and he crosses them side 

side when he has finished, and not : : . as this is the 
signal which a well-drilled butler serves for removing the 
plate. He does not leave his eofiee-spoon : tea-sj on in 
.> a Ho avoids using his handkerchief unnecessarily, 
or 'li-v;-::::,. :ho?o a: :;..: ^ v:::h a :ruuo r.-Lihr t:-.-".: : rruanoo 
with it. He does not converse in a 1< ad : ae 3 
in uproarious laughter. 

It ho broaks any thing, he is not profuse in his apolo- 
L. r :es. bu: sh-ws his :._: : in hi- :. :-:- and u;::;:oo;. : h r 
rhan in '.vara-. >o>ruo "ni.rr has said: "A? i: h ih-:u :.- 
nered to express too much regr so it is the esse 
ness not to make an apology." T us Titmouse, when he 
broke a glass, assured his host that he would replace it with 



220 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

the best in London. This was rather too practical a form 
of showing his sincerity. 

The well-bred man breaks his bread instead of cutting 
it, taking care not to crumble it in a slovenly way. He 
does not hesitate to pass any course of which he does QOi 
wish to partake, instead of playing with it, as a writer on 
table etiquette advises. He swallows his food before he 
leaves the table, and sees no occasion for astonishment be- 
cause eating on the street is forbidden. All the details of 
good breeding are as familiar to him as his alphabet, and 
he has been taught to think that attention in small things is 
the true sign of a great mind, and that he who can in neces- 
sity consider the smallest can also compass the largest 
subjects. 

USE OF THE NAPKIN. 

The napkin should be laid in the lap, never tucked 
under the chin, or spread across the breast. Ladies are 
never so dependent upon this part of the table service as 
gentlemen, who have frequent recourse to it to protect their 
mustaches from the food. A gentleman usually lays it across 
his right knee. When he has finished, he lays it, without 
folding, beside his plate. As soon as a guest is seated at 
table, he removes his gloves, and unfolds the table napkin 
partially, and without any awkward flourishing, and spreads 
it on his knee. This is done while conversing with his 
partner, or vis-a-vis, and in a matter-of-fact manner. Noth- 
ing else is touched until the soup is served, or the fruit, if 
the repast begins with a fruit course, as it frequently does. 
Never use the table napkin to wipe off the face. It is in- 
tended for the lips and finger-tips, and is not expected to 
serve as a towel or handkerchief. 



ETIQUETTE OF THE TABLE. 221 



DRINKING WINE. 

In handling a wine glass, it should be taken by the 
stem, with two or three fingers delicately poised, and sipped 
from, without any smacking of the lips. Only a gourmand 
drinks wine. It is made to be sipped, and the glass should 
never be emptied. Guests occasionally drink more wine at 
a dinner than is good for them by neglecting to observe 
that the servant has noiselessly replenished the glass from 
time to time. Those who do not drink wine, touch their 
lips to the glass, and allow it to remain filled. It is not 
considered well bred to decline taking wine when asked to 
do so, unless you drink water only, in which case it be- 
comes a matter of principle, and others must respect your 
refusal. 

AVhen a gentleman asks a lady to take wine, he expects 
her to name the kind she prefers, which he also will partake 
of. It not proper to say Port wine, Sherry wine, or Ma- 
deira wine. It is simply spoken of as Port, Sherry, or 
Madeira. 

"May I have the pleasure of drinking a glass of wine 
with you?" is the proper form in which a gentleman ad- 
dresses the lady next to him, who responds with an inclina- 
tion of the head or a "thank you" as she lifts her glass. 
It is only at convivial parties that glasses are clinked and 
toasts drunk, as at banquets or gentlemen's club parties. Be- 
fore glasses were touched, only four of the five senses were 
represented — seeing, tasting, feeling, and smelling. Some 
convivial soul represented that the sense of hearing was not 
included, when instantly all the glasses w^ere clinked in uni- 
son, and the metaphor w r as complete. There was formerly 
much ceremony in drinking wine, and it has been em- 



222 



GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 



bodied in story and song. Sir Walter Scott writes in his 
Lochinvar : 

"The bride kissed the goblet; the- knight took it up. 
He quaffed off the wine, and he threw down the cup." 

And Ben Jon son sings: 

"Drink to me only with thine eyes, 
And I will pledge with mine ; 
Or leave a kiss but in the cup, 

And I '11 not look for wine"' 




mmmm 



e*f&5M^£ £i£. 



PHYSICAL NERVE — PRESENCE OF MIND — SWIMMING — DROWNING — HOW 
TO AVOID IT — RESTORATION OF THE DROWNED. 



ELICATE persons, who 
take frequent out-door 
exercise, walks, runs, 
belong to athletic game 
clubs, or are gymnasts, 
will find in time of 
sudden danger a splen- 
did rallying point in a 
strength of nerve and en- 
durance produced by such 
a mode of training. Many 
a fair and valued life is lost 
because the powers of en- 
durance failed at the su- 
preme moment. Splendid 
swimmers have gone down 
waters, overpowered by the 
fright of a sudden accident. 

It would seem as if he who had 
tutored his soul with the liberal edu- 
cation of Christianity was as fearful 
of a sudden encounter with death as 
his sinful and unregenerate brother. 
Nature dominates in both cases. 
Heathen philosophers were not afraid to die. There can be 
no terrible calamity in what happens to the whole human 




224 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

race. " Death wounds to cure ; we fall to rise and reign." 

And the poet tells us, 

" Come it slow or come it fast, 
It is but death that comes at last." 

Yet we cling with our strong human affections to our 
human life. If it, then, is so dear, we should grasp every 
aid science offers us to retain and prolong it. 

Our anxiety to save this precious life is too often the 
cause of our losing it. We struggle and strive without 
method, and wear out our strength in a hopeless encounter 
with everlasting powers. A cool, clear head, undaunted 
nerve, and a quick conception of the situation — not of its 
horrors, but of its opportunities for escape — is what we need 
in any accident on the water — the subject with which this 
chapter deals. Presence of mind is often equivalent to ab- 
sence of body in the matter of safety. Even if this bravery 
is overcome by fearful odds, it is better to die like a hero, 
and not as cowards die. The man who in time of danger 
thinks of those weaker than he, wdio sets an example by his 
cool behavior for all others to be inspired by, not only saves 
his own life, but the lives of others, who, seeing him, take 
heart for greater effort. 

Experience has shown that it is as easy for a child of 
the early school age to learn to swim as to walk. It is 
more difficult for adults. They needlessly fret themselves, 
conjure up dangers, and by very timidity fail to acquire 
what is really a very simple accomplishment. 

In Germany lessons in swimming are part of the instruc- 
tion given to every recruit in the military service. The 
programme of a grosses Schwimmerfest in the military swim- 
ming institute in the Prater, at Vienna, is full of interest. 
It was a jubilee festival, to commemmorate the hundredth 
anniversary of the establishment of the first cold water baths 



SWIMMING. 225 

in Vienna. The programme invited all swimmers to par- 
ticipate, and was arranged as follows: 

I. Evolutions in shoulder swimming, conducted by the 
upper swimming-master. 

II. Prize swimming by amateurs. Forced breast swim- 
ming, side strokes forbidden, and in particular every irregu- 
lar aid. Three prizes, the first a diploma of honor by the 
association. 

III. Prize swimming by ladies. Same as above. 

IV. Falstaffian group. A comic scene, introducing eat- 
ing, drinking, card-playing, etc., in the water. Arranged and 
produced by members of the Swimming-master's Union in 
costumes according to Shakespeare's scenes. 

V. The little clowns. Leaping through hoops and bal- 
loon ; recreations with the hand-bar and barrel. 

VI. Quadrille. To be swimmed by twelve ladies and 
twelve gentlemen in costume. 

VII. The diver and athlete. The little divers and ath- 
letes, sons of the upper swimming-master. 

VIII. The enemy' 's time. The fatality of a military 
patrol before the enemy. 

IX. The pyramid. 

X. Fish spearing. Produced and arranged by gentlemen 
of the rowing clubs. 

XI. Jeu de la rose. Produced by either one lady and 
two gentlemen or two ladies and one gentleman. Arranged 
by First Lieutenant Count Buonacorsi. 

XII. The fish man. 

XIII. Rescue pictures. 1. Rescue of a suicide regard- 
less of his resistance. 2. Of a lady fallen into the water. 
3. Of an exhausted swimmer. 4. Of a drowning swimmer. 
5. Rescue apparatus. Rescue tableaux arranged and pro- 
duced by the swimming-masters. 

15 



226 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

XIV. Grand vaulting. By members of the Union and 
amateurs. 

XV. Inter mezzi. 1. Swimming heads. 2. Balloon- 
throwing; hoop-playing; water croquet by ladies. 3. The 
sailor's tree. 4. Artistic swimming; bravura swimming on 
the baek. 5. A cotillion. 

The closing group was illuminated by an electric light. 

An entertainment of this sort is unique, and could only 
be produced in a country where swimming is regarded as a 
necessary part of the education of the people. In addition 
to the aquatic feats on this occasion, there was music be- 
tween the acts by a full military band. 

DROWNED. 

Drowned — in the brook on the farm! 

And the frank, boyish face grew white with alarm 

At the picture he had seen 

By the brook on the farm. 

Rough villagers all, coarse women and men — 
Horny hands, rugged hearts, hut tender-voiced when 
They turned to the light 
The dead, girlish face, that never again 

Should quiver with pain. Not a friend there. 
She had passed to her death with only a prayer 

And a paper: "I'm going — 

God only knows where!" 

Ay: she sleeps — with still hands on her breast, 
And a smile on her lips that whispers of rest. 

You may cavil who will : 

God alone knoweth best. 

HOW IT FEELS TO DROWN. 

That drowning is not a painful death is authenticated 
by the word of those persons who have been resuscitated, 
and who say that the return to consciousness was accompa- 



TO AVOID DROWNING. 227 

nied by the only pain they endured. The agony is believed 
to be in the momentary expectation of death, and the des- 
perate struggles of the drowning are due to their desire for 
life, in which they will fasten with terrible strength on any 
thing within reach ; and it is literally true that a drowning 
man will grasp at straws. A writer in a Philadelphia paper 
gives a graphic account of his peril by drowning, but ap- 
pears to have experienced much suffering : 

" When I gave up all hope in the water, I did not 
suffer one pang about my past life. I have always been 
told that when a man is drowning all his past life comes 
before him, and he suffers horrors of conscience. It was 
not so with me. I thought of you, my dear father and 
mother, and of you all at home, and what a sorrow the 
news of my death would be to you all ; and then, strange to 
say, I thought how people do falsify. I have always been 
told that death by drowning is the easiest death ; and yet 
here I am, suffering agonies of pain. And I remember 
wishing, if I am to be drowned, let it be done quickly. 
Then I thought, I am about to solve the problem about the 
future world ; and I felt the same feeling of shyness and 
dread come over me that I have so often felt, and never 
could conquer, when I was outside a drawing-room door, and 
about to be ushered into a crowd of ladies and gentlemen. 
I have been asked if I never thought about the sharks that 
infest the place. I am thankful to say they never entered 
my head. If I had remembered them, I feel sure I should 
have gone down like a stone." 

TO AVOID DROWNING. 

The human body weighs a pound in the water, and a 
single chair will carry two adults. That is it would keep the 
head above water, which is all that is necessary when it is 



228 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

a question of life or death. One finger placed upon a bench 
or board will easily keep the head above water, while the 
two feet and the other hand may be used to propel toward 
the shore. We have seen a small boy that could not swim 
a stroke propel himself back and forth across a deep, wide 
pond by means of a board that would not sustain five 
pounds weight. 

It is not at all necessary to know how to swim to avoid 
drowning by this method. A little experience of the 
buoyant power of water and faith in it is all that is needed. 
A person unfamiliar with this power will naturally try to 
climb on top of the floating object on which he tries to save 
himself. If it is large enough that is all right, but gen- 
erally it is not large enough, and half of a struggling group 
is often drowned in the desperate scramble of a life and 
death struggle to climb on top of a piece of wreck or other 
floating object not large enough to keep them all entirely 
above water. This often happens when pleasure boats cap- 
size. All immediately want to get out of the water on top 
of the overturned or half filled boat, and all are drowned, 
except those whom the wrecked craft will bear safely up. 
If they would simply trust the water to sustain ninety-nine 
hundredths of the weight of their bodies and the disabled 
boat, the other hundredth all might be saved under most 
circumstances. 

Children and all others should have practice in the 
sustaining power of water. These are simple facts easily 
learned, and may some day save your life. 

Men are drowned by raising their arms above the water, 
the unbuoyed weight of which depresses the head. When 
a man falls into the water he will rise to the surface and 
stay there if he does not elevate his hands. If he moves 
his hands under water in any way he pleases, his head 



SWIMMING. 229 

will rise so high as to allow full liberty to breathe ; 
and if he will use his legs in the act of walking, or 
rather walking up stairs, his shoulders will rise above the 
water. 

The weight of the human body, and the weight of the 
water differ so little, that the least exertion in the proper 
direction, and above all, presence of mind, is sufficient to 
meet any immediate danger from drowning. 

TO JUMP FROM A STEAMER'S DECK. 

It is worth while for persons who travel on steamboats 
to know and remember that they have but little chance of 
escaping with their lives, if in case of accident they leap 
into the water in front of the paddle wheels while the wheels 
are in motion. In spite of their efforts they will be drawn 
under the side of the boat, and suffer a blow from the wheels 
which will either kill them outright or will disable them 
so that they can no longer help themselves. They should 
leap from behind the wheels if possible, when they find it 
necessary to take to the water. 

A person used to the water, if compelled to leap from in 
front of the wheels, may escape the stroke of the paddle by 
diving as deep as possible, without making special effort to 
dive away from the vessel. If the boat is moving with 
nearly her usual speed, the wheel will be likely to pass 
over him before he rises, and his chances for escape will 
be fair. 

In cases where communication with the after part of the 
boat is cut off by flame, it is best to remain on the deck as 
long as possible, and if forced to take to the water to plunge 
headlong. Persons diving in that manner do not come to 
the surface as soon as they would if they descended to the 
same depth, dropping feet first, and they go deeper with the 



230 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

same effort unless they have trained themselves to hold 
their limbs entirely rigid, descend perpendicularly, and not 
move hands or feet until they begin to rise. Very few per- 
sons who are accustomed to swimming in salt water have 
acquired the art of sinking feet foremost to any considerable 
depth. 

RESTORING THE DROWNED. 

Dr. Marshall Hall, after careful research, shows that to 
induce the act of breathing is the first thing to be looked to 
in drowning or suffocation. The reason is, the lungs refuse 
to act, not so much because the common air, with its 
oxygen, can not find entrance, but because the carbonic acid 
remains in the blood. 

Suppose the body to be taken from the water; it is to 
be at once laid on the face, not on the back, and in the open 
air, if houses are so far distant as to cause long delay in the 
removal. Every moment is precious. Being laid on the 
face, with the head towards the breeze, the arms are to be 
placed under the forehead, so as to keep the face and mouth 
clear of the ground. In this position the tongue falls for- 
ward, draws with it the epiglottis, and leaves the glottis 
open. In other w T ords, the windpipe is open, and the 
throat is cleared by fluids, or mucus, flowing from the 
mouth. 

This reason for placing the body in the prone position 
on the face will be better understood by noticing what 
takes place when it is on its back. The tongue then falls 
backward, sinks, so to speak, into the throat, and closes up 
the windpipe, so that no air can possibly find its way to the 
lungs, except by force. The body, therefore, being laid on 
its face, there is a natural pressure of the chest and abdomen, 
which causes an expiration. This may be increased by some 



RESTORING THE DROWNED. 231 

additional pressure. Then, if the body is lifted by an 
attendant, who will place one hand under the shoulder, the 
other under the hip, it can be turned partly on its left 
side, when there will be an inspiration. The air will rush 
into the lungs with considerable violence. Then the ex- 
piration may be repeated by letting the body descend, and 
so on, up and down, alternately. And thus, without in- 
struments of any kind, and with the hands alone, if not 
too late, we accomplish that respiration which is the sole 
effective means of the elimination of blood poison. It 
is worthy of notice that a really dead body may be made 
to breathe before it has become stiff, as experiment fully 
demonstrates. 

About sixteen times a minute is the rate at which the 
body should be made to rise and fall in the endeavor to re- 
new respiration. The clothes, in the mean time, should be 
changed for others dry and warm. Or, if in a warm room, 
four persons should seize the limbs with their hands and 
rub them, with firm pressure, upwards. The warm bath is 
not to be compared with this method of restoring warmth, 
and not warmth only, but the circulation, if it is pursued 
with energy. The blood is driven upward, and, though 
venous, may stimulate the heart. 

The warm bath is on no account to be used until breath- 
ing has been restored. Dr. Hall says it is injurious, and to 
place the patient in a sitting position, in warm water, is to 
renounce the only hope. In France, its use has been for- 
bidden by the authorities. 

So many valuable lives are annually lost by drowning, 
that might have been saved by proper remedies, that it is 
an imperative duty to know just what to do in such an 
emergency. The great remedy is to be an accomplished 
swimmer : to cultivate a cool, clear-headed line of conduct ; 



232 



GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 



to think quickly, and to immediate purpose. The time is 
at hand when science will demand of every man, woman, 
and child of perfect physique so complete a knowledge of 
the art of swimming that no one will ever be drowned ex- 
cepting suicides. 




e*f*i»ffi3Ei-£ %% 



BEAUTIFUL COSTUMES — ARTISTIC DRESS 
FOR WOMAN — COLOR AND STYLE 
A STUDY — AUTOCRACY OF DRESS — 
GARB OF VOCATION— MEN'S DRESS — 
IMMIGRANTS' COSTUMES — REMARK- 
ABLE TOILETS. 

HERE is a rumor, coming from 
Paris, that an effort will be made, 
on the part of the art world, to sug- 
gest a more artistic dress for woman. 
Exactly what this implies it is now 
impossible to tell, but it seems to be 
a step in the right direction. Female 
apparel has too long been almost en- 
tirely under the sway of a mercenary 
class. The woman tailor has been om- 
nipotent. Her whole system has been sub- 
^ servient to gain. But to frequent changes 
in color, cut, and style of trimming there can 
be no objection. They please the eye. Men 
would be the first to grumble at an unvarying 
monotony in female apparel. 

Dress is as much a fine art as painting, and it is only 
when the artistic sense is present that taste reigns triumph- 
ant, and a lady can be said to be well dressed. " Always 
dress yourself beautifully/ 7 says Ruskin ; " not finely, except 
on occasions, but then very finely and beautifully, too." 
So deeply impressed is this art student with the importance 




234 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

of dress that he again repeats in a letter to a young lady: 
"Now, mind yon always dress charmingly. It is the first 
duty of a girl to he charming, and she can not be charming 
if she is not charmingly dressed. It is quite the first of 
firsts in the duties of girls in high position nowadays to 
set an example of beautiful dress without extravagance; 
that is to say, without waste or unnecessary splendor. On 
great occasions there may he a blaze of jewels, if they like 
and can, but only when they are part of a great show or 
ceremony. " 

How can a lady dress beautifully unless Bhe studies tin- 
art of dress'/ She may be attired in articles of dress beau- 
tiful in themselves, and yet, from an inharmonious arrange- 
ment of colors, or want of accord between various portions 
of her dress, she may be any thing but beautifully dressed. 
Her complexion may exceed in loveliness the roses of York 
and Lancaster, and her form rival in grace the outline- of 
the Greek Psyche; but even those charms will not make 
her want of artistic taste in dress Less conspicuous, or enable 
her to dispense with a graceful and becoming costume. 

The student in dress should study color, form, effect, — 
not only the colors most becoming to different complexions, 
but the harmonious blending of the same, and the effect of 
gas-light upon various colors. The painter makes color one 
of his chief studies. He knows full well how even a shade 
may mar the effect of his picture. We say of a lady whose 
dress in every detail is harmonious, " She looks like a pic- 
ture ;" in other words, she gives evidence that she is an art 
student in dress. 

Effect should be studied by the student in dress. Titian 
masses red in some of his pictures; not, perhaps, that he 
esteemed it above other colors, but because the effect was 
good. He could have made his draperies blue, and proba- 



BEAUTIFUL COSTUMES. 235 

bly ruined the effect of his picture. No true artist ever 
undervalues effect ; neither should the lady who desires to 
be well dressed. An artificial pink rose is pretty in itself; 
but it may be placed in the hair or in a bonnet so as to 
utterly lose its beauty. " Why," it may be asked, "give so 
much thought to dress ?" Because, as a writer observed, 
" your clothing is to your body what your manners are to 
your mind, and your religious observances are to your soul — 
the envelope, which alone is shown to others, and by which, 
to a great extent, they classify and judge you." 

If the designer, colorist, and manufacturer give thought 
and study to perfect the various textiles which form woman's 
attire, why should she not study to show them off advan- 
tageously on her person? Monnoyer, the celebrated flower- 
painter, left thirty-four etchings which furnish models fur 
the French manufacturers. It is to these that they have 
always gone for floral designs to scatter over the materials 
in which woman decks herself. Did not the painter study 
his subject before placing it on the canvas? The satin sheen 
of the lily, the rich hues of the tulip, and the deep crimson 
of the "heart of a rose," were all copies of the painter's 
studies in flowers. Vandervelde, another great painter, 
used to pass nights on the Thames, studying the varying 
effects of the sky. 

The great majority of the sex understand the art of 
dress no further than that "fine feathers make fine birds;" 
hence, they dress more or less in bad taste. Mrs. Hancock, 
one of the ladies of Revolutionary ,days, once said : " I 
will never forgive a young girl who is not dressed to please, 
or one who seems pleased with her dress." 

It was Hay don, the great painter, who said : " I like to 
see lovely women well dressed, well shod, well gloved, and 
let them dress six times a day if they like, notwithstanding 



236 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

the scorn croakers talk of them. Is there any more inno- 
cent employment than dressing? If they are handsome let 
them show their beauty to the best advantage." 

Thus spoke the painter, whose artistic sense had doubtless 
been often shocked by badly dressed women, women whose 
presence should be an outcome of beauty, grace, and attract- 
iveness. We can very well imagine what a shock many of 
our modern ladies give to the painter whose study of form 
and color make him peculiarly sensitive on these points. 
Imagine a Greek woman from whom painter, poet, and 
sculptor drew his inspiration, wearing as Lady Caroline 
Campbell did in 1796, feathers in her bonnet so arranged 
that they were four feet higher than the head. All London 
stared, which was what Lady Caroline intended it should 
do ; but no painter drew inspiration from her appearance, 
save for the grotesque. 

It must be understood that we are referring now to the 
queens of society, the women who have wealth and Leisure, 
and an assured position, and who, in giving time and atten- 
tion to the details of dress and fashion, assist others instead 
of hindering them. 

There is a consistency to be observed in all these things, 
for although we live in a republican country, there is still 
a marked difference in the position of the women who toil 
not, neither do they spin, and they who labor early and late 
at some avocation. Of these it is expected they will dress 
prettily, artistically, but not regally, nor with the same lav- 
ish display that she who can devote money and time to her 
toilet may be permitted. It would be folly to attempt any 
such useless emulation at an expense involving so much 
sacrifice. 

Perhaps even more women might rise to positions of 
distinction were it not for the tax on their time and strength 



BUSINESS COSTUMES. 237 

consequent on the demands of dress and fashion. With 
many women dress in all its details and necessities of shop- 
ping, fitting, etc., is a business requiring an average of three 
or four hours daily. Subtract this from the hours of a work- 
ing day, and it involves a great loss of valuable time and 
strength. A woman who is thoroughly devoted to any art 
can not dress after the requirements of fashion. If a man 
desires to step into the street he puts on his hat and goes. 
If a woman so goes out, it involves an outlay of at least 
fifteen minutes' time to " rig up." 

In this age of competition success in any occupation is 
only gained at the cost of constant, unremitting attention 
and perseverance. The working artist, lawyer, merchant, or 
business man can not go with gloved hands, and he often 
gains time at the expense of a well worn coat in the public 
thoroughfare. Almost without being aware of the motive, 
man's garb has, during the last hundred years, more and 
more adapted itself to the practical needs of business. Even 
the dandy of to-day copies the general style of the worker. 
How much business of any description would a man now 
accomplish if clad in the ribbons, frills, and ruffles of the 
court popinjays of Charles the Second's time? Yet a critic 
of fashions finds fault with the present style ; he says : Man's 
apparel, as well as woman's, is open to improvement. His 
regular every-day attire is not a free, unfettered working 
dress. It is too stiff. There's too much starch and paste- 
board for comfort or free play of limb. Any dress impeding 
the working of any part of the body is directly unhealthful. 

The proof that man's dress is to some extent a shackle, 
is the fact and custom that if there's any thing to do demand- 
ing muscular exercise, he must pull off not only his coat, but 
his collar, cravat, and sometimes his shirt. Our pedestrians, 
our base-ball players, our polo players, our yachtsmen on 



2:58 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

duty, all in order to do their best, are obliged to strip them- 
selves of portions of their conventional attire. If this is 
necessary for the fullest muscular exertion of a few hours, 
why is it not necessary for that of any hour? H<»\v much 
weakness and disease may be indirectly developed by clogs 
to physical exertion, by undue pressure and bandaging, by 
cramped feet and necks, by every thing which fetters motion 
and respiration? 

It is more than probable we should have a race of gladia- 
tors if all the rules of hygiene in regard to food and dress 
were closely observed. As it is, there was never an epoch 
in the history of fashion when as much conformity to good 
sense was shown as in the present sensible styles. 

IMMIGRANTS' ( IOSTUMES. 

One thing that strikes the observer contemplating the 
immigrants as they arrive at our shores i> the fondness for 
vivid colors evinced by the people of the Old World. The 
national costumes, that formerly gave such a picturesque ap- 
pearance to the immigrants, and marked each people dis- 
tinctively, are disappearing. From Germany, Holland. 
England, Sweden, and Ireland come now about the same 
general style of garments, varied simply in cut and color, 
all bearing a close resemblance to the general fashion of 
raiment worn here. Yet occasionally one will encounter 
groups of people from countries more remote or further in 
the rear of the universal progress toward assimilation who 
are well worthy of attention and remark. A party of Ice- 
landic men arrived here lately, whose garments would have 
enriched a museum. Their trousers of dark gray frieze ex- 
tended up to their armpits. Their coats and vests met the 
upper edge of the trousers, and from each coat, between th" 
shoulders of each, hung the funniest, most ridiculous, and 



IMMIGRANTS' COSTUMES. 239 

diminutive tails it is possible to imagine. Big silver buttons, 
that had been bequeathed from father to son for many 
generations, studded the garments. 

The handsomest male costumes worn by any immigrants 
are those worn by the Tyrolese, consisting of long stocking, \ 
velvet knee-breeches, embroidered vests, short cloaks, cone- 
shaped hats adorned with feathers, and all in bright colors. 
It is a dress that has been familiarized throughout the 
country by the many bands of singers who have worn it, 
and which by its beauty deserves to be retained. The 
women from the same country have brightly striped petti- 
coats, trimmed sometimes with strips of gold or silver lace, 
that make a very bright and pleasing show. Almost always 
both men and women have finely developed, handsome 
forms, which their costumes display to the best advantage. 

The gayest plumaged birds are the Finlanders. They 
wear mostly homespun materials, but gaudy with bright 
colors. Generally they come in colonies of forty or fifty 
persons, and when such a band arrives, it seems to brighten 
all the surroundings. The women's dresses are like very 
fancy bathing suits of red, white, and blue — no half tints or 
shades, but strong pronounced colors — and their head-gear 
consists of snowy white frilled mob-caps. Their fondness 
for color, which distinguishes them, is shown even in the 
dress of the men, who wear coat-bindings of brilliant, con- 
trasting tints. On their heads the men wear colored caps of 
knitted wool, like the fishermen of Brittany. 

A rage for color has taken possession of our own nation, 
and is the more noticeable, as black has been the prevailing 
shade worn since the war. It has taken some time for 
American women to renounce this solemn habit, and now 
there is danger of another extreme, since our streets this 
season seemed filled with tropical plumage in all its exuber- 



240 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

ance of color. The black dress of the promenade — black 
at first from sad necessity, but later from choice — do Longer 
is seen. Fashion has relegated it to the limbo of the past. 

SOME BEAUTIFUL BALL DRESSES. 

The following costume was worn to a royal ball by Lady 
Huntingdon: "Her petticoat was black velvet, embroidered 
with chenille the pattern of a large stone vase filled with 
ramping flowers, that spread almost over a breadth of the 
petticoat from the bottom to the top. Between each vase of 
flowers was a pattern of gold shells and foliage, embossed 
and most heavily rich. The gown was white satin, embroi- 
dered also with chenille mixed with gold ornaments. \o 
vases on the sleeve, but two or three on the- tail. It was a 
most labored piece of finery, the pattern much properer for 
a stucco stair-case than the apparel of a lady — a mere shadow 
that tottered with every step she took under the load." 

A ball dress worn lately is thus described: "The Duch- 
ess of Queensbury wore a white satin, bordered around the 
lower edge with brown hills, and every breadth had an old 
stump that run up almost to the top of the petticoat, broken 
and rugged, and worked with brown chenille, round which 
trained nasturtiums, ivy, honeysuckle, periwinkles, convol- 
vuluses, and all sorts of twining flowers, which spread and 
covered the petticoat, and vines with the leaves variegated 
as you have seen them in the sun, all rather smaller than 
nature, which makes them look very light. The robings 
and facings were little green banks with all sorts of w T eeds, 
and the sleeves and the rest of the gown loose, twining 
branches of the same kind as those in the petticoat. Many 
of the leaves were finished with gold, and part of the stumps 
of the trees looked like the gilding of the sun." 

Anotner remarkable and costly dress was worn at a fash- 



REMARKABLE TOILETS. 241 

ionable dinner, which was distinguished for the richness of 
its costumes: 

"The fabric was a camePs-hair cloth, thick, fine, rich, 
and of a very pale ecru tint. It was cut in double-breasted 
princesse style, with two rows of exquisitely carved tortoise- 
shell buttons, from the outward curve of the breast down 
as far as the top of the foot-trimming, which was a ten-inch 
bordering of seal-skin, with the softest of this variety of 
fur. Between the buttons were suspended shell-chains. A 
seal collar rolled away from the throat, and being cut in 
shawl shape, the throat was left bare to display a superb 
necklace of diamonds, which overlaid a fitted necklet of seal- 
brown velvet. The sleeves were immense, and open to the 
shoulder, with linings of seal. The lady's beautiful bare 
arms were girded above the elbows with seal-brown velvet 
bands that were clasped with diamonds. Her gloves ex- 
tended up to near her elbows, were buttoned with diamonds, 
and bordered with two inches of seal fur. Her hair was 
nearly a seal-brown, and diamonds sparkled in a 'comb that 
held its graceful coil in position." 

Mrs. Thomas Ronalds, of New York, once a Parisian 
belle, who, some say, rivaled the empress with the magnifi- 
cence of her toilet, wore, on one occasion, a wonderful cos- 
tume of white satin and rare laces. This dress had the 
unique ornamentation of humming-birds in natural colors, 
which gave to it an air of orientalism as charming as it 
was novel. 

" A beautiful carriage toilet," says a writer from abroad, 

"was seen at Trouville last week. It was a rose-colored 

battiste, covered with innumerable knife-plaited flounces, 

edged with real Valenciennes lace. The overdress was 

forme echarpe, looped in the back, the corsage being very 

simple, gathered at the waist with a jabot of the same rich 

16 



242 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

lace. A hat crushed in front, with a single pink rose, with 
rose-colored ribbon under the chin, covered the loveliest 
little brunette face I had ever seen. The wearer carried in 
her hand a sunshade of white silk grenadine, lined with 
rose color, and edged with white Valenciennes lace. The 
jewels were delicate pink coral and diamond-." 

A startling costume appeared at the Long Island races 
lately, and is thus described: A scarlet lady was tie' ob- 
served of all observers. She was outwardly clothed in red 
from top to toe — from her red-plumed hat to her red leather 
slippers. The material of her costume was velvet, and satin, 
and the color throughout was a vivid scarlet, which glowed 
and glistened in the hot sun like a big live coal. Her slip- 
pers were low, showing red silk stockings of the finest tex- 
ture. Her jewelry was red carved ivory. Her gloves were 
red, too. Xot a glimpse of any other color but red could 
be caught about her, except her face, neck, and hair. 

The dress of an artist is that worn by a lady who is de- 
scribed as an Egyptian-looking woman, with great, sad eyes, 
clear pallor, scarlet lips, and a sphinx-like expression of 
ineffable remoteness and melancholy. Her dress at an even- 
ing party, not long ago, is described as of the sheerest 
white muslin, clinging to the form as if finely chiseled 
there. It was confined by a supple golden serpent winding 
about her, and dropping its jeweled head and diamond eyes 
at her left side. Egyptian bracelets and necklace were en 
her bare arms and neck, and an Egyptian asp held the robe 
at the breast. The short curls of her black hair lay close 
all about her eyes, and another golden asp, with jeweled 
mail, was wound in its masses, the wearer making a daz- 
zling and barbaric picture. 



e*f*x>m*j& xxi 



ETIQUETTE OF RELIGION IMMORTALITY OF THE SOUL — WHAT IS THF 

BIBLE LIKE — TRUSTING GOD — JUVENILE PESSIMISM — DYING 

WORDS THE FASHION OF UNBELIEF — BEHAVIOR 

IN CHURCH. 



" There is no unbelief : 
Whoever plants a seed beneath the sod, 
And waits to see it push away the clod, 
Trusts he in God." 
^ — Lizzie York Case. 

^/N the different ages there has been 
nothing about which the minds of 
men and women have been more 
agreed than in regard to these two 
things — the existence of a God or 
divine Ruler and the existence in 
man of a soul that is to live for- 
ever. Like a ship from a far dis- 
tant shore, that has traveled over 
boisterous seas, and through storms which have sunken 
nearly all the other vessels that started from the same place 
at the same time, the belief in these two things has come 
down to us from the very cradle of the human race, over- 
riding and severing the opposition it has encountered along 
the way. As a bow in the hands of the archer may be 
bent ever so much, and yet, if not broken, it w T ill return to 
its former shape when the pressure is removed; as a ship 
may be driven from its course under the stress of a stormy 
wind, and yet, if well handled and uninjured, it will be 
brought back to the right course when the wind subsides, — 




244 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

thus it has been in the past in regard to the immortality of 
the soul, and thus doubtless it will be in the future. Under 
certain influences many may be led to doubt or deny 
this important truth, and yet we may feel confident that 
the general course of human conduct will always be 
in the same direction, the deviations being slight and 
momentary. 

WHAT THE .BIBLE IS LIKE. 

It is like a large, beautiful tree, which bears sweet fruit 
for those who are hungry, and affords shelter and shade to 
pilgrims on their way to the kingdom of heaven. 

It is like a cabinet of jewels and precious stones, which 
are not only to be looked at and admired, but used and 
worn. 

It is like a telescope, that brings distant objects and far 
off things of the world very near, so that we can see some- 
thing of their beauty and importance. 

It is like a treasure-house, a store-house, for all sorts of 
valuable and useful things, and which are to be had without 
money and without price. 

It is like a deep, broad, calm-flowing river, the banks 
of which are calm and flowery ; where birds sing and lambs 
play, and dear little children are loving and happy. 

TRUSTING GOD. 

" If I trust Him for my food 

As the birds do, 
I shall gather up the crumbs 

When they fall, 
Nor shall wait to hear him say 
Why he made no better way, 
Why he gave no larger stay ; 

Only the small. 



JUVENILE PESSIMISM. 245 

If I trust Him for my dress, 

As grasses do, 
I shall take the offered garment 

With a smile ; 
Nor shall ask, with anxious care, 
Does cold charity bid me wear, 
Or love, this dress, not fine or fair, 

The weary while? 

If I trust for every thing, 

As children do, 
I shall have every thing one hundred fold 

In by and by, 
Sweet loaves prepared by one who knows my taste 
My dress the fair robe of his righteousness ; 
Till then his precious Word is my bequest. 

He knoweth why." 

JUVENILE PESSIMISM. 

Some years ago Punch printed a series of pictures, sat- 
irizing the training of children who were taught to ape the 
manners and sentiments of their elders. Blase babies are 
both sad and ludicrous; but still more sad and ludicrous are 
the cynicism and skepticism so proudly paraded by many 
young men and women who are on the very threshold of 
life; whose experiences of the world, misfortunes, and mis- 
eries is like the parrot's knowledge of language. One who 
mingles much with the society of to-day can not but notice 
the tendency, on the part of those whose faces and words 
should beam with cheerfulness, hope, and roseate views of 
life, to indulge in the most melancholy pessimism, and 
adopt all the latest forms of religious and intellectual skep- 
ticism. Optimism is the healthy condition of the youthful 
mind; and when we see its contrary it impels the belief 
that there is something radically wrong, either in the nature 
or education of the victim. 



246 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

LAST WORDS OF THE DYING. 

It is, probably, natural that at the last the scenes which 
have made the strongest impressions in life should be re- 
called by memory. The old mountaineer, when he comes 
to die, with his last words says his snow-shoes are losi : 
with the stage-driver he is on a down grade, and can not 
reach the brake; the miner can not get to the air-pipe; the 
sailor says, "Eight bells have sounded," and the gambler 
plays his last trump. A little girl was dying, and as her 
mother held her wrist and noted the faint and nickering 
pulse, a smile came to the wan face, and the child whis- 
pered, "There is no more desert here, mamma; but all the 
world is full of flowers." A moment later the smile became 
transfixed. 

In an Eastern city, not long ago, a sister of charity was 
dying, and at last, arousing from a stupor, she opened her 
eyes and said, "It is strange; every kind word I have 
spoken in life, every tear that I have shed, has become a 
living flower around me, and they bring to my senses an 
incense ineffable." 

A young poet lay dying in a far-off Southern town. 
The story of his end, as told by his sister, is sad and touch- 
ing. As he recovered consciousness and calm, in one of his 
last convulsions, he said, quietly, "I am dying." "Yes, 
dear," whispered his sister, "you will soon be at rest.''* 
"True," he replied, in struggling tones of intense pathos; 
"but love is sweeter than rest." The parting between him 
and his adored wife was his final supreme agony, after 
which a crown of calm descended upon him, and his brows 
wore a light-like inspiration. He partook, for the first 
time, of the holy communion of the Anglican Church, and 
then, as the shadows gathered closer, he said, in a cool, 



THE FASHION OF UNBELIEF. 247 

clear voice, like some philosophical disseeter, " It seems like 
two tides — two tides advancing and retreating — these powers 
of life and death. Now the dark wave recedes; but wait, 
it will advance again triumphant. After a little he mur- 
mured, " So this is death? How strange. Were I a meta- 
physician I would analyze it, but as it is I can only watch." 
The long night wore slowly through, and his wife, in the 
gray of the morning, took her sister's place at the bedside. 
The sufferer was burning with thirst, but the last spoonful 
of water she gave him he could not swallow. "Never 
mind/' he whispered, " I shall soon drink of the river of 
eternal life." 

And so with love to light the way of faith the spirit of 
Henry Timrod went out calmly beautiful into the unknown 
dark just as the sun was coming forth to his eternal task of 
glory and of good. The slumber of the poet softened into 
death at the very hour which he had long foretold — the 
hour when nature seems most to rejoice, when birds sing 
highest, brooks run freshest, and flowers look sweetest. Was 
it a welcome or a farewell to him? Not a marble monu- 
ment, not even a plain stone, marks his last resting-place in 
the Union Cemetery of Columbia; but a good life needs no 
epitaph. 

THE FASHION OF UNBELIEF. 

The present age has developed a class of freethinkers 
among people, who have no excuse in education or surround- 
ings for their unbelief. They pretend to find in the printed 
utterances of Tyndall, Huxley, and others a higher culture, 
which eliminates the soul, and leaves man on a level with 
the beasts of the field. Since the greatest scientist in the 
world can not tell how an eye is created or put the light of 
life into one, nor understand that perfect miracle of every- 



24-S GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

day nature — an egg, and can only copy his grandest thoughts 
and conceptions from nature herself, how can he venture to 
deny truths which arc simpler than the laws governing the 
last of created life, yet grand and enduring as the imperial 
sun itself? 

Genuine doubt as to the use and beauty of this life and 
unbelief in the life to come are like the poisoned shirt of 
Nessus, which, having been wrought on the loom of pro- 
tracted mental wrestlings and spiritual agonies, offers the 
vision of a great personal tragedy. 

Many of the finest minds of the world have succumbed 
in this dead-lock of conflict, and have emerged battered and 
bruised, and swept clean of all their sweet illusions. There are 
but few thoughtful men who have not brought away the smell 
of fire in their garments from the battle. Never has the 
battle of opinion in all that relates to the inner, subtler life 
of man been so deadly as now. The horrors of a homeless, 
centerless heart and of a mind beaten about by the forces 
of doubt are passionately expressed by Shelley in his great 
tragedy of Beatrice Cenci, through the words of the heroine: 

"Sweet heaven, forgive weak thoughts, if there should be 
No God, no heaven, no earth in the void world — 
The wide, gray, lampless, deep, unpeopled world!" 

This cry is echoed in despair from many human souls, 
who are struggling with themselves to plant their feet on 
solid ground. It did not need the spiritual writings of Jean 
Paul in his vision of a universe without a Father, or of a 
Shelley in " Prometheus Unbound," to illustrate a potent 
human fact w T ith the splendors of their genius. 

"There is no unbelief; 
And day by day, and night unconsciously, 
The heart lives by that faith the lips deny — 
God knoweth why." 



ETIQUETTE OF RELIGION. 249 

"I can not believe/' says Bulwer, "that earth is man's 
abiding-place. It can not be that our life is cast up by the 
ocean of eternity to float upon its waves, and then sink into 
nothingness. Else why is it that the glorious aspirations 
which leap like angels from the temple of our hearts are 
forever wandering about unsatisfied? Why is it that the 
stars, which hold their festivals around the midnight throne, 
are set above the grasps of our limited faculties, forever 
mocking us with their unapproachable glory? And, finally, 
why is it that bright forms of human beauty are presented 
to our view, and then taken from us, leaving the thousands 
of streams of our affections to flow in Alpine torrents upon 
our hearts? We are born for a higher destiny than that of 
earth. There is a realm where the rainbow never fades, and 
where the stars will spread before us like islands that slum- 
ber in the ocean; where the beings that pass before us like 
shadows will stay in our presence forever." 

ETIQUETTE OF RELIGION. 

What is the etiquette of religion? Xever to name the 
Supreme Being in light and trivial conversation. Xever to 
force your individual belief or unbelief upon the attention 
of others in social gatherings. Always to respect the be- 
liefs and opinions of those with whom you are in company, 
or if they are distasteful, to' withdraw yourself rather than 
to force an argument. You can not compel people to be- 
come Christians. You need not sit still or join in when 
Christianity is abused, but you will only injure the cause by 
arousing a hot discussion. A polite and amiable demeanor 
toward your adversaries will do far more for the cause of 
Christ than controversy. There never was a war that raged 
with such uncontrollable hatred as a religious war. It is the 
still small voice that convinces. 



250 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

It is the reverse of good breeding to assail any person's 
religious belief, or to introduce into mundane talk a series 
of personal views upon such a momentous question. If you 
were invited to a gentleman's country seat, and you saw 
other guests arriving, all coming by different avenues to 
meet at the central edifice, you would not question their 
right to enter the grounds by any route they chose. Re- 
spect, then, the religious roads your friends are traveling, 
since they will all meet at one center, independent of creeds 
if only the living tenets of Christianity are obeyed. 

Professor Swing in a recent letter speaking of our firsl 
parents, says that any lady and gentleman admitted to the 
orchard of a farmer, and requested to abstain from touching 
only one tree, would certainly have respected the rights of 
their entertainer. Adam and Eve were doubtless ignorant of 
the laws of etiquette or they would not have touched the 
forbidden fruit. 

Never in conversation in a mixed company allude to any 
particular denomination by name. It is seldom in good 
taste to tell stories bearing on the peculiarities of some relig- 
ous sect, as there may be persons present who will be deeply 
hurt even when appearing to enjoy the anecdote. It is bet- 
ter to sacrifice the opportunity of telling a good story than to 
make a guest uncomfortable. Profane remarks are to be 
deprecated at all times, or stories in which jests are told 
with impious ejaculations. They savor of the bar-room, and 
can not improve the minds of either the relator or the 
recipient. 

A LIBERAL CREED. 

A prominent divine says : " Whether orthodox religion 
is true, whether it is perfect, whether it has not changed, 
or is changing all the time, are questions of little real im- 



A LIBERAL CREED. 251 

portance. A vindictive God may be an honor to the human 
mind, and mere superstition disgusting to the intelligent. I 
grant all this. I grant that the form of a creed is of little 
consequence, although there is much pathos in a man trying 
to save his soul under any creed; not pathos only, but fear- 
ful tragedy, because his earnestness and anxiety will always 
be in proportion to his conception of divine justice. If he 
is over earnest, if his anxiety seems unfounded, if his 
conception of Deity is tyranny, if the Old Testament 
with its examples of malediction and vengeance grasp 
his imagination more strongly than the Xew, with its doc- 
trines of love and good works, he is an object of pitv ; 
but what shall we say of him if he endeavors to prove him- 
self a mere thing of earth ? to eradicate, so to speak, the 
divine faculty, the immortal part which alone distinguishes 
him from the brute? It may be intense vanity which 
prompted the assertion that man ay as made in God's own 
image, and we may feel when we regard mankind that such 
an assertion is a cheapening of God. In a word, we may or 
may not believe any special creed, yet cling to the one faith, 
delusion — call it what you will — which makes life worth liv- 
ing, because it teaches us that 

It is not all of life to live, 
Nor all of death to die. 

The query, Is life worth living? would answer itself in 
the negative if this, the present state, is all there is. If 
nature stops with the grave worm, so far as conscious exist- 
ence is concerned; if we toil and suffer only to enrich the 
soil, and return to the material elements, life is a very lame 
and impotent conclusion. It is a fraud imposed upon us in 
helpless infancy, and endured under duress through all our 
years. If it leads nowhere ; if the process of nature is not 



252 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

progressive, from one state of conscious being to another; if 
the grand instinct of immortality is not responded to in 
nature, as other human instincts are, cui bono f Why stay here 
at all? Why carry the burdens of life at all? Why be 
poor, ignorant, despised? Why suffer for others? Why 
breast contumely, endure scorn, cling to duty, when its de- 
mands are irksome? Of what use the length or brevity 
of life? If it ends in nothing, why not end it? For in that 
case no man can give a satisfactory reason for living. 

"The truth is, that the belief in a future state does not 
hurt man. Certain creeds may hurt him, but a faith that 
he may progress from one state of being to another, with 
chance of improving himself in knowledge and intelligence, 
is a grand incentive. But if his progress is simply to sup- 
ply the water, the dust, the lime, the ingredients of some 
other man or men, and thing or things, there is no consola- 
tion in it. The average mind resents such change of iden- 
tity, such annihilation of self, with fierce resentment. It may 
revolt against the idea of eternal damnation, and revolt, too. 
against the idea o'f extinction. It is not necessary to abol- 
ish the soul in order to get rid of hell." 

Perhaps the best way for those who are doubtful of 
creeds and doctrines, is to live for this world in such a 
manner that they will be fitted for the next. True Christian 
principle can be exemplified in everv-day life. The gracious 
word, the cup of cold water, the lightening of the heavy 
burden, the unselfish deed — are not these all rungs in that 
golden ladder that leads to heaven? 

BEHAVIOR IN CHURCH. 

It has been frequently remarked, that people who make 
no profession of religion will often conduct themselves better 
in the house of God than the professed Christian. Certain 






BEHAVIOR IN CHURCH. 253 

it is that many persons comport themselves in a most un- 
becoming and indecorous manner in church. Moving their 
feet about with a shuffling, disagreeable noise, turning their 
heads to stare at new-comers, or watching the congrega- 
tion, instead of taking part in the services. No lady, no gen- 
tleman, will do this. It is only the underbred who stare 
and whisper in church, go in late, rustling their clothes 
and creaking their shoes, thus disturbing those who are 
devotionally inclined. These are the persons who, attend- 
ing a church with whose forms they are not familiar, sit 
through the entire service with a bored expression upon 
their faces. A well-bred person would follow the custom 
of the congregation at such a time, even if it involved 
much more ceremony than he was accustomed to. He 
would do this in deference to the place and the clergyman, if 
not to a higher power, which was worshiped by their mode. 
A gentleman should remove his hat as soon as he enters 
the vestibule of the church, and, if he is late, enter at the 
moment prayer is concluded, and make his way noiselessly, 
but without tiptoeing, to the seat assigned him. He will 
then place his hat under the seat, bend his head in prayer 
a moment, and proceed quietly to find the places in the 
books offered him. He will not sing, even though an ac- 
complished vocalist, unless there is congregational singing. 
He will not do any thing to attract attention, and, if he 
sees acquaintances in the church, will not bow to them, or 
recognize them, until after the congregation is dismissed. 
He will avoid coughing, yawning, or breathing hard — 
habits that are very disagreeable in any place, but particu- 
larly so in the hush of the sacred edifice. He will not 
look at his watch, nor take off his gloves, nor fumble with 
his watch chain, nor will he leave, unless seriously ill, before 
church is out. 



254 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

A Gentleman who aceompanies lady to church follows her 
up the aisle, if preceded by an usher; or, if the aisle will ad- 
mit of it without crowding, walks upon the right-hand side, 

allowing her to enter the pew first, and seating himself by her 
side. As it is awkward for two persons to look upon the 
same page, holding the book between them, he will decline 
the offer where there is but one book; nor will he look for 
the places of devotional exercise, if he is not familiar with the 
form used, but allow his companion to find them for herself. 

Neither gentlemen nor ladies will wear striking costumes 
or much jewelry to church. Chains, bracelets, and lockets, 
diamonds and flashing colors are inappropriate at such a 
place. Even though the wearer may be unconscious of any 
parade in the matter, there are others to whom the gewgaws 
of gay and fashionable may be serious stumbling-blocks. 

The writer remembers being in a village church, one 
dedicated to the Roman Catholic faith, when a family of 
quiet, unostentatious people entered, plainly and soberly 
dressed, and with an air of devotion that showed them to 
be inspired by reverence for the time and place. Thev 
joined with the rest in the forms of the service, and when 
the plate was passed, unostentatiously donated a liberal roll 
of money, and at the close of the service departed as quietlv 
and modestly as they had entered. These were Mrs. General 
Sherman, her son Thomas, now in the priesthood, and three 
daughters, with their governess and maid. They had walked 
over from the hotel at which they were temporarily stopping 
to worship in the little mountain church. 

A noted divine once said that we should take none of 
the week into the Sabbath, but a great deal of the Sabbath 
into the week. So in the holy temple of religion we should 
abandon secular thoughts and ways, and for one hour at 
least compose body and soul in the rest of spiritual repose. 



e*f&i>M*m sxn. 



EARLY TEAS — LUNCHEONS — RECEPTIONS — HOW TO INVITE — HOW TO 

RESPOND — WHAT TO WEAR — WHEN TO GO — ETIQUETTE 

OF THE OCCASION. 



OFFEES or early teas are very 
fashionable of late, very charm- 
ing in forming social entertain- 
ments, and have been in great 
demand during the two past 
seasons among the ladies of 
large cities. The custom has 
always been popular with the 
Jewish and German ladies, who 
entertain afternoon callers with coffee and 
cake. The term kettledrum is used for 
the formal invitation, which is written or 
engraved on a square card, embellished in 
one corner with a cup and saucer, or a tete- 
a-tete set, or a corpulent tea-pot hospitably 
steaming. The form of wording is as 
follows : 

Saturday, February jd, 
20 Park Place. Coffee at 4 o'clock. 

OR, 

Tuesday, September 4th, 
go Lo7nbard Avenue. Tea at 4 o 'clock. 




256 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

An informal note on a correspondence card would read 
as follows: 

"Dear Miss Williams, — 

" A few of our friends will spend Thursday afternoon 
together at my house, where we will be most happy to see 
you. Tea at four. 

" Yours very truly, 
" 90 Lombard Avenue, Kate CoLBURX." 

Gentlemen are sometimes included in the invitations to 
early teas, more especially non-professional gentlemen, who 
are at leisure at all times to meet society people. Artist.-, 
musicians, and authors, are in demand for literary teas; but 
they are not invited in any professional sense to make 
amusements for the other guests. It is related of the com- 
poser Offenbach that he was invited to an afternoon tea at 
the house of a French nobleman, where he was to meet the 
emperors of Germany and Russia, who were sojourning at 
Ems. After some conversation, the emperor of Germany 
asked the great composer if he would kindly favor him 
with some music from one of his operas. "I would with 
pleasure," was the characteristic reply, " had I come to sing ; 
I only came to take tea." 

It is not in good taste to urge guests to sing, play, or 
read at such gatherings when it is their business to do these 
things in public. They are supposed to attend for recrea- 
tion and pleasure. Probably, if not required to give their 
services, they will ultimately generously offer them. 

Ladies wear calling costumes on these occasions, which 
hardly differ in formality from luncheons. Of course, the 
toilet must be fresh, with unsoiled gloves, which may be re- 
tained, it being more elegant to remove only one than both. 
It is not complimentary to the hostess to drop in with an 



RECEPTIONS. 257 

apology for wearing a shopping toilet, as if her invitation 
had been a second thought. Elegant evening toilets are not 
expected, and would not indicate good taste in the wearer. 

About two hours is usually devoted to an afternoon tea 
or coffee, which time is spent in chatting, eating, and ex- 
changing social ideas. Upon an occasion of absence, the 
guest does not send regrets, as to dinner or luncheon, unless 
the cards demand them ; but verbal regrets should be offered 
to the hostess upon the first meeting afterward. 

Receptions are held in the afternoon and evening both, 
and are attended by ladies in carriage dress, gentlemen 
wearing frock-coats and light trousers, with gloves of an 
evening shade, but not white or cream-color. There is usu- 
ally a great crush, music, occasionally impromptu dancing, 
and a collation spread in the dining-room, to which people 
resort in couples or groups during the time the reception 
lasts. From three to six and from eight to eleven are the 
customary hours. The form of card has the name of the 
hostess and any lady whom she invites to receive with her, 
or any lady guest stopping at her house. 



^TTz^. cFC. iBei/H/u^, 


< DKio& 1&WZ4AW, 


m i^ome, 


Tuesday Afternoon, November ijt/i } 


Fro7?i three to six, 


24 Lake Avenue. 



Visitors leave cards in the hall at these receptions, that 
the hostess may retain them as a memento of their visit. 
It is not customary to discard bonnets and wraps at such 



17 



258 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

entertainments, which partake more of the nature of a pub- 
lic reception , but generally about one-half — among them 
the more youthful visitors — will leave wrap- and bonnets in 
the dressing-room. But high-necked dresses are always 
worn, only dinners, balls, and wedding-parties demanding 
full evening dress with low bodies. 

The guest who can not attend will send regrets if her 
card of invitation bears the letters "R. S. V. P. (Rtpondez 
s'il vous plaify" in the corner; but if they are omitted she 
will simply inclose her card in an envelope, and send it. 

Invitations to luncheon are less formal than those to a 
dinner, but should be answered as readily, so that the host- 
ess may be assured of her number of guests. Ladies go in 
elegant street-dress, with the addition of showy bonnets and 
fresh gloves. Knots of natural flowers arc worn, in accord- 
ance with the present custom of floral decoration. 

The informal lunch, at which your visit partakes more 
of the nature of a social call, is the most enjoyable. At 
these, wraps are retained, the gloves only being removed, 
and frequently only one of these. As there are only ladies 
present, the lighter topics of conversation are discussed — 
the last new book or fashion, the coming wedding, the opera, 
or the bric-a-brac, in which modern rooms abound. Im- 
promptu music is often introduced; but it should never 
occupy much time. 

There is a story told of a Washington home where the 
hostess is so elegant and attractive and the rare curiosities 
so numerous, that nobody who attends can ever be induced 
to waste time on luncheon ; so that one iced cake does duty 
for a whole season, and when Lent puts an end to social 
festivities is still uncut. 

It is to be feared, however, that the reputation of a fine 
lunch table would prove quite as attractive to the majority 



LUNCHEONS. 259 

of people as the mental qualities of the hostess. A few 
years ago a gifted woman, residing in Boston, gave a series 
of luncheons which were novel in the amusements they 
offered. At one each guest was invited to relate the most 
remarkable dream of her life. At another to recite her 
favorite poem. A third was devoted to queer epitaphs, and 
a fourth to the genealogy of hens, with illustrations. It was 
a merry season if not a profitable one, but the hostess 
eschewed fashion, gossip, and kindred frivolity, and yet fur- 
nished her guests with amusement. 

At luncheons, where the guests are all well acquainted, 
they frequently take some light work, such as embroidery, 
crocheting, or the lace-making now so popular, and in the 
interchange of stitches in knitting or netting, pass a pleas- 
ant hour. Xo one should be absorbed in the work how- 
ever, or appear indifferent to conversation, as it is not a 
Dorcas society, and the similitude of work, is all that is 
required, and a pretty display of colored silks and jeweled 
white hands. 

A modern writer thus describes a luncheon : " When 
luncheon was announced we were ushered into a dining- 
room where four tables were spread, and by each plate on 
the left was a dainty favor, telling who was to be stated 
there. At the right of each plate was placed all the silver 
that would be requisite during meal, and upon the plate in 
beautiful wedgewood bowls, steamed a delicious soup. A 
moment's silence and unfolding of napkins, and a call to 
read the couplets on the back of the favors inaugurated the 
enjoyment of the hour. These couplets were the work of 
busy minds and occasionally proved too much for the mod- 
esty of the individual, who passed them over to her neigh- 
bor to read. 

" Following the removal of the soup came sweet-breads 



260 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

and appropriate accompaniments, and these were followed 
by oysters, which in turn gave place to chicken salad, of 
which Delmonico might have been proud. These all led to 
cake, coffee, ice-cream, and fruits, during the eating of 
which stories were told as amusing as could be imagined." 

One servant is enough for a small lunch party, and he 
will wait in an ante-room when not required, the ladies of 
the house always assisting the hostess in serving guests on 
such an occasion, unless it is a seated luncheon, in which 
case the services of a waiter are more necessary. 

The table should be elegantly laid and garnished with 
an appropriate profusion of season flowers, roses if it is in 
June, autumn leaves and flowers in the Fall, and exotics in 
mid-winter ; small flat glass crosses, half moons, and stars 
may be placed very effectually upon the table corner, filled 
with cut flowers. In the center an elaborate piece de resist- 
ance of either fruit or flowers or both, mingled artistically. 
The bill of fire for an elegant luncheon is varied with the 
season. We append one that is not as elaborate as many, 
but is very satisfactory : 

Raw oysters on half shell. 

Bouillon in cups. 

Sherry. 

Chicken in scallop shells. 

Celery salad. Champagne. 

Fried oysters garnished with chowchow. 

French peas. 

Lettuce salad. 

Sweet-breads with tomato sauce. 

Cream cheese and toasted biscuit. 

Cups of chocolate with whipped cream. 

Wine jellies. Fruit ices. 

Fruit. 

Confectionery. 

Fancy cakes. 



LUNCHEONS. 



261 



Luncheon handed round to the guests, may be much 
simpler, consisting of cups of coffee or chocolate, with sliced 
cold meats, olives, cake, and fruit, with bonbons. 

There are many happy conceits in sugar and ices now, 
which add much to the attraction of luncheon. An Easter 
luncheon had eggs of ice-cream, served in sugar nests. Both 
egg and nest were delicious, and the guests did not fail to 
enjoy them, both in an aesthetic and gastronomic sense. 







€J*f*i>ffl*;£ £Xm 



THE CALLING CARD — STYLE OF CARDS — VISITING AND INVITATION 

CARDS — WEDDING CARDS— NEW-YEAR'S AND DINNER 

CARDS — ETIQUETTE OF CARDS. 




jNE of the flimsy threads which keeps soci- 



ety together, says the American Queen, is 
the fashionable call. Where you send in 
your card, and the lady you are calling 
upon says, sotto voce, "Oh dear! that old 
cat again !" but presently enters the par- 
lIBF l° rs resplendent in home toilet, and almost 
^rSlF embraces you with, " My dear Mrs. Jones, 
is it really you ? such an age since I saw you 
last ; looking so well !" and considerable more 
in the same style, which would all be very 
disagreeable did you not entertain exactly the 
same feelings in regard to her, and had you 
found her absent, would have exclaimed in your 
heart, "What a relief!" for it is not expected 
that callers are sincere friends. 
There is little sympathy between two persons who sim- 
ply exchange calls or meet several times a year in crowded 
drawing-rooms. A bit of pasteboard is the symbol which 
represents their friendship, and they are mutually glad if 
the social boredom of a personal call is avoided. 

Calling is certainly a tiresome infliction at the best, and 
only the butterflies of fashion, the people who have literally 



THE CALLING CARD. 263 

nothing to do, can indulge in it. The merest skeleton of 
conversation answers for the formal call — small talk and 
social gossip are almost inseparable, and it often occurs that 
a silly useless expenditure of time degenerates into some- 
thing worse, and the flippant story, which at first is a mere 
nothing, grows into a social scandal, and reputations are 
ruined by some one who thoughtlessly and aimlessly was the 

first to 

"Fire the shot heard round the world." 

The calling card changes slightly from year to year, some 
years producing a narrow slip with beveled edges, others a 
large square pasteboard. Again the season call ushers in 
an oval of tinted card-board. But it is safe to say here that 
a medium-sized, unglazed and ungilded white or tinted card, 
with the name modestly engraved or written thereon, is 
always in fashion. Old English or Roman letters, fac- 
similes of handwriting, and letters engraved in script, are 
all used. Any thing like an elaborate or ornamental card 
is not in good taste. People in mourning use a black-edged 
or lavender or purple border or tint. A lady's card is 
larger than a gentleman's. It has her name and address 
upon it. Gentlemen's cards should have the address in the 
left-hand corner. 

Ladies do not leave cards for gentlemen, unless the name 
of husband or brother is engraved with their own, or the 
card accompanies theirs. If a mother and two daughters 
call, the ladies leave their individual cards, unless they are 
printed thus: 

MRS. HENRY LORD, 

MISS LORD, 
MISS JENNIE LORD, 

OR, 

MRS. HENRY LORD 

AND DAUGHTERS. 



264 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

The last clause may be added in pencil to the mother's 
card. 

At the present time every village book-store has an 
assortment of calling cards and dies for engraving, and a 
selection of styles to choose from. It is well to bear in 
mind that a printed card is not as elegant as a written one. 
and a plainly written card is much to be preferred to a scroll 
of flourishes. If General Grant called on you, he would 
send up a simple card written in pencil. 

One card was formerly left for the whole family, the end 
being turned down. Now each member requires a separate 
card ; and if there are guests, cards are left for them if 
they are staying, which is equivalent to a call. 

To indicate that a call is made in person, when the par- 
ties called upon are out, a corner of the card is turned over; 
but, as this fashion has existed for some time, some new 
caprice may take its place at any time. Gentlemen who 
are accustomed to penmanship will often carry blank cards, 
and, when leaving them, write under the name and address 
a message of regret or congratulation, or some line indicat- 
ing the personal nature of the visit. This would only answer 
with personal friends. The word " Condolence," " Sympa- 
thy," or " Remembrance " may be penciled in the corner of 
an ordinary visiting-card, and left in a family where a death 
has occurred, or where there has been a severe illness or 
any deep trouble in which a friendly sympathy can be prop- 
erly expressed. 

The hours for fashionable calls are usually from two to 
six, unless the time is specified, as on a lady's reception- 
card. It would be impolite to call at two if the card bore 
the device " At Home from four to six." 

" Not at home " is a formula adopted by society people 
which has challenged much criticism among the intensely 




AWAXE. 

BY J. E. MILLA1RS, R. A. 



CALLING CARDS. 265 

moral, who see whole volumes of corruption in this small 
evasion of the literal truth. People understand perfectly 
that what is really meant is " Not at home to callers/' 
which may be a necessary statement. A lady may be indis- 
posed or very busy, and she is aware that in a majority of 
cases a card answers all purposes. The visitor leaves one, 
and retires, and, if a sensible person and familiar with the 
etiquette of society, not in the least offended. 

A social authority remarks : P. P. C. cards are no 
longer left or sent when people are simply leaving town for 
the Summer. Indeed, only when a prolonged trip abroad 
is proposed is the custom ever observed. The bridge across 
the Atlantic is now so short and easy a one that few people 
consider it necessary to mention that they propose crossing 
it. They are always in order if a foreigner is leaving a 
country where he has been a visitor. Indeed, a fashionable 
lady, on coming in from her afternoon drive, reads the cards 
on her hall-table as a merchant reads his day-book or ledger. 
It is her debit and credit account. It is a record of her 
social bankruptcy or her soundness. Some ladies have so 
large an acquaintance that they go to protest at once, and 
hope that by giving some receptions next Winter, etc., they 
may pay their debts. Others have so small a one that they 
are always creditors and never debtors ; for all the little 
white messenger engraved with a name is the ready money 
of society. 

Young ladies may, in calling, leave their mother's card, 
which means the same attention as a personal call. Elderly 
ladies find the requirements of society so burdensome often 
that they gladly relegate the duty of calling to younger 
and more active members of the family. 



266 



GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 



FORMS OF CARD INVITATIONS, 

TO BE EITHER WRITTEN OR ENGRAVED. 



9TC*. 


cU 9W & g. ^ai^ 




Request the pleasure of your company, 
day eveni?ig, January jth, from eight 
o 'clock, to )neet the 


on 

to 


Mon- 
eleven 


9foafvt cfteue^c/itb o$k>fiop a^xb 9TIz:n. 


(KaizA.0, 




350 Adams Avenue. 






The favor of 


an answer is requested. 









V1U*. 


af 


^<zh oHic 


ha>z,bs 




Requests 


the pleasure 


of your 


company 


Friday 


afternoon 


February i 


f e?ith, from five to 


seven 


o clock. 






37 


Maine Ave 




Coffee. 













A full sheet of note paper, rose-tinted, has engraved in 
the center, in facsimile of writing : 



9lt^. anb < 3\lzy. ^ohw ^£>. cFoaj, 

&t Slonu, 

Tuesday evening, December joth, from seven and 
a half to twelve. 

8oo West Fort Street. 



FORMS OF CARD INVITATIONS. 



267 



9W ^m. & mUchM'* 

Compliments for Thursday, January 2gth. 

Four to seven P. M. 
gi East Avenue. 



When the first child arrives in a family, it is customary 
to send out a name-card, in this style: 

©omplinuntje 

Dubuque, Iowa. 
Born June 17, i8yg. 

These cards are in tiny envelopes, which are placed in 
large ones, and mailed to relatives and friends. A single 
small card may be used, or a double sheet of note paper, of 
an abbreviated size, folded over from the top, making it a 
square four double the size of an ordinary visiting card 
when folded. 

Mothers calling, with their little children accompanying, 
sometimes have a series of small cards, these tied together 
at the end, with the name of a child on each card. These 
are sent in with the mother's card, the children remaining 
in the carriage, and are intended for the children of the 
family, or an invalid, or the lady herself, if she is fond of 
the children, and an intimate friend of the mother. 

The wedding card is continually changing its form, and 
is shown in so many different styles that it is almost impos- 
sible to give any idea of it for a prolonged period. A com- 



268 GEMS OF DEPORTxUENT. 

prehensive form of announcement, on folded note paper, 
without cards inclosed, is as follows: 

'fjYU. cm-5 51Uo. o&. &. HsyvovXoo+y, 

request the pleasure of your company 

at the 

Marriage Ceremony of their Niece, 

to 

Tuesday afternoon, September 24th, 

At four 0" clock, 

St. John s Church, Detroit, Michigan. 

A style in vogue last year gave the names of the eight 
brides-maids, and the clergyman who was to conduct the 
service. The engraving should be plain, but elegant script. 

If a wedding at church, a reception card is inclosed if 
you are invited. If there is no such card, you are only ex- 
pected to be present at the ceremony. A church card 
should be inserted with the "At Home" invitation if both 
are used, as it will insure proper attention from the ushers. 
If crests, or monograms, are used on the paper of invitation, 
they should also appear on the envelope. The engraver is 
authority for every thing pertaining to this, and will furnish 
new and elegant styles to select from. 

The rage for decoration which has reached New Year's 
calling cards, dinner and menu cards, and business cards, 
has not desecrated the marriage card, and it is to be hoped 
hand-painting will keep its audacious hands from such 
abuse. To see a pair of painted turtle-doves on a marriage 
announcement would be rather worse than a true love-knot 



NEW-YEAR'S CARDS. 269 

on frosted cards, or cards tied together by white love-rib- 
bon, as was the style twenty years ago. Marriage cards are 
sent out about two weeks before the wedding-day, and the 
bride-elect is not seen in society after they are issued. 

New- Year's calls are made exclusively by gentlemen 
upon ladies, and the greatest license is allowed, both in call- 
ing and in the matter of cards, which, upon that day, may 
be as artistic and decorative as possible, and in a variety of 
colors. Comic designs are also used, but great care should 
be taken to have them free from grotesqueness or coarseness. 
It is only society "boys" who use these cards, professional 
men and older gentlemen selecting something quiet and ele- 
gant, with the compliments of the season, written by them- 
selves, an autograph card being in itself a compliment. 

Gentlemen begin their calls as early as ten o'clock, and 
finish as late as eleven at houses where the day ends with a 
reception. They will avoid gluttony and intemperance if 
they are gentleman, and boisterous entrances and leave- 
takings. They will keep on their overcoats, remove only 
one glove, and hold their hats and canes in the left hand, 
and not stay too long, however pleasant and pressing the 
ladies may be in urging him. Gentlemen calling should 
avoid incumbrances, such as heavy overshoes, fur collars, 
which would necessitate a partial toilet in the hall, and the 
attendance of the servant an unreasonable time. Canes 
and hats may be left outside, and many gentlemen divest 
themselves of their overcoats; but it is often the cause of 
embarrassing mistakes when a party leaving gets the wrong 
hat or cane. 

Gentlemen should be exceedingly careful of their dress 
and manners in making New- Year's calls. They are ushered 
in from the cold, possibly into a gas-lighted room, where, 
half blinded, they perceive only a mass of exotics, a succes- 



270 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

sion of bewildering toilets, and a Summer atmosphere. 
The ladies are on their own vantage-ground, and they know 
it, and they hasten to utter felicitous speeches and soft 
laughter. If a gentleman carries into such an atmosphere 
an indifferent toilet and an awkward manner, these de- 
ficiencies are intensified by the surroundings, and his gauche- 
rie increases every moment. But if he is well dressed, with 
the bearing of a cavalier and a ready flow of complimentary 
speech, he will be at his ease, enjoy his call, and be looked 
forward to as a welcome accession to the social ranks. If 
a young man is making his first calls, his tailor will tell 
him what to wear, and his innate good sense will prevent 
him making a laughing-stock of himself. If he is conscious 
of a physical incapacity for taking a glass of wine, as a gen- 
tleman, let him decline with manly firmness all overtures to 
taste it. Should he not do this, but make his last calls in 
a state of maudlin imbecility, all doors should be closed 
against him where he has so grossly offended. 

Ladies who receive on New- Year's introduce new and 
brilliant toilets, and have their parlors decorated with cut 
flowers. It is customary for several ladies to receive to- 
gether, and gentlemen who are unacquainted may call on 
that day with friends, who introduce them and are responsi- 
ble for their good behavior. A lady is not expected to do 
any thing more than murmur a few gracious words, bow, 
and smile, and, if she is the hostess, see that the gentleman 
is served with refreshment. It is not necessary to urge the 
gentlemen to stay, or to accompany them to the door when 
they leave. It is the servant's place to see all visitors to 
the outside door. Gentlemen leave cards for all the ladies. 

At some doors baskets are hung out to indicate that the 
ladies are not receiving. Gentlemen, who hand in their 
cards or send their cards at the hands of a servant, see that 



ETIQUETTE OF CARDS. 271 

the door-bell is rung to call attention to the fact. In fami- 
lies where a death has occurred, the blinds are closed, and 
the basket tied with black ribbons; or, in the case of a 
child, with white ones, and wreathed with smilax or ever- 
green, or, if the day is sufficiently mild, with natural flowers. 

The day after New Years is usually devoted to informal 
calling upon each other by the' ladies, who talk over the 
events of the day previous, compare notes, and often make 
merry over the embarrassments of their brother man. 

Anniversary cards are indicative of the event they 
illustrate. While the wedding card is pure, bridal white, 
of the finest bristol board, for the wooden wedding, which oc- 
curs in five years from the wedding day, the cards are en- 
graved on wood, and for a tin wedding, ten years, the cards 
are on tinned paper. For a crystal wedding, fifteen years, 
the invitations are upon crystallized paper; for a silver 
wedding, twenty-five years, the cards are silver bordered; 
for a golden wedding, fifty years, a great deal of elegance 
is observed, and the cards, menu, and invitations are gold 
lettered on wedding note paper. The diamond wedding, 
seventy-five years, is so rare, that there is no style given ; 
but on such an occasion it would doubtless be unique and 
appropriate. 

The elaborate birthday cards, name cards, and menu 
cards, now used, are very elegant and expensive. At a 
dinner party given last year, the cards for twenty-five guests 
cost ten dollars a piece, or two hundred and fifty dollars for 
the total. They are described as being of bristol board, 
five inches wide by six in length, and hand-painted, in 
different designs, around the menu, which was engraved in 
the center. These cards were inclosed each in a double 
square of rich tinted ribbon, fringed on the ends. A spray 
of flowers was painted on the ribbon, and a narrow bit of 



272 



GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 



gilt-edged Bristol board attached transversely across, upon 
which the name of the guest was written. Each card was 
differently painted, and no two were inclosed in ribbon of a 
similar color. At another elegant entertainment the cards 
were in the form of a double panel, the outer one of which 
was covered with satin and prettily hand-painted in a floral 
spray. 




COSMETICS — THEIR USE AND ABUSE — HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL — A CLEAR 
SKIN AND HOW TO ACQUIRE IT — PLUMPNESS — LEANNESS— HOW 
TO KEEP YOUTHFUL — BEAUTY AND ITS VALUE— CELEBRATED 
BEAUTIES — SOME RECIPES OF VALUE TO THE TOILET. 




O woman has a right to make 
herself a discordant object in 
this beautiful world of ours; 
nor is it vanity to pass an 
hour or so of the twenty-four 
before the glass for the pur- 
pose of making one attractive 
in the eyes of others. Hours 
are passed brightening silver, 
dusting, sweeping, and wash- 
ing windows; yet neither of 
the objects placed in order 
are half so beautiful as the shining hair, the fresh complex- 
ion, bright eyes, and gracious, smiling lips of the one who 
takes care of her person and dress, that she may be lovable 
as well as loving. 

Homer used his poetical genius to depict the beauty of 
woman. Plinv wrote of beauty and its power over the 
hearts of mankind, and from their day to the present time 
both men and women, who were gifted with the highest 
attributes of genius, have devoted their time and talents to 
the art of studying to preserve the natural endowments of 
the human form, as well as to remedy its defects and oblit- 
erate its blemishes. Beauty may be onlv skin deep, but its 

18 



274 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

power has swayed nations, and poets and painters have spent 
their days in delineating its attractions. 

Lola Montez, the beautiful countess of Landsfeld, says, 
in her "Arts of Beauty," a book more popularly quoted 
than any other ever written on the subject, that Madame de 
Stael would have exchanged half her knowledge for per- 
sonal charms; and there is not much doubt that most 
women of genius, to whom nature has denied the talismanic 
power of beauty, would consider it cheaply bought at that 
price. And let not man deride her sacrifice and call it van- 
ity, until he becomes so morally purified and intellectually 
elevated that he would prefer the society of an ugly woman 
of genius to that of a great and matchless beauty of less 
intellectual acquirements. 

Much is forgiven to a beautiful woman. Handsome 
Lady Holland for instance, at whose board the most cele- 
brated whigs, orators, statesmen, and literary men used to 
sit, was wont to call out, to the author of the "History of 
England," "Macaulay, ring the bell," and to the poet who 
has given us the "Irish Melodies" and "Lalla Rookh," 
" Tom Moore, shut the door " — a liberty of speech that was 
in no wise resented by the gifted men, who were the willing 
slaves of beauty. 

The practice of using cosmetics is of very ancient date. 
It is mentioned in Holy Writ, and an idea of the prevalence 
of these substances amongst the classic people of antiquity 
may be learned from the writings of Ovid, Martial, and 
Juvenal. The term cosmetic refers to every kind of per- 
sonal adornment. 

The first and best cosmetics are soap and water, diet, ex- 
ercise, and temperance. Proper diet has much to do with 
the clearness of the skin, the brightness of the eyes, and a 
fine color. Pie eaters, people who live on pork and greasy 



COSMETICS. 275 

compounds, will have muddy, pimply complexions, and dull, 
lead-colored eyes. The greatest beauty we ever saw never 
tasted meats or gravies, or spices of any kind, and took a 
sponge bath, night and morning, of bran and water, or oat- 
meal water. 

There should be some system for the toilet, as many of 
the powders and pomatums which ladies use are absolutely 
poisonous.' No article of soap, or toilet preparation, should 
be used that is not vouched for by manufacturers known to 
the world. We have no idea this advice will be heeded, 
since ladies would run any risk to make themselves beautiful ; 
but they must remember that beauty does not consist of 
powder and paint alone. They must use all the arts of 
health, improve and aid the natural beauty, which every 
Avoman possesses, and only resort to fictitious means when 
art is called on to assist nature or conceal the ravages of 
time. 

It is not desirable to cover up deficiencies only. The 
want of beauty must be supplied by beauty itself. The 
muddy and impure skin must not be concealed until all 
efforts to clear it have failed. If baths, diet, and exercise 
are faithfully tried without any good effects, then use a 
cosmetic that will not close the pores of the skin nor be too 
perceivable. Use it artistically ; for the »way in which 
some women kalsomine themselves is frightful to see. It 
will require time and patience, as well as money ; for good 
cosmetics are high priced ; but it will pay in the end. Some 
ladies dash on a lot of powder or a spongeful of liquid 
at the last moment, and present the anomaly of blonde 
faces with brunette ears and necks. 

The face, neck, and ears should be first washed in hot, 
soapy water, then anointed with vaseline, a preparation 
found in all drug-stores. This is a jelly, and should be 



276 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

dried in. Then use the face-powder, taking care that it is 
free from poisons. It should be rubbed in first, then rubbed 
off with a fresh cloth. White powder lying in the crevices 
of the face, like snow-drifts, is not pleasant to see. Then 
touch the brows and eyelashes and the line under the eve 
with the pencil, and, after dressing for the evening, look 
again at your reflection in the mirror, and study the effect. 
Do you resemble a painted doll or an elegant woman ? Is 
the expression killed by cosmetics or improved? Do your 
dress, hair, eyes, and complexion make an entire harmony? 
A careful and conscientious study of yourself under these 
circumstances will result in artistic perfection. 

People who are too fat or plump can reduce their weight 
at their own pleasure by walking, dieting, and the use of 
the Turkish or Russian baths. But mere plumpness is al- 
ways admired, and those who are inclined to obesity can 
exert themselves in time, and, unless it is a disease or he- 
reditary, overcome its worst features. Ladies who arc very 
stout make objects of themselves by tight lacing, which 
reddens the face and distorts the figure. If they would 
wear loose clothes, accustom themselves to breathe softly 
instead of panting, walk with dignity instead of rolling or 
waddling, and be unobtrusive in the colors they wear, half 
of the unpleasantness of too much fat would be avoided. 
Cold alkaline baths, abstinence from sugar in any form, and 
drinking very little liquid, will eventually reduce over- 
grown proportions to a desirable size. 

Leanness is a more obstinate state to contend with than 
plumpness, since there are people who seem to grow thinner 
the more they eat and practice to grow fat. There is no 
doubt that a generous diet and manipulation Avill do won- 
ders for the excessively lean. There is one advantage about 
leanness. Its possessor is usually light and graceful in 



COSMETICS. 277 

movement, and lean people can make up until they are the 
required size. There are processes known to art by which 
lean necks are made to appear plump, the cheeks are 
rounded into fullness by an apparatus known as " plump- 
ers," and dress, coiffure, and color all tend to the effect of 
doubling a shadow. 

The masks which are now advertised as something new 
in cosmetics have been worn by the devotee of beauty since 
the days of the Pharaohs. Madame Lola Montez says: 
"When I was in Paris in 1857, I was shown a recent inven- 
tion of ready-made masks for the face, composed of fine 
thick white silk, lined or plastered with some kind of lard 
or paste, which is designed to beautify and preserve the 
complexion." At least four centuries ago the cosmetique 
masque was worn by beautiful women to keep off wrinkles 
and the ravages of old age. Fashionable ladies in Paris 
bind their faces every night on retiring with fresh beef- 
steaks, and Figaro gives a sprightly account of a provin- 
cial boarding-school where a fire occurred in the night and 
the young ladies thronged out with shapeless faces and 
bandaged eyes, much alarming the neighborhood, until it 
was explained that they were trying a new cosmetic. 

There is no doubt that these external applications are 
good. Anointing the face at night with cold cream or 
vaseline, and rubbing the skin outward, will prevent that 
wrinkled parchment- like appearance, which comes with age. 
A hot water application at night before the vaseline is 
applied is excellent. 

That it is not ladies only who have used these arts of 
the toilet, is apparent from the following sketch by Xavier 
de Montepin of an old French dandy's toilet. Having 
been powdered, dyed, and painted as to eyebrows, his 
studious dresser every morning before capping the climax 



278 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

of art by putting on his wig, hauled in the slack of his 
skin — as Blue Jacket would say — and carefully collected all 
cuticular superfluity into a cone on the top of his bald 
head, which he tied tight with silk, a process which elim- 
inated age's landmarks for the day from his miserable face. 
A good digestion and an easy conscience, a sunny tem- 
per, and a happy heart, will keep the face youthful for a 
long time, but there is a beauty and dignity of age which 
some people throw recklessly away. Many a woman who 
was considered plain in her youth, has been raved about 
when her hair turned gray ; dark locks, more especially if 
their dark luster comes from the dye pot, give a certain 
unnatural hardness to the face, just as rouge does to the 
cheek of sixty, and define wrinkles with unnatural distinct- 
ness. Those who are prematurely gray, or who have a 
violent antipathy to the color of gray hair, may be excused 
for dyeing, but it is doubtful if any one was ever deceived 
by the process, and people always overestimate the age of 
a person whose hair is suspiciously dark. If, however, 
there is any attempt made to eradicate the ravages of age, 
let it be so artistic as to attract admiration rather than 
criticism. Learn the fine shading of feature paint, the even 
distribution of powder, the natural shade of hair-dye, and 
if you can not be a complete copy of nature, at least become 
a fine work of art. 

The following preparation, wdiich is not a dye, is given 
in "The Arts of Beauty" as an excellent preventive of 
gray hair : 

Oxide of Bismuth, 4 drs. 

Spermaceti, 4 drs. 

Pure hog's lard, 4 oz. 

The lard and spermaceti are melted together, and when 
they begin to cool, stir in the bismuth. It may be per- 



COSMETICS. 279 

fumed at pleasure. Sage-tea, or even common Japan tea, 
is good to restore gray hair. Another recipe, said to be 
invaluable for coloring hair black, is the following: 

Gallic acid, 10 grs. 

Acetic acid, 10 grs. 

Tincture of sesqui chloride of iron, . . 1 oz. 

Dissolve the gallic acid in the tincture of sesqui-chloride 
of iron, and then add the acetic acid. Before using this 
preparation the hair should be thoroughly washed with soap 
and water. A great and desirable peculiarity of this dye 
is, that it can be so applied as to color the hair either black 
or the lighter shade of brown. If black is the color de- 
sired, the preparation should be used while the hair is moist, 
and for brown it should not be used till the hair is perfectly 
dry. The way to apply the fluid is to dip the points of a 
fine tooth-comb into it until the interstices are filled with 
the fluid ; then gently draw the comb through the hair, 
commencing at the scalp, till the dye has perceptibly taken 
effect. When the hair is entirely dry, brush and dress it 
as usual. The water in which potato-skins have been boiled, 
if frequently applied, makes an excellent dye. 

It requires pains and care to do this work properly, but 
the end is supposed to justify the means. There are pois- 
ons used in hair-dyes which produce paralysis and death, 
and the beautifier can not be too particular in using com- 
pounds of which she knows nothing. Now that gray hair 
is considered the most beautiful of all hair, it is well to 
think twice before running a life-and-death risk with a dyed 
" crown of glory." 

The odor of dyed hair is often intolerable. This is due 
to sulphur and other ingredients, which assert themselves 
unpleasantly in a warm room. 

Avoid the use of strong soap and the alkaline lyes used 



280 GEMS OP DEPORTMENT. 

in shampooing if you would retain your hair. And never 
bleach it, unless you are a hair-dresser and willing to sac- 
rifice your head as a sign. Bleached hair is admirable for 
a poodle, but detestable on a woman. A wig can always 
be used to satisfy the caprice of a temporary fashion. 

Buttermilk, sour milk, sweet milk, and cream are excel- 
lent remedies for sun-burn, and improve the complexion, 
if frequently used. The juice of a lemon saturated witli 
sugar is said to be a remedy for freckles, applied several 
times daily until they are removed. 

Moths, molds, and warts can be removed by frequent 
touching with a caustic stick. They will first become sore; 
but as soon as the sore heals — which may not be for weeks — 
they will disappear. There are " artists " now in large cities 
who attend to these little errors of nature, and remove su- 
perfluous hair by first pulling each hair out with a tweezer, 
and then dropping some compound, the ingredients of which 
are a secret, into the roots. 

The small red pimple which disfigures so many faces 
should first be treated inwardly, and if the diet is right and 
the liver in good order, and the unsightly intruders remain, 
they may be treated to a wash of the following proportions : 

Sulphur- water, 1 oz. 

Acetated liquor of ammonia, ]- oz. 

Liquor of potassi, 1 gr. 

White wine vinegar, 2 oz. 

Distilled water, 2 oz. 

As pimples are often caused by imperfect circulation, 
oatmeal w r ashes every night, with towel friction, will help to 
banish them. 

TO DIMINISH WRINKLES. 

Benzoin water, 1 dr. 

White honey, 1 oz. 

Alcohol, 1 gill. 



COSMETICS. 281 

Steep eight days, then bathe the wrinkles, and press the 
skin outwardly. 

TO CONCEAL WRINKLES. 

Compound of essence of turpentine, . 2 drs. 

Mastic, 1 dr. 

Fresh butter (unsalted), 2 oz. 

Mix, and use as an ointment. 

SOOTHING LOTION FOR THE FACE. 

Oil of bitter almonds, 1 scruple. 

Spermaceti, 1 drachm, 2 scruples. 

Galien cerate, 1 oz. 

CREAM DE L'ENCLOS FOR THE COMPLEXION. 

Milk, 4 oz. 

Lemon-juice, 1 oz. 

Spirits of wine, 2 drs. 

Simmer over a slow fire, and bring to a boil; skim off 

the surface, and when cold apply to the face. 

TURKISH ROUGE. 

Alcohol, J pint. 

Alkanet, 1 oz. 

Macerate ten days, and pour off the liquid, which should 
be bottled. This is said to be one of the best and most 
harmless articles of the kind, and is certainly very simple. 

The petals of a common geranium flower will supply a 
vivid and becoming bloom for the cheeks, if moistened and 
rubbed in, then shaded and toned down with a bit of cotton 
or flannel. In doing this, a large surface of the cheek 
should be reddened, as a hectic flush in the center always 
looks suspicious and attracts attention. 

PEARL WATER COSMETIC. 

Scrape a quarter of a pound of the finest Spanish oil soap, 
and put it into two quarts of boiling rain water; when it is 



282 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

cold, add one pint of rectified spirit of wine and a quarter 
of an ounce of spirit of rosemary. Mix the whole thor- 
oughly, and bottle the liquid for use. It is an excellent 
wash for the skin, whitens and beautifies it, and removes 
freckle and sun-burn- 

PERFUMES. 

Avoid loud perfumery, decided odors of musk, berga- 
mot, or ottar of roses, which "smell to heaven" as unpleas- 
antly to some olfactories as the vilest odors of the street. A 
perfume should be so delicate, so daintily used, and so lin- 
geringly fragrant that no one could define it as any tiling 
but the ghost of a sweet scent, a faint, clinging memory of 
sweetness. 

" You may break, you may ruin the vase if you will ; 
But the scent of the roses will cling to it still," 

says the poet. In the same way a handkerchief, a glove, a 
veil, or any article of a lady's dress should be so permeated 
with the fine fragrance of the toilet as to be inseparable 
from herself; but not a suspicion of cologne, Lubin's extracts, 
or Price's sweet violet should attach to her. This is only 
attained by a constant use of the same fine perfumes in 
liquid or sachet form. Her trunks are perfumed, her glove 
boxes, her mouchoir case, her bonnet box, even her shoes. 
Her hair-brush is sprinkled with rose-water or a more deli- 
cate perfume, and in this way she gets the balm of a thou- 
sand flowers so condensed and directed that it becomes her 
own individual perfume. Any kind of cheap perfumery is 
detestable. The stifling perfume or scent dies out, leaving 
a strong odor of alcohol as of an exhausted spirit lamp, and 
the last condition of that toilet is worse than the first. 

A cheap and excellent powder for the skin is said to be 
made of common starch, finely powdered and saturated with 



BEAUTY OF PERSON. 283 

bay rum. After the mass is perfectly dry, it is easily 
made into a loose powder again, and, used with a puff, is 
found to be delightfully cool and fragrant. Fine magnesia 
makes a good toilet powder, and a powder made in Cuba 
and called "Cascorilla" is in high repute. It is composed 
of ground egg-shells, and can be had at drug or cigar stores. 

Every toilet should have a jar of oatmeal, a lemon, some 
borax, a bottle of ammonia, another of bay rum, and a vial 
of prepared benzoin. These are all harmless cosmetics. 
The oatmeal makes the complexion white and softens the 
skin; the lemon does the same thing, but also removes tan 
and freckles, and is refreshing before breakfast; borax adds 
to the smoothness of the flesh; benzoin makes the dullest 
skin clear and brilliant; ammonia invigorates the tissue; 
and bay rum acts as a tonic and cosmetic combined — is good 
for the hair as well as the face. The toilet articles are not 
all to be used at once, but in succession — the lemon at 
morning, the oatmeal at noon, the benzoin at night, and the 
bay rum before retiring, as it is rather a strong odor. 

A beautiful person, taking each member separately, may 
be acquired by constant practice in the arts of beautv. 
Whether it pays or not, those who make the sacrifice of 
time and money must decide. 

In 1789, John Quincy Adams wrote of a lady whom he 
met in society: "She is not handsome, and is, I suppose, 
twenty-seven years old. Yet were she in company with 
twenty of the most beautiful young ladies in the State, and 
in this company I had to choose my seat, it should certainlv 
be by her side. I have been endeavoring, my sister, ever 
since I returned from Europe, to find a female character like 
this, united to great beauty of person; and I begin to have 
the same prejudice against a beauty as you have expressed in 
one of your letters against handsome men." 



284 



GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 



At a ball he wrote : " It fell to my lot at first to dance 
with the handsomest lady in the company. I endeavored to 
enter into conversation with her; but to every thing I could 
say the answers were, 'Yes/ 'No/ 'I think so/ 'Indeed.' I 
was soon tired of her, and concluded she was too much occu- 
pied in thinking of herself to give any attention to other 
people." 

The Arabs have a saying that marrying a woman for her 
beauty is like eating a bird for its singing; but the time has 
never been since the creation of the world that beauty did 
not command the homage of men. 




DIAMONDS— WHEN TO WEAR THEM — THEIR VALUE AS PROPERTY — 
RARE DIAMONDS OF THE WORLD — LARGEST DIAMOND — A PRES- 
ENT OF DIAMONDS FROM THE KHEDIVE OF EGYPT — OTHER 
GEMS — SUPERSTITIONS CONNECTED WITH OPALS — ETIQUETTE OF 
JEWELS. 

" There were silks and satins, diamonds and laces, 
Satin-clad feet and eyes ablaze ; 
Jewels rare on maidens gleaming; 
Beauteous eyes so softly beaming: 
To and fro in the giddy mazes 
They softly whispered love's sweetest phrases." 

HE custom of wearing precious stones 
for personal adornment is so old that 
it is quite impossible to decide when 
or where it originated, or why it 
should have become a fashion of such 
paramount importance. It is hardly 
probable that when "Adam delved 
and Eve span/' they either of them 
indulged in much extravagant display, 
although the first mention of gold in 
the Bible begins with the Garden of 
Eden, where gold and the onyx stone are spoken of, and the 
sacred historian says that the gold of that land w T as good. 

The first jewelry spoken of is that which Abraham sent 
by his servant to Mesopotamia to give to Rebekah at the 
well, "A golden earring of half a shekel's weight and two 
bracelets for her hands of ten shekels' weight of gold." The 




286 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

twelve tribes of Israel were numbered by precious stones — 
sardus, topaz, carbuncle, emerald, .sapphire, diamond, ligure, 
agate, amethyst, beryl, onyx, jasper; many of those gems 
possessed a higher value than they do at the present time. 
The ancient Egyptians had jewels of silver and gold. All 
through sacred history gold and gems are used as symbols. 
The twelve foundations of the walls of the New Jerusalem, 
as described in Revelation, are precious stones, and the gates 
twelve pearls. 

In all Oriental literature there is an affluence of gold 
and gems which would indicate that they are valued as great 
treasures. The semi-barbaric races of all ages are fond of 
the glittering baubles which attract the eye by their opulence 
of splendor, while the value of merchandise, which always 
attached to them, made them desirable as property. The 
queen of Sheba, when she visited Solomon, took with her 
many precious stones, and there is little doubt that the num- 
ber and value of the jewels she herself wore would greatly 
astonish any modern belle, even were she a queen by the 
right of divine prerogative. The seams of garments in 
those days were threaded with blazing gems. Many articles 
of jewelry not worn in the present civilized age were in 
fashion then, head-bands; nose-rings, and anklets were worn 
by both sexes, and great numbers of chains, bracelets, dia- 
dems, ornaments for the sandals, and mantles were some- 
times studded with rare and costly jewels, while kings and 
emperors walked upon mats bordered with gems. Stories of 
reckless expenditure come down to us on the current of tra- 
dition. The dead were buried with all their costly jewels 
about them, as frequent exhumations of ancient burial places 
have disclosed; whole armies that were subjugated and 
taken prisoners by enemies were ransomed by a forfeit of 
precious stones, and they formed a more important part in 



. DIAMONDS. 287 

the world's history than at the present time, when they are 
used as ornaments, or kept in collections as articles of virtu 
or heirlooms. 

The diamond is the most valuable of all precious stones, 
as it is the most brilliant and beautiful. It has the limpid 
purity, the chaste loveliness of a star. Nothing can sully its 
exquisite fairness. It is the symbol of pride. 

" The diamond blazing in thy hair, 
Thy emblem meet may be ; 
Thou lackest a jewel far more rare, 
Meek-eyed humility." 

" On her white breast a sparkling cross she wore, 
Which Jews might kiss and infidels adore." 

Diamonds are found in Brazil, Africa, Golconda, Bengal, 
the island of Borneo, and many other places so diametrically 
opposite, that these products are termed Occidental and Ori- 
ental, the latter being preferred in value. 

A history of famous diamonds, or even a list would form 
a volume in itself. The crown jewels of all nations num- 
ber among them rare and valuable stones. The Koh-i-noor, 
or Mountain of Light, now in the possession of Queen Vic- 
toria, is truly a magnificent gem, and is valued at £2,000,- 
000, and weighs two hundred and seventy-nine carats. The 
Pitt diamond weighs one hundred and thirty-six carats, and 
is valued at £125,000. France, Russia, India, Persia, and 
other countries have famous court diamonds. 

In our own country there seems to be a penchant for 
quantity rather than for quality. The queenly gem is still 
an autocrat, but with diminished power, since in a republic, 
where each one is sovereign, there must be very many crown 
jewels. 

The English woman who never wears diamonds only when 



288 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

in full dress, laughs at the American woman who appears on 
the promenade or at the shop counter with all her jewels fully 
displayed; but there are some reasons for this last feature, 
which render such a proceeding a little less ridiculous to 
persons of good taste. The American woman docs not 
inherit her diamonds; her husband buys them with his 
hard-earned money, and his wife is in a constant state of 
alarm lest thieves break through and steal. She dare not 
trust them in any bank safe; she is afraid to leave them at 
home, and equally afraid to carry them in her pocket or 
reticule, so she wears them in her ears, on her fingers, and 
at her throat, regardless of time, costume, or the sneers of 
her transatlantic sisters. They may not correspond with 
any other article of her dress, but she wears them, and as 
she herself would express it, " gets the good of them." 

But this is not all. It has become, of late years, during 
the fluctuations of money value and the emergencies of war, 
the custom to buy diamonds on speculation, and invest large 
sums of money in these stones, instead of real estate, upon 
which there are taxes to pay. This practice cheapens the 
value of possession, but is a safe forethought for the future. 
The Jewish people have always done this, keeping the 
money in their own hands and exempt from the hazards 
attending landed property. 

There is yet another reason. Many American ladies 
possess diamonds who do not go into society, seldom appear- 
ing at balls, the opera, or places where full dress toilets are 
worn. They are exclusively domestic, devoted to home and 
its interests, and could never wear their diamonds at all, ex- 
cept to appear at church, or on the street, or at the small 
social which they occasionally attend. They would, indeed, 
be possessed of a rare power of self-denial to own the dia- 
monds and never wear them, as the English woman can do, 



FAMOUS DIAMONDS. 289 

because with her they are heir-looms, familiar to her from 
earliest cnildhood, and sacred as family possessions. 

It is the women who are living in regal splendor lately 
acquired, who have breakfast jewelry, dinner sets, carriage 
combinations, and evening gems, who need often to be told 
when and where to exhibit their diamonds. The steam- 
boat, the car, the stage-coach, or ferry, is not the place to 
wear a blaze of diamonds with camel's hair and silk cos- 
tumes. Such a love of show is in decidedly bad taste, and 
in direct opposition to the laws of etiquette, which require 
an observance of the proprieties of time and place. 

The evening is the only proper time to wear diamonds, 
or at a party given by gas-light. The full brilliancy of the 
stones is then called out and adds greatly to the most beau- 
tiful or brilliant toilet. 

There was seen, last season at Saratoga, a young and 
handsome woman, who wore a large diamond ring on each 
of her eight fingers. Whenever she was seen, whether at 
breakfast or by gas-light, large solitaires in her ears, brace- 
lets, and pins, set with these rare jewels; and one night she 
wore a diamond cross five or six inches long. Who she was 
is not known, as she was always referred to as " the diamond 
princess." 

FAMOUS DIAMONDS. 

The extraordinary loss, by the Countess of Dudley, a few 
years since, at a railway station in London, of jewels and 
diamonds valued at more than one hundred thousand dollars 
in gold, brings into a striking light the extent of the invest- 
ments made in this way, by the rich and great, in the old 
world. These diamonds, enormous as their value must seem 
to be, when compared with that of the finest jewels owned 

by opulent persons in this country, were yet but a portion 

19 



290 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

of the Dudley jewels, famous now throughout Europe. Lord 
Dudley, who is one of the wealthiest landed proprietors in 
Great Britain, has been for years a collector of gems and 
precious stones. At the World's Fair of 1867, in Paris, he 
allowed one of the leading jewelers of London to exhibit for 
him a single set of sapphires and brilliants belonging to his 
wife, which was valued at no less than forty thousand dollars 
in gold. 

Yet, magnificent as they are, the Dudley jewels are by 
no means the finest private collection in Great Britain. The 
Dukes of Westminster, and of Sutherland, and Mr. Hope, 
are all understood to possess more and finer diamonds than 
the Earl of Dudley. The Duke of Westminster owns one 
stone, the Nassac diamond, a triangular jewel with rounded 
facets, of the weight of seventy-eight and five-eights carats. 
which rivals in splendor, as well as in size, one of the most 
superb gems in the richest royal treasuries. The Nassac dia- 
mond was originally taken by the Marquis of Hastings, the 
Lord Rawdon of our own Revolutionary war, in the con- 
quest of the Deccan of India. It weighs above twenty carats 
more than the famous diamond of the Duke of Burgundy. 
and is but little smaller than the scarcely less famous "Shah," 
presented by the son of the shah of Persia to the emperor 
of Russia. 

The diamonds which are now in the treasury vaults of the 
American government for safe keeping, belonging to General 
Sherman's daughter, Mrs. Fitch, were intended as a present 
to the general, from the khedive of Egypt. It being against 
the law for an army officer to receive a present from a po- 
tentate, they were given to his daughter. The gems were 
detained several years in the custom-house, until Congress 
passed a resolution remitting the charges. They are said to 
be valued at two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. 



FAMOUS DIAMONDS. 291 

When Queen Caroline was crowned, she wore a dress, or 
petticoat, which was ornamented with jewels worth twelve 
million dollars. A spiteful biographer says: "The dress of 
the queen, on this occasion, was as fine as the accumulated 
riches of the city and suburbs could make it; for, besides her 
own jewels, she had on her head and on her shoulders all 
the pearls she could borrow of the ladies of quality at one 
end of the town, and on her petticoat all the diamonds she 
could hire of the Jews and jewelers at the other." 

Diamonds are more particularly the perquisites of bru- 
nettes, to whom they are dazzlingly becoming, combining 
their brilliant lights with the sparkling of dark eyes and 
the color of glowing cheeks. The most perfect etiquette 
of the diamond-wearer is to appear unconscious of her 
jewels. Some women seem to be in chains when they are 
decked out with diamonds. A New York lady, who wore 
a zone of precious stones, went everywhere accompanied by 
a detective, who appeared as her shadow. The lady finally 
became suspicious of the detective, and dismissed him ; but 
no misfortune has happened to her diamonds, which, how- 
ever, prevent her from enjoying her liberty. 

Diamonds are not worn by people of good taste in deep 
mourning, although they are purposely set in black for such 
occasions. This matter, however, is largely decided by in- 
dividual preference, independent of good taste or the laws 
of fitness. 

Pearls are especially the attributes of blondes, who set 
them off by a proximity of fair hair and blue eyes ; and 
they are very becoming worn in full sets, with light and 
elegant evening dress. They are not as popular in America 
as in the Old World, where they are found of enormous 
size, ranking almost as high as diamonds and embellished 
by the most costly settings. 



292 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

The Empress Eugenie possessed a rare and famous pearl 
necklace, which is now the property of the ( ountess 
Henckel, one of the richest ladies in Europe. The empress 
had the pearls sold in London. One of her ladies, accom- 
panied by two friends of the imperial widow, carried them 
to an English jeweler, who bought them, and disposed 
of them to the Countess Henckel for 360,000 francs. This 
lady had some of the pearls, less beautiful than the others, 
removed, and added two other rows — one which came from 
the jewels sold by the queen of Naples; the other from the 
necklace of the Virgin of Atocha, sold by a great Spanish 
personage. At present the suit of pearls belonging to the 
countess, earrings and brooch included, is worth 800,000 
francs. It is said to be the finest set of pearls in the world. 

The true etiquette of wearing jewelry is about as follows : 
Only the plainest and simplest, such as cameo, onyx, or 
coral, or plain gold, at church. The same style should be 
used in a home toilet. For social visiting, a handsome 
cameo or coral set. At dinners, receptions, the opera, wed- 
dings, and dress concerts, diamonds or pearls. 

When traveling, no jewelry should be worn, except rings 
of association, plain ear-drops, and a watch and chain for 
service. Nothing is so unmistakably vulgar as a quantity 
of showy or expensive jewelry on a lady who is traveling. 

Much display of jewelry on the promenade is certainly 
in bad taste. We may be censured here for making a half- 
apology for the custom in the first part of this chapter ; but 
we simply gave the reasons, and do not commend the cus- 
tom. A watch and chain, with locket and charms dangling 
therefrom, bracelets, earrings, lace-pin, and jeweled chate- 
laine ornaments are frequently observed in one and the 
same toilet. Is it any wonder that we hear of frequent 
robberies of jewelry when madame herself walks abroad 



ETIQUETTE OF JEWELRY. 293 

and offers the thief his opportunity? A few pieces of ex- 
pensive jewelry are enough for any toilet. Overdressing is 
a national sin ; and it is not surprising that foreigners walk- 
ing our streets for the first time, offend chaste matrons or 
maidens by the freedom of their looks. In their deluded 
imagination they have classed them with another grade of 
women, who wear such toilets as signs of their degradation. 
A child sent out to the park with an irresponsible nurse is 
often so loaded with expensive jewels that it is a matter of 
surprise, in some of our large cities, that its life or liberty 
is not forfeited. Many of these pampered children will 
have nothing left to them, when they reach mature years, 
but a sated appetite. They have had all the gems discov- 
ered till they are weary of them, and wore diamonds in the 
nursery, a luxury prohibited to the children of queens. 

The opal, one of the most beautiful of all the precious 
stones, has had a great deal of superstition attached to it. 
By some this ill luck is attributed to Sir Walter Scott's 
mention of it in "Anne of Geierstein." He ascribed it to 
supernatural agency, and long after that novel was published 
the belief in its evil influence was so strong that no one 
would wear an opal. That may have been the first concep- 
tion of evil from wearing opals; but we think it sprung 
from Eastern superstition, or at least that there were many 
and varied legends connected with it. Some believed that 
it often changed from a brilliant luster to a dull, smoky 
color, and that any such change foreshadowed misfortune 
and trouble, but did not bring it. A lady took an elegant 
opal necklace to a jeweler's, desiring to sell it. He at- 
tempted to dissuade her from selling it, telling her that the 
setting being old-fashioned, he could give her very little for 
it. To this she replied that the necklace was given her as 
a bridal gift forty years before, and she never had an hour's 



294 



GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 



luck since it came into her possession. No matter how little 
they were willing to give her, she w T ould leave the opals. 
She did so ; but we have never heard if, by disposing of them, 
she escaped subsequent misfortune. 

The opal is thus fitly called the " stone of fate." It is 
a milky white gem with rainbow tints, that are so shifting 
and changeable that it seems at times to be possessed with 
life and circulation. It is explosive, and we recall an in- 
valid who was so impressed with the foreshadowing of fate 
by the sudden and loud explosion of her opal ring that she 
died from the effects. It is little worn at present in any 
form, although it makes a very handsome ring when set in 
a circlet of diamonds. 



e^k^M^s %-£xi 



DINNERS GREAT AND SMALL — HOW TO INVITE — HOW TO ANSWER — 

HOW TO ENTERTAIN ELEGANT DINNERS — POST-PRANDIAL 

SPEECHES — FAMOUS DINNERS — ETIQUETTE OF DINNER-GIVING — 
MENUS — SAYING GRACE — DRESSING FOR DINNER. 



''We will not dwell upon ragouts or roasts, 
Albeit all human history attests 
That happiness for man — the hungry sinner — 
Since Eve ate apples, much depends on dinner." 

"^ "Now good digestion wait on ap- 
petite, 
And health on both." 

— Shakespeare. 

INNER-GIVING is an art 
!i=r which only an individual of 
fine culture and aesthetic tastes 
can be successful in, and dining is 
an accomplishment in which only 
an epicure can excel. An indif- 
ferent diner-out is by no means an 
acquisition to any company, since a person who 
is indifferent to the pleasures of social eating, 
will probably care little for the conversational 
part of the feast, and find the ceremony attend- 
ant upon such an occasion an intolerable bore. 
One must be a lover of good things, corporeal 
and metaphysical, who sits down with pleasure 
to a dinner lasting from two to four hours and including ten 
or fifteen courses. Yet to the man educated to enjoy the 




296 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

fullness of a social feast, there can be no higher form of 
physical and mental enjoyment combined than that which 
awaits him at the well-spread table of a fashionable, wealthy, 
and generous host, who understands the art of dining and 
wining to perfection. 

Dr. Johnson declared dinner to be the most important 
meal of the day, and Sydney Smith was so impressed with the 
responsibility of an engagement to dine that he said half 
jocularly, but with forcible zeal, " A man should, if he die 
after having accepted an invitation to dinner, leave his ex- 
ecutors in solemn charge to fill his place." 

The first duty which devolves upon a person invited to a 
fashionable dinner is to answer the invitation, -either by a 
note of acceptance or of regret, as it is of great importance 
to the host and hostess to know how many to seat at table, 
and be certain of their presence. A French writer says that 
the guests at a dinner should not be less than the Graces 
(three), nor more than the Muses (nine). It is usual to invite 
from ten to twelve for an ordinary dinner; but fifteen or 
twenty-five are not infrequently asked. 

The ominous number of thirteen must never sit down to 
table, according to an old and popular superstition, as one 
of the number in that case will certainly die before the 
year is out. It may seem almost ludicrous to suppose peo- 
ple of education and refinement can give credence to what 
might be a mere coincidence at best. But it is related in a 
French paper that persons are known to make a business of 
filling the fourteenth place at table, it being impossible to 
ask a friend at the last moment to supply the omission, and 
adds this notice: " Andrew Malkeith died lately, aged fifty- 
four. His business was that of a quatorzieme or fourteenth 
man at table. He was employed often three or four times 
in the same dav, and had accumulated wealth bv les diners de 



DINNERS GREAT AND SMALL. 297 

convenances, where his services were liberally remunerated, 
as he died worth one hundred thousand dollars." 

An incident is related of a grand dinner in London, 
where a nephew arrived accidentally, making the thirteenth 
guest; he could not give up his seat, as his lady love was 
present, and he rushed frantically into the streets, hoping to 
meet some friend of his own age, who would commiserate 
his situation, and make the even number. The first person 
he stumbled against was a little gentleman who was about 
to ring the bell, and who commenced, " Sir AVilliam Black," 
and was almost carried off his feet by the impetuous motions 
of the voung man, who embraced him joyfully, assured him 
thev were just waiting dinner for him, announced him with 
considerable vigor, and had him in the needed guest's seat 
in a moment. Dinner passed off without embarrassment, 
the guest was witty and wise, and when the ladies withdrew 
softly departed amid the regrets of his host, who believed 
him to be a distinguished friend of the nephew. After he 
had gone his card was discovered on the hall table, and 
bore this announcement: 

"SIR WILLIAM BLACK 

Takes much pleasure in recommending the services of the hearer 

to his friends as a faithful and efficient Pedicure. Dr. will 

wait on ladies and gentlemen at their homes." 

The nephew was the only one who enjoyed the situation. 
Invitations to dinners are as follows : 

Requests the pleasure of 

St ©inner, 

On March u, at 7 o'clock. 
& &. V. $. 8 Honor e Street. 



298 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

The answer should read: 

Have much pleasure in accepting the kind invitation of 
Mrs. How land for dinner on March nth. 

8 J Franklin Street. 
Or their regrets : 

911^. a/w6 ^1tzo. Ste/pfWn^ 

Regret that they can not accept Mrs. Holland's kind invitation 
for dinner, on March nth. 

8 1 Franklin Street. 

Should any thing occur at the last moment to prevent 
an invited guest from being present at a dinner, an informal 
note should be sent by a servant .stating the facts. This is 
an attention due those who are going to put themselves to 
expense and trouble to entertain you. Guests have duties 
incumbent upon them as well as hosts — a fact which too 
many seem to forget. 

The Russian style of dinner giving is to have every 
thing, servants and service, supplied by a fashionable res- 
tauranteur, in which case there is little left for the host or 
hostess, except to entertain the guests. It is not the best 
style of dinner-giving, for though expensive and lavish, the 
dishes are often cold, and not well made, and there is a 
sameness of taste, that detracts from the feast and places it 
on a par with very ordinary dinners. The very best din- 
ners given are the " little dinners " prepared by the home 
chef, where the viands are delightfully cooked and served 
hot by the trained family servants. In a household where 
there is a perfect domestic service, such dinners are feasts 
fit for the gods, and dishes are placed before the epicurean 
palate so delicately and deliciously compounded that their 



DINNERS GREAT AND SMALL. 299 

fragrant taste dwells in the memory forever after. Many of 
the great houses of Boston, New York, Baltimore, and other 
old cities, are famous for dinners managed solely by the cook 
and butler of the establishment, with a few chosen spirits, 
called in to help them. 

It rests with the hostess to see that her guests are con- 
genial ; that people who are antagonistic are not invited 
together ; that every Jack has a Jill ; and that all the Jacks 
and Jills shall form a complete and harmonious party. She 
must see that her dining-room is cool at first, and ventilated 
with fresh air during the dinner; that draughts, noise, and 
confusion are avoided, and the lights not too bright or too 
dim ; that the piece de resistance of the table shall not appear 
larger than the dining-room; that fruit, flowers, cut-glass, 
and silver shall be artistically made to produce a harmony 
in colors ; and that no crowding is permissible under any 
circumstances. She herself must be unconscious of all ex- 
cept her guests and their individual comfort, — 

"Mistress of herself though china fall." 

Never let a frown corrugate the brow of host or hostess 
at a dinner-party. Never chide a servant or appear to no- 
tice any thing rude or . disagreeable that may chance to 
happen. Do not enter into conversation with the servants 
sotto voce, or appear to be troubled, or, like Martha, " cum- 
bered with much serving." 

HOW TO SERVE A DINNER AT HOME. 

The table should be covered with a fine damask table- 
cloth, and the plates dusted individually, before they are 
laid, the silver polished to its highest degree of brightness, 
and the salt-cellars nicely filled with clean sifted salt, stamped 
with a pattern. Two forks should be placed on the left 



300 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

hand, and a knife and spoon on the right. Large spoons 
should be crossed at each corner of the table, and in the 
center of each side; tumblers and wine-glasses on the right 
hand, from three to five in number, according to the differ- 
ent wines used; the napkin folded square, with one-half 
turned back and laid on the right hand or directly in front 
of the plate. The soup-ladle, gravy-spoon, and carving- 
knife and fork go before the hostess ; the fish-trowel, gravy- 
spoon, carving-knife and fork also before the host — and each 
should be au fait in the art of carving and helping grace- 
fully and easily. 

The side-table should be laid with a white doth ; the 
silver, plates, finger-bowls, and other plates and glasses 
needed during dinner should be arranged neatly and taste- 
fully thereon. The wine-coolers can be placed beneath this 
table, or at the side. A pile of fresh napkins, ice broken 
and ready to serve, and bottles of sauce should all be there 
in readiness for immediate use. 

When the soup is on the table the butler will quietly 
announce, " Dinner is served," and the hostess will lead the 
way to the dining-room with the most distinguished male 
guest, while the host takes the lady of greatest social pre- 
cedence, and the other guests pair off according to preference 
or a hint from the hostess. 

There should be no long, formal pause between any of 
the courses, and it devolves upon the guests to see that this 
does not happen, and it is only right that they should save 
the host or hostess from the embarrassment of such an occa- 
sion by not allowing any conversational lulls. Small talk is 
the boon of a fashionable dinner — what a salad is to the 
menu. 

When the soup-course is over, the waiters remove the 



MENU. 301 

plates quietly, and the fish is instantly served upon a hot 
plate, which is placed before each guest. There are no veg- 
etables served with fish, but a salad is allowable. If the 
fish be boiled, a plate of sliced lemon should be handed 
about, to be squeezed upon the fish, unless fish-sauce, soy, or 
other condiment is preferred. With salmon, thinly cut slices 
of cucumber, dressed with pepper, salt, and vinegar, should 
be served. Before the fish is removed, the fish-trowel and 
spoon should be taken away on a small tray. 

Sherry is the wine usually drunk with soup and fish. 
There is so little ceremony about drinking wine at table 
now that it is not even necessary to bow to your neighbor 
on raising your glass to your lips; still, it is a graceful def- 
erence to an old custom. Gentlemen do not drink their 
wine until the lady accompanying them is helped. A slight 
inclination to your escort, or your host, or hostess, is always 
in good taste. 

After the fish, game may be served, to be followed by 
meats, after which the plates and silver are removed, and 
crumbs deftly brushed into a crumb tray; and the dessert is 
placed on the table — a large epergne of mixed fruit and 
flowers in the center, with fruit knives; finger bowls and 
colored doilies at the last. If cofPee is required, it may be 
handed from the sideboard; but the more gracious and hos- 
pitable way, is for the hostess to send it from a tray placed 
before her, while a waiter hands the cream and sugar, with 
tongs, to each guest. 

The polished mahogany of olden times has been super- 
seded by the more comfortable dessert spread, or by retain- 
ing the white dinner cloth to the end of the feast. There 
should be a tiny knot of flowers at each plate, or in the 
finger bowl. A small rusk, or dinner roll, may be folded 



302 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

in each napkin at dinner, or the bread may be handed, on 
a bread plate, to each guest. 

MENU FOR HOME DINNER. 

Oysters on the half shell. 
Soupe, a la Beine. 
Sherry. Salmon, with green peas or cucumbers sliced 

Filet de Bceuf, aux Champignons. 
While Wine. Fried Potatoes. 

Roman Punch. 
Champagne. Salad of Lettuce or Tomatoes. 

Cold Chicken. 
Madeira. Olives. 

Ices and Jellies. Cheese. 
Sherry. Fruits. 

Coffee. 
Liquor. 

The above may be varied according to individual prefer- 
ence. It is a simple dinner, yet contains enough viands to 
satisfy the taste of a gourmand. 

MILLIONAIRE DINNERS. 

These are served on gold and silver and priceless Sevres, 
Dresden, Japanese, and Chinese plates, where celestial birds 
are flying through atmospheres of blue and amber, and 
gorgeous tropical scenes flash their inspiring pictures upon 
the gratified vision. Flagons of ruby glass bound with 
gold, are interspersed with Benvenuto Cellini vases and 
silver candelabra. 

The table-cloth is often of open lace-work over damask 
satin, with a red-velvet mat under the splendid epergne, 
which is set upon a mirror pond bordered with white and 
yellow water-lilies. Each lady has a bouquet, a fan, a 



MILLIONAIRE DINNERS. 303 

ribbon, painted with her name, and a basket, or bonbonniere, 
to take home with her. 

The courses are often sixteen in number. The wines are 
of fabulous antiquity — each drop is like that fabled river 
whose sands were of gold. Strawberries are found on such 
tables all the year round. June roses bloom in mid-winter, 
and fruits and viands from every quarter of the world are 
furnished at this sumptuous repast. At least twelve differ- 
ent wines are dispensed with liberal hand. Game of every 
kind, and cooked in the most seductive form with delicacies, 
made for the occasion and never repeated, melt on the palate, 
and satisfy the most imperious taste. 

Over this dinner cast the softened light of gas burning in 
rose-colored globes, or the softer luster of a hundred wax 
candles ; the glamour of fruit and flowers and glistening 
silver; the sheen of silk and satin; the ivory whiteness of 
unveiled necks and arms ; the smiles of beautiful women ; the 
admiring glances of complaisant, gratified men ; the hum of 
genial converse, and the gentle clashing of silver-toned 
knives and forks, and it is, indeed, a scene to be repeated 
many times in memory's magic mirror. 

A brilliant dinner must have brilliant guests — people 
who are fanciful in description and quick at repartee, but 
never personal. When Bolingbroke invited Swift to dine 
with him, he talked of the dishes he would offer. "A fig 
for your bill of fare," said Swift. "Show me .your bill of 
company." 

While punning is usually to be deprecated, an occasional 
impromptu pun is very happily received. Leigh Hunt was 
once asked, by a lady at dessert, if he would venture on an 
orange. " Madame," he replied, "I should be happy to do 
so, but I am afraid I should tumble off." A young clergy- 
man was once dining at a party, where he bored every one 



304 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

with a series of Bible talks. At last he turned to a viva- 
cious little lady, who had not been included in his remarks, 
and said: "I should like you to have my idea of Noah's 
wife." " Certainly ," responded madame. " Did you No-ah 
very well?" The pun was perceptible to the reverend 
diner-out, who joined in the laugh that followed, and left the 
profundity of Scripture for proper occasions. 

Grace is usually omitted at dinner parties, even when a 
clergyman is present, and toasts are no longer offered or re- 
plied to, except at class-greetings or prominent public ban- 
quets. The habit of making after-dinner speeches has hap- 
pily gone out, except on rare occasions. 

DRESSING FOR DINNER. 

There are hints on dinner-dress given elsewhere in this 
work. Evening dress is the standard for ladies and gentle- 
men — swallow-tail coats, white vests and ties, and pale 
gloves. Low-necked and short-sleeved dresses are de rigueur 
for ladies, though elegant dinner costumes are often made 
with high bodies. Gloves are worn to the table, and re- 
moved when the soup comes in. The following incident 
will illustrate the conventional code of etiquette in this re- 
spect, and the occasions when it may be departed from. 

In foreign cities, if a traveler is invited to dinner, and 
has not the proper costume with him, he writes to his host, 
excusing himself on that score. If he receives another 
note saying, "We will gladly receive you en costume de 
voyageur," the lady or gentleman can go; but without this 
explanation the presence of a person not properly dressed 
for dinner would be considered an insult. 

A few years ago some young Englishmen of high rank 
arrived at Nahant in very careless costume, sent their cards 
and letters of introduction to Mr. Longfellow, and were im- 



DRESSING FOR DINNER. 305 

mediately invited to a seven o'clock dinner. They accepted, 
and came in their shooting coats, with telescopes hanging 
around their necks. 

Mr. Longfellow had invited some distinguished people to 
meet them, all of whom were in proper evening dress. The 
young men endeavored to bluff it off as the poet carefully 
scanned their appearance, by saying, " We 're here for shoot- 
ing, you know," etc. "And do you shoot with your tele- 
scopes?" remarked Mr. Longfellow. 

If they had written to Mr. Longfellow before dinner, 
and had explained their not having luggage with them, and 
had left their telescopes at home, no one would have thought 
it rude. It was the assumption that such a thing could be 
done in America with impunity that made it rude. 

An American lady of fashion was traveling in Europe, 
and happened to arrive in Florence without her luggage. 
Her friend, the minister, asked her to dinner to meet a 
great lady of the court. 

" But I have no dresses," said the lady. " One plain, 
black silk is all that I can possibly achieve." 

"Oh," said he, "that is all right; I will explain to those 
ladies whom you are to meet." 

When the lady went to the dinner, which was very ele- 
gant, all the men were in dress coats, orders, ribbons, white 
ties, and the paraphernalia of masculine full dress. She was 
astonished to see all the ladies as plainly dressed as herself. 
The minister, having explained her dilemma to them, they 
were all plainly dressed too. They were ladies who wore 
generally at dinners laces and jewels of fabulous value, and 
always considered it de rigueur to wear neck and arms bare, 
and cover themselves with lace. 

But it was both real and conventional etiquette for them 

thus to meet the American lady who had not her toilets 

20 



306 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

with her. Although she regretted not seeing their splendid 
dresses, she could not but be touched by this act. They 
knew that she was a person of consideration at home, and 
they treated her to the best and kindest in their power by 
dressing so plainly that she did not feel her black silk to be 
a blot upon the dinner. 

A DINNER WITH GENIUS. 

In one of Benjamin Haydon's letters to Wordsworth he 
says, as he recalls memories of the past: "Ah, my dear 
old friend, you and I shall never see such days again! 
The peaches are not so big now as they were in our days. 
Many were the immortal dinners which took place in that 
painting-room, where the food was simple, the wine good, 
and the poetry first-rate. Wordsworth, Walter Scott, 
Charles Lamb, Hazlitt, Talfourd, Keats, etc., attended my 
summons and honored my table." 

A WONDERFUL DINNER. 

A magnificent dinner was that which was given on Feb- 
ruary 16, 1476, in Naples by Benedetto Salutati, of Flor- 
ence, to the sons of the Neapolitan King Ferrene. As a 
preliminary course there were little gilded cakes of pine 
kernels, and small majolica bowls with some kind of a fancy 
preparation of milk. Then came eight silver platters with 
gelatine of capons' breast, ornamented with heraldic devices, 
the dish for the most distinguished guest, the Duke of 
Calabria, having a fountain in the middle showering a spray 
of orange water. The first part of the meal consisted of 
twelve courses of meats, including venisons, veal, ham, 
pheasants, partridges, capons, chickens, and blanc-mange. 
At the close a great silver dish was placed before the duke, 
and when the cover was raised, a flock of birds flew up. 



A "HUNT" DINNER. 307 

On two enormous platters stood two peacocks, apparently 
alive and with tails spread. In their beaks they held burn- 
ing perfumed essence, and on their breasts were silken rib- 
bons with the duke's arms. The second division consisted 
of nine courses of sweet dishes, tarts, marzipan, and light 
ornamental cakes with spiced wine. There were fifteen 
kinds of wine, mostly native Italian and Sicilian. At the 
meal the guests washed their hands in perfumed water, and 
after the removal of the cloth a mound of green twigs with 
costly essences were placed on the table, the perfume of which 
filled the room. During and after the meal there was music 
and a pantomime. After an hour's pause there was a dessert 
of confectionery, served in dishes of silver, with ornamented 
covers of sugar and wax. 

A " HUNT " DINNER. 

A very grand dinner was given during the present year 
by the Misses Sandford, members of the Polo Club and also 
of the Queens County Hunt, at the Casino to the members 
of the Hunt and a few invited guests. A horse in flowers 
was represented as jumping a wall of flowers. The flowers 
were in a pond, to represent the hunter's peril in jumping 
hurdles and water, and pond-lilies floated naturally about. 
Foxes' heads peeped out from embankments of flowers. 
The dinner cards were beautiful pen and ink sketches of 
scenes of " Venerie," and each card illustrated some act of 
the gentlemen who were named. The gentlemen of the 
Hunt wore scarlet, or, as it is called in England, pink. This 
all took place at Newport. 

Dinners, being the most formal and elaborate of all social 
entertainments, make the heaviest demand upon the mental 
forces. The guest at a fashionable dinner must be in appro- 
priate dress to do honor to his host and the company he is 



308 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

invited to meet. His mind must be in order, and every 
thing that is said or done should harmonize with the festiv- 
ities. A distinguished presence lends additional splendor to 
the feast. Full dress, flowers and diamonds, and evening 
gloves are the rule. Gloves are removed only during the 
process of eating. Gentlemen devote themselves to their 
lady partners with assiduous attention, directing the serv- 
ants to wait upon them, and seeing that they are helped to 
favorite dishes; for at a large party the host can be much 
assisted in this way. A modern writer happily observ 
" Let all men remember, when in society, that they are 
there as the knights, the attendants of the fairer portion 
of creation, and not to eat, drink, and be merry, as at the 
large men's dinners, suppers, and club entertainment.-." 

Diners-out, who are conscious of not being brilliant 
talkers, should cultivate an easy, vivacious flow of small 
talk, as it is incumbent upon each guest at a feast to add 
something to the amusement and enjoyment of the hour. 
A stupid, sulking, or silent guest among a company of ten 
or twelve persons is an intolerable bore, and the companion 
allotted to such a person is, indeed, to be pitied, and will 
be excused for giving his attention to a more engaging vis- 
a-vis. Ladies are not apt to be dull and stupid during such 
an entertainment, as it is their opportunity for social tri- 
umphs ; but gentlemen will frequently make no effort to be 
conversational or witty until the frequent passing of the 
wine improves their faculties and calls them out of them- 
selves. The grossness of eating is atoned for by a refined 
and intellectual sociability — 

"The feast of reason and the flow of soul." 

Sir David Wilkie said that at a public dinner he was 
looking out for some celebrated man, and when at last he 



DINING OUT. 309 

caught a glimpse, for the first time, of a man whose books 
he had read and admired for years, he was picking the leg 
of a roast goose, perfectly abstracted. 

Lady Morgan, in a delightful account of a dinner at 
Rothschild's, in Paris, says that she was struck with the 
short time which it occupied, with the elegance of the por- 
celain, with the lightness and vivacity of the conversation, 
and with thef eeling of ease and comfort in her own consti- 
tution when she had finished eating. She says, " There 
was no dead weight after dinner." 

The habit of ladies preceding the gentlemen to the 
drawing-room is going out of fashion, probably because the 
introduction of wine at the end of every course is enough 
for the needs of the most bibulous, and the women of this 
generation have educated themselves to become of sufficient 
intellectual importance to prove congenial society for the 
opposite sex, and it is not at all necessary that after-dinner 
stories should be told which any woman need blush to hear. 

The old style of keeping a party waiting, so that your 
entrance may be accompanied by more eclat, is now properly 
considered a rudeness. All the guests at a dinner should be 
assembled in the parlors within five minutes of the hour 
named on the card of invitation, when the host or hostess 
will assign partners to each, and there need be no delay or 
confusion. 

Gentlemen never take "their wives out to dinner. The 
hostess arranges, as harmoniously as possible, the disposition 
of guests, so that two quiet ones, or two talkative ones, 
need not be paired off, or those who are antagonistic in any 
manner be brought together, or members of the same family, 
who would find it difficult to make conversation. 

Any dish which the host or hostess recommends to your 
notice should be tasted. If at a family party, when there 



310 



GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 



are but few servants, you may pass dishes, or help your 
neighbor to something within reach ; but this is strictly to 
be avoided where there are servants, who would resent any 
such innovation of their rights. It is perfectly proper to 
ask for any thing at a distance, or request the servant to 
pass certain dishes. Table etiquette is fully described in 
another chapter in this book. 




e$T&5ffiSl£ ^ni. 



RIDING ON HORSEBACK —DRIVING — 

ETIQUETTE OF THE SADDLE — HINTS 

TO EQUESTRIANS. 

NOWING, as we do, the great 
aversion of American young la- 
dies to out-door exercises, the 
following remarks may to them 
seem inappropriate; yet riding 
on horseback, which is the daily 
custom of English ladies, is 
rapidly 1 ecoming a fashionable 
amusement in this country ; and 
riding clubs now exist in all large towns, 
the members of which are young ladies 
and gentlemen, who accompany each 
other in rides about the outskirts of the 
city ; for the American girl is far behind 
her English cousin in the matter of a ten or 
twenty mile trot before breakfast, the early 
morning hours being the most popular for 
such exercise in England. In this country 
the evening is the time usually selected for a 
fashionable ride through the thoroughfares of 
the city. The ladies of England learned to ride during the 
reign of Charles II, when the queen, accompanied by ladies 
of the court and nobles in gay attire, rode forth with the king, 
and all were mounted on superb horses richly caparisoned. 
Of the ladies' riding habits Pepys says in his diary. "These 




312 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

riding habits are coats and doublets with deep skirts, just 
for all the world like mine, and doublets buttoned up the 
breast, and periwigs and hats, so that only fur a petticoat 
dragging under their men's coats, nobody could take them 
for women in any point whatever." 

The origin of the side-saddle, says an authority in such 
matters, is somewhat obscure. Early illuminated manuscripts 
show ladies riding sideways, and some authorities attribute 
their introduction to Catherine <le Medicis, while others give 
that honor of invention to Anne of Bohemia, queen of 
Richard II of England. We know that pillions for ladies 
were used in the middle ages, a man being seated in front 
of the lady to guide the movements of the horse; and the 
Pilgrim fathers were wont to use the same style of seat for 
their wives in the early days of their settlement on New 
England shores. From this to the saddle with an arm was 
an easy transit, until progression evolved the side-saddle 
now in use. 

The present style of riding habit is the short or medium 
length skirt, cloth drawers and short basque, with postilions 
and military collar, and a half-high silk hat with long veil 
floating, or the more becoming Derby hat with or without a 
plume. The simplest form of dress is the most elegant, but 
the habit should be made by a tailor, and fit perfectly but 
not too tight. 

The elegance of a woman on horseback depends entirely 
on the flexibility of her figure. No woman can ride well 
enough to be worth looking at off a walk unless she is con- 
tented with a corset that will support the body without com- 
pressing the vital organs. A lady who intends to ride well 
can neither aiford to cramp her muscles nor to impede the 
free circulation of her blood. 

A stylish habit of invisible green, claret colored, or 



RIDIXG ON HORSEBACK. 313 

black cloth, or velvet with a jockey cap with visor to match, 
narrow linen collars and cuffs, gauntlet gloves of undressed 
kid an ivory tint, a jeweled or gold-mounted ivory-handled 
whip and a firm seat, and you have all the equipments for a 
ride in Rotten Row, or the Bois de Boulogne, or the Bloom- 
ington Road. 

Ladies usually learn to ride at the riding academy, or with 
their fathers and brothers, before venturing out as riders 
with a party of equestrians. It is no compliment to the rest 
of the party to accept such an invitation unless you can ride 
well. Riding can not be acquired in a few lessons. The 
way in which to mount a horse, how to hold the reins and 
adjust the stirrup, can be easily learned, but it takes prac- 
tice to become a fearless rider, to know how to sit properly, 
ride gracefully and make long distances without fatigue, to 
change your horse's gait at a moment's notice, and include 
your escort, the company, the landscape, and your route in 
your divided attention, but with a perfect comprehension. 

A lady must never cling to her saddle or hang on the 
reins, or appear conscious of being in a novel or uneasy sit- 
uation. She should sit erect, but not lean back too far, nor 
incline to one side more than the other. By adjusting her- 
self in exact momentum she will find herself mistress of her 
horse and her seat. 

There is no accomplishment among the habits of exercise 
that is so becoming to a woman of fine presence as that of 
riding on horseback. It displays her figure to the finest 
advantage, her eyes sparkle, and her cheeks flush with the 
exhilarating motion, and her whole appearance is poetic and 
inspiring. 

It is almost unnecessary to give any hints in regard to a 
gentleman's riding, as he is supposed to be trained to the 
saddle; but he may not know that etiquette demands that 



314 GEMS OF. DEPORTMENT. 

he shall always ride on a lady's right, never permit his 
horse to pass hers, and be quick to respond to her Deed of 
assistance. His horse should match hers, as nearly as pos- 
sible, in size and pace, and he should ride the gait preferred 
by the lady with him. 

The canter is the pace which ladies in this country pre- 
fer, because of its easy, rocking motion, and the slight 
knowledge of horsemanship it needs to acquire it. Adepts 
believe they have mastered the science of riding when they 
have reached this stage, but it is the simplest part. Trotting 
in an easy, regular gait is much more difficult to learn, but 
a far better style. English women all ride trotting horses 
with the same facility with which the American woman 
lopes or canters. 

To learn all the steps, changing from a canter to a trot, 
or a walk to a canter, requires considerable practice. Hoi-' - 
are trained to know, by a movement of the bridle hand, or 
a touch of the whip, which leg to lead off with, and whether 
they are desired to trot, gallop, or canter. 

An old picture of Martha Washington on horseback 
shows her dressed in a princess habit, buttoned from the 
throat to the hem, narrow, full ruffles at the throat and 
wrists, tight coat sleeves, and a rose-bud with leaves at the 
throat. In her hand is her high hat, with long, floating 
veil. The painter has caught the exact pose of the figure, 
and his illustration is graceful and life-like. 

A gentleman should dress in a jaunty and picturesque 
manner for riding. He may wear an ordinary dark suit, 
but his gloves should be gauntlets, and his hat a high silk 
one, or a military felt. His riding whip should be a heavy 
one with a carved handle, and his general appearance should 
be that of a cavalier, equipped with taste and elegance. 

In riding, the reins are held lightly in the left hand, the 



DRIVING. 315 

whip in the right. The horn/ or pommel, of the saddle must 
not be touched. The rider must learn to balance gracefully, 
and maintain the center of gravity by self-poise. A good 
rider equalizes her movements by her horse, and does not 
jolt up and down when changing her horse's pace. 

Ladies who are assisted to mount a horse by a gentleman 
escort, place one hand on the saddle, the other on the gen- 
tleman's shoulder, as he kneels for the purpose, and the left 
foot in his hand, and, by a slight spring, are nicely seated 
in the saddle. The foot is then adjusted to the stirrup, and 
the habit neatly folded. Care should be taken to have the 
hair secure, as the motion of the horse may cause it to come 
down; the hat well fastened on, and the skirt of the habit 
well buttoned at the waist. The exercise of riding is so vio- 
lent, that it frequently seriously disarranges the toilet. 

DRIVING. 

In England, when ladies and gentlemen go out in a car- 
riage, they speak of the excursion as a drive, and use the 
term driving ; and when they go out to ride, it is on a horse, 
and not in a carriage. The distinction has the sanction of 
custom ; and it is correct to say, • ■ I am going out to drive," 
even though you may not hold the reins. To say, "I am 
going riding," or, as some express it, " buggy riding," is 
vulgar. 

A gentleman who accompanies ladies on a drive will re- 
member, if the carriage is full, to sit with his back to the 
horses; he will know where to put his feet so as not to 
disarrange the ladies' dresses, and he will know when it is 
most convenient for the ladies to alight first, he handing 
them out, instead of stepping over them, to reach the 
pavement, and assist them out. When there is a footman 
as well as a coachman, gentlemen can, with propriety, be 



316 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

the last to leave the carriage; and it is the coachman's 
duty to open the carriage door and assist the ladies it' they 
need any help. The greatest politeness in such matters is 
to do that which the least embarrasses the ladies. 

A gentleman who acts as driver must never allow him- 
self to assist a lady into the carriage while he retains bis 
scat. He must always alight, and, holding the reins with 
one hand, assist the lady into the carriage with the other. 
He must be particular to see that the lap-robe is nicely 
arranged, and the lady's dress covered and protected from 
the wheel; and, if he stops for his companion to call on a 
friend, or at a store, he must alight each time to assist 
her out and in, waiting on the pavement during her stay. 

CARRIAGE ETIQUETTE. 

Turning back to look at objects that have passed; star- 
ing about and pointing to houses, or other parties in car- 
riages, is rude. Laughing, or talking in a boisterous man- 
ner, or calling to persons on the sidewalk, is in very bad 
taste. People should not recline too much when driving, 
but maintain a dignified composure of manner, neither loll- 
ing on the seats, nor sitting bolt upright. 

In England the driver turns to the left to pass another 
carriage. In this country he always turns to the right. It 
is never excusable to drive, in a violent manner, past an- 
other carriage going the same way. A slight slacking of 
ordinary speed in passing, especially if ladies are in the car- 
riage, indicates proper training in the coachman and good 
breeding in the gentleman. 

Young ladies who drive with a gentleman should resent 
the least approach to familiarity, such as insinuating an 
arm along the back of the seat, inclining the head as if 
in confidential conversation, and a free-and-easv air of 



DRIVING. 317 

ownership. Even when parties are engaged such conduct 
looks very silly to other persons, and should be omitted 
as a most unsuitable display for the promenade or public 
thoroughfare. 

If ladies accompanied by a gentleman stop to speak to 
ladies on the sidewalk, it is only courteous for the gentle- 
man to step out and wait, with his hand on the door of 
the carriage, until the ladies are ready to drive on. 

No gentleman will ever smoke when riding or driving 
with ladies. 

Ladies who are invited to ride or drive with gentle- 
men, at a certain hour, should be ready exactly at the 
moment. It is neither well-bred nor dignified to keep any 
one waiting who has made an appointment conducive to 
your pleasure. Always make a careful toilet, looking 
bright and interested, with fresh gloves and ribbons, and a 
corsage knot of flowers. Have every thing ready, gloves on 
and buttoned, and all arrangements of the toilet complete, 
but do not seem to be in an eager state of expectancy. 

A lady who is invited to drive with a gentleman can 
not offer to take a friend with her, or, in case of sudden in- 
disposition, substitute her friend for herself. She should 
never call upon friends and leave the gentleman to pass the 
time alone in the carriage, since it is presumable he invited 
her for the pleasure of her company. 

Above all, she should avoid late hours if driving on a 
Summer evening. It devolves upon her to remind her es- 
cort that it is growing late. It may be a lovely moonlight 
night, and the temptation to prolong the drive may be very 
strong; but prudence suggests nine o'clock as the latest hour 
a careful young lady would choose, unless there is a party 
driving in company, or the escort is an old and trusted 
friend or a relative. A true gentleman, who is careful 



318 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

that no word or act of his shall cause a moments' criticism, 
will never ask a young lady to compromise herself by driv- 
ing with him at an unseemly hour. From seven to nine is 
long enough for a sociable and pleasant drive 

Fast driving should only be practiced with a fast horse, 
that can go without an effort. The absurdly frantic attempts 
of young gentlemen, to get a phenomenal amount of speed 
out of an ordinary animal, are both amusing and annoying. 
A pleasant, rapid trot is a much more enjoyable mode of 
driving than the break-neck speed which some young peo- 
ple indulge in. It is more respectable, as well as more ele- 
gant, to drive moderately, so that the horse shall become a 
secondary object, and the scenery and conversation form the 
principal features of interest. 

Gentlemen may jump out of a carriage, but ladies should 
step out, taking time to bear their full weight on the step. 
Nothing is more ungainly than the habit — which went out 
with the high carriages — some gentlemen have of seizing a' 
lady around the waist and bouncing her to the pavement. 
If the lady is obliged to alight with such assistance, let her 
place one hand on the shoulder of her escort, who will par- 
tially support her, as she steps down. 

A gentleman should never drive with a lady without 
wearing gloves. It is customary for the gentleman driving 
to sit on the right of the lady, but some prefer the left side. 
In Boston, a gentleman always takes the left side, unless the 
lady is his wife, sister, or some near relative, so that it is 
easy to determine what relation his guest bears to him. 

A lady should always feel certain of two things: that 
she has a safe escort and a safe horse. Then she can aban- 
don herself to the enjoyment of the drive with a sense of 
security and rest. 

Lovers would do well to remember that hedges have ears 



LOVE-MAKING. 



319 



as well as stone walls. Very absurd scenes of love-making 
have been witnessed and made merry over by hedgers and 
ditchers. An amusing story is told of a couple who became 
so absorbed in a tender conversation, that they drove into 
the open door of a wayside farm-house, and surprised the 
family at supper. Love, however, does not seem to notice 
incongruities of situation, and is ready at all times, and in 
all places, to send out his mischievous arrows. 

An eloping couple who were driving at full speed along 
the highway were pursued by the girPs father on horseback, 
who, as he rode, shouted at the top of his voice : " Whoa, 
Kate ! whoa, Kate !" The runaways were stopped, and an 
eifort made to return the girl to her father; but the old 
gentleman said, coolly, " It ? s the hoss I want ; you may 
keep the gal." 



e*f£5>mi^ x^vm 



THE LITERATURE OF FLOWERS — SIGNIFICATION OF NAMES — POETICAL 
LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS. 



'Flowers, the sole luxury that Nature knew 
Iu Eden's pure and guiltless garden." 

The flowers were full of song; upon th< 
I read the crimson annals of true love 
The violet flung me back nn old romance 
All were associated with some link, 
Whose fine electric throb was in the mind.'' 

Not gold, not blood, the altar dowers. 
But votive blooms, and symbol flowers." 




language," says 



LOWERS have their 
an able writer. "Theirs is an oratory 
that speaks in perfumed silence, and 
there is tenderness and passion, and even the 
ight-heartedness of mirth, in the variegate'd 
beauty of their vocabulary. No spoken word can 
approach the delicacy of sentiment to be in- 
ferred from a flower seasonably offered. The 
softest expressions may be thus conveyed without 
offense, and even profound grief alleviated at a 
moment when the most tuneful voice would grate 
harshly on the ear, and when the stricken soul can 
be soothed only by an unbroken silence." 

Floriography is a science that requires but lit- 
tle study. Some flowers almost bear written upon 
their upturned faces the thoughts of which they 
are living representatives. That the "white in- 
vestments" of the child-like daisy should, as Shakespeare 




EVERY FLOWER A GEM. 



SIGNIFICATION OF FLOWERS. 321 

says, "figure innocence," is self-evident; that all nations 
should select the glowing rose as an emblem of love, could 
not be wondered at; while the little blue petals of the 
Mysatis palustris require no augur to explain their common 
name of forget-me-not. Who can doubt that the rich per- 
fumes of some plants, or the sparkling lusters of others, must 
be deemed typical of joy and gladness; or that the melancholy 
hue and somber looks of others symbolize sadness and despair? 
Forget-me-not is the emblem of true love. Coleridge 
speaks of it as 

"Hope's gentle gem, the sweet forget-me-not." 
And Tennyson sings: 

"The sweet forget-me-nots that grow for happy lovers." 

There is a German legend which relates the story of a 
fair lady and her lover, who walked by the River Danube, 
and espied a bunch of the sweet blue flowers in a steep and 
dangerous place. The lady wished for them, and her lover 
essayed to pluck them ; but he lost his footing, and perished 
in sight of his lady love. 

"He named the flower, which, beauty- wreathed, 
Adorned the fatal spot ; 
For with his dying sigh he breathed, 
'Forget — forget-me-not!' " 

The Greek nation was the first to ennoble flowers — in 
that time, that clime, 

" Where burning Sappho lived and sung," 

the praises of the rose, the minstrel, the poet, the athlete, 
and the patriot, were all rewarded with wreaths of flowers. 
Even Rome, ambitious Rome, held a flower crown as fit 
reward for the weightiest service. "It was with two or 
three hundred crowns of oak," says Montesquieu, " that Rome 

conquered the world." These same warlike Latins instituted 

21 



322 



GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 



a festival in honor of Flora as early as seven hundred and 
thirty-six years before the birth of Christ, in the reign of 
Romulus. 

The language of flowers was well understood and used 
from the earliest ages by many Con- 
tinental nations. After the decay of 
Latin imperialism, and until the dawn 
of the Renaissance, this delightful 
and attractive study was little known ; 
but in the age of chivalry and of the 
pre-eminence of the Romish faith it 
revived. Floral significations again 
held sway. The Catholic was enabled 
to distinguish between fasting and 
feasting ceremonies by the variety of 
the bouquets that adorned the altar 
before which he offered up his orisons, 
and ofttimes the knight was enabled 
to manifest his devotion by wearing 
his lady's colors in his casque, and 
the lady frequently showed in what 
light she regarded his attentions by 
the blossoms she wore. 

Flowers are now universally worn 
and used throughout the civilized 
world. They are worn by maiden 
and matron; they decorate every 
church altar; they adorn the bride 
and consecrate the dead. In our homes, in the sick-room, 
in the halls of amusement and the places of business, the 
fairest and sweetest flowers may be seen, pure and starlike, 
far above the sordid atmosphere of daily life, breathing out 
their fragrant spirits to soothe the unrest of human nature. 




SIGNIFICATION OF FLOWERS. 323 

They are planted on the humblest grave as well as the most 
honored. It will be remembered that an American lady, 
who died a few years ago, was, according to her expressed 
wish, reduced to ashes after death by the process of crema- 
tion. In this ashes, all that remained of her beloved pres- 
ence, her husband planted a favorite rose-bush, and every 
year it puts forth a profusion of beautiful roses, which he 
gathers and carries with him, or wears on his heart, as a pre- 
cious memorial of her from whose dust they drew their being. 
The rose is every body's flower. It needs no hot-house 
training or sheltering care to bring out its radiant beauty, 
for the wild rose of the hedges, the little sister of the poor, 
is the sweetest flower that grows. Different varieties of 
roses have different signification. The white means silence; 
hence the Latin phrase "sub rosa," or " under the rose," 
signifying secrecy. The white rose is often placed over the 
confessional in Catholic churches. The yellow rose typifies 
infidelity. The white rose is used about the dead as ex- 
pressive of silence and purity. 

" Wild roses by the abbey towers 

Are gay in their young bud and bloom. 
They were born of a race of funeral flowers, 
That garlanded in long gone hours 
A templar's knightly tomb." 

•*I am the rose of Sharon and the lily of the valleys," 
sang Solomon in ages past, a beautiful Oriental figure of 
speech, indicating the high esteem in which flowers were 
then held. 

There has been a rage during the past year among 
ladies for a flower of an old variety, highly esteemed in 
France and Germany, the China aster, the fairest and most 
beloved of the " beauteous sisterhood " of the aster family. 
The signification of the flower is " Afterthought," or " Love 



324 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

of variety." As they bloom late, some poetieal writer com- 
pares them to " an afterthought of Flora's, who smiles at 
leaving us." The meaning of the word aster is star. It is 
derived from the Greek language. The French people are 
great admirers of the flower, and, fancying it to resemble 
the daisy, they have gracefully christened it La Reine Mar- 
guerite, or Daisy Queen. The Germans call the aster the 
star-flower, and the common people consult it as an oracle. 
Goethe draws attention to the popular superstition in 
" Faust," where Marguerite is walking with him, and stops 
to gather the flower of divination, alternately repeating the 
words as she plucks the petals, " He loves me — he loves me 
not." On arriving at the last leaf she joyously exclaims, 
" He loves me," and Faust, in spite of himself, overpowered 
by her childish innocence, breaks forth : " Yes, he loves 
thee. Let this floral token be a decree from heaven." 

POETICAL LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS. 

The pretty red rose is an emblem of love, 
The snow-ball thoughts of heaven above ; 
The honeysuckle implies, "I dream of thee;" 
And rosemary, " Always remember me." 

Arbor-vitse denotes unchanging friendship; 
" My only hope," the American cowslip. 
"Declare your love," says the tulip-tree; 
And juniper replies, " I live for thee." 

Gloxinia tells of love at first sight; 
Sweet-pea says, "Meet me at moonlight;" 
Dead leaves indicate a heavy heart ; 
Variegated pink, "Forever we part." 

"Let us part friends," says the trumpet-flower; 
Primrose answers, "Your friend for an hour;" 
Plum-bloom says, "Keep your w r ord ;" 
And rose-geranium, "Thou art preferred." 



THE LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS. 325 

Apple-blossom asks, " Wilt thou be mine ?" 
Peach-bloom replies. " My heart is thine ;" 
The dandelion is a gay coquette, 
And modesty dwells with the white violet. 

Sweet-william says, "Let our friendship end;" 
Snowdrop sighs softly, " I 'm not a Summer friend ; 
Balloon-vine proposes to kiss and make up ; 
But ingratitude dwells in the bright buttercup. 

"I surmount difficulties," is the mistletoe's song: 
Woodbine's chorus, "I have loved thee long;" 
The lilac thrills with love's first emotion ; 
And heliotrope implies only devotion. 

Petunia says, "Your presence soothes me:" 
Ice-plant replies, "Your looks freeze me;" 
White rose whispers, "My heart is free;" 
And white clover, "Ever think of me." 

Sensitive rose, like a pretty coquette, 
Says, "Too young to leave my mother yet;" 
"Mine through sunshine, storms, and snows," 
Is written all over the perpetual rose. 

Blue iris brings a message for you ; 
Forget-me-not denotes love, tender and true; 
Blue violet is faithfulness ; harebell, grief ; 
And passion-flower, happy in religious belief. 

"Our souls are one," says the beautiful phlox; 
Constancy abides with the pretty dwarf-box; 
Of love in a cottage portulaca doth tell; 
And gratitude is found in Canterbury-bell. 

True friendship is found in Virginia stock ; 
Ambition sits high in the bright hollyhock; 
Comj)assion attends the bleeding heart; 
And scarlet pea asks, "Must you depart?" 



326 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

Bondage belongs to the blue morning-glory ; 
Nobility of character to magnolia grand iflora ; 
The amaranth denotes unfading love ; 
And insincerity blights the pretty foxglove. 

We find fascination always in fern, 
Sympathy in balm, and life in lucerne. 
Then gather a wreath from the garden bowers, 
And tell the wish of thy heart in flowers. 

Mignonette, the " little darling " of the French, is one 
of the sweetest and fairest of garden-flowers. It signifies, 
" Your qualities surpass your charms," and implies a double 
compliment. 

It often happens that a lover sends a bouquet or knot of 
flowers to. her he loves, with a written request that she will 
wear them on a certain occasion. These are the sentiments of 
flowers. The flowers used for bridals are white, with green 
leaves. They signify chastity. The white and green in the 
funeral flowers signify immortality. The red flowers now 
used in the floral decorations of the dead remind the mourn- 
ers of the blood that redeems. 

As a present nothing can be lovelier or more delicate 
than the gift of a basket of flowers, or of fresh, blooming 
flowers in any shape. They finish every toilet, and enhance 
the beauty of the most elegant table service. We can not 
be too thankful for the refining and blessed influence they 
wield in the human heart. 

" God might have made the earth bring forth 
Enough for great and small, 
The oak-tree and the cedar-tree, 
Without a flower at all." 

We append a complete list of flow r ers, that speak in their 
own sweet language. 



THE LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS. 327 



ffl$f*{ ixftji$-tf&s*j 05 sfcoss*i&?. 



fphat the |flowcr6 gatj. 

Softly she treads, as if her foot were loath 

To crush the mountain drew-drops, soon to melt 

On the flower's breast, as if she felt 

That flowers themselves, what'er their hue, 

With all their fragrance, all their glistening, 

Call to the heart for inward listening. 

— Wordsworth. 

FLOWERS. SENTIMENTS. 

Acacia, Concealed love. 

Acacia, Rose, Friendship. 

Acanthus, Arts. 

Adonis Vernalis, Sorrowful remembrances. 

Agnus-Castus, Coldness : to live without love. 

Agrimony, Thankfulness. 

Almond, Hope. 

Aloe, Religious superstition. 

Althaea, Consumed by love. 

Alyssum, Sweet, Worth beyond beauty. 

Amaranth, Immortality. 

Amaryllis, Splendid beauty. 

Ambrosia, Love returned. 

Anemone, Expectation. 

Anemone, Garden, Forsaken. 

Angelica, Inspiration. 

Apocynum (Dog Bane), Deceit. 

Apple, Temptation. 

Apple-blossom, Preference. 

Arbor-vitee, Unchanging friendship. 

Arbutus, Trailing, Welcome. 

Arum, Ardor. 

Ash, Grandeur. 

Ash, Mountain, Prudence. 

Aspen Tree Lamentation. 

Asphodel, My regrets follow you to the 

Auricula, Avarice. [grave. 

Azalea Romance. 



328 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

A-ariciila. Avarice. 
And greedy Avarice by him did ride, 
Upon a camel loaden all with gold; 
Two iron coffers hung on either side, 

With precious metal full as they might hold ; 
And in his lap an heap of coin he told ; 

For of his wicked pelf his god he made, 
And unto Hell himself for money sold. 

— Spenser. 

FLOWERS. SKNTIMKNTS. 

Bachelor's Button, Hope in love. 

Balm, ....••• Sympathy. 

Balm of Gilead, Healing. 

Balsam, Impatience. 

Barberry, Sharpness, satire. 

Basil Hatred. 

Bay-Leaf, I change but in dying. 

Beech, Prosperity. 

Bee Ophrys, Error. 

Bee Orchis, Industry. 

Bell Flower, Gratitude. 

Bell Flower. Gratitude. 

The tears into his eyes were brought, 

And thanks and praises seem'd to run 
So fast out of his heart, I thought 

They never would have done. 
I 've heard of hearts unkind, kind deeds 

With coldness still returning ; 
Alas ! the gratitude of men 

Hath oftener left me mourning. — Wordsworth. 

Belvidere, Wild (Licorice), I declare against you. 

Bilberry, Treachery. 

Birch Tree, Meekness. 

Black Bryony, Be nry support. 

Bladder-nut Tree, Frivolous amusements. 

Blue-bottle Centaury, Delicacy. 

Borage, Bluntness. 

Box, Constancy. 

Briers, Envy. 

Broken Straw, Dissension ; Rupture. 

Broom, Neatness. 

Buckbean, Calm repose. 



THE LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS. 329 

FLOWERS. SENTIMENTS. 

Bugloss, Falsehood. 

Burdock, . . Importunity. 

Buttercup, Riches. 

Cactus, Thou leavest not. 

Calla Lily, Feminine beauty. 

Calla Lily. Feminine Beauty. 
On woman Nature did bestow two eyes, 

Like heaven's bright lamps, in matchless beauty shining, 
Whose beams do soonest captivate the w 7 ise 
And wary heads, made rare by art's refining. 

— Robert Greene. 

Calycanthus, Benevolence. 

Camellia, Pity. 

Camomile, ... Energy in action. 

Candytuft, Indifference. 

Canterbury Bell, Gratitude. 

Cape Jasmine Gardenia, Transport; Ecstasy. 

Cardinal Flower, Distinction. 

Carnation, Yellow, Disdain. 

Catchfly (Silene), Red, Youthful love. 

Catchfly, White, . . I fall a victim. 

Cedar, I live for thee. 

Cedar of Lebanon, Incorruptible. 

Celandine, Future joy. 

Celandine. Future Joy. 
Long as there 's a sun that sets, 

Primroses will have their glory ; 
Long as there are violets, 

They will have a place in story ; 
There's a flower that shall be mine, 

' T is the little celandine. — Wordsworth. 

Cherry-tree, Good education. 

Chickweed, I cling to thee. 

Chicory, Frugality. 

China Aster, I will think of it 

China Pink, Aversion. 

Chrysanthemum, Rose, I love. 

Chrysanthemum, White, Truth. 

Chrysanthemum, Yellow, Slighted love. 

Cinquefoil, Beloved child. 



330 GEMS OP DEPORTMENT. 

Cincruefpil. Beloved child. 
Six feet in earth my Emma lay ; 

And yet I loved her more, 
For so it seem'd, than till that day 

I e'er had loved before. — Wordsworth. 

FLOWERS. SENTIMENTS. 

Clematis, Artifice. 

Clover, Red, Industry. 

Cobsea Gossip. 

Cockscomb, Foppery; Affectation. 

Colchicum, My best days are fled. 

Coltsfoot, • ... Justice shall be done you. 

Columbine, Folly. 

Columbine, Purple, Resolved to win. 

Columbine, Red, Anxious. 

Convolvulus, Major, Dead hope. 

Convolvulus, Minor, Uncertainty; Night. 

Corchorus, Impatience of absence. 

Coreopsis, Love at first sight. 

Coriander, Hidden merit. 

Corn, Riches. 

Cornelian Cherry-tree, Durability. 

Coronilla, Success to your wishes. 

Cowslip, Pensiveness. 

Cowslip. Pensiveness. 
My pensive Sarah ! thy soft cheek reclined 
Thus on mine arm, most soothing sweet it is 
To sit beside our cot, our cot o'ergrown 
With white-flower'd jasmine and the broad-leaved myrtle 
(Meet emblems they of innocence and love), 
And watch the clouds, that late were rich with light, 
Slow T , saddening round, and mark the star of eve, 
Serenely brilliant — such should wisdom be — 
Shine opposite. — Coleridge. 

Cowslip, American, You are my divinity. 

Cress, Indian, Resignation. 

Crocus, Cheerfulness. 

Crown Imperial, Majesty. 

Currants, . . = You please me. 

Cypress,, . . . . . Mourning. 

Cypress and Marigold, Despair. 

Daffodil, Chivalry. 






THE LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS. 331 

FLOWERS. SENTIMENTS. 

Dahlia, Forever thine. 

Daisy, Garden,. I partake your sentiments. 

Daisy, Michaelmas, Farewell. 

Daisy, Red, Beauty unknown to possessor. 

Daisy, White, Innocence. 

Daisy, White. Innocence. 

Oh, she was innocent! 
And to be innocent is nature's wisdom: 
The nedge-dove knows the prowlers of the air, 
Fear'd soon as seen, and flutters back to shelter. 
Oh, surer than suspicion's hundred eyes 
Is that fine sense which to the pure in heart, 
By mere oppugnancy of their own goodness, 
Reveals th' approach of evil. — Coleridge. 

Daisy, Wild, I will think of it. 

Dandelion, Coquetry. 

Daphne Mezereon, I desire to please. 

Daphne, Odora, I would not have you other- 
Dead Leaves, Sadness. [wise. 

Diosma, Uselessness. 

Dittany, Birth. 

Dock, Patience. 

Dodder, Meanness. 

Dogwood, Flowering (Cornus), . . . Am I indifferent to you? 

Ebony, Hypocrisy. 

Eglantine, I wound to heal. 

Elder, Compassion. 

Elm, Dignity. 

Elm, American, Patriotism. 

Elrn, American. Patriotism. 

The land we from our fathers had in trust, 

And to our children will transmit, or die: 

This is our maxim, this our piety; 
And God and nature say that it is just. 

We read the dictate in the infant's eye; 

In the wife's smile, and in the placid sky; 
And, at our feet, amid the silent dust, 
Of them that were before us. — Wordsworth. 

Endive, . Frugality. 

Epigsea Repens (Mayflower), . . Budding Beauty. 



332 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

FLOWERS. SENTIMENTS. 

Eupatorium, Delay. 

Evening Primrose, Inconstancy. 

Evergreen, Poverty. 

Everlasting (Graphalium), Never-ceasing remembrance. 

Filbert, Reconciliation. 

Fir-tree, Elevation. 

Flax, I feel your kindness. 

Flora's Bell, You are without pretension. 

Flowering Reed, Confidence in heaven. 

Forget-me-not, True love. 

Foxglove, Insincerity. 

Fraxinella, Fire. 

Fritillaria (Guinea-hen Flower), . . Persecution. 

Furze, Anger. 

Fuchsia, The ambition of my love thus 

Fuchsia, Scarlet, ... Taste. [plagues itself. 

Gardenia, Transport; Ecstacy. 

Gentian, Fringed, Intrinsic worth. 

Geranium, Apple, Present preference. 

Geranium, Ivy, Your hand for next dance. 

Geranium, Nutmeg, I expect a meeting. 

Geranium, Oak, . . Lady, deign to smile. 

Geranium, Rose, Preference. 

Geranium, Silver Leaf, Recall. 

Gillyflower, Lasting beauty. 

Gillyflower. Lasting Beauty. 

Enough of rose-bud lips, and eyes 

Like harebells bathed in dew ; 
Of cheek that with carnation vies, 

And veins of violet hue : 
Earth wants not beauty that may scorn 

A likening to frail flowers; 
Yea, to the stars, if they were born 

For seasons and for hours. —Wordsworth. 

Gladiolus, Ready armed. 

Golden Rod, Encouragement. 

Gooseberry, Anticipation. 

Goosefoot, Goodness. 

Gorse, Endearing affection. 

Grape,. , Charity. 



THE LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS. 333 

Grape : Charity. 
Farewell, farewell ! but this I tell 

To thee, thou wedding-guest, — 
He prayeth well who loveth well 

Both man and bird and beast : 
He prayeth best who loveth best 

All things both great and small ; 
For the dear God who loveth us, 

He made and loveth all. —Coleridge. 

FLOWERS. SENTIMENTS. 

Grass, Utility. 

Guelder Rose (Snowball), Winter. 

Harebell, . .- Grief. 

Hawthorn, Hope. 

Hawthorn: Hope 

Hope rules a land forever green : 

All powers that serve the bright-eyed queen 

Are confident and gay: 
Clouds at her bidding disappear: 
Points she to aught ? the bliss draws near, 

And fancy smooths the way. — Wordsworth. 

Hazel, Reconciliation. 

Heart's Ease, Think of me. 

Heart's Ease, Purple, You occupy my thoughts. 

eath, Solitude. 

Heath: Solitude. 

Thrice happy he who by some shady grove, 

Far from the clamorous world, doth live his own; 
Though solitary, who is not alone, 
But doth converse with that Eternal Love. 
Oh, how more sweet is Zephyrs' wholesome breath, 

And sighs embalm'd, which new-born flowers unfold, 
Than that applause vain honor doth bequeath ! 
How sweet are streams, to poison drunk in gold ! 

— "Orummond. 

Helenium, Tears. 

Heliotrope, Peruvian, I love you; Devotion. 

Hellebore, Scandal. 

Henbane, Blemish. 

Hepatica, Confidence. 



334 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

FLOWERS. SENTIMKNTS. 

Hibiscus, Delicate beauty. 

Holly, Foresight. 

Hollyhock, Fruitfulness. 

Hollyhock, White, Female ambition. 

Honesty (Lunaria), Sincerity. 

Honeysuckle, Bond of love. 

Honeysuckle. Bond of Love. 

Happy the bonds that hold ye ; 
Sure they are sweeter far than liberty : 
There is no blessedness but in such bondage; 
Happy that happy chain! such links are heavenly. 

— Beaumont and Fletcher. 

Honeysuckle, Coral, The color of my fate. 

Honeysuckle, Monthly, I will not answer hastily. 

Hop, Injustice. 

Hornbeam, Ornament. 

Horse-Chestnut, Luxury. 

Hor3S- Chestnut. Luxury. 

We must run glittering like a brook 
In th' open sunshine, or we are unblest ; 
The wealthiest man among us is the best: 
No grandeur now in Nature or in book 
Delights us. Rapine, avarice, expense, 
This is idolatry, and these we adore: 
Plain living and high thinking are no more. 

— Wordsworth. 

House-Leek, Domestic economy. 

Houstonia, Content. 

Hoya (Wax Plant), Sculpture. 

Hyacinth, Jealousy. 

Hyacinth, Blue, Constancy. 

Hyacinth, Purple, Sorrow. 

Hydrangea, Heartlessness. 

Ice-Plant, Your looks freeze me. 

Indian Cress, Resignation. 

Ipomcea, I attach myself to you. 

Iris, Message. 

Iris, German, Flame. 

Ivy, Friendship ; Matrimony. 

Jessamine, Cape, Transient joy. 






THE LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS. 335 

FLOWEBS. SENTIMENTS. 

Jessamine, White, Amiability. 

Jessamine, Yellow, Grace; Elegance. 

Jonquil, I desire a return of affection. 

Jonquil Return of affection desired. 

Blue-eyed May 
Shall soon behold this border thickly set 
With bright jonquils, their odors lavishing 
On the soft west-wind and his frolic peers. 

— Words woeth. 

Judas-Tree, Betrayed. 

Juniper, Asylum; Protection. 

Justicia, Perfection of loveliness. 

Kalmia (Mountain Laurel), Treachery. 

Kennedia, Mental beauty. 

Laburnum, Pensive beauty. 

Lady's Slipper, Capricious beauty. 

Lagerstrcemea (Crape Myrtle), . . . Eloquence. 

Lantana, Rigor. 

Larch, Boldness. 

Lar3ii. Boldness. 

Mark how the bashful morn in vain 

Courts the amorous marigold 
With sighing blasts and weeping rain, 

Yet she refuses to unfold : 
But, when the planet of the day 

Approacheth with his powerful ray, 
Then she spreads, then she receives 

His warmer beams into her virgin leaves. 

— Caeew. 

Larkspur, Fickleness. 

Laurel, Glory. 

Laurestinus, I die if neglected. 

Lavender • Distrust. 

Lemon Blossom, Discretion. 

Lettuce, Cold-hearted. 

Lilac, First emotion of love. 

Lilac, White, Youth. 

Lily, Purity; Modesty. 

Lily of the Valley, Return of happiness. 

Lily, Day, Coquetry. 



336 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

FLOWERS. SENTIMENTS. 

Lily, Water, Eloquence. 

Lily, Yellow, Falsehood. 

Linden Tree, Conjugal love. 

Live Oak, Liberty. 

Live Oak. Liberty 

Thou rising Sun, thou blue rejoicing sky, 

Yea, every thing that is and will be free, 

Bear witness for me, wheresoe'er you be, 

With what deep worship 1 have still adored 

The spirit of divinest Liberty. —Coleridge. 

Liverwort, Confidence. 

Locust, Affection beyond the grave. 

London Pride, Frivolity. 

Lotus, Forgetful of the past. 

Love in a Mist, You puzzle me. 

Love lies Bleeding, Hopeless, not heartless. 

Lucerne, Life. 

Lucerne. Life. 

I made a posy while the day ran by: 
Here will I smell my remnant out, and tie 

My life within this band. 
But time did beckon to the flowers, and they 
By noon most cunningly did steal away 

And wither'd in my hand. 
Farewell, dear flowers! sweet your time ye spent; 
Fit, while ye lived, for smell and ornament, 

And after death for cures. 
I follow straight, without complaints or grief, 
Since, if my scent be good, I care not if 

It be as short as yours. — George Herbert. 

Lungwort (Pulmonaria), Thou art my life. 

Lupine, Imagination. 

Lychnis, Religious enthusiasm. 

Lythrum, Pretension. 

Madder, • . . . . Calumny. 

Maiden's Hair, Discretion. 

Magnolia, Chinese, Love of nature. 

Magnolia, Grandiflora, Peerless and proud. 

Magnolia, Swamp, Perseverance. 



THE LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS. 337 

FLOWERS. SENTIMENTS. 

Mallow, Sweetness; Mildness. 

Mandrake, Horror. 

Maple, Reserve. 

Marigold, Cruelty. 

Marigold, African, Vulgar-minded. 

Marigold, French, Jealousy. 

Marigold, French.. Jealousy. 

You may as well 
Forbid the sea for to obey the moon, 
As or by oath remove or counsel shake 
The fabric of his folly ; whose foundation 
Is piled upon his faith, and will continue 
The standing of his body. — Shakespeare. 

Marjoram, Blushes. 

Marshmallow, Beneficence. 

Marvel of Peru (Four o'clocks), . . . Timidity. 

Meadow-Saffron, My best days are gone. 

Meadow-sweet, Uselessness. 

Mignonette, Your qualities surpass your 

Mimosa, Sensitiveness. [charms. 

Mint, Virtue. 

Mistletoe, I surmount all difficulties. 

Mock-orange (Syringa), Counterfeit. 

Monkshood, A deadly foe is near. 

Moonwort, Forgetfulness. 

Moonwort. Forgetfulness. 
Freeze, freeze, thou bitter sky, 
That dost not bite so nigh 

As benefits forgot; 
Though thou the waters warp, 
Thy sting is not so sharp 

As friend remembered not. — Shakespeare. 

Morning Glory, Coquetry. 

Moss, Maternal love. 

Motherwort, Secret love. 

Mourning Bride (Scabious), Unfortunate attachment. 

Mouse-ear Chickweed, Simplicity. 

Mulberry, Black, I will not survive you. 

Mulberry, White, ■ . Wisdom. 

Mullein, Good nature. 

22 



338 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

FLOWERS. SENTIMENTS. 

Mushroom, Suspicion. 

Musk Plant, Weakness. 

Mustard-seed, Indifference. 

Myosotis, Forget me not. 

Myrtle, Love. 

Narcissus, Egotism. 

Nasturtium, Patriotism. 

Nettle, Cruelty; Slander. 

Night-blooming Cereus, Transient beauty. 

Nightshade, Bitter truth. 

Oak, Hospitality. 

Oats, — • Music. 

Oats. Music. 
When whispering strains do softly steal 

With creeping passions through the heart 
And when at every touch we feel 

Our pulses beat and bear a part, — 
O, lull me, lull me, charming air, 

My senses rock with wonder sweet ; 
Like snow on wool thy fallings are, 

Soft like a spirit are thy feet. — Strode. 

Oleander, Beware. 

Olive Branch, Peace. 

Orange, Generosity. 

Orange Flower, Chastity. 

Orchis, Beauty. 

Osier, Frankness. 

Osmunda, Dreams. 

Pansy, Think of me. 

Parsley, Entertainment ; Feasting. 

Pasque Flower, You are without pretension. 

Passion Flower, Religious fervor ; Susceptibility. 

Pea, Appointed meeting. 

Pea, Everlasting, Wilt thou go with me ? 

Pea, Sweet, Departure. 

Peach-blossom, This heart is thine. 

Pear-tree, Affection. 

Pear-tree. Affection. 

Your cottage seems a bower of bliss, 
A covert for protection 

Of tender thoughts that nestle there, 
The brood of chaste affection. — Wordsworth. 



THE LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS. 339 

FLOWEHS. SENTIMENTS. 

Peony, Anger. 

Pennyroyal, Flee away. 

Periwinkle, Sweet remembrances. 

Persimmon, Bury me amid nature's beauties. 

Petunia, Less proud than they deem thee. 

Pheasant's Eye, Sorrowful remembrances. 

Phlox, Our souls are united. 

Pimpernel, Change. 

Pine, . Time. 

Pine-apple, You are perfect. 

Pine, Spruce, Farewell. 

Pink, . Pure affection. 

Pink, Clove, Dignity. 

Pink, Double-red, Pure, ardent love. 

Pink, Indian, Aversion. 

Pink, Mountain, You are aspiring. 

Pink, Variegated, Refusal. 

Pink, White, .......... You are fair. 

Pink, Yellow, Disdain. 

Pink, Yellow. Disdain. 

That killing power is none of thine; 

I gave it to thy voice and eyes. 
Thy sweets, thy graces, all are mine ; 

Thou art my star, shinest in my skies. 
Then dart not from thy borrowed sphere, 
Lighting on him that fixed thee there ; 

Tempt me with such affrights no more, 
Lest what I made I uncreate. 

Let fools thy mystic forms adore : 
I know thee in thy mortal state. — Caeew. 

Plane-tree, Genius. 

Pleurisy-root (Asclepias), .... Cure for heartache. 

Plum-tree, Keep your promises. 

Plum-tree, Wild, Independence. 

Polyanthus, Confidence. 

Poplar, Black, . . Courage. 

Poplar, White, Time. 

Poppy, • . . Consolation of sleep. 

Poppy, White, Sleep of the heart. 

Pomegranate, Foolishness. 



340 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

FLOWERS. SKNTIMKNTS. 

Pomegranate Flower, Elegance. 

Potato, Beneficence. 

Pride of China (MeliaJ, Dissension. 

Primrose, Early youth. 

Primrose, Evening, Inconstancy. 

Privet, Mildness. 

Pumpkin, Coarseness. 

Quince, Temptation. 

Ragged Robin (Lychnis), .... Wit. 

Ranunculus, You are radiant with charms. 

Reeds, Music. 

Rhododendron, Agitation. 

Rose, Beauty. 

Rose, Austrian, Thou art all that 's lovely. 

Rose, Bridal, Happy love. 

Rose, Burgundy, Unconscious beauty. 

Rose, Cabbage, Ambassador of love. 

Rose, Campion, Only deserve my love. 

Rose, Carolina, ' Love is dangerous. 

Rose, China, Grace. 

Rose, Daily, That smile I would aspire to. 

Rose, Damask, Freshness. 

Rose, Dog, Pleasure and pain. 

Rose, Hundred-leaved, Pride. 

Rose, Inermis, Ingratitude. 

Rose, Maiden's Blush, If you do love me, you will find me 

Rose, Moss, Superior merit. [out. 

Rose, Moss-rosebud, Confession of love. 

Rose, Multiflora, Grace. 

Rose, Musk-cluster, Charming. 

Rose, Sweetbrier, Sympathy. 

Rose, Tea, Always lovely. 

Rose, Tea. Always lovely. 

Soft is the music that would charm forever : 
The flower of sweetest .smell is shy and lowly. 

— WoEDSWORTH. 

Rose, Unique, Call me not beautiful. 

Rose, White, I am worthy of you. 

Rose, White, Withered, .... Transient impressions. 
Rose, Wild, Simplicity. 






THE LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS. 341 

FLOWEES. SENTIMENTS. 

Eose, Yellow, Decrease of love. 

Rose, York and Lancaster, . . . War. 

Roses, Garland of, Reward of Virtue. 

Rosebud, Young girl. 

Rosebud, White, The heart that knows not love. 

Rosemary, Your presence revives me. 

Rue, Disdain. 

Rush, Docility. 

Saffron, Excess is dangerous. 

Sage, Esteem. 

Sardonia, • Irony. 

Satin Flower (Lunaria), .... Sincerity. 
Scabious, Mourning Bride, . . . Widowhood. 

Sensitive Plant, Timidity. 

Service-tree, Prudence. 

Snapdragon, Presumption. 

Snowball, Thoughts of heaven. 

Snowdrop, Consolation. 

Sorrel, Wit ill-timed. 

Southernwood, Jesting. 

Spearmint, Warm feelings. 

Speedwell, Nerevica, Female fidelity. 

Spindle-tree, Your image is engraven on my heart. 

Star of Bethlehem, Reconciliation. 

Starwort, American, Welcome to a stranger. 

St. John's Wort (Hypericum),. . Superstition. 

Stock, Ten-week, Promptitude. 

Stramonium, Common, Disguise. 

Strawberry. Perfect excellence. 

Strawberry. Perfect excellence. 

I caught the fragrance which the sundry flowers, 
Fed by the stream with soft perpetual showers, 
Plenteously yielded to the vagrant breeze. 
There bloom'd the strawberry of the wilderness ; 
The trembling eyebright show'd her sapphire blue ; 
The thyme her purple, like the blush of even ; 
All kinds alike seem'd favorites of heaven. 

— Wordsworth. 

Strawberry-tree i Arbutis), . . . Esteem and love. 

Sumac, Splendor. 

Sunflower, Dwarf, Your devout admirer. 



342 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

FLOWERS. SENTIMKKTS. 

Sunflower, Tall Pride. 

Sweet Sultan, Felicity. 

Sweet William, Finesse. 

Sycamore, Curiosity. 

Syringa, Memory. 

Tansy, I declare against you. 

Teasel Misanthropy. 

Thistle, Austerity. 

Thorn-apple, Deceitful charms, 

Thorn, Black, Difficulty. 

Thorns, Severity. 

Thrift, Sympathy. 

Throat wood (Pulmonaria), Neglected beauty. 

Thyme, Activity. 

Tiger Flower, For once may pride befriend 

Touch-me-not, Balsam, Impatience. [thee. 

Truffle, Surprise. 

Trumpet Flower, Separation. 

Tuberose, Dangerous pleasures. 

Tuberose. Dangerous Pleasures. 

The sacred love, o' weel-placed love, 

Luxuriantly indulge it ; 
But never tempt th' illicit rove, 

Though naething should divulge it ; 
I wave the quantum of the sin, 

The hazard of concealing; 
But, och ! it hardens a' within, 

And petrifies the feeling. — Burns. 

Tulip, Declaration of love. 

Tulip-tree, Rural happiness. 

Tulip, Variegated, Beautiful eyes. 

Tulip, Yellow, , Hopeless love. 

Turnip, Charity. 

Valerian, Accommodating disposition. 

Venus's Flytrap, Have I caught you at last ? 

Venus's Looking-glass, Flattery. 

Verbena, Sensibility. 

Vine, Intoxication. 

Violet, Blue, Love. 

Violet, White, Modesty. 

Violet, Yellow, Modest worth. 



THE LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS. 



343 



FLOWEBS. SENTIMENTS. 

Virgin's Bower, Filial love. 

Wall Flower, Fidelity. 

Walnut, Stratagem. 

Weeping Willow, Forsaken. 

Wheat, Prosperity. 

Wild Plum-tree, Independence. 

Woodbine, Fraternal love. 

Wood-sorrel, Joy. 

Wormwood, Absence. 

Yarrow, Cure for heartache. 

Yew, Sorrow. 

Zinnia, Absent friends. 




e*f£i>Msm %%rx 



MUSIC — ITS VALUE AS AN ACCOMPLISHMENT — GREAT AUTHORS ON 

MUSIC — BEHAVIOR AT CONCERT AND OPERAS — INFLUENCE 

OF MUSIC — HOW TO DRESS FOR THE OPERA. 

ALTER SAVAGE LAKDOR Bays 

that " music is both sunshine and 
irrigation to the mind;" and Addi- 
son affirms that "music raises noble 
hints in the mind, and fills it with 
great conceptions, strengthens devotion, and 
advances praise into rapture." 

Every young person who aims at a high 
educational standard should be thoroughly 
versed in a knowledge of music, which more 
than any other acquirement will repay with 
interest the time and money expended upon it. Ail, however, 
can not be fine musicians, although all may be lovers of 
fine music. It requires a certain talent to produce music — 
something more than a mere comprehension of sweet sounds 
and harmonious notes. The world is full of people who 
murder music — their souls are not possessed of a single 
musical inspiration, and their execution upon the piano or 
organ is purely mechanical. These people are satisfied, 
however, when they have learned what they call a " tune/' 
and they assume the airs of an impressario or prima donna. 
When they hear the magnificent rendition of classic music, 
they smile serenely, and observe that simple music is the 
sweetest and suits them best, forgetting that the simplest 
music there is can be made capable of the highest interpre- 




music. 345 

tation. When the greatest singers in the world wish to 
move an audience to tears of appreciation they sing " Home, 
Sweet Home/' or "Annie Laurie. " The difference in touch 
between the educated natural musician and the amateur is 
the difference between an artist and a photographer — one 
gives an impression, the other creates one. 

A musical person is always an addition to society. One 
who can sing well or perform fluently on any instrument 
must add much pleasure to any social gathering. To a mu- 
sical education, however, must be added a strong, sweet 
voice, developed and improved by modern methods, and 
with power sufficient to raise the singer above mediocrity. 
It is better to sing one song well than a dozen indifferently. 

A singer should never play his or her own accompani- 
ments, unless there is no one who can do it in the company, 
and the same person should not sing too often in an evening. 

A lady or gentleman known to be a fine musician should 
never be asked to play or sing in a very large company, as 
the noise of conversation affects the music unfavorably, and 
at such a place it is impossible to compel people to silence 
and a critical attention. 

In asking any one to sing, it is customary to leave the 
selection to the singer. It is never polite or kind to over- 
urge a visitor to sing or play, as there are times when all 
the influences are unfavorable, and musicians as a class are 
extremely sensitive to their surroundings. 

It is customary at all large parties to have hired mu- 
sicians, who are seated in a recess in the hall or in an 
apartment devoted to dancing. In many large houses it is 
fashionable, upon social occasions, to have a reader or singer 
engaged for a certain number of recitations or songs. This 
is especially desirable when the gathering partakes of the 
nature of a conversazione or literary entertainment. 



346 gems of deportment. 

BEHAVIOR AT CONCERTS AND OPERAS. 

"The man that hath no music in his heart, 
Let no man trust him." 

Go early to either the concert or opera, unless you have 
a box, in which case you should enter without any noise or 
confusion, as it distracts the attention of the audience from 
the music and annoys the musicians. As soon as you are 
seated, lay aside wraps, get your opera-glass in readiness, 
and compose yourself for the evening. The true lover of 
music does not turn around with every movement in the 
audience, nor talk and laugh during the performance of any 
of the numbers, nor will any gentleman go out or in until 
the last strain of the selection has died upon the ear. 

Those who have no music in their souls, but who go t<> 
the opera to see the styles and be seen themselves, should 
remember that etiquette demands of them an entire submis- 
sion to the rules of time and place. They must listen to the 
strains that delight other ears in decorous silence, if not with 
pleased attention, and suppress all criticisms until they are 
beyond the reach of censure from those who are appreciative 
listeners. Nothing is more ill-bred than the whisperings 
and tittering of those who are unable to discern the differ- 
ence between Meyerbeer and Handel. The intensity of 
feeling displayed by musical people towards those who 
rudely shatter the silver sphere of sound is appreciated only 
by the music lover. In an exaltation of sentiment that lifts 
the spirit almost out of the body, the ear attuned to the 
lingering melody hears some commonplace voice remark, 
"We had puddin' for dinner yesterday." Mrs. Stowe re- 
lates that she once attended a concert where, just as the 
music had sunk to a calm of sweetest melody, she heard a 
female voice say, "I always cook mine in vinegar !" Even 



INFLUENCE OF MUSIC. 347 

such distrait conversation as this is preferable to the rude 
habit of offering silly criticisms on the music in an audible 
tone of voice. 

INFLUENCE OF MUSIC. 

A musical critic of rare culture once referred to the 
feeling superinduced by Handel's grand " Messiah." He 
said: "The whole audience felt as if they had shaken off 
some of the dirt and dross of life, as if our hearts were more 
elevated and yet subdued, as if the glow of some healthful 
action or the grace of some good principle had passed over 
every heart. We were conscious of having indulged in an 
enthusiasm that made us purer and better." 

George Eliot, in " Adam Bede," asks : "Is it any weak- 
ness, pray, to be wrought on by exquisite music, to feel its 
wondrous harmonies searching the subtlest windings of your 
soul, the delicate fibers of life, where no memory can pene- 
trate, as it biuds together your whole being, past and pres- 
ent, in one unspeakable vibration?" 

Sir Thomas Browne refers to music thus : " There is much 
music wherever there is harmony, order, or proportion; and 
wherever there is music there will be proportion, order, and 
harmony." 

Carlyle says that " the soul of all of Nature's utterances 
is perfect music." 

Pythagoras, twenty-five hundred years ago, used to love 
to listen to what he denominated "the heavenly harmony 
of the spheres." 

HOW TO DRESS FOR THE OPERA. 

It is fashionable to go to the opera in full dress, covered 
with a white wrap, which is laid aside on entering the box. 
The wife of a wealthy Chicago gentleman goes to the opera 



348 



GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 



with a splendor of evening toilet, diamonds, elegantly 
coiffured hair, and a footman, who stands motionless behind 
her chair during the evening, and hands her, as she requests 
them, her fan, the programme, or her jeweled opera-glasses. 
The majority of ladies at concerts and operas wear street or 
reception dress, with elegant bonnets, and a great deal of 
lace about their necks, with a full toilet of jewelry and flow- 
ers. Gentlemen wear, usually, a frock coat, with gray or 
neutral-tinted trousers, and evening vest, tic, and gloves. A 
small boutonniere is the only floral favor they display. 

Ladies formerly carried bouquets to the opera, but this 
practice has been discontinued for some time. Flowers in- 
tended for a favorite singer are sent to them by an usher, 
who hands them over the foot-lights at the close of the 
music. A card, or note, is usually attached, bearing the 
donor's name. 



>^r M 




GJf&SMiqS XXX. 



AMERICAN TRAVELERS IN EUROPE — FUNDS — BILLS OF EXCHANGE 

A SAFE PRECAUTION — LETTERS OF CREDIT — 
1 '"^X^gv,^^^^. FRANCS — LANGUAGES — HINTS FOR OCEAN 
TRAVEL — ETIQUETTE ON BOARD SHIP. 



N leaving the United States the 
best, or at least the most conven- 
ient, funds to take with you are 
a sterling (English money) letter 
of credit and about £5 in sover- 
eigns (English gold) for one per- 
son, £10 for two or three, £15 
for four to six, etc. This will be 

/^ T^SiimfSv^ am pl e f° r f ares fro ni Liverpool to 
London, and until you locate at 
your hotel, after which you can 
draw upon your letter of credit at 
the house whose name you will find recorded therein. If 
inconvenient to call upon the house indicated, there are 
other institutions which will cash your letter, and your hotel 
proprietor may know how to accommodate you. 

As a general thing a sterling letter is better than one in 
francs, even though you use it mostly on the Continent, as 
the exchange is generally in favor of England ; and you will 
get more for your draft on London, in every country in 
Europe, Asia, and Africa — excepting France — than if you 
draw upon a letter of credit, issued in francs, on Paris. 




350 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 



BILLS OF EXCHANGE. 



If you intend remaining in any one city for any consider- 
able time, it is cheaper to have your agent at home send 
you bills of exchange, from time to time, as you may require. 
But be sure to have such bills mailed at least three weeks 
before you require the money in England; if on the Conti- 
nent, at least four weeks; and always have the duplicates of 
said bills forwarded by the next mail after the originals 
have gone. Much trouble and suffering arises, among Ameri- 
cans in Europe, from the delay of remittances. This is gen- 
erally the plea of the impecunious, but very often the en- 
tirely trustworthy. But the timid and mortified traveler is 
obliged to appeal to an unknown fellow-countryman for 
aid to bridge over the delayed remittance time. On this 
account it is advisable to take with you a small letter of 
credit, payable in sums as drawn, to be used only in the 
above emergency. 

When two or more persons are traveling together, always 
have the letter of credit, or bill of exchange, made out pay- 
able to either of two at least, as otherwise death or accident 
may leave the party temporarily penniless. 

A SAFE PRECAUTION. 

If Mr. John Smith wishes to send a bill of exchange to 
Mrs. John Smith, do not have it made payable to the order 
of Mrs. John Smith, but to Mary, or Kate, or whatever may 
be her Christian name; and Mrs. Smith, in indorsing the 
bill, should never use the prefix Mrs. The same rule ap- 
plies to Miss Mary Smith. Always indorse your bill with 
the name exactly corresponding with the order — that is, if 
the bill reads "to the order of Mrs. Jane Smith," indorse it 
"Jane Smith;" if to "Mrs. J. Smith," indorse it "J. Smith." 



A SAFE PRECAUTION. 351 

This may seem foolish to some, but better join the "fools" 
than wait in vain for your money. A want of attention to 
these simple facts is a source of very frequent annoyance in 
England, and applies to all documents made out to order. 

In all countries, except England, be sure to have your 
pockets, at the time of leaving, as empty as possible of their 
currency, as you are sure to be cheated if you part with 
it across the line. Greenbacks are the next best to pounds 
sterling. 

For ready reckoning, one pound is considered the equal of 
five dollars, and one shilling twenty-five cents. Five francs 
is considered as one dollar. The facts are that one pound 
was never worth five dollars (gold), nor five francs one dol- 
lar. An Act of Congress made the par value of a pound 
$4,866, but this is liable to fluctuation, according to the 
temporary balance between the two countries. When you see 
quoted simply " Exchange on London, $4.86," it means that 
this is the price at which bankers in the United States are 
selling a bill drawn by them on a London bank or banker, 
payable sixty days after it is presented to those London 
bankers. 

If you wish a bill payable at sight (that is when you 
call for the cash upon it), the banker issuing it will charge 
you from one-half to one per cent more than for a sixty-day 
bill. This would make your pound cost (with sixty-day bill 
at $4,816) $4,866, plus one-half per cent, $0.243=$4.8903 ; 
or plus one per cent, $0.4866=$4.9146. That is for a bill 
of exchange bought in the United States. 

LETTERS OF CREDIT. 

Next comes the letter of credit ; the banker will charge 
you, in the first place, for any sums drawn against it at the 
rate of a sight bill. Then he will add one per cent for his 



352 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

commission. He will again add interest from the time you 
obtain the cash on it (wherever you may draw it, in Great 
Britain, Ireland, or Europe, etc., etc.) to the time at which 
the monev is supposed to be returned to the person in Eng- 
land upon whom the letter of credit is drawn, which is g« q- 
erally about thirty days. This will be about one-half per 
cent more, equal at say $4.90 per pound to $0,245. 

EXAMPLE. 

£ 8. 

You draw in London on letter of credit, 100 

Commission at one per cent, 10 

Interest thirty days at six per cent, one-half per cent, . . 10 

Bill presented to your agent in U. S., 101 10 

On receiving this bill from the party who issued the 
credit in the United States, your agent pays it at current 
rates of sight exchange, say §4.90 per pound — $4.9735, thus 
making your pound cost you §4.9735. 

On account of the commission of one per cent the letter 
of credit is more expensive than a bill of exchange, but 
w r hen you are traveling from country to country, constantly 
varying the currency, and liable to be robbed or lose the 
cash, the letter of credit is infinitely to be preferred, as it is 
payable to you only, and you can use it in sums to suit. 

Should you take letters of credit for £1,000 or upward, 
or perhaps £500, divide the amount into two letters of 
credit, and keep but one about you. AVhat you might lose 
in tone with certain correspondents upon producing a trifling 
letter of credit, you might gain in not being inconvenienced 
by losing your independence. This division (or multiplica- 
tion) of the letter of credit is also convenient in case of 
temporary separation of the party. You may have business 
in Paris and be obliged to leave your family in London. It 



LETTERS OF CREDIT. 353 

is not a bad idea to have letters of credit issued by more 
than one American banker. 

There are also issued by some banks and bankers, for 
the use of travelers, what are called circular notes, in sums of 
from ten pounds and upwards. These are on many accounts 
very useful, but are open to the objection of bulk and con- 
stant liability to be lost or stolen. Still they are better 
than English bank-notes, as they are payable to order only. 

On some accounts it is well to have United States bonds 
with you, as they are drawing interest, though lying in 
your pocket ; but there is a liability to loss, which does not 
attach to letters of credit or bills of exchange, as the latter 
two are payable to order only. There is no use in taking 
them for sale abroad; but you can use the coupons readily 
at within a small fraction of the value of American gold. 
With the pound costing $4.90 in the United States, you 
ought to get about 49 pence (4s. Id.) per dollar, and the 
general ruling figures are from 48J pence to 48 J to 49.48 
pence to the dollar is one pound to five dollars. In small 
amounts, say three to fifteen or twenty dollars, brokers gen- 
erally give you even money, four shillings to the dollar. 
You can generally get a little more for twenty dollars (gold) 
and upward. Greenbacks go at a shade below coupons 
or gold. 

On leaving England for the Continent, after arranging 
for your ticket to your first Continental important stopping- 
place, change enough of your English money into francs 
(French) to pay for your lunch, cab fares in Paris or Brus- 
sels to your hotel, etc., say about one pound (equal to about 
25 francs) to each person, and if you have much English 
money over, take it to the Continent in notes of the Bank 
of England — not in gold. The latter is heavy, and you 

will get a little less for it on the Continent than for notes, 

23 



354 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

for one reason — that it costs more to send it back to Eng- 
land for transportation. 

FRANCS (French). 

We occasionally hear England roundly anathematized 
for her currency. France deserves to be praised, if for 
no other reason than her splendid decimal system. 

A franc is worth 19.3 (not quite twenty) cents. The 
following table is for ready reckoning: 

A Napoleon (20 franc gold piece) is called $4 00 

A I Napoleon (10 franc gold piece) is called .... 2 00 

A £ Napoleon (5 franc gold piece) is called 1 00 

A 5 franc (silver piece I is called 1 00 

A 2 franc (silver piece) is called 40 

A 1 franc (silver piece) is called 20 

A £ franc, 50 centimes (silver piece), is called ... 10 

A i franc, 20 centimes (silver piece), is called ... 4 

A 2 sous, 10 centimes (copper piece), is called ... 2 

A 1 sous, 5 centimes (copper piece), is called. ... 1 

An English penny piece and half-penny, and French 
two sous piece and one sous piece, are current in either 
France or England as equivalent respectively. 

Francs, as to letters of credit, bills of exchange, circular 
notes, bills on the United States, bonds, coupons, and green- 
backs, can be treated in the same way as pounds sterling. 

LANGUAGES. 

As English is now spoken at all the leading hotels, it 
will not be necessary for the traveler to take a brief course 
of study in order to fit himself out with execrable French, 
German, or Italian, in which to address the landlords and 
waiters abroad. A smattering of some foreign language 
renders the traveler more likely to be laughed at than 
assisted. 



HINTS TO OCEAN TRAVELERS. 355 

HINTS TO OCEAN TRAVELERS. 

Travelers by steamer will find some special preparation 
is needed to make an ocean voyage. No matter how hot 
the season of the year, it will be cool at sea ; and the night 
breezes will require extra wraps to insure the traveler 
against sudden colds. 

Take as little luggage as possible into the stateroom. 
There are small trunk-valises made now on purpose for 
steamer use. They slip under a berth, and contain all that 
a passenger needs. 

Ladies should have a neat woolen wrapper of dark 
color to wear outside of the robe-de-nuit in case of accident, 
when they would not be compelled to lose precious time in 
dressing. A small bag of chamois skin can be worn around 
the neck with money and jewels in it, thus leaving the 
hands free to adjust a life-preserver in case of need. A 
snug, neat hat, tied down, and a long veil to wind about the 
head and neck to protect from wind and sunburn, and a 
change of plain, sensible clothes is all that is required, with 
plenty of woolen wraps for deck wear and a small sun and 
wind umbrella. Do not burden yourself with laces, jewelry, 
and fine clothes if you would have any enjoyment on the trip. 

Avoid overeating and drinking, and you will probably 
escape seasickness. Take lemons with you, and drink tea 
without cream at first, and keep still, until you become ac- 
customed to the motion of the boat. A light attack of sea- 
sickness is usually beneficial ; but it should not last longer 
than twenty-four hours. There can be no absolute rules 
laid down for this malady ; but quiet and temperance are 
great safeguards. Some people are never seasick ; others 
are violently ill whenever they cross the ocean. Rest, acid- 
ulated drinks, and nourishing food, that is not rich or greasy, 



356 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

would seem to be the best remedies. Brandy and champagne 
are no better than ginger-tea as preventives. They may 
have more virtue as restoratives; but nature, if left alone, 
will restore herself. Fresh air is indispensable. Eating, 
when the stomach is ready to reject the least morsel of 
food, is a waste of strength. Crackers and tea, without 
milk, should be all that is partaken of, and that sparingly, 
until the nausea has passed away, when a brisk appetite and 
good digestion will probably follow. By this time the trav- 
eler will be on his sea-legs, and the rest of the time our 
voyagcur can spend in admiring the sights and scenes of old 
ocean. 

ETIQUETTE OF OCEAN TRAVEL. 

If you are not studying the principles of navigation, 
with a view to sailing a ship of your own, forbear torment- 
ing the captain or wheelsman or mate with useless and ab- 
surd questions, causing them to commit a breach of duty, 
and annoying them with your superficial knowledge. Do 
not invade the steward's domain, or question the cook about 
the meals. Be neither naughty nor nautical. Mrs. Henry 
Ward Beecher gives this advice : 

" Do not look cross and forlorn. It makes others un- 
comfortable, and only increases your own disgust with your- 
self and every body else. Do not whine and draw down 
your mouth in a grimace suggestive of a drug-store. Laugh, 
talk cheerfully as long as your breath will allow, and when 
that is impossible, sit still and be patient. As soon as the 
throat relaxes enough to swallow, a few sweet-water grapes 
are very cool and comforting to most persons ; and, when at 
all possible, a quail or pigeon, or, next best, a bit of chicken 
carefully broiled and seasoned with pepper and salt (no but- 
ter), may be accepted by the unruly stomach when stronger 
meats, gravies, soups, and gruels are at once rejected." 



ETIQUETTE OF OCEAN TRAVEL 



357 



Amid all your discomforts, try and bear in mind that 
the long-suffering stewardess is mortal as well as yourself. 
Do not keep her running up and down stairs for a dozen 
different things when you know very well that, for the 
present, you can not touch them, and her fatigue will be in 
vain. " Do unto others as you would that others do unto 
you." 




e*f£i»M*m £££i 



GEMS OF POESY — WHAT IS POETRY — ITS RELATION TO DEPORTMENT- 
POEMS OF PATRIOTISM — RECITATION — POEMS OF 
CONSOLATION AND RELIGION. 



OME writer fitly says: "Poetry is a 
divine language; yet not in the sense 
that we understand by it ; what the 
Divine Being in himself feels and utters. 
Whatever 'was given to the most God- 
like men, even through a higher influ- 
ence; to feel and experience in them- 
selves; was still human. If we knew 
more of the psychological and histor- 
ical circumstances connected with these 
higher influences; and with the inter- 
course of the Elohim with the first children of creation, we 
might; perhaps, give also a more definite conclusion respect- 
ing the origin of their language and mode of representation. 
But, since the most ancient history of the human mind has 
denied us this, we must argue from the effect to the cause, 
from the outward working to the inward form of feeling, 
and thus we treat of the origin of poetry only as human." 
Poetry bears the same relation to deportment that a 
flower does to the more useful growths of the animal king- 
dom. It elevates; refines, and spiritualizes; by its influence 
on mind, the baser physical life. It is one of many beauti- 
ful attributes needed to finish a perfect character. It sym- 
bolizes rest to the weary, hope to the despondent, comfort to 
the sorrowful. The Bible is full of poetry. 




THE AMERICAN FLAG. 359 

PATRIOTISM. 

THE AMERICAN FLAG. 

EXTRACT FROM POEM READ AT BENZONIA, MICH., JULY 4, 1876. 

A hundred years Columbia her banner has unfurled, 
And bade its glories be displayed to all a wondering world ; 
She placed the stars of heaven there, and sapphire sea ; below 
She banded it with glowing stripes of ruby and of snow. 

Flag of the free ! amid the march thou 'rt ever in the van, 
Or where the battle may be fought that freedom gives to man; 
And thou wilt bear it from the North to where the tropics glow, 
As full, as pure, as once thou didst a hundred years ago. 

Flag of the brave ! where tempests dash across the stormy main, 

Where armies meet in dread array upon the tented plain, 

'Mid Afric's dread malaria, or 'mid the Polar seas, 

Wherever brave men walk the earth thou 'rt borne upon the breeze. 

Flag of the true ! true hearts shall make thy silken folds their care ; 
No traitor's band, no foreign foe, that banner bright shall tear. 
No scheme of fraud, no sceptered wrong, thy smile shall countenance ; 
Justice, and help for the oppressed, are ever in thy glance. 

Flag of the pure ! we consecrate, before the great white throne 
Of him who is all purity, who bears thee up alone — 
We consecrate ourselves to thee, to keep thee free from stain ; 
We bind our hearts, our lives, to thee with honor's golden chain. 

Thy stars keep watch for liberty with ceaseless vigilance ; 
Thy azure glows with conscious truth before the keenest glance ; 
Thy crimson shows the courage high that bends not in the gale ; 
Thy pearl denotes thy purity, whatever storms assail. 

— Watson J. Young. 



FOR A GOLDEN WEDDING. 

TOWARD SUNSET. 

The sun of life has passed its noon, 
The shadows stretch away, 

And, deepening into denser gloom, 
Foretell the close of day. 

Weary and fainting where we stand 

We reach to grasp our Father's hand. 



360 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

One after one the fleeting hours 

Have banished life's bright schemes : 

The springtide joys that once were ours, 
The Summer noonday dreams. 

How soon, alas, they pass from sight, 

And leave us but a Winter night, 

But not entirely cold and sad 

The days of years now flown ; 
Full many a morn and evening had 

A brightness of their own. 
Content looks forward full of cheer 
To all that may await us here. 

There is a land where night or cloud 

No somber shadows fling, 
Where wailing blasts and tempests loud 

No solemn requiem sing; 
But all is calm, serene, and fair; 
Eternal noonday reigneth there. 

There is a land ; and O, how blest 

The souls forever free, 
Who wander 'mid its vales, or rest 

Beneath life's spreading tree; 
And dread no parting grief to share, 
But dwell in love together there. 

In nature's course, 'tis yours and mine, 

Erelong to tread that shore; 
To join, beyond the realm of time, 

Those who have gone before ; 
Who wait upon the golden strand 
And beckon us w T ith outstretched hand. 

— H. M. Utley. 



FOE RECITATION. 

"CURFEW MUST NOT RING TO-NIGHT." 

England's sun was setting o'er the hills so far away, 
Filled the land with misty beauty at the close of one sad day ; 
And the last rays kissed the forehead of a man and maiden fair 
He with step so slow and weary ; she with sunny, floating hair ; 



" CURFEW MUST NOT RING TO-NIGHT." 361 

He with bowed head, sad and thoughtful ; she with lips so cold and 

white, 
Struggled to keep back the murmur, " Curfew must not ring to-night." 

" Sexton," Bessie's white lips faltered, pointing to the prison old, 
With its walls so dark and gloomy, walls so dark and damp and cold — 
"I've a lover in that prison, doomed this very night to die 
At the ringing of the curfew, and no earthly help is nigh ; 
Cromwell will not come till sunset," and her face grew strangely white, 
As she spoke in husky whispers : " Curfew must not ring to-night." 

" Bessie," calmly spoke the sexton (every word pierced her young heart 

Like a thousand gleaming arrows — like a deadly-poisoned dart), 

" Long, long years I 've rung the curfew from that gloomy shadowed 

tower ; 
Every evening, just at sunset, it has tolled the twilight hour ; 
I have done my duty ever, tried to do it just and right ; 
Now I am old, I will not miss it. Girl, the curfew rings to-night!" 

Wild her eyes and pale her features, stern and w T hite her thoughtful 

brow ; 
And, within her heart's deep center, Bessie made a solemn vow. 
She had listened, while the judges read, without a tear or sigh — 
"At the ringing of the curfew Basil Underwood must die.'" 
And her breath came fast and faster; and her eyes grew large and 

bright ; 
One low murmur, scarcely spoken: " Curfew must not ring to-night." 

She with light step bounded forward, sprang within the old church door, 
Left the old man coming slowly, paths he'd trod so oft before. 
Not one moment paused the maiden, but with cheek and brow aglow; 
Staggered up the gloomy tower, where the bell swung to and fro; 
Then she climbed the slimy ladder, dark, without one ray of light, 
Upward still, her pale lips saying: " Curfew shall not ring to-night." 

She has reached the topmost ladder ; o'er her hangs the great dark bell ; 
And the awful gloom beneath her like the pathway down to hell; 
See! the ponderous tongue is swinging; 'tis the hour of curfew now; 
And the sight has chilled her bosom, stopped her breath and paled 

her brow, 
Shall she let it ring? No; never! . Her eyes flash with sudden light. 
As she springs and grasps it firmly; "Curfew shall not ring to-night." 



362 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

Out she swung — far out ; the city seemed a tiny speck below — 
There 'twixt heaven and earth suspended, as the bell swung to and fro; 

And the half-deaf sexton ringing (years he had not heard the belli ; 
And lie thought the twilight curfew rang young Basil's funeral knell. 
Still the maiden, clinging firmly, cheek and brow so pale and white, 
Stilled her frightened heart's wild beating: "Curlew shall not ring 
to-night." 

It was o'er; the bell ceased swaying; and the maiden stepped once 

more 
Firmly on the damp old ladder, where, for hundred years before 
Human foot had not been planted; and what she this night had done 
Should be told long ages after. As the rays of setting sun 
Light the sky with mellow beauty, aged sires with heads of white, 
Tell the children why the curfew did n<>t ring that one sad night. 

O'er the distant hills came Cromwell; Bessie saw him, and her brow 
Lately white with sickening horror, glows with sudden beauty now; 
At his feet she told her story, showed her hands all bruised and torn; 
And her sweet young face so haggard, with a look so sad and worn, 
Touched his heart with sudden pity, lit his eyes with misty light; 
"Go! your lover lives," cried Cromwell. "Curfew shall not ring 
to-night." 

— Mrs. Rosa Hart wick Thorpe. 

LITTLE PHIL. 

" Make me a headboard, mister, smooth and painted, you see : 

Our ma she died last Winter, and sister and Jack and me, 

Last Sunday, could hardly find her, so many new graves about. 

And Bud cried out, ' We 've lost her,' when Jack gave a little shout. 

We have worked and saved all Winter — been hungry sometimes, I own — • 

But we hid this much from father under the old door-stone. 

He never goes there to see her ; he hated her; scolded Jack 

When he heard us talking about her, and wishing she 'd come back. 

But up in the garret we whisper, and have a good time to cry. 

Our beautiful mother who kissed us, and wasn't afraid to die: 

Put on it that she was forty, in November she went away, 

That she was the best of mothers, and we have n't forgot to pray ; 

And we mean to do as she taught us — be loving and true and square, 

To work and read, to love her, till we go to her up there. 

Let the board be white, like mother" — the small chin quivered here, 

And the lad coughed something under, and conquered a rebel tear. 

" Here is all we could kee;j from father — a dollar and thirty cents; 



IN THE STATE'S PRISON. 363 

The rest he has got for coal and flour, and partly to pay the rents." 
Blushing the white lie over, and dropping the honest eyes, — 
" What is the price of headboards, with writing, and handsome size? " 
" Three dollars?" — a young roe, wounded, just falls with a moan ; and he. 
With a face like the ghost of his mother, sank down on his tattered knee. 
" Three dollars ! and we shall lose her, next Winter in the graves and 

the snow !" 
But the boss had his arms about him, and cuddled the head of tow 
Close up to the great heart's shelter, and womanly tears fell fast : 
" Dear boy, you shall never lose her. O, cling to your sacred past! . 
Come to-morrow, and bring your sister and Jack, and the board shall be 
The best that the shop can furnish ; then come here and live with me." 

When the orphans loaded their treasure on the rugged old cart next 

day, 
The surprise of a footboard varnished, with all that their love could say; 
And "Edith St. John, Our Mother!" Baby Jack gave his little shout, 
Aud Bud, like a mountain daisy, went dancing her doll about. 
But Phil grew white and trembled, and close to the boss he crept, 
Kissing him like a woman, shivered and laughed and wept : 
"Do you think, my benefactor, in heaven that she '11 be glad?" 
"Not as glad as you are, Philip. But finish this job, my lad." 

—Mrs. Helen Rich. 

IN THE STATE'S PRISON. 

It 's curious — is n't it, Billy ? — 

The changes that twelve months may bring. 
Last year I was at Saratoga, 

As happy and rich as a king. 
I was raking in pools on the races, 

And feeing the waiters with " tens," 
And sipping mint-juleps by twilight ; 

And to-day I am here in the " pen." 

" What led me to do it ?" What always 

Leads men to destruction and crime? 
The prodigal son, whom you 've read of, 

Has altered somewhat in his time. 
He spends his substance as freely 

As the Biblical fellow of old ; 
But when it is gone he fancies 

The husks will turn into gold. 



364 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

Champagne, a box at the opera, 

High steps while fortune is fiush ; 
The passionate kisses of women 

Whose cheeks have forgotten to blush. 
The old, old story, Billy, 

Of pleasures that end in tears; 
The froth that foams for an hour ; 

The dregs that are tasted for years. 

Last night as I sat here and pondered 

On the ends of my evil ways, 
There arose like a phantom before me 

The visions of my boyhood days. 
I thought of my old home, Billy, 

Of the school-house that stood on the hill, 
Of the brook that flowed through the meadow: 

I can e'en hear its music still. 

Again I thought of my mother, 

Of the mother who taught me to pray, 
AVhose love was a precious treasure, 

That 1 heedlessly east away. 
I saw again in my visions 

The fresh-lipped, careless boy, 
To whom the future was boundless, 

And the world but a mighty toy. 

I thought of all this as I sat here, 

Of my ruined and wasted life ; 
And the pangs of remorse were bitter — 

They pierced my heart like a knife. 
It takes some courage, Billy, 

To laugh in the face of fate, 
When the yearning ambitions of manhood 

Are blasted at twenty-eight. 

THE FISHERMAN'S STORY. 

It is just the place for a grave-yard, 
Up here on this little height ; 

You can see the whole bay to the ocean, 
With a long beach-line in sight. 

We fishermen love the ocean 
In our life, and in our death 



THE FISHERMAN'S STORY. 365 

We would sleep where the breeze above us 
Is sweet with the salt sea-breath. 

Sailors and fishers together 

Have anchored here side by side, 
With the storm-wrecked bark of the stranger 

Washed up by the cruel tide. 

Did you notice that wide grave yonder, 

Just under that low pine tree, 
With a broken spar for a headstone? 

It is nearest the beach, you see. 

I remember that storm as well, sir, 

As if it had been last night. 
The wind and the waves together 

Struck the rocks with a fearful might. 

A stranger had been among us 

Just three months and a day ; 
We said he was stern and haughty, 

But it might have been only his way 

We heard the gun about midnight, 

And we all went down to the beach 
The lightning showed us a vessel 

On the rocks beyond our reach. 

"Who will go to the rescue with me? 

The stranger among us said; 
But the women clung to us crying — 

We were cowards for once, with dread. 

Then answering to all our warnings, 

"I can only meet my fate," 
Alone he went with the life-rope — 

But we knew he had gone too late. 

For the ship went down soon after 

With her signal gun's last boom; 
And we watched till the morning sunlight 

Had dawned on the awful gloom. 

Somehow we get used to such things, 

And we're rough, and hard of hand; 
But it touched the roughest to see him 

Lying there on the cold, wet sand. 



306 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

In his arms a beautiful lady 
Was held with a death embrace — 

I shall never forget till I die, sir, 
The wonderful smile on his face. 

No, we never heard more about them, 
Nor the name of the sunken wreck ; 

But we found his face in the locket 
That shone on her cold, white neck. 

So we buried them just as we found them, 

In one wide grave by that tree ; 
And we put a spar for a headstone, 

And left them close by the sea. 

I 've told you a fisherman's story, 
And it's time I was out on the bay: 

Sometimes the ocean is cruel, 
Sometimes it is kind. Good day. 

— Hattie A. Cooley. 

TELLING THE BEES. 

Here is the place; right over the hill 

Runs the path I took ; 
You can see the gap in the old wall still, 

And the stepping-stones in the shallow brook 

There is the house, with the gate red-barred, 

And the poplars tall ; 
And the barn's brown length, and the cattle-yard, 
And the white horns tossing above the wall. 

There are the bee-hives ranged in the sun ; 

And down by the brink 
Of the brook are her poor flowers, weed o'errun, 
Pansy and daffodil, rose and pink. 

A year has gone as the tortoise goes, 

Heavy and slow ; 
And the same rose blows, and the same sun glows, 
And the same brook flows of a year ago. 

There's the same sw r eet clover smell in the breeze; 

And the June's sun warm 
Tangles his wings of fire in the trees, 
Setting, as then, over Fernside farm. 



TELLING THE BEES. 367 

I mind me how, with a lover's care, 

From my Sunday coat 
I brushed off the burs, and smoothed my hair, 
And cooled at the brookside my brow and throat. 

Since we parted, a month had passed — 

To love a year; 
Down through the beeches I looked at last 
On the little red gate and the wellsweep near. 

I can see it all now — the slantwise rain 

Of light through the leaves, 
The sundown's blaze on her window-pane, 
The bloom of her roses under the eaves. 

Just the same as a month before — 

The house and the trees, 
The barn's brown gable, the vine by the door — 
Nothing changed but the hives of- bees. 

Before them, under the garden wall, 

Forward and back, 
Went drearily singing the chore-girl small, 
Dressing each hive with a shred of black. 

Trembling, I listened ; the Summer's sun 

Had the chill of snow; 
For I knew she was telling the bees of one 
Gone on the journey we all must go. 

Then I said to myself, "My Mary weeps 

For the dead to-day ; 
Hap'ly her blind old grandsire sleeps 

The fret and the pain of his age away." . 

But her dog whined low; on the doorway still 

With his cane to his chin, 
The old man sat ; and the chore-girl still 
Sung to the bees stealing out and in. 

And the song she was singing ever since 

In my ears sounds on : 
"Stay at home, pretty bees; fly not hence! 
Mistress Mary is dead and gone!" 

— John G. AVhittter. 



368 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT 



A CHRISTMAS POEM. 



'Twas the eve before Christmas; "Good night" had been said, 

And Annie and Willie had crept into bed ; 

There were tears on their pillows, and tears in their eyes, 

And each little bosom was heavy with sighs — 

For to-night their stern lather's command had been given, 

That they should retire precisely at seven, 

Instead of eight; for they troubled him more 

With questions unheard of than ever before ; 

He had told them he thought this delusion a sin, 

No such being as " Santa Glaus" ever had been, 

And he hoped, after this, he should never more hear 

How he scrambled down chimneys with presents each year. 

And this was the reason that two little heads 

So restlessly tossed on their soft, downy beds. 

Eight, nine, and the clock on the steeple tolled ten; 

Not a word had been spoken by either till then, 

When Willie's sad face from the blanket did peep, 

And whispered, " Dear Annie, is you fast asleep?" 
"Why, no, brother Willie," a sweet voice replies, 
"I've tried it in vain, but I can't shut my eyes; 

For, somehow, it makes me so sorry because 

Dear papa has said there is no ' Santa Claus ;' 

Now we know there is, and it can't be denied, 

For he came every year before mamma died ; 

But then, I've been thinking that she used to pray, 

And God would hear every thing mamma would say, 

And perhaps she asked him to send Santa Claus here. 

With the sacks full of presents he brought every year." 
"Well, why tan't we pay dest as mamma did then, 

And ask him to send him with presents aden?" 
"I've been thinking so, too." And without a word more 

Four little bare feet bounded out on the floor, 

And four little knees the soft carpet pressed, 

And two tiny hands were clasped close to each breast. 
" Now, Willie, you know we must firmly believe 

That the presents we ask for we're sure to receive ; 

You must wait just as still till I say the 'Amen,' 

And by that you will know that your turn has come then." 

"Dear Jesus, look down on my brother and me, 

And grant us the favor we are asking of thee ; 

I want a wax dolly, a tea-set and ring, 



A CHRISTMAS POEM. 369 

And an ebony work-box that shuts with a spring; 
Bless papa, dear Jesus, and cause him to see 
That Santa Claus loves us far better than he. 
Do n't let him get fretful and angry again 
At dear brother Willie and Annie, Amen!" 
" Please, Desus 'et Santa Taus turn down to-night, 
And bring us some presents before it is ight, 
I want he should dive me a nice little sed, 
With bright, shiny runners, and all painted yed; 
A box full of tandy, a book and a toy, 
Amen, and then, Desus, I'll be a good boy." 
Their prayers being ended, they raised up their heads, 
And with hearts light and cheerful again sought their beds ; 
They were soon lost in slumber, both peaceful and deep, 
And with fairies in Dream-land were roaming in sleep. 
Eight, nine, and the little French clock had struck ten, 
Ere the father had thought of his children again ; 
He seems now to hear Annie's half-suppressed sighs, 
And to see the big tears stand in Willie's blue eyes. 
"I was harsh with my darlings," he mentally said, 
And should not have sent them so early to bed ; 
But then I was troubled — my feelings found vent, 
For bank-stock to-day has gone down ten per cent. 
But of course they've forgot their troubles ere this 
And that I denied them the thrice-asked-for kiss ; 
But, just to make sure, I '11 steal up to their door, 
For I never spoke harsh to my darlings before." 
So saying, he softly ascended the stairs, 
And arrived at the door to hear both of their prayers. 
His Annie's "bless papa" draws forth the big tears, 
And Willie's grave promise falls sweet on his ears. 
"Strange, strange I'd forgotten," said he with a sigh, 
"Howl longed, when a child, to have Christmas draw nigh." 
"I'll atone for my harshness," he inwardly said, 
"By answering their prayers ere I sleep in my bed." 
Then he turned to the stairs and softly went down, 
Threw off velvet slippers and silk dressing-gown — 
Donned hat, coat and boots, and was out in the street, 
A millionaire facing the cold, driving sleet, 
Nor stopped he until he had bought every thing, 
From the box full of candy to the tiny gold ring; 
Indeed, he kept adding so much to his store, 
That the various presents outnumbered a score, 
24 



370 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

Then homeward he turned with his holiday load, 

And with Aunt Mary's aid in the nursery 'twas stowed, 

Miss dolly was seated beneath a pine tree, 

By the side of a table spread out for her tea ; 

A work-box well rilled in the tenter was laid, 

And on it a ring for which Annie had prayed; 

A soldier in uniform stood by a sled, 

" With bright shining runners and all painted red." 
There were balls, dogs and horses, books pleasing to see. 
And birds of all colors were perched in the tree ; 
While Santa Glaus, laughing, stood up in the tops, 
As if getting ready more presents to drop. 
And as the fond father the picture surveyed, 
He thought for his trouble he had amply been paid, 
And he said to himself, as he brushed off a tear, 

"I'm happier to-night than I've been for a year. 
I 've enjoyed more true pleasure than ever before, 
What care I if bank stock falls ten per cent more! 
Hereafter I '11 make it a rule, I believe, 
To have Santa Claus visit us each Christmas Eve! 
So thinking, he gently extinguished the light 
And tripped down the stairs to retire for the night. 
As soon as the beams of the bright morning sun 
Put the darkness to flight, and the stars, one by one 
Four little blue eyes out of sleep opened wide. 
And at the same moment the presents espied. 
Then out of their beds they sprang with a bound, 
And the very gifts prayed for were all of them found. 
They laughed and they cried in their innocent glee, 
And shouted for "papa" to come quick and see 
What presents old Santa Claus brought in the night 
(Just the things that they wanted), and left before light. 

"And now," added Annie, in a voice soft and low, 

" You '11 believe there 's a Santa Claus, papa, I know ; " 
While dear little Willie climbed up on his knee, 
Determined no secret between them should be; 
And told in soft whispers, how Annie had said 
That their dear, blessed mamma, so long ago dead, 
Used to kneel down and pray by the side of her chair, 
And that God up in heaven had answered her prayer! 

" Then we dot up and payed dust as well as we tould, 
And Dod answered our prayers, — now wasn't He dood?" 

"I should say that he was, if he sent you all these, 



IN THE MINING TOWN. 371 

. ' • .- i 

And knew just what presents my children would please. 
(Well, well, let him think so, the dear little elf, 
'T would be cruel to tell him I did it myself.") 
Blind father, who caused your stern heart to relent? 
And the hasty word spoken so soon to repent? 
'Twas the Being who bade you steal softly up stairs, 
And made you his agent to answer their prayers. 

IN THE MINING TOWN. 

" 'Tis the last time, darling," he gently said, 
As he kissed her lips, like the cherries red, 
While a fond look shone in his eyes of brown 

" My own is the prettiest girl in town. 
To-morrow the bell from the tower will ring 
A joyful peal. Was there ever a king 
So truly blest, on his royal throne, 
As I shall be when I claim my own?" 

'T was a fond farewell ; 't was a sweet good-bye ; 
But she watched him go with a troubled sigh. 
So, into the basket, that swayed and swung 
O'er the yawning abyss, he lightly sprung, 
And the joy of her heart seemed turned to woe 
As they lowered him into the depths below. 
Her sweet young face, with its tresses brown, 
Was the fairest face in the mining town. 

Lo ! the morning came ; but the marriage-bell, 
High up in the tower, rang a mournful knell 
For the true heart buried 'neath earth and stone, 
Far down in the heart of the mine — alone. 
A sorrowful peal, on their wedding-day, 
For the breaking heart and the heart of clay; 
And the face that looked from her tresses brown 
Was the saddest face in the mining town. 

Thus time rolled along on its weary way, 
Until fifty years, with their shadows gray, 
Had darkened the light of her sweet eyes' glow, 
And had turned the brown of her hair to snow. 
O, never a kiss from a husband's lips, 
Or the clasp of a child's sweet finger-tips, 
Had lifted one moment the shadows brown 
From the saddest heart in the mining town. 



372 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

Far down in the depths of the mine, one day. 
In the loosened earth they were digging awa> , 
They discovered a face, so young, so fair; 
From the smiling lip to the bright, brown hair, 
Untouched by the finger of Time's decay. 
When they drew him up to the light of day, 
The wondering people gathered round, 
To gaze at the man thus strangely found. 

Then a woman came from among the crowd, 

With her long, white hair, and her slight form bowed. 

She silently knelt by the form of clay, 

And kissed the lips that were cold and gray. 

Then the sad, old face, with its snowy hair, 

On his youthful bosom lay pillowed there. 

He had found her at last, his waiting bride; 

And the people buried them side by side. 

— Rose Hartwick Thorpe, 

Author of "Curfew Must not Ring To-night. 
PLAYING AT CHRISTMAS. 

"We'll play it's Christmas, Bessie, 
And we '11 have a Christmas-tree ; 
And when it's all, all ready, 
We '11 call mamma to see. 

Do n't you remember Christmas ? 

That was the way, you know — 
We couldn't see a single thing, 

And we did want to so ! 

'Twas just to s'prise us, Bessie; 

And, now, won't it be fun, 
To make mamma a Christmas-tree, 

And call her when it's done?" 

Then Amy stuck the duster-brush 
Through the cane-seat of a chair, 

And she and Bessie went to work — 
A merry little pair. 

They hung its drooping branches 

As full as they could hold — 
Trimmed them with motto-papers, 

Yellow and green and gold. 



THE NEW-YEAB. 373 

With many a gleeful "whisper, 

And many a cautious " Hush !" 
Did Bess and Amy make it gay — 

That pretty duster-brush. 

"O! 0!" cried Amy, at the last: 
"I never did, did you? 
Just see the sp'endid little things, 
And gold a-shinin' through ! 

We haven't any candles; 

But we '11 play the whole daylight 
Is 'cause there 's lots of candles 

All lit, and burning bright. 

Let 's call mamma now, Bessie ; 

And 0, how s'prised she TL be 
To see we Ve got a Christmas, 

And made a Christmas-tree!" 

— S. S. H., in St Nicholas. 

CHRISTMAS LAUD. 

A loud and laughing welcome to the merry Christmas-bells, 

All hail with happy gladness the well-known chant that swells! 

We list the pealing anthem-chord, we hear the midnight strain, 

And love the tidings that proclaim a Christmas-tide again. 

But there must be a melody of purer, deeper sound, 

A rich key-note, whose echo runs through all the music round. 

Let kindly voices ring beneath low roof or palace-dome ; 

For these alone are Christmas-chimes, that bless a Christmas home. 

THE NEW-YEAR. 

Like a book this new year opens, 

With its pages clear and wmite; 
And the story which must rill it, 

God has given thee to write. 

But he standeth ever o'er thee, 
And he guides thy trembling pen ; 

And he turns the pages for thee, 
Knowing how and knowing when. 

May thy new year's story open 
With glad rays of morning light ! 

Be thy noontide tenfold clearer, 
Ending in a sunset brigrht ! 



374 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

POEMS OF CONSOLATION AND RELIGION. 

AFTER DEATH. 

The curtains were half drawn, the floor was swept 
And strewn with roses ; rosemary and May 
Lay thick upon the bed on which I lay, 

Where through the lattice ivy-shadows crept. 

He leaned above me, thinking that I slept 

And could not hear him ; but I heard him say, 
"Poor child, poor child!" and as he turned away 

Came a dee]) silence, and I knew he wept. 
He did not touch the shroud, or raise the fold 
That hid my face, or take my hand in his, 

Or ruffle the smooth pillows for my head. 

He did not love me living ; but once dead 
He pitied me. And very sweet it is 
To know he still is warm, though I am cold. 

—Christina G. Rossetti. 

IN THE DARK. 

[The following poem was written by Goorge Arnold within a few days of his 
death, when the shadow of the night that knows no earthly dawn was already 
closing around him. 

All moveless stand the ancient cedar-trees, 
Along the drifted sand-hills where they grow ; 

And from the dark west comes a wandering breeze, 
And waves them to and fro. 

A murky darkness lies along the sand, 
Where bright the sunbeams of the morning shone ; 

And the eye vainly seeks, by sea and land, 
Some light to rest upon. 

No large, pale star its glimmering vigil keeps 

An inky sea reflects an inky sky ; 
And the dark river like a serpent creeps 

To where its black piers lie. 

Strange, salty odors through the darkness steal : 
And through the dark the ocean thunders roll ; 

Thick darkness gathers, stifling, till I feel 
Its might upon my soul. 



GOD CARETH. 375 

I stretch my hands out in the empty air, 

I strain my eyes into the heavy night ; 
Blackness of darkness ! Father, hear my prayei , 

Grant me to see the light. 

ON THE DEATH OF A CHILD. 

Could you have seen the violets 

That blossomed in her eyes, 
Could you have kissed that golden hair 

And drank her baby sighs, 
You would have been her tiring maid 

As joyfully as I ; 
Content to deck your little queen, 

And let the world go by. 

Could you have seen those violets 

Hide in their graves of snow, 
Drawn all that gold along your hand 

While she lay, smiling so, 
You would tread this weary earth 

As heavily as I ; 
Content to clasp her little grave, 

And let the world go by. 

GOD CARETH. 

One of the sweet old chapters 

After a day like this ; 
The day brought tears and trouble, 

The evening brings no kiss, 

Nor rest in the arms I long for — 

Rest, and refuge, and home . 
Grieved, and lonely, and weary, 

Unto the Book I come. 

One of the sweet old chapters — 

The love that blossoms through 
His care of the birds and lilies, 

Out in the meadow dew. 

His evening lies soft around them ; 

Their faith is simply to be; 
Ah! hushed by the tender lesson, 

My God, let me rest in thee ! 



376 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 



SOME ONE. 

Never a wind that blows, 

E'en from the soft south-west, 
But blows across the grave 

Of one we Ye Loved best, — 

Some one sleeping too far 

Below the sweet sunshine 
To hear the zephyr's breath, 

As it stirs the myrtle vine; 

Too far to know the footsteps 

That softly, sadly pass, 
Above that quiet sleeping, 

Below the tangled grass, — 

Some one whose sandaled feet 

( hew tired by the way, 
Grew weary of the night, 

And went forth to meet the day. 

wild and wayward wind! 

O fragrant "soft south-west!" 
Ye kiss fair graves in your roving 

Of a "some one" we've all loved best. 

— K.MILY S. WEED. 
SOMETIME. 

Sometime, when all life's lessons have been learned, 

And sun and stars for evermore have set, 
The things which our weak judgment here has spurned — 

The things o'er which Ave grieved with lashes wet- - 
Will flash on us, and light dark night, 

As stars shine most in deeper tints of blue ; 
And we shall see how all God's plans were right, 

And what we deemed reproof was love most true. 

And if sometime commingled with life's wine 
We find the wormwood, and rebel and shrink, 

Be sure a wiser hand than yours or mine 
Pours out the portion for your lips to drink; 

And if some friend we love is lying low, 
Where human kisses can not reach his face, 



THE MISTRESS OF THE HOUSE. 377 

0, do not blame the loving Father so, 

But wear your sorrow with obedient grace, 
And you shall shortly know that lengthened breath 

Is not the fairest gift God gives his friend; 
Sometimes the sable pall of death 

Conceals the sweetest boon his love can send. 

THE MISTRESS OF THE HOUSE. 

The guests are come, all silently they have waited, 
Entering the noiseless hush with silent bows ; 

They linger for her coming, sore belated — 
Where is the little mistress of the house ? 

She is not wont to leave her friends so lonely 
That come too seldom, as she gayly vows ; 

Yet they are here, and wait her pleasure only ; 
Where is the little mistress of the house? 

She can not be far off— perhaps but sleeping, 
Doubtless at their low call she would arouse; 

Why do they summon her alone with weeping? 
Where is the little mistress of the house ? 

The portraits stay behind their veiling covers; 

The dust is in the melancholy room ; 
Upon the air a ghastly silence hovers; 

Within the threshold loneliness and gloom. 

Cold, dark, and desolate the place without her, 
Wanting her gentle smile, as each allows ; 

She bears a sunbeam light and warmth about her 
Where is the little mistress of the house? 

The curtains fall, undraped by her slight fingers; 

Behind the wainscot gnaws a secret mouse ; 
Her treasures need her care, but still she lingers — 

Where is the little mistress of the house ? 

Alas ! there was a rumor and a whisper 
Threading the busy town these many days ; 

The youngest baby here, a tiny lisper, 
Can falter forth the reason why she stays. 

Why care and love the tenderest and sincerest 
Have failed to shield and guard her fair young head ; 



378 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

Why she has fled from all she loved the dearest; 
For there has been a rumor she is dead. 

Throw wide the door! Within the gloomy portal, 
Where her small feet fell light as falling snow, 

They bear her in, the mortal made immortal ! 
She comes again, but heavily and slow ! 

O empty shell! O beautiful frail prison! 

Cold, white, and vacant, tenantless and dumb, 
From such poor clay as this has Christ arisen; 

For such as this he shall in glory come I 

But in the calm indifference to our sorrow, 
In the sharp anguish of her parting breath, 

In the dark gulf that hides her form to-morrow, 
Thou hast thy victory, grave ! thy sting, O death ! 

Nor shall she walk so fair that we who know her 
Would pale before the glory of her brows, 

Yet in the radiant beauty dare to woo her 
To be again the mistress of the house. 

— Leslie Walter. 

THE PILGRIM'S SONG. 

When death is coming near, 
When thy heart shrinks in fear, 

And thy limbs fail, 
Then raise thy hands and pray 
To Him who smooths thy way 

Through the dark vale. 

See'st thou the eastern dawn, 
Hear'st thou in the red morn 

The angel's song? 
O ! lift thy drooping head, 
Thou who, in gloom and dread, 

Hast lain so long. 

Death comes to set thee free, 
O ! meet him cheerily 

As thy true friend, 
And all thy fears shall cease, 
And in eternal peace 

Thy penance end. 



ON THE DEATH OF INFANTS. 379 



ON THE DEATH OF INFANTS. 

" His will be done, His will be done, 
Who gave and took away my son, 
In the far land to shine and sing 
Before the Beautiful, the King!" — Palmer. 

"Our rose was but in blossom, 
Our life was but in Spring, 
When down the solemn midnight 
Wo heard the spirits sing: 
* Another bud of infancy 

With holy dews impearled !' 
And in their hands they bore our wee, 
White rose of all tho world." 

— Gerald Massey. 

"Sweetly his pale arms folded 

My neck in a meek embrace, 
As the light of immortal beauty 

Silently covered his face. 
And when the arrows of sunset 

Lodged in the tree-tops bright, 
He fell in his saint-like beauty, 

Asleep by the gates of light," — Alice Cary. 

"I know his face is hid 
Under the coffin lid. 
Closed are his eyes, cold is his forehead fair; 
My hand that marble felt, 
O'er it in prayer I knelt, 
Yet my heart whispers that he is not there." 

— Leigh Hunt. 

"I have a son, a third sweet son, 
His age I can not tell; 
Since they reckon not by years and months 

Where he is gone to dwell." —John Moultrie. 

"Fold her, O Father, in thine arms, 
And let her henceforth be 
A messenger of love between 
Our human hearts and thee." — Whittier. 



380 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

MISCELLANEOUS POEMS. 

THE ARCHER'S SONG. 

Of old o'er the slopes of Sherwood strayed 

A band of archers tried, 
And many a winged bolt waylaid 

The deer at eventide. 
But now through the sheltered aisles resounds 

No more the bugle's call, 
And silvery streams and mossy grounds 

Are Robin's only pall. 

Yet still, as we sing the chieftain's praise, 

His spirit lives once more; 
And gayly we pass the Summer days 

Like Robin's men of yore; 
And loudly our bows ring out their glee, 

The arrows whistle by, 
And merrily glides our life so free 

Beneath the Summer sky. 

Our bows of yew 

Are tried and true, 
They speed the willing shaft, 

And from the gold 

Each archer bold 
Plucks out the buried haft. — Ad. Dennison. 

THREE SEASONS. 

"A cup for hope!" she said, 
In Springtime ere the bloom was old; 
The crimson vine was poor and cold 

By her mouth's richer red. 

"A cup for love!" how low 
How soft the words ; and all the while 
Her blush was rippling with a smile, 

Like Summer after snow. 

"A cup for memory!" 
Cold cup that one must drain alone, 
While Autumn winds are up and moan 
Across the barren sea. 



A DINNER AND A KISS. 381 

Hope, memory, love: 
Hope for fair morn, and love for day, 
And memory for the evening gray 

And solitary dove. — Christina G. Rossetti. 

CONSIDERABLE WEATHER. 

I've searched my Worcester through and through, 
I 've hunted in my Webster, too, 

Apart and both together; 
Yet I can 't find why men should speak 
Of broiling days, which last a week, 

As a long spell of weather. 

Those books, as far as I can see, 
In spelling weather do agree 

Quite well with one another; 
And though I've sought, and am not blind, 
The only spells that I can find 

Are whether, wether, weather. 

IT NEVER COMES AGAIN. 

There are gains for all our losses, 
There are balms for all our pain ; 
But when youth, the dream, departs, 
It takes something from our hearts, 
And it never comes again. 

We are stronger, and are better, 
Under manhood's sterner reign ; 
Still we feel that something sweet 
Followed youth, with flying feet, 
And will never come again. 

Something beautiful is vanished, 
And we sigh for it in vain ; 
We behold it everywhere, 
On the earth and in the air, 
But it never comes again. 

A DINNER AND A KISS. 

"I have brought your dinner, father," 
The blacksmith's daughter said, 
As she took from her arms a kettle, 
And lifted its shining lid. 



382 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

" There 's not any pie or pudding, 
So I will give you this," 
And upon his toil-worn forehead, 
She left a childish kiss. 

The blacksmith tore oft" his apron, 

And dined in happy mood, 
Wondering much at the savor 

Hid in his humble food, 
While all about him were visions 

Full of prophetic bliss; 
But he never thought of the magic 

In his little daughter's kiss. 

While she with her kettle swinging, 

Merrily trudged away, 
Stopping at sight of a squirrel, 

Catching some wild bird's lay. 
And I thought how many a shadow 

Of life and fate we should miss, 
If always our frugal dinners 

Were seasoned with a kiss. 

— Mrs. M. L. Rayne. 

THE IDEAL. 

I think the song that's sweetest 

Is the one that's never sung ; 
That lies at the heart of the singer, 

Too grand for mortal tongue. 
And sometimes in the silence 

Between the day and night, 
He fancies that its measures 

Bid farewell to the light. 

A picture that is fairer 

Than all that have a part 
Among the masterpieces 

In the marble halls of art, 
Is the one that haunts the painter 

In all his golden dreams, 
And to the painter only 

A real picture seems. 

The noblest, grandest poem 
Lies not in blue and gold, 



THE LITTLE PIRATES. 383 

Among the treasured volumes 

That rosewood book-shelves hold ; 
But in bright, glowing visions, 

It comes to the poet's brain, 
And when it tries to grasp it 

He finds his effort vain. 

A fairy hand from dream-land 

Beckons us here and there, 
And when we strive to clasp it 

It vanishes into air. 
And thus our fair ideal 

Floats always just before, 
And we with longing spirits 

Reach for it evermore. 



HOUSEHOLD POETRY. 

THE LITTLE PIRATES. 

A STOKY IN RHYMIC. 

A frown was on Farmer Allen's brow. 

As he sat in the doorway's ample shade, 
His ear was pierced by a childish row, 

Wafted from where his children played. 
" Kitty," he called, "go find those boys, 
And tell them to stop that horrid noise." 

Kitty — their mother — went softly out, 
Meaning to chide with a smile and a kiss; 

But when they met her with such a shout, 
She sternly said, " Boys, you '11 pay for this, 

Your father is under the cherry-tree, 

Just as angry as he can be !" 

Two little mouths were pursed to grieve 

That had just been made into kissing size; 
Four little fat hands made believe 
To squeeze some tears from the winking eyes. 
" Let's go and live in a cave," said Ben — 
"Let's," said Bob, "and be pirate men!" 

The shadows westering down the sky 
Fell cool and soft on the old farm-house, 



384 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

The farmer waited and wondered why 
Every thing was as still as a mouse ; 
"Come, Bobbie and Ben, my little men, 
It's time you were in the house again." 

Silence! save from the twittering trees, 
Alive with the good-night song of birds, 

The hum of the honey-laden bees, 
These were the only sounds he heard. 

Somehow it seemed so lonely then 

Without the noise of his little men ! 

Kitty was setting the table out — 

Bowls of milk and the whitest bread; 

Waiting to hear her babies shout, 
She missed each curly bobbing head. 
" Come to your supper, boys," she cried, 

Ah ! only an echo voice replied. 

Long they searched for the truant ones 

Ere fears for their safety assailed, 
The farmer looked for his little sons, 

While friends and neighbors their loss bewailed ; 
They sought by meadow and wood all night 
And had found them not at morning light. 

Then to her nest beneath the roof 
The mother went with her tears and pain, 
" Father in heaven, stand not aloof, 
Give me my precious ones again !" 
And far away — where the old well lay 
She heard a cry at the break of day. 

Down like some mother-bird she flew, 
Away through the garden's tangled weeds ; 

Down through the sparkling morning dew. 
Where the old well her purpose speeds ; 

Down to its shaft — there all is dark 

And silent, too, in the grim depths — hark 

Only some sick bird's wailing cry? 
But Kitty's voice rings cheerily out 
" Mother is coming !" the Summer sky 

Catches it up in a gladsome shout, 
" Old iron chain, will you bear the strain, 
And bring her out of the depths again?" 



SATURDAY NIGHT. 385 

Safe in their mother's arms they lie, 
Safe in their nest beneath the roof ; 
"We didn't mean to," is Bobbie's cry, 

To father and mother's sweet reproof, 
" We only went to be pirate men, 
And couldn't get out," said sturdy Ben. 

— Mrs. Mo L. Rayne. 

SATURDAY NIGHT. 

Placing the little hats all in a row, 
Ready for church on the morrow, you know; 
Washing wee faces and little black fists, 
Getting them ready and fit to be kissed ; 
Putting them into clean garments and white 
That is what mothers are doing to-night. 

Spying out holes in the little, worn hose, 
Laying by shoes that are worn through the toes, 
Looking o'er garments so faded and thin — 
Who but a mother knows where to begin? 
Changing a button to make it look right — 
That is what mothers are doing to-night. 

Calling the little ones all round the chair. 
Hearing them lisp forth their soft evening prayer 
Telling them stories of Jesus of old, 
Who loved to gather the lambs to his fold ; 
Watching, they listen with dreary delight — 
That is what mothers are doing to-night. 

Creeping so softly to take a last peep, 
After the little ones all are asleep; 
Anxious to know if the children are warm. 
Tucking the blanket round each little form ; 
Kissing each little face, rosy and bright — 
That is what mothers are doing to-night. 

Kneeling down gentty beside the white bed, 
Lowly and meekly she bows down her head, 
Praying as only a mother can pray, 
" God guide and keep them from going astray." 
Praying the Father to guide them aright — ■ 
That is what mothers are doing to-night. 
25 



386 



GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 



LINES FOR AN ALBUM. 

Our lives are albums, written through 
With good or ill, with false or true ; 

And as the blessed angels turn 

The pages of our years, 
God grant they read the good with smiles, 

And blot the bad with tears. —John Milton. 

"The truest end of life is to know the life that never ends." 

—William 1'enn. 

" In ascending the hill of prosperity may you never meet a friend." 

"Wisely improve the present; it is thine." 

" I ask not a life, for my dear one, 
All cloudless, as others have done, 

But that life may have just enough shadow 
To temper the glare of the sun." 

" May there be just cloud enough in your life to make a beautiful 
sunset." 



ELOCUTION— READING AND SPEAKING— CULTURE 

OF THE VOICE — VALUE OF WORDS — 

PRONUNCIATION. 

EAUTIFUL voices make melody in the 
household. A cultivated voice is like a 
strain of music to the sensitive ear. It 
leaves a pleasant impression upon the 
listener, and its possessor is always wel- 
come to the social circle. You will often 
hear some one say, "I like to have Mrs. 

visit me ; her voice rests me ;" or, 

" What a musical voice Miss H. has ! — it 
never wearies the ear ;" while, on the other 
hand, there are people whose sharp, metal- 
lic voices strike upon the organs of hearing 
like an untuneful note, a sudden discord. 
Beautiful voices are not always gifts 
of nature, but they may be acquired by 
care and practice and a studied course of 
elocution, without the stagey, ranting 
effects, which are too often errors of the system taught, and 
which are very absurd in private life. The foundation for 
a good voice should be laid in childhood by the mother and 
teacher, who instructs the child how to use the voice in its 
strength and purity, avoiding nasal tones, studying a true, 
clear pronunciation, and giving every word its full value. 
How many readers or speakers are there who pronounce 
" news/' " stupid," " tube," " dupe," as the rules of the En- 




388 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

glish language authorize them to? They will call news, 
noos; stupid, stoopid; tube, toob; and dupe, chop. In stu- 
dent and stupid the "u" has the same sound as in Cupid, 
and should not be mispronounced stoodent and stoopid, as so 
many teachers and pupils persist in sounding them, 

" It is a vulgarism to call a door a doah, as we all ad- 
mit," says a popular writer, " or a newspaper a noosepaper" 
When the London Punch wishes to burlesque the pronunci- 
ation of servants, it makes them call the duke the dook ; 
the tutor, a footer; and a tube, a toob. The best class of 
speakers — such as Wendell Phillips, George William Curtis, 
Emerson, Holmes, and men of that class — say new, and not 
7ioo; Tuesday, and not Toosday ; avenue, and not avenoo ; 
and they never call a tube a toob. The long u is terribly 
abused by slipshod speakers throughout the land. Many 
other words in common use are as badly spoken. " Did 
you," two separate and euphonious words, are slurred into 
" diclshoo," and " its hues " into " itshoos." " And " is in- 
variably pronounced by careless people with a silent d. A 
hospitable person will ask you to " set down." The follow- 
ing illustration of the misuse of this word is amusing, and 
should be instructive : 

The members of a country court once debated as to how 
long they should set to dispose of the business before them. 
Three weeks were at last determined on. " Why in the 
name of wonder," remarked a wag at the bar, " do they not 
sot four weeks, like other geese ?" 

Children who live in an atmosphere of intellectual and 
social culture absorb knowledge as they acquire good man- 
ners, unconsciouslyo Above all, do they acquire uncon- 
sciously such a command of language, and also of the voice, 
as is attained by others only by severe training, which must 
be begun in early years. There is nothing more unmis- 



PRONUNCIATION. 389 

takable than the voice of a cultivated person,, Few such 
persons lack this voice, and these few fail to possess it from 
some accident or some vocal malformation. 

It is needless to say that the vocabulary of an educated 
person is easily distinguishable from that of one uneducated. 
And this difference begins to show itself in very early years. 
Children who live among cultivated people usually know 
the meanings of more words than they can write, of more 
than they have ever seen. They can understand the talk 
of their elders, even when their ignorance of the subject 
under consideration would prevent them from joining in it 
so far as it would be becoming for them to do. When they 
begin to read, their trouble is rather to fit the signs of the 
words to the sounds, than to understand the words or to pro- 
nounce them properly. 

A slipshod style of pronouncing words is a common error 
among children who have not the advantage of culture at 
home. A lady says that her attention was lately called to 
some words the children were singing as they played in front 
of her house. She listened, and plainly caught this refrain s 

"Hand around the wash-rag, 
Hand around the wash-rag." 

Her curiosity was excited. She asked the tuneful choir 
whence came the song. " Sunday-school," was the answer. 
Would they repeat the next line after that describing the 
performance with a wash-rag? They did, and the lady, who 
was familiar with Sunday-school music, recognized a hymn 
which has an oft reiterated refrain : 

"Rally round the watchword." 

The children had firmly established it in their own ver- 
nacular with the above ludicrous result. 

The London Times tells the story of some Sunday-school 



390 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

children taken for a picnic to the seaside. One of the teach- 
ers asked her scholars how they liked the sea. 

"Very much, ma'am," replied a child; "but where are 
the tinnamies?" 

"The tinnamies, my child; what do you mean?" 

"Why, you know," said the child, "the tinnamies that 
go with the sea. You know the commandment says, 'The 
sea and all the tinnamies.' " 

This was the way the child had been repeating, "The 
sea and all that in them is." 

Mrs. Stowe says that she thought until she was nearly 
grown that the same passage as repeated in the pulpit was, 
"In the miz," and she says the miz became a tangible cre- 
ation to her youthful mind. 

The beauty of correct reading and speaking is to give 
every small word its full value, and to speak in a distinct 
voice. It was said of Christine Nilsson, who was a for- 
eigner, that she articulated much more distinctly than Anne 
Louise Cary, who is a native American. In her exquisite 
rendering of "Sweet Home" and "Suawanee River" she 
enunciated each word with a separate harmony of her 
matchless voice, so that the poem and the music went to the 
heart together. 

When the elder Booth was residing in Baltimore, a 
pious, urbane old gentleman of that city, hearing of his 
wonderful power of elocution, one day invited him to din- 
ner. A large company was present, and, on returning to the 
drawing-room, one of them asked Mr. Booth, as an especial 
favor, to recite the Lord's Prayer. He signified his willing- 
ness to gratify them, and all eyes were fixed upon him. 
He slowly and reverently arose from his chair, trembling 
with the burden of two great conceptions. He had to real- 
ize the character, attributes, and presence of the Almighty 



READING AND SPEAKING. 391 

Being he was to address; he was to transform himself into 
a poor, sinning, stumbling, benighted, needy supplicant 
offering homage, asking bread, pardon, light, and guidance. 
Says one of the company who was present : 

"It was wonderful to watch the play of emotions that 
convulsed his countenance. He became deadly pale, and 
his eyes, turned tremblingly upward, were wet with tears. 
As yet he had not spoken. The silence could be felt. It 
had become absolutely painful, until at last the spell was 
broken, as if by an electric shock, as his rich-toned voice 
syllabled forth, 'Our Father, which art in heaven/ with a 
pathos and fervid solemnity which thrilled all hearts. He 
finished. The silence continued. Not a voice was heard, 
as the host stepped forward with streaming eyes, and 
seized Mr. Booth by the hand. '-Sir/ said he in broken 
accents, 'you have afforded me a pleasure, for which my 
whole future life will feel grateful. I am an old man, and 
every day from boyhood to the present time I have repeated 
the Lord's Prayer; but I never heard it before — never!' 

" ' You are right/ answered Mr. Booth. ' To read that 
prayer as it should be read, caused me the severest study 
and labor for thirty years, and I am far from satisfied with 
my rendering of that wonderful production. Hardly one 
person in ten thousand comprehends how much beauty, ten- 
derness, and grandeur can be condensed in a space so sim- 
ple. That prayer itself sufficiently illustrates the truth of 
the Bible, and stamps upon it the seal of divinity.' " 

Speak evenly and distinctly, and with proper emphasis, 
and cultivate a mellow, fluent voice, with a refined, musical 
intonation. Never speak or read in a bawling tone, nor 
with a low, monotonous style, as if half crying. In reading, 
the voice should change with situations. Incidents should 
be read in a narrative style ; dialogue in a colloquial tone ; 



392 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

descriptions as if given from memory; and thrilling pas- 
sages with force and dramatic power; while pathetic scenes 
require a deep, passionate emphasis, with occasional low and 
tender cadences. The reading which is the most natural is 
the best. With all the knowledge of elocution at your com- 
mand, drop its tricks and machinery. Never make your 
reading personal. Let your subject engross the attention of 
your hearers, and not yourself. Avoid habits of gesture. 
The fewer gestures you make, the less you detract from the 
interest of what you read. In speaking, you can assert your- 
self with better grace than in reading, and use gestures as 
the French do to emphasize story-telling. 

Legouve says: "A sensible man has one mode of articu- 
lation, and one only, namely, always to pronounce his words 
in such a manner as to be readily understood, but never in 
such a manner as to excite remark." 

The secrets of fine elocution are few in number, and 
easily mastered. The first and greatest is to know how to 
use and economize the breath ; the next, how to pitch the 
voice to accommodate it to room, hall, or place where it is 
to be used, to aspirate H's and articulate R's. In how 
many pulpits do we hear Deity addressed as "Lawd?" 
Avoid die-away-tones, and be careful, in reading, to have 
the last word fall on the ear of the audience as clear and 
resonant as a bell. Dropped syllables trip up many a 
speaker. 

Legouve gives this incident of Talma's famous voice: 
"The play over, one of her admirers, rushing up, takes her 
hand and cries, ( my dear friend, it was admirable. You 
were Andromache herself. You must have imagined your- 
self to be really living in Epirus Hector's disconsolate 
widow.' 'Not at all,' replies madame, laughing merrily. 
' But you were certainly moved. I saw real tears.' e Yes, 



READING AND SPEAKING. 393 

I wept real tears.' 'But on what account? What made 
you weep, if not emotion ?' 'My own voice/ 'How, your 
own voice V 'Exactly my own voice. What really affected 
me was the expression my voice gave to poor Andromache's 
sufferings, and not by any means the sufferings themselves. 
The nervous shudder that thrilled my whole frame was an 
electric shock, given to my nerves by my own accents. I 
was at once actress and audience. I actually magnetized 
myself/ " 

Decidedly a strange fact. But an experience of this 
kind is by no means confined to Madame Talma. Rachel 
was speaking of her recitations at Potsdam, in the presence 
of the emperor of Russia, the emperor of Austria, the king 
of Prussia, and other sovereigns. "Such a flower-bed of 
kings/' said she, "actually electrified me. Never before 
had I hit on truer or more powerful accents. My voice ac- 
tually enchanted my own ears." 

There should not be two sets of rules for reading and 
speaking. One is the prototype of the other. The charm 
of good reading is its conversational tone. Let it be im- 
pressed upon the mind that the breath must be even and 
lasting, the voice well modulated, and every word given its 
full value and significance. 

A prominent teacher of elocution had one pupil who 
troubled him so much in this last respect that, on hearing 
her pronunciation, "Gimme liberty, or gimme death," he 
exclaimed, in despair, " Good God, woman, if you say gimme 
again I will throw you out of the window." 

At a private dinner the host remarked, "Does any gen- 
tleman say puddin?" a facetious mode of offering to help it. 
A disgusted guest instantly replied, "No sir; no gentleman 
says puddin." 

A list of mispronounced words, in daily use, would fill 



394 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

this volume. How many people say jigger, for " figure;" 
four, instead of a for;" kavm, instead of "corn;" and to- 
morrcr, instead of "to-morrow." A slip-shod literature of 
speech is the diploma of ignorance. 

Accentuation is another bugbear to be gotten rid of. 
Pure English has neither a Scotch, French, or German ac- 
cent. It is cosmopolitan. People who have a burr at the 
end of their tongue are obstinately fond of it. They seem 
to think that it implies a lack of patriotism to get rid of 
some provincial dialect, and they roll their R's or drop their 
H's with a fidelity that prevents them ever from becoming 
good readers or speakers. In a public assemblage the 
"warra warra" of the Scotchman, the "Ouse on the ill" of 
the Englishman," and the "av coorse" of the Irishman, 
cease to be grotesque, and become very wearisome. Either 
of these representatives of a nationality could cure himself 
of speaking the idiom of an irregular language by a little 
attention to his H's, R's, and mother-brogue, but his big- 
oted heart clings to the uncouth sounds that are as music to 
his selfish cars. 

As soon as the student ceases to declaim Shakespeare, 

and learns to read and speak naturally, a harder thing to do 

than he may imagine, the sooner he will become a good 

speaker or reader. The historic poetry of Sir Walter Scott 

is far preferable to Shakespeare for a learner. Take the 

two simple lines from the Lady of the Lake, where Roderick 

Dhu says : 

" Come one, come all; this rock shall fly 
From its firm base as soon as I." 

These small simple words are harder to recite than the 
" cloud-capped towers," etc., of the dramatic verse. Mar- 
mion is one of the masterpieces of elocutionary reading. A 
reader trained to certain effective passages will often find 



CULTURE OF THE VOICE. 395 

himself at a disadvantage when called upon to read some 
simple poem from a newspaper. 

Can all voices be trained to excel in reading and conver- 
sational art? Yes, as far as the natural force of the voice 
will admit, and where there is no malformation of the vocal 
organs. A low voice can be trained to use the higher notes, 
unless there is a settled difficulty of the lungs. Those who 
labor under such drawbacks should not attempt to read or 
speak for effect, but first become vocally sound. A musi- 
cian will never play upon an instrument out of tune. 

Dramatic artists make their voices before they use them. 

Professor E. Barrett Warman, of the Boston School of 
Oratory, says : 

" More and better talent is required to become a good ver- 
satile reader than a star actor. While an actor portrays but 
one character, and that with the assistance of costumes, scenic 
effects, and other sometimes equally attractive actors, the 
reader stands alone, without costume, without scenic effects, 
without any but imaginary characters to draw out his power, 
and presents to an audience by his voice and actions all 
kinds and conditions of characters, scenery of varied de- 
scription, and all so effectually that you at once forget the 
reader and are yourselves living amid those scenes and 
walking and talking with those characters. To sum it all 
up, as a French writer has so well expressed it, "The actor 
is only the soloist in the orchestra, the reader is the whole 
orchestra." 

A gentleman in Paris took his son to Del Sarte, the 
great master of expression, to have him prepared for the 
stage. The gentleman asked Del Sarte what play he should 
begin with. The answer was, "Not any." "What book 
shall I use ?" " Not any." He began with the young man 
on one word; he ended with him on that one word, but not 



396 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

until he could speak it six hundred and twenty-five ways, 
with its corresponding expressions — facial and vocal, ges- 
tures, intonations, positions, etc. — and when that was satis- 
factorily done, the young man passed from that instruction 
to the stage, and became an actor of great versatility and 
power. 

The study of the voice alone is advantageous in eve re- 
vocation in life. Some voices repel, others attract. In the 
home circle, and in fact everywhere, it is well to remember 
that "molasses catches more flies than vinegar." Sweeten 
your voices, and you will sweeten your lives and your homes. 
You should not be satisfied with voice-building only, but 
also acquire culture of the voice, and this cultured voice 
will be reflex in its action. Acquirement may pass awn v. 
but culture never leaves a man ; by acquirement a man has 
something ; by culture he is something ; culture engrosses 
the whole man." 

Elocutionary readers are apt to have a few pieces upon 
which they have drilled until every intonation of the voice, 
every gesture has become a studied part. The true reader 
can take up any book, and turn to any piece of effective 
writing in prose or poetry, and read it aloud in a finished 
manner, revealing beauties of pathos, or descriptive elo- 
quence, which the listener had never before interpreted. A 
young man who was in the preliminary stages of consump- 
tion, read Mrs. Norton's " Bingen on the Rhine " to a few 
friends, who were bathed in tears when he ended the low 
pathetic monologue. " That is the first time I ever heard it 
read as it should be," said a gentleman present, wiping his 
eyes. " It has thrilled me to the heart." 

"Do you know why?" asked the young reader, who 
reclined in his chair exhausted. " Because it was read to you 
by a dying man." 



LAUGHING 397 



LAUGHING. 

The laugh of the uneducated is a rude, noisy cachinna- 
tion, accompanied by disagreeable grimaces and a convuls- 
ive shaking of the whole frame, and it jars upon the refined 
ear like the sudden creaking of a complaining door or the 
rattling of a crazy window. The trained laugh of the stage 
is like rippling music — such as the laugh of an unconscious 
child. 

There are few people who are aware what ludicrous 
figures they make of themselves in the process of laughing, 
which distorts the expression, expands the muscles, and 
throws every feature off guard. The silly " te-he " of the 
giggling school-girl is the very essence of frivolity and 
foolishness. A "roar of laughter" may be thrilling and 
amusing, and from its unison should be harmonious. The 
laughter of woman is apt to be shrill and unmusical. 

A modern writer says : " Some girls make dreadful gri- 
maces when they laugh. A little education in the art 
would not make their laughter artificial ; and they would 
surely enjoy it all the more if they could realize that they 
might indulge in mirth without making them look so very 
ugly as is occasionally the case. It runs in families, some- 
times, to distort the countenance in laughter. I know a 
family who laugh a great deal. Their eyes always shut up 
when they do so, and it is the funniest thing to look around 
the table and see exactly the same distortion on every face. 
There is not an eye left in the family. Three sisters whom 
I know show quite half an inch of pale pink gum when 
they laugh. In their presence one ' never dares to be as 
funny as one can/ for fear of seeing this appalling triple 
vision of gums. A little training in childhood would make 
their laughter a pleasant thing to look at ; for they all have 



398 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

pretty little square teeth, very white and even. Henry 
Ward Beeeher says, ' A good laugh is worth a hundred 
groans in any market ;' and I am sure a pretty one is worth 
a thousand." 

An amusing table of instructions has been published, 
teaching the method of the fashionable laugh. The first 
lesson begins with " Te-he, ha-ha-ha ! oh ! h-h-h-ha, ha, ha \ n 
A low and shy beginning is made with the " te-he," as 
though mirth was struggling inside to break out through 
maidenly reserve; and the mouth is kept tight closed, while 
the eyes are opened wide, thus giving an expression of min- 
gled demurencss and mischievousness. Then follows the 
"ha-ha-ha!" higher and louder, with a parting of the lips 
to show the teeth, if they be white and regular. The 
" oh-h-h !" comes next in a tone of surprise, reproof, or 
artless gayety, according to the nature of the thing laughed 
at, and the voice rises into a pretty little scream. The en- 
suing pause covers a sudden sense of the impropriety of 
making so much noise ; the eyes are cast down, and a blush 
can, in most instances, be produced by holding the breath, 
with the lungs very fully inflated. The final " ha, ha, ha !" 
is given as a crescendo, spiritedly and without any show 
of restraint, like the outbursting hilarity of an uncon- 
ventional milkmaid. 

This novelty in laughs is heard everywhere in the me- 
tropolis, and is sure to become popular among the silly 
people who originated it. 

Broad laughter, welling up from a heart that is full of 
happiness, is as contagious as the sunshine and as refresh- 
ing ; but this is heard more frequently in the home than in 
society, where stoicism is regarded as an essential of good- 
breeding. 



<3*f&i>MSi£ ^pm. 



LEARNING A NEW LANGUAGE — RULES FOR ACQUIRING FRENCH AND 

GERMAN — BOOKS SUITABLE FOR A COURSE OF STUDY — 

ETIQUETTE OF A FOREIGN LANGUAGE. 



HE author of the " Intellect- 
ual Life," Hamerton, gives 
the classical student five propo- 
sitions about languages, which 
are so discouraging that ten out 
of every twelve beginners would 
abandon the study at once. He 
says : " Thousands of English 
people have very strong reasons 
for learning French. Thousands of 
French people could improve their posi- 
tion by learning English. But rare, in- 
leed, are the men and women who 
mow both languages thoroughly/' It 
t to be expected that the Frenchman 
speak English as fluently as his 
mother tongue ; but he will learn, in a 
year's residence in England, to ask for 
what he wants of those who can not speak or understand his 
language, to transact business without the services of an in- 
terpreter, and, possibly, to obtain, with even that limited 
knowledge of English, a position where it is necessary to 
know two languages. The Germans come to America, and, 
under the most discouraging circumstances, pick up enough 




400 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

English speech to enable them to make a living ; yet Mr. 
Hamerton, in his " Intellectual Life," says : " A language 
can not be learned by an adult without five years' residence 
in the country where it is spoken ; and without habits of 
close observation, a residence of twenty years is insufficient." 

This rule may be applied to the language of a scholar; 
but for all practical purposes, French or German or any 
spoken language can be learned in from one to two years, 
either in youth or middle age. Application and intelligence 
are all the capital needed after a six months' course with a 
good teacher. 

Maria Malibran had a great aptitude for learning lan- 
guages, and spoke four with equal facility. Lamartine 
complimented her on this. " Yes," she said, "it is very 
convenient. I am thus enabled to dress up my thoughts in 
my own way. If a word does not come to me in one lan- 
guage I take it from another. I borrow a sleeve from 
English, a collar from German, and a body from Spanish." 

In an excellent little work called the " Art of Conver- 
sation," in the chapter on studying languages, the author 
says: " To study French, Spanish, Italian, German, and 
Latin, an easy beginning may be made with Monteith's 
'Languages without a Master/ which work may be had in 
separate numbers of any bookseller, at a very moderate 
price. Having mastered (let us say) ' French without a 
master/ the student would do well to procure from the Bible 
society in New York or any of its agencies a French New 
Testament. This excellent institution not only provides the 
New Testament in many modern languages with the English 
version in parallel columns, but is, also, extremely courteous 
and obliging in obtaining for scholars and others such trans- 
lations as are sold at a very low price. Having read the 
Testament, with frequent and careful reference to the gram- 



ACQUIRING FRENCH. 401 

mar, the student may translate some easy work with the 
aid of a dictionary. The Testament will have supplied so 
many words and expressions, that it will be found a matter 
of no difficulty. He should then write exercises, which he 
may do to advantage from Ollendorff's Method, a very thor- 
ough work." 

Another authority asks : " Is there not a better method 
of studying languages than the ordinary one of giving exer- 
cises to be corrected." For this reason : these imperfect com- 
positions are taken for models, and accustom the learner to 
a defective style. 

Suppose, instead, you give a student a dozen rules of 
grammar good for all languages. Then let him make 
extracts from the best writers, beginning with the simplest, 
and advancing from one style to another by degrees. If he 
has only what is good in his head, time, the recurrence of 
the same expressions, reading, will all help to make him 
perfect. If exercises are used, would not it be a good plan 
for the scholar first to translate the foreign tongue into his 
own, and then put the translation back into the original. 
In France ladies who study rules very little speak excellent 
French. As far back as Eollin some such method was 
advocated, as well as by the Abbe Sluche in 1750. 

The student of French will do well to begin with " A 

Child's Illustrated First Book/' by Professor Keetels. Then 

take the Elementary French Grammar of the same series, 

a gem of its kind ; next the Analytical and Practical French 

Grammar, all of which can be obtained from Clark & May- 

nard, New York. "With the Elementary French Grammar 

read some of the charming little stories published by Holt, 

of New York, such as " La Mere Michel et Son Chat," 

"Pour une Epingle," " Le Petit Robinson de Paris," "Le 

Clos Premier." In connection with the higher grammar, 

26 



402 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

the pupil can undertake more difficult styles of diction, as 
" Un Philosophe Sous les Toits," by Souvestre ; Piceiola, 
by Saintine, or some of the popular Franco-GermaD stories 
of Erckmann-Chatrian, "Le Blocus," "Waterloo," "Le 
Consent de 1813," etc. 

After devoting two years to this line of study, the pupil 
will have a perfect knowledge of grammar and construction, 
and should continue the language in French entirely, taking 
up the "Grammaire Francaise," by Noel and Chapsal, cor- 
recting the different exercises it contains. The " Histoire 
de France/' by Fleury, should now be studied, together 
with dictations and recitations, consisting of poetry and 
choice selections of prose. A fourth year could be spent 
profitably in taking up " La Grammaire des Grammaires," 
and a course of literature. " La Litterature Classique," Py- 
lodet, published by Holt, is an excellent text-book for 
this purpose. In connection with it read as far as possible 
the ancient monuments of French by Froissart, De Join- 
ville, Eginhard, etc., coming down through the classics to 
modern literature. 

"A New Guide to Modern Conversation in French and 
English," by Witcomb and Bellenger, Philadelphia, is 
highly commended for the student in colloquial French. 
" Trois Soirees Litteraires a P Hotel d' Avranches," is an 
admirable book, by Madame C. P. Corson. " Trois Mois 
Sous la Neige," by Jacques Porchat, is a work that was 
crowned by the French Academy, and offers the best stand- 
ard in reading. This can be obtained from any leading 
bookseller in New York. 

The study of German is less difficult than that of any 
other language, from the frequency with which it is heard 
and observed, and it is more necessary in a business educa- 
tion than either French or Spanish. The acquirement of 



ACQUIRING GERMAN. 403 

all other languages seems to be more of an accomplishment ; 
but in America German must be learned as a practical 
necessity, especially in the West and in new parts of the 
country peopled by German immigrants. A beginner will 
require first the little primers used in German schools, to be 
followed by some simple German grammar and reader. 
"Otto's Grammar" is the best. With it read Schiller's 
"Neffe als Onkel," " Wilhelm Tell," "Maria Stuart," Then 
take up some of Goethe's writings. " Hermann and Doro- 
thea" is readable and not difficult. After that become fa- 
miliar with the style of Lessing in " Emilia Galotti " and 
"Nathan der Wise," and so on, to more difficult styles. 

" German without Grammar or Dictionary," is an excel- 
lent little work by Dr. Zur-Brucke, director of the Chicago 
School of Modern Languages. The method of teaching is 
based on the Pestalozzian system of sight and sound, and 
the learner, therefore, does not burden his memory with 
words which to his ear have no meaning, but begins to 
speak at once words corresponding to those in the English 
language with which he is familiar. The lessons are, in 
short, a series of conversations, in which the learner bears 
his part, being guided by sight as well as sound, and able to 
profit by the correspondence between numerous German and 
English words. The questions and answers possess the ad- 
ditional advantage of being about objects we can see with 
our eyes, and not abstract things. "The Hand," "The 
Eyes," "The Eace," "The Arms" furnish ready subjects 
for the talks of beginners, and not only teach a given num- 
ber of words, but make the learner acquainted with that 
object in another language. The classification and arrange- 
ment are such as to greatly facilitate systematic work. 

The student in foreign tongues must not forget that he 
does not need to acquire a new language in order to study 



404 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

English literature. Chaucer's " Legend of Goode Women/' 
Spenser's " Faery Tales/' old English and Scotch authors, 
the British poets, and the writings of Addison, Swift, and, 
later, Macaulay and Thackeray, must be read as models of 
pure and elegant English, which are received as standards in 
the literature of the world. 

In order to speak fluently in any foreign language it is 
necessary to think in it. A good w T ay for beginners who 
are studying, we will say French, is to think of all the 
common articles in daily use — carpet, sofa, knife, fork, bed, 
chair, walls, floor, door, window, book, table — and familiar- 
ize the mind with the word as it is spoken in French, and 
not as it is written to the eye. The plural and gender form 
of the article "the" is a great stumbling-block, as well as 
the gender of a table. It is hard to understand why a table 
should be feminine and a book masculine ; but the rules 
which govern these obstacles soon establish themselves in 
the mind and become comparatively easy. 

ETIQUETTE OF A FOREIGN LANGUAGE. 

Never interlard your conversation with French phrases. 
This is a habit which Americans acquire after a brief resi- 
dence abroad, and they often make ludicrous mistakes by 
misquoting and mispronouncing. The American father who 
thought he could speak French without the assistance of his 
daughters was heard calling through the partitions, " Girls, 
girls! what is the French for eau-de-cologne?" 

A young lady at boarding-school wrote home to her 
papa that she had attended a "fete champetre" the night 
previous. The old gentleman at once wrote to the principal 
of the school that in future she should not permit his daugh- 
to attend any of those traveling shows. 

" Je t'adore," said a lover to his mistress. " Shut the 



ETIQUETTE OF A FOREIGN LANGUAGE. 405 

door yourself," was the prompt and unexpected answer. 
" Garcon, Garcon," said an American lady at a hotel in 
Paris. " I wonder if he is the proprietor. Every body 
seems to be calling for him." 

There are no words in the French language for which 
we have not a corresponding word in English; but their 
compound words are more expressive than ours. It must be 
remembered that comparatively few persons are familiar with 
the French language, and the phrase which we intend to 
convey so much meaning is really meaningless to the unprac- 
ticed ear. 

French literature does not contain English expressions 
and sentences, nor is the conversation of the French embel- 
lished with English words. Why should we call our bill of 
fare a menu, or have it printed in a foreign language? 
Doubtless, they make merry over our phrases borrowed from 
them, and expressed often in a mutilated tongue. It would 
be of infinitely more value to posterity if we took pains to 
improve our own language and keep it pure, instead of 
turning it into a Mosaic of all languages. 

If two persons who are not foreigners, but speak several 
tongues fluently, meet in society, it is not well-bred to con- 
verse in a foreign language to the exclusion of others pres- 
ent. An aside in another tongue is particularly ill-mannered. 



FUNERAL CEREMONIES— ETIQUETTE IN THE HOUSE OF DEATH — INVI- 
TATIONS AND NOTICE OF FUNERAL— THE MOURNING 
TOILET — DEPORTMENT OF A WIDOW — DE- 
PORTMENT OF A WIDOWER. 



"Leaves have their lime to fall, 

And flowers to wither at the north- 
wind's breath, 
And stars to set ; but all, 
Thou hast all seasons for thine own, 
O Death!" — Mbs. Hemans. 

^ URIAL ceremonies are of very 
ancient origin. It has always 

been incumbent upon the living 
to see that the dead are prop- 
erly cared for, as affection would 
dictate, during the few hours in 
which they are with us, yet not 
of us, — silent, cold, passive, and 
utterly dependent upon those whom they 
have often served. It is a sad pleasure, the last 
w^e can have forever, of caring for them during 
the brief space which elapses between death 
and burial, of lavishing every fond attention 
upon the precious clay, and deporting our- 
selves in a manner becoming the great solem- 
nity of the occasion. It is hard to simulate 
grief, and it may be that we are brought into contact with 
death under peculiar circumstances, where no violent attach- 




FUNERAL CEREMONIES. 407 

ment existed, or, perhaps, even regard; but we can remain 
decorously silent. It will not be necessary to weep; but it 
w r ould be a breach of all rules of decorum to smile or look 
glad, or to appear indifferent, if the person deceased bore 
any relation of blood or connection. 

The dignity of death is unalterable, and careful defer- 
ence should be paid to the rules which govern the conduct 
of individuals at such a time. The house should be dark- 
ened and hushed; a subdued air should prevail through- 
out ; no one should laugh or sing or play on the piano, or 
do any of the things practicable at other times ; the bell 
should be muffled, and crape hung from its handle on the 
outside of the door. There may be no deep grief to de- 
mand this ; but the mere presence of the great potentate, 
Death, is sufficient to inspire a feeling of thoughtfulness 
and retrospect. 

Tokens of flowers should be placed in the room where 
the dead is laid, and not in the parlor until the body is 
removed thither. Visitors should be received by some 
friend of the family, not by any member, and conducted to 
the room of the deceased " to view the remains," if that is 
the custom which the family adheres to ; but this ghastly 
observance is rapidly falling into disuse. To allow strangers, 
casual acquaintances, and visitors to gaze upon the dead face 
that in life was so tenacious of its rights is an abuse of the 
helpless dead. Let friends remember those who are gone as 
they were in the bloom of health. 

Immediately upon the occurrence of a death, a notice is 
sent to the daily newspaper, and friends at a distance are at 
once telegraphed to. It is not customary in this country to 
send out printed invitations to the funerals, but it is occa- 
sionally done. The form used is a large square card, bor- 



408 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

dered in black, and inclo'sed in an envelope with a deep 
black band. It is worded as follows : 

" You are invited by the family of the late CYRUS H. 
Stearns, to attend his funeral, at their residence, 64 Calumet 
Avenue, on Tuesday, at 4 o'clock, P. M. Burial at Rosehill? 

Or the announcement of the funeral in the newspaper 
may be followed by the general invitation, " Friends of the 
family are invited to attend without further notice." A 
proper form for the newspaper notice is this: 

"In Brookline, on Tuesday, October 7th, at 1 P. M., <>f pleuro- 
pneumonia, Adelaide, second daughter of Dr. John Russell. Friends 
of the family are respectfully invited to attend the funeral from her 
late residence, 862 Congress Street, this Thursday, at 2.30 P. M." 

Or this: 

"October 18th, at his residence in Ridgeway, N. II., Henry L. 
Evans, of apoplexy, aged forty years. His funeral will be held at St. 
Mark's Episcopal Church in Ridgeway, on October 20th, at 3 o'clock 
P. M. Friends are invited to attend without further request. Car- 
riages will convey guests to the cemetery." 

It is not necessary to give the age of the deceased in a 
newspaper notice, and, indeed, this custom is less observed 
than in former years. 

There is a beautiful custom in many small villages of 
tolling the bell as soon as a death is announced, and as each 
slow, sad stroke resounds on the air, it is counted by the 
listening population, who can thus tell the exact age of the 
dead, as the bell ceases to toll when that stroke is reached. 

The following is a form of commemoration peculiar to 
the Hebrews and Germans when any of their friends die : 

" In Philadelphia, Penn., on the 3d inst, Mixa, wife of Leopold 
Levy, in the sixty-second year of her age. 

" The shadow of death has crossed the threshold of our home 
here, and our dear mother is at rest. She died this morning, at 6.30, 



THE MOURNING TOILET. 409 

surrounded by all of her people, excepting only Sister Rose. The long 
standing malady which first developed itself in a serious internal swell- 
ing at her heel and ankle, eventually took the form of a typhoid 
fever, and from last Monday or Tuesday she sank gradually to the end. 
The girls feel the blow severely, father bears it with fortitude, and all 
of us with resignation. Louis E. Levy." 

This quaint notice occupied the usual space in a New 
York paper among the paid death notices. 

All confusion and disorder should be sedulously avoided 
at a funeral. Friends of the family who are not grief- 
stricken are the ones to see that all the arrangements are 
made beforehand, and that no delay occurs at the last mo- 
ment through the lack of practical forethought. Some kind 
friend remains at the house, and when the mourners return 
from the dreariest of earth's journeys, the parlors are 
arranged as usual, the crape taken from the door, blinds 
open, and all evidences of death banished. A warm cup of 
coffee should be insisted on as soon as they have removed 
their wrappings, as physical comfort will help to alleviate 
sorrow in some degree. " Funeral baked meats " are no 
longer offered to the guests at a funeral. 

It is not customary for any member of the family to 
leave the house or be seen in public until after the funeral. 
Some friend will usually volunteer to procure the mourning 
outfit and attend to all details, and the family is not visible 
until the services begin. 

THE MOURNING TOILET. 

The deepest mourning worn is that of a w^idow, which 
consists of crape and bombazine. The present fashion is to 
cover every thing with crape. The widow's dress is made 
without ruffles or flounces, but heavily overlaid with crape. 
The veil reaches to the feet, and is nearly wide enough to 
meet at the back. The hem is half a yard deep. This veil 



410 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

is worn over the face at first; but as crape is very oppress- 
ive to delicate persons, it is customary to let it fall back, 
wearing a half-veil of Brussels net over the face. The 
crape bonnet is faced with a widow's ruche, the only glimpse 
of white allowed in the costume. Jet or crape-covered 
jewelry is worn. Sealskin and diamonds are certainly in 
poor taste during the first year of deep mourning, but are 
frequently seen. A cloth garment covered with crape is in 
much better style. There is now in all large dry-goods 
stores a mourning department, where new goods for all 
grades of mourning are shown. A widow's handkerchief is 
bordered with a deep, solid band of black. 

DEPORTMENT OF A WIDOW. 

There are " widows indeed " and " widows bewitched." 

The true lady will never forget that, while she wears the 
deep garb of sorrow, she will deport herself with quiet dig- 
nity. The empress of France, who was the gay leader of 
fashion in her days of prosperity, has never for a moment 
laid aside her weeds or forgotten to mourn. 

Queen Victoria is thus described at the present time : 
"A commotion within! It is the queen. Not a glimmer 
of a smile lights up that heavy face, the true Guelphic eyes 
drooping as if too weighted with the iron pressure of sorrow 
to lift the lids. She is dressed, as usual, in deep mourning, 
with the widow's cap inside her bonnet, and the long crape 
veil limply hanging by her shoulder." This, it will be 
remembered, is after more than twenty years of widowhood. 

In the first year of bereavement a widow should neither 
make calls nor attend parties, weddings, dinners, or be seen 
out upon any festal occasion. She should seclude herself 
from society, and devote her time to her family, driving 
daily in a quiet way for her health. The second year she 



DEPORTMENT OF A WIDOWER. 411 

can return to society, still wearing her mourning upon the 
street and in public, but assuming toilets of black and white 
or lavender and white for parties, which she can now occa- 
sionally attend. Her deportment should be grave and dis- 
creet, particularly in the presence of gentlemen, who will 
seek her society, as there is a charm and fascination in the 
manner and conversation of a widow which is known and 
appreciated by the other sex. She is free to accept atten- 
tions, and does not require a ehaperone, as a young lady 
does; and there is a certain distinction about her position 
which she must herself be conscious of. If she is wise, she 
will not take advantage of her freedom, or give society an 
opportunity for the slightest criticism. If she should decide 
to again enter the married state, she will at once discard 
every vestige of black, as it is in the poorest possible taste 
to accept the attentions of one man while wearing black for 
another. Some widows, however, wear their mourning until 
the day of the second marriage, when they again assume 
colors. 

DEPORTMENT OF A WIDOWER. 

A man suddenly bereft of his companion seems to enter 
at once upon a state of temporary lunacy, and either becomes 
morose and wretched, or, to kill his grief, rushes into dissi- 
pation, and is seen at all hours in his old haunts. As men 
are more reticent than women, it is presumed that they dwell 
upon their grief until they become morbid ; but an unchar- 
itable world does not put that construction upon it. " Look 
at Mr. Blank/' says Mrs. Grundy. " It is easy to see he did 
not care for his wife. Out at the theater the other night 
with that Miss Brown, and his wife only dead six months !" 

It does look like disrespect to the memory of Mrs. 



412 GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 

Blank, and it is. Had he died, she would have stayed at 
home and wept. But men do not cry, and Mr. Blank was 
too wretched to stay at home, where be missed her so much. 
He wanted to be entertained out of himself, and he went 
with Miss Brown to the theater to kill his grief, regardless 
of what people would say. He was selfish, that is all. 
Longfellow had told him : 

"O fear not in a world like this, 
And thou shalt know erelong, 
Know how sublime a thing it is 
To suffer and be strong." 

But he did not stop to think, and so cast a reflection 
upon that dead wife. He should have waited until the 
year of propriety was ended before he went either to the 
theater or to visit Miss Brown j and he should have accepted 
his grief as a chastening to make him better and stronger, 
not as a temporary illness to be amused away. A man's 
tears do not dishonor him, nor should he be ashamed to 
weep. Jesus wept at the tomb of his friend Lazarus. 

A widower wears black clothes and a deep crape band 
on his hat, black gloves and ties. Colored silk neck-ties, 
or pocket-handkerchiefs, are not admissible upon any occa- 
sion. While he wears crape on his hat he should not accept 
invitations to parties or dinners, or convivial gatherings of 
his own sex, or take any prominent part in public life dur- 
ing the year of mourning. The customs of polite society 
demand this concession. 

Social requirements are not so arbitrary in the case of 
parents wearing black for a child, or sons and daughters 
wearing mourning for parents. Affection in such cases usu- 
ally regulates the period during which the garb of sorrow is 
worn, without reference to Mrs. Grundy. A mother wears 



FUNERAL ETIQUETTE. 413 

* 
deep black, with crape veil, for a grown-up son or daughter, 
but it is not as heavy as a widow's mourning, and the veil 
is not so long. Young ladies wearing black for a parent, 
dress in black lusterless silk, trimmed with crape, jet jew- 
elry, and a crape veil. Their bonnets are usually trimmed, 
but not covered, with crape. It is optional, however, with 
the wearer how much crape to use, as some will wear the 
deepest mourning there is, for a father or mother, during 
the first year of bereavement. 

As soon as a death is announced the friends and ac- 
quaintances of the deceased send a gift of white or funeral 
flowers, and a letter of condolence, or call in person, not to 
see any member of the family, but to offer those services 
which are so acceptable at such a time, or simply as a token 
of remembrance and good-will. The visitor must be par- 
ticular not to give any trouble by remaining too long, or 
inquiring minutely into all the details of illness, which can 
be learned later; or by asking to see the remains, which no 
one should ever do. If it is convenient to receive visitors 
in the chamber of death, the fact will be announced; and 
people often shock the feelings of a family by an unseemly 
haste to look upon the face they have hardly breathed the 
farewell kiss upon. 

A long strip of heavy black crape should be tied upon 
the handle of the bell, if the deceased is an elderly person. 
This is tied immediately beneath the bell, with bow and 
ends of black ribbon. If a young person, the crape is black, 
tied with white ribbon. If a young child, a long strip of 
white illusion, or crape, is used, with flowing ends of white 
silk ribbon, and upon the day of the funeral a branch of 
tea roses and smilax is fastened to it. 

It is the duty of the undertaker to see that every 



414 



GEMS OF DEPORTMENT. 



thing is done with proper care regarding the removal 
of the body to the room where the funeral services are to be 
held, the disposition of carriages at the door, the order of 
the procession, the duties of the pall-bearers, and the closing 
ceremonies at the grave. 




llliF^ 





™« 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



iliiiiiilllIIllU 
005 387 699 7 • 




